Chapter 4: The He of Yesterday Accepted It With Finality.
The brilliant rays of the sun floated over Japan like a massive warm blanket, its tendrils enchanting the entirety of the seaside nation with a golden hue. The sky was painted a clear shade of blue, and the full-bodied clouds that adorned that cerulean canvas were puffy and rich. As they passed leisurely through the sky, they casted sweeping shadows that cooled the land below them.
It was hard to put into words, but the air that wafted through the atmosphere could probably best be described as fresh. While the weather was warm and bright, the surroundings were still thin and breathable.
I inhaled once as I continued to peer out at the scenery before me.
The elegant scent that floated through the air was highly reminiscent of flowers, and embedded somewhere in it was the faintest trace of honey and floral shampoo.
Occasionally, the soft spring wind would blow through the open window and disperse the pleasant aroma throughout the small classroom along with remnants of the misty sea air from the nearby coast.
In this warm weather, the cool prickle of the ocean breeze felt refreshing on the bare skin of my face.
Nearly every one of my senses was pleasantly stimulated, and the scene that was laid out before me was by all means, one of cosmic peace and utter relaxation.
So why then was my temple throbbing ever so slightly?
"That's not it at all Yukinon! I'm totally reliable when it comes to stuff like this y'know! It's not like a common occurrence or anything!"
Well, the answer to that was a simple one. One that had everything to do with the girl chattering away animatedly at my side.
The two girls who sat at the opposite end of the wooden table seemed to be engaged in a lively discussion about some or another random topic. From the sounds of it though, it seemed that one of the participants wasn't so much participating in the conversation as she was suffering a lecture at the hands of the other.
"Isn't that kinda cruel Yukinon? It's not like I forgot them on purpose or anything… I was distracted this morning by all the pretty flowers and going to the store totally slipped my mind! By the way, have you seen the sakura trees on Otome Road? They're sooo gorgeous."
As she spoke excitedly, the girl's large chest and balled up fists bounced in sync with her every word. The medium-length pink hair that rested on her head was tied tightly into a cinnamon roll style bun, and the skirt that draped over her pale legs was just short enough to offer a prominent display of the fleshy skin that laid underneath (Not that I was looking).
This girl was Yuigahama Yui. Third year at Sobu High, below-average student, and the Service Club's very own resident airhead.
"Yes, it's true that the cherry blossom trees are vibrant during this time of year, especially now that we're nearly three weeks past the equinox. However, that doesn't change the fact that you weren't able to accomplish the one task that was assigned to you. How exactly are we supposed to eat these tea cakes then… with our bare hands?"
The voice that answered was one that was so distinctive to my ears that I would probably be able to recognize it even if it were whispered across a crowded colosseum.
The tone of the voice held its normal icy edge to it, but beneath its surface, it was warm with something that sounded like familiarity and light exasperation.
"Waah I said I'm sorry already! How many times do I have to say it?"
Yuigahama whimpered sullenly in response to the harsh rhetorical question. However, after placing a finger on her chin to think, her eyes suddenly lit up and she spoke with a renewed vigor.
"Oh, I know! I could feed Yukinon! That way you won't have to get your hands dirty."
"H-huh? No that's not necessary… Come to think of it, I don't mind waiting until after school to eat my portion. Besides, I did eat breakfast this morning so I suppose I'm not all that hungry in the first place…"
"No, c'mon, it'll be fun! It's like a role reversal or something! I can pretend to be your mom and you'll be the kid who doesn't want to eat her vegetables! Ooh… but instead of vegetables, it'll be teacakes so it won't be that hard to swallow down…"
"I think I've just lost my appetite completely."
The look on her face pretty much summed up exactly how she felt about the idea of being hand fed by Yuiga-mama-san. However, that pained look of nausea eventually dissolved into a small smile.
As I glanced over at the girl sitting across from me, my eyes couldn't help but still at the sight.
The long black hair that naturally flowed behind her gleamed like silk in the bright spring light and her long eyelashes fluttered with every blink. The subtle smile that rested lightly on her lips lit up her slender face brilliantly.
As the breeze from the window swept the rich black locks away from her body, the outline of her pale nape peeked out beneath her blazer as if to inadvertently broadcast its own elegance.
Against the backdrop of the sun's iridescent rays, one could easily be fooled into believing that this person was of angelic origin.
I quickly averted my eyes after a pair of blue orbs moved slightly towards my own.
This girl was Yukinoshita Yukino. As was the case with the previous two years, she held the highest overall academic standing at Sobu High and had easily scored the top marks in our class. In addition to her impressive academic ability, it was also said that she possessed a beauty that was as breathtaking as it was timeless.
Not only was she considered by many to be the most beautiful girl in school, she also possessed an unparalleled intelligence and a wit sharp enough to draw blood. To top it off, she also bore a family name that carried both respect and authority in nearly every social circle in Japan.
It was uncontestable that the level she existed on was far elevated above that of any regular person.
…But how high did that level go exactly?
For all of her strengths, she could by no means be called perfect.
Speaking literally, her name could be translated to 'snow under snow'. If you had ever spoken to her before, you might be quick to say that it was a name that was wholly befitting of the person it identified.
Cold. Direct. Harsh.
These were words that could accurately and realistically be used to describe this girl, and it would be difficult to find many who would disagree with this assessment. Her personality was pretty bad overall, but beneath the surface of the icy exterior, there existed a person who was more than just the ice-queen persona that she embodied.
Just because she was cold at times didn't necessarily mean that she couldn't be warm in her own odd way too.
As tacky as it sounded to say, the last two years that I had spent around her had somewhat proved that point.
"Come on back me up Hikki! Wouldn't you get distracted by those pretty flowers too?"
I was snapped out of my lingering thoughts by a loud voice. Because I was addressed directly by name, I had no choice but to match the question with a response.
"Huh? No, don't drag me into this. I have nothing to do with this conversation."
I turned my attention back towards the pocket-sized book that was resting on the table to my left. However, my eyes that should have been scanning over its words stayed stationary. Instead, my ears eagerly awaited Yuigahama's inevitable follow-up.
"Ugh don't be so unreliable Hikki. Just tell Yukinon that everybody forgets things sometimes too! It's not that I'm irresponsible or anything… It's just that there were… extra… extra-tentative circumstances this time…"
Yuigahama struggled with her words as she finished her thought. Even though she mangled the pronunciation of the word horribly, I was mildly impressed that Yuigahama was able to correctly use a complicated word in a semi-appropriate situation. I guess the time she spent around two high-ranking language students did at least have somewhat of a positive effect on her…
Still, just listening to her talk in circles about the same topic for so long was enough to make me dizzy. In order to keep the conversation moving, I threw out my own opinion.
"The word you're looking for is extenuating. Anyways, Yukinoshita has a point. If you can't even remember a simple thing like bringing forks then I already feel bad for the headache your future husband's going to have to deal with."
"H-husband?!" She replied in a fluster as her body shot up in her seat. Her following words came out in a quick and successive fashion.
"What does bringing forks have to do with getting married?"
"Huh? Plenty."
I set my book down and coughed to clear my throat.
"I'm going to go ahead and assume that your husband's going to rely on you for preparing his lunch in the mornings as well as for similar things of that nature. If we want to stay on the fork example then you forgetting to pack a fork for him with his bento box would mean that he'd open up his meal in the break room and have to eat his sushi and rice with his bare hands. The soy sauce would get all over his hands and he'd probably spill little bits of food all over his dress shirt and pants. He would then be forced to walk back to his desk in shame and he'd get the keyboard dirty with his sticky fingers, at which point his boss would suspend him for ruining company equipment. If that weren't bad enough, he'd also become the laughingstock of the office and would earn a nickname like 'nasty-sauce-fingers' or 'Saucekura Haruno'. Basically, he'd probably be too embarrassed to show up at work after that and would receive a dishonorable discharge for failing to file his two weeks' notice. Your family would then be forced to survive off government stipends until he could get back on his feet. And don't forget, this all happened because you didn't bring him a fork."
An unpleasant smile crossed my face as I finished. Truth be told, my words had made a lot more sense than I was expecting. Remembering to bring forks really was a pretty complex and important task after all…
I guess I underestimated just how vital utensils were to successful relationships and Japan's economy as a whole. If not packing a fork with lunch could lead to a mess as big as all that, I should start fearing for my life if my mom ever tries forcing me to eat ramen with a spoon again…
As I turned to look at the two beside me, I was met with wide eyes and open mouths… Did I just like toootally say something weird right there?
"…That's one scenario in any case." I meekly added as I turned back to my book.
"R-Right. So much for backing me up though…" Yuigahama responded uneasily. However, her voice suddenly grew louder as if she had remembered some crucial point.
"Hey wait, we should be criticizing you too! You didn't bring what you were supposed to either!"
I slipped a bookmark into my book and reached across the table to get to my bag. After stuffing my hands in and shuffling around for a while, I pulled out a stack of expensive plastic plates that I had bought at the store this morning.
In order to let the full dramatic weight of my action sink in, I turned back to my book and pretended to continue reading nonchalantly. But even so, I couldn't help a smirk from crossing my face. Boy I was cool…
"H-heavy duty…" Yuigahama muttered dejectedly as she looked at her shoes.
"Well, it appears that both Hikigaya-kun and myself were able to carry out our assigned roles. I suppose this makes it pretty obvious who the club's weak link is now, doesn't it?"
Yukinoshita looked towards me as a smile splayed out across her face. With my eyes fixed on hers, I couldn't help but also be affected by her blithe attitude and I smiled as well.
You would think that ganging up on Yuigahama wouldn't be nearly that fun due to how easy it was, but that assumption was actually pretty far off. Messing with her was always a guaranteed mood booster.
"Wahhh. Why do you guys always gang up on me these days? It's so unfair!"
Yuigahama cried out and abruptly stood up from her seat. She quickly charged towards me and after she had closed the distance, began unleashing a rapid flurry of strikes on my back and neck.
Ow! Ow! Her small, balled-up fists were a lot stronger than they appeared. The little punches eventually added up and really started to hurt.
"Ow, okay. Okay. Could you stop that?"
I lifted my arm to try to stop the attacks while trying to verbally reason with Yuigahama. She must have really been distressed though because she remained persistent and continued pummeling me beneath her small hands while emitting an intermittent frequency of small cries.
A giggle was heard from the other side of the room.
The tiny fists stopped their assault. Yuigahama turned her attention towards the noise and the perpetrator froze up immediately before letting out a small cough.
"Yukinon… Don't laugh! You were being meaner than Hikki was!"
Just like that, the assault on me ceased and Yuigahama sprung at Yukinoshita like a feral cat.
Her arms wrapped tightly around Yukinoshita's body and squeezed while her torso tossed from side to side.
"Yuig—Please… Let…" Yukinoshita's face was turning red and she struggled to get her words out.
Eventually, Yuigahama released her and she breathed out a sigh of relief as she tried to get air back into her lungs.
"But really, you guys always take each others' sides. I'm kind of tired of getting picked on," She puffed out her cheeks with a forlorn look. "I'm starting to think we might even need a new member to balance out the sides or something…" Yuigahama whimpered softly as she said that.
Yukinoshita made a small smile and comfortingly placed a hand on Yuigahama's shoulder before responding.
"I'm sorry Yuigahama-san." She paused. "But truthfully, I'm sure it won't be all that difficult to find utensils somewhere on campus, so it shouldn't take too long for you to get them and come back. In fact, if you act quickly, we might even be able to start eating before lunch ends."
She finished with a smirk. Yuigahama looked like she had been wounded and threw her body back in astonishment.
"Eh? Punishment game?!"
Yukinoshita answered her outburst calmly.
"Well, not exactly. A punishment game would require there to be a need for a punishment in the first place. Since it was your responsibility to bring the forks all along, this would more so fall along the lines of you atoning for your previous failure."
I drly snickered behind my book. Yuigahama's shoulders sank as she looked between Yukinoshita and myself.
"So like I was saying earlier, we totally need a new member who takes my side..."
The cruel smile that was plastered across Yukinoshita's face a moment earlier suddenly disappeared and was replaced with a small look of concern.
"O-Oh. Do you really think it's necessary to add a new member?"
Yuigahama looked back at her and tapped her finger against her chin as she delved into thought.
"Well I was mostly joking but it couldn't hurt maybe… If anything we could probably convince Komachi-chan to join!"
"I-I see." Yukinoshita kneaded one hand over the other as she responded. After a few moments, she turned her body to the right and timidly addressed me with a question.
"…What do you think?"
Faced with her inquiring tone, I set my book down and took a moment to think over my answer.
Komachi joining the service club huh… Since the beginning of this year, and even in the year before when she wasn't a Sobu High student yet, Komachi had played a significant part in many of the Service Club's requests.
Heck, just counting this year alone, she had participated in upwards of ten cases. Even discounting the ones where we simply consulted her for advice but in which she didn't actively play a part, she still had a pretty healthy track record.
Simply put, without Komachi's unique skills and assistance, it would be pretty safe to say that the club wouldn't have been nearly as successful as it was.
Even so, the question was still lingering in the air. Did we really need a new member?
As these thoughts pored over in my mind, I tried to focus in on the crux of the question that Yukinoshita had asked me.
Judging by the way she spoke, it had sounded like she was addressing me personally and wasn't asking for a rational explanation or a logical assessment, but rather for my own personal thoughts on the matter. What did I think and what was it that I wanted?
I mulled it over in my head once more.
In the end, this club wasn't just an empty classroom with a large pile of permanently stacked chairs and a reliably unreliable heater. I'm pretty sure that to us three, it represented something beyond that.
Although the club was initially created by one, it was inhabited and treasured by three. The three members of the Service Club.
As my mind lingered on the significance of the number, I found that I had inadvertently reached my conclusion.
Three. It was us three that composed the club, and it was us three that had seen it through not only the memorable moments, but also the ones that had seemed bleak and hopeless. Essentially, we three were the Service Club. Taking away or adding anything would alter the essential formula that defined its existence.
In this equation, the upper and lower limits were three.
"…I don't think that would be a good idea. I mean Komachi helps us out plenty anyways so she's practically already a member in that sense. Giving her official membership would just mean she'd expect benefits and stuff so stringing her along for free labor is the way to go here."
"That's terrible Hikki…" Yuigahama replied with a look of disgust on her face. I shrugged. "How can you so openly use your own sister like that?"
"Just because she's my sister… Wait, no it's because she's my sister that I'm doing this. The truth is when she eventually gets a job, it's more than likely that her boss will use her up for whatever she's worth before tossing her away when she stops being useful. Me breaking it to her like this is the best thing for her."
Although I wasn't being entirely upfront with my reasoning, I decided to pull my punches and regurgitate a secondary justification instead.
Under the sounds of the swaying air and fluttering leaves in the distance, a small voice could be heard from the opposite end of the table.
"I actually rather like the club the way it is right now. It's…pleasant."
I looked over towards the owner of the voice and was met with a pair of shy eyes that linked with my own. After a brief moment, those blue eyes turned away and fixated lightly on Yuighama.
The club today was definitely not the same one that I had been forced into joining back then by Hiratsuka-sensei.
Back then, I couldn't comfortably say that the other two members were anything more than strangers to me. I had no interest in learning about them, nor did I have any desire for them to learn anything about me.
But… things had changed. I could honestly say that I knew them now. I could honestly say that I've enjoyed the time I've spent with them thus far. I can honestly say that I enjoy being a member of the Service Club.
With this in mind, I added my own opinion to the mix.
"Can't say I disagree there."
Yukinoshita blinked at me in surprise but then gave me a small smile. Suddenly Yuigahama's face split into a large grin.
"Aww Yukinon, Hikki... You guys know how much this club means to me. I'm really happy that you guys have finally come out and said it too! This club really is perfect the way it is huh…" Yuigahama sniffled slightly as she rubbed at her eye with the sleeve of her blazer.
After she finished, she spoke happily.
"Okay fine, I'll go get the forks! Where should I look first?"
"Try asking Hiratsuka-sensei. I'm sure the teacher's lounge keeps a stock on hand."
Yukinoshita was the one who answered her. In response, Yuigahama tilted her head slightly before asking a question.
"Is it really okay to be bothering sensei about this you think?"
Ha… As if sensei hasn't come to us with equally stupid requests in the past…
"I mean, what's the point in having a teacher you're close to if you can't use her for pointless favors?"
"Hikigaya-kun, that's a rather crude thing to say. But in this case, I do think that it would be justified given how many times we've personally lent her a hand. Also, she especially owes us for our help with the lessons plans last week."
What kind of teacher chooses to get blackout drunk on a Sunday anways? I'm seriously starting to think she needs help...
Although Yukinoshita responded to my statement with what sounded like a cold admonition, there was a playful undercurrent to her tone.
"O-Okay, I'll go ask her." Yuigahama said as she stood up from her seat and made her way over to the clubroom door. "Don't start on the cakes without me!"
"Have you not been paying attention? We couldn't if we wanted to…"
I called out to her retreating form. However, my words fell upon deaf ears as Yuigahama had already made it past the door and sounds of clattering footsteps could be heard echoing from the hallway.
After she left, I checked my wristwatch and saw that we still had a good half hour before lunch was over.
Theoretically, that should be plenty of time for Yuigahama to return and for us to start in on the teacakes Yukinoshita had brought. However, given the former's air-headed nature, I wouldn't be surprised if she ended up lost in the auditorium or something.
I turned back to my book and actually made an attempt at reading now that the main source of noise had disappeared. However, small bits of white noise could still be heard drifting in through the windows of the classroom.
The streets neighboring the school were pretty much empty for the most part given the time of day, but the bustling of the students chatting and weaving through the hallways of Sobu High could still easily be heard.
It wasn't surprising given that it was lunchtime at the moment.
The animated chattering and excited cheers emanating from below were clear signs that the bright atmosphere of springtime had officially subjugated the cold, bitter months that had come before it.
After a few minutes had passed with Yukinoshita and I reading silently in the cool classroom, a voice spoke.
"I'll start the tea."
"Sounds good." I responded nonchalantly.
After the switch for the water boiler was turned on and the tealeaves were dispersed into the pot, a scintillating aroma filled the air.
Recently, Yukinoshita had replaced the normal black tea that we had been drinking with a fragrant blend of Jasmine leaves.
The new flavor was not only delicious, but also seemed incredibly appropriate given the recent change in season. The scent continuously found its way into my nostrils and I could feel the teapot's warmth from my seat.
"So Hikigaya-kun… have you received any responses from the universities you've applied to yet?"
Yukinoshita threw out a question after she took her seat. I responded in kind.
"Yeah, just two so far. Nanzan University and Seijishi College. I also applied to Chuo Gakuin near Seitama, but I haven't heard back from them yet. If I get in, I'll probably end up going there but otherwise Nanzan University seems like my safest bet."
"Oh, I see. I've read that Chuo Gakuin is ranked as one of the top three liberal arts universities in Japan so I think it would be a good fit for you."
"Well yeah. That was one of the considerations I had when I was sending out applications." I paused and looked up from my book. "Have you heard back from anywhere yet?"
"Well, I applied to four schools in total. Tohoku University sent me an admittance letter a few days ago and Watseda College in Shinjuku said they could offer me a full waiver for housing costs if I accepted their offer."
She continued listing off the schools on her slender fingers.
"Also, The University of Tokyo accepted me in their early admittance program. Not only are they offering me a full-ride for my undergraduate studies, but also admittance into a work-study program if I choose to pursue a career in the biomedical field."
Unsurprising was the word that popped into my mind. Being the top ranked student at our school, in tandem with her club president status, and undoubtedly flawless test scores, it wasn't such a stretch to see why Tokyo University would fall over themselves to grab at a piece of the Yukinoshita pie.
I looked over at her upon noticing that she had stopped before fully finishing her explanation. As a result, I asked her a probing question.
"What about the fourth one?"
"I…" She paused. "I also received my acceptance letter from Chuo Gakuin yesterday."
"Hoh, is that so…"
"Yes… I applied there specifically in the event that I might decide to major in a humanities based program. It seemed like a natural choice given my circumstances..."
"Well congrats. Have you narrowed down your options at all?"
"I've weighed the pros and cons of all of them so far but I'm still having a difficult time finalizing my choice between two in particular." She gave me an odd look.
"But even so…" she spoke vaguely without finishing her thought.
After having stared absently in my direction for a while, she turned her eyes to lock with mine and spoke with a soft voice.
"Um… Tell me when you hear back okay?"
"From Chuo Gakuin?"
She inclined her head slightly.
Although I was caught slightly off guard, I nodded.
"Yeah. Sure." I answered automatically. "Uh but why exactly?"
"Well, simply put I would like a proper chance to gloat when you're inevitably rejected. I mean, your grades aren't terrible but it wouldn't be remiss to say that Chuo Gakuin's standards are slightly above your level."
Yukinoshita, who was looking rather timid earlier swapped out her shy expression for a mischievous smirk instead. As her facial expression changed completely, one of her eyes fluttered shut and she looked in my direction.
Did this girl really just wink at me after calling me out like that…?
"Hey, can't you take it easy on me considering the fact that we won't be seeing each other anymore soon?"
"Eh? What do you mean?"
"Well, graduation is coming up in a few months. After that, I'm not gonna be around for you to insult anymore. Logically speaking, you should try being nicer to me now because our acquaintanceship is coming to an end; like as a form of repentance of some sort."
"Doesn't that just mean that I should insult you more so than normal to make up for when I can't later?"
"That's a pretty twisted way of looking at it…"
"Hikigaya-kun, the relationship we have wouldn't be our own if we so suddenly changed the way we acted towards one other."
That certainly was true. The three of us had changed the way we acted around each other once. Whether it was a conscious decision at the time, or whether it was borne out of a desire to preserve something, we had danced around on eggshells and talked in circles to prolong a façade that was fated to crumble from the start.
What she said was true then. A façade that relied on too many prerequisite formalities was just that.
Although Yukinoshita's insults and antagonistic attitude cut sharp, at least those cuts were deep and not superficial. Oh boy what's with this sentimental analogy…?
However, before I could respond, Yukinoshita continued her thought with a jeering tone.
"Besides, if it weren't for me, nobody would call you out on your wicked ideas and that might put the whole world in jeopardy. I've seen the effects those rotten eyes have brought forth before."
"Way to treat me like I'm some sort of great demon lord…" I retorted easily. "Come to think of it, I like that actually."
"Lord? I think that you might perhaps be overestimating your own worth in this situation. It's true that your methods are pretty demented, but it also wouldn't be remiss to say that the title of Great Demon Lord is slightly above your level."
She gave me a sickeningly sweet smile.
"You would fall more along the lines of something like a demon secretary. Or a demon scullery maid perhaps. In any case, you would undoubtedly exist in the lower stratum of demon society."
"Hey, stop automatically assuming I'd be a subordinate in every situation."
"Oh did I say something offensive?"
"Yeah, all of it." I returned with a roll of my eyes.
"If you can't be nicer to me then could you at least improve your brain-to-mouth filter or something?"
"Sorry. Not possible."
A serene expression settled on her face.
Suddenly, the door to the clubroom slid open and in waddled Yuigahama who was carrying a huge brown paper bag. As she tipped uneasily from side to side, she called out to us.
"Guys! I don't know how long I can hold onto this thing!"
I promptly stood up from my seat and took the large bag into my own hands before nearly losing my footing.
Agh… What the hell was in here?
As I readjusted my posture to accommodate for the absurd weight of the bag, I peeked inside to see just what it was that Yuigahama had been struggling with. Located inside the bag were at least two dozen boxes of plastic forks and even some containing spoons and knives.
"Are these all from the teacher's lounge…?" I struggled to get out my words as I lugged the heavy bag to the table.
"I tried telling her we only needed three, but she insisted that I take them all for some reason…"
I was at a loss for words. What possible motivation could Hiratsuka-sensei have for unloading the entire supply of the school's disposable forks on us? The ridiculousness of this person was something to marvel at.
Yuigahama laughed nervously before continuing.
"Well, on the bright side at least we have extras for next time right?"
"That really is good news considering how likely it is that Yuigahama-san will forget to bring forks next time as well."
"Yukinooon… I thought you guys got it all out of your system before…"
"Okay, I apologize Yuigahama-san. I assure you that was the last time."
Yukinoshita stood and set our three mugs on the table. She then grabbed the teapot and began to pour the steaming hot liquid into the cups before taking her own seat.
The smell of the tea was practically overpowering now that it had been released from its container. The smell was enticing and the warmth of the drink filled up the entire room in a matter of minutes.
After the tea was poured, the teacakes were sliced up and distributed amongst us. As we ate our respective portions, Yuigahama spoke up.
"Mmm. These are seriously delicious."
"Yeah, they're pretty good. Where'd you get them?"
I asked Yukinoshita after sipping softly at my tea.
"I stayed up last night making them. I found the recipe online but I improvised on certain parts and added some ingredients at my own discretion."
"Yukinonnn, that's why they taste so good I bet!" Yuigahama curled up to Yukinoshita and rubbed her cheek against her shoulder. "Thank you. They're amazing."
"Yep. Thanks." I answered through a mouthful of cake.
These teacakes were seriously good though. They were moist and in combination with the smooth texture of the tea, I found them to be exactly to my liking. The fact that they were handmade by Yukinoshita made them taste even better somehow.
A generally comfortable atmosphere settled over the clubroom as we ate and chatted about random things.
However, the calm atmosphere was broken when Yukinoshita abruptly stopped speaking in the middle of her thought.
In my confused state, I questioned her on her unexpected pause.
"Why'd you stop—"
"Shh. What's that sound?"
She interrupted me with a raised hand.
Yuigahama and I looked at one another before straining our ears to listen. In the background, a very faint conversation could be heard. As we listened, the sound steadily grew louder.
A few bits and pieces of conversation drifted to our ears and we caught the occasional word despite not knowing the source of the noise. However after listening carefully, it became clear that the talking was coming from the hallway.
After a few moments, a loud series of knocks sounded against the clubroom door.
We looked between us three before Yukinoshita called out in a clear voice.
"Come in."
And in walked three people that we weren't at all expecting to see.
The first had rich, long blonde hair that curled up at the ends like folded ribbons. She walked in first with a prideful gait and idly perched her hand on her hip in a manner that reeked of casual annoyance.
Following her was a shorter girl who had shoulder-length grey hair and thick red-rimmed glasses. Her hands were folded in front of her body as she casually fell into step behind the first girl.
Last and most certainly least, a tall delinquent-looking boy trailed into the room behind the others. His messy bleached hair was held in place by a small black headband and a couple of curls hung messily across his forehead. He strolled in carelessly and upon entering, pointed his fingers in my direction before calling out.
"Heya Hikitani-kun, how's it going?"
I blinked once in surprise before returning a short greeting.
"Yo."
At that point, the girl in the middle happily exchanged greetings and waved both hands out enthusiastically.
"Haro Haro you guys!"
"Oh! Yahallo Yumiko, Hina, Tobecci!"
Yuigahama responded with her trademark greeting and also waved her hand in acknowledgement.
However, between the two groups that had gathered, there were two people that hadn't yet exchanged pleasantries. I looked over to my left at a scene that I was sure was going to resemble a warzone.
Yukinoshita and Miura were engaged in a stare down at the far end of the table. Both of their eyes seemed to be filled with intensity, but neither seemed to be backing down.
However, it was obvious that the stalemate couldn't last forever. As I had expected, Miura was the first to concede and eventually turned her eyes away before softly saying something.
"…Hey."
"Hello."
Yukinoshita returned the greeting with a neutral expression.
"Sooo what brings you guys to the club?" Yuigahama asked curiously after a beat.
"We kinda got a big request for ya this time. It's a big deal so we figured we oughta call in the professionals for this one, ya know?" Tobe answered.
"And that request is?" Yukinoshita urged him to continue.
"Well ya see… What's been going on lately is that there's been this sort of rising tide in the group. Yeah, yeah, like there's a flood that's almost close to spilling over the brink or something like that."
For some reason, the way Tobe spoke set me on edge. Normally Tobe was pretty forthright (when you factored out his annoying use of slang that is), but this time, he seemed hesitant to get to his actual point. It felt as if he were trying to explain the situation as delicately as possible, which was something that seemed painfully out-of-character.
"Here, how should I say it…You know how wolves kinda have a boss dog who—"
"It's about Hayato."
Miura interjected, effectively cutting Tobe off from finishing his thought. Having been interrupted mid-sentence, Tobe closed his open mouth before adding on a small afterthought.
"Yah. That."
"Oh… I think I know what you guys mean. I've noticed it a little bit too…" Yuigahama said with a small sigh.
"Please continue with the details." Yukinoshita tapped her finger on the desk and spoke impatiently.
"Hayato-kun's been really distant lately. I guess you could say it's been getting more obvious recently but we all started noticing this around a year ago."
Ebina explained the situation while turning herself to address Yukinoshita directly. Tobe and Miura simply stood around awkwardly while Ebina continued to provide the appropriate information.
"He's been especially withdrawn from our group and a lot of times it feels like he just sits with us to pass the time. When the bell rings, he's usually the first one to leave."
Yukinoshita nodded in response as if she were inwardly constructing a mental checklist. Yuigahama and I simply listened. After Ebina finished talking, Tobe continued with his own thoughts on the situation.
"Ya. Ya. You're right Hina. Ya know, Hayato's always been a pretty chill guy but he's been… how do ya say it… like snapped out of it recently. He doesn't respond sometimes and we don't talk about stuff like we used to back in the old days."
As creepy as it might have sounded, I had also taken notice of the rift that had formed between them. Ever since the end of the field trip during second year, Hayama had definitely started to act more conservatively around the other members of his group. That much was at least obvious to me.
However, when third year started and Miura, Tobe, Ebina, and he all reunited in the same class by chance, I fully expected him to return to his obnoxiously refreshing self.
Yet, that never ended up happening and instead he seemed even more shut off and quiet than normal.
Considering the fact that I was just a passive observer and yet could still sense a palpable disturbance there meant that Tobe's suspicions were probably based in reality.
"Hmm." A slight hum resonated from Yukinoshita's throat. Her eyes seemed to be calculating something as she stared at the floor in thought. "So what is it exactly that you expect us to do?"
"We'd like you guys to help us bring out the true Hayato!" Tobe declared passionately.
"…The true Hayato?" I asked skeptically.
"Yah Hikitani-kun, that's it. That's it exactly."
What? The only thing I did was repeat what you said right there…
Yuigahama seemingly shared my confusion and addressed Tobe with a question of her own.
"Um… What do you mean by that Tobe?"
"Well… We've been thinking about it long and hard and we think we've come up with an explanation as to why Hayato-kun's been so blue lately."
Tobe gave a much more substantial explanation this time and Ebina continued his train of thought after he finished.
"We think the reason that Hayato-kun's been so withdrawn is because he's repressing his true personality and trying too hard to put on an act for our sakes."
That's kind of the pot calling the kettle black there isn't it…
I elected to keep my thought to myself as I listened on.
"Yeah, it's something like that anyway. Sometimes he'll open his mouth to say something but before he finishes his thought he'll just stare out the window instead and stop talking completely…"
Miura finished the exchange with a small sigh. From her tone, it sounded like this whole situation had really taken a toll on her as well.
I stared at the floor in thought.
So even these three had noticed it too. From what I'd gathered during my observations of the mysterious figure known as Hayama Hayato, I could say they that they had pretty much hit the nail on the head in terms of what was going on.
They were all more observant than I gave them credit for.
"He's our bud ya know, and we don't want him to try to be someone he ain't. I mean, as friends, we should like him for who he is anyways right? So basically what we're asking of you guys is to help Hayato-kun be himself."
According to Tobe, the request that these three came to give us was one that would see the club trying to 'bring out the real Hayama Hayato'. What exactly that entailed though was anyone's guess.
"Be himself…?" I asked in order to receive a clarification.
"Are you stupid or something Hikio? How many times are you gonna ask us to explain the same exact thing huh?"
Miura scowled in my direction before fixing me with a sharp question. The eyes that rested upon me looked murderous.
Hey now… you guys were the ones who came here for our help you know. The least you could do is explain the situation thoroughly enough that a layperson like myself might understand…
As I opened my mouth to say my piece, another voice cut through the air instead.
"And what exactly do you think gives you the right to talk to him like that?"
My mouth that had opened to reply remained fixed in that state. I looked over at the owner of the voice to see Yukinoshita glaring at Miura with a penetrating gaze.
If Miura's eyes could be said to hold a murderous intent then it would be fair to say that Yukinoshita's held the soul and fury of Jack the Ripper himself.
"Hah? Because these stupid questions are a waste of our time, that's why. We didn't come here for an interrogation y'know. We came here to have our request fulfilled. I mean, that is what you guys do here right? Or am I wrong?"
"Yes, we fulfill requests for those in need." Yukinoshita's eyes were alight with emotion.
"However, we are not slaves nor are we obligated to help anyone who barges in and shoves their petty problems into our faces. This is especially not the case for those who can so blatantly disrespect one of my members and then turn around and expect his help. For the sake of Ebina-san and Tobe-kun, we will hear out the remainder of the request. However, as for you… Well I'll clear the air now so as not to create any more misunderstandings. I want you to leave this room. Now."
All of the eyes in the room were fixated on Yukinoshita. The features of her face sat stock-still and not even the slightest twitch could be seen in her stony expression. Appropriate to her moniker, her eyes looked as if they had been hardened by a layer of sharp ice.
Miura blinked twice in surprise. The rage that had filled her face earlier had all but disappeared and instead she looked at Yukinoshita with a small expression.
"I…"
"Was I being too vague again? Leave."
Miura bit her lip and looked at the floor before turning sharply towards the door. However, as she neared the entrance, she turned her head slightly towards us before speaking quickly in a soft tone.
"I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that… I just… I'm really concerned about Hayato is all. I'm sorry Hikio. I…I shouldn't have said that."
Miura spoke in a fluster and in her small apology, stumbled over her words and managed to repeat herself twice.
"Uh… yeah." I said awkwardly. Although the issue had initially started with me, I didn't really know where my position in the argument laid anymore so I wasn't quite sure how to respond.
"Yukinon… Yumiko said she was sorry. Can we maybe let her stay? She's probably the closest one to Hayato-kun after all…"
Yukinoshita's eyes were still firmly fixed on Miura's retreating form. However, after a few moments she let out a sigh through her nostrils before speaking.
"…Fine. I'll allow it for that reason alone."
For a brief second, Yukinoshita's eyes flickered over to me. I looked back at her and threw up my shoulders slightly in a shrug.
The air that had grown thick just a minute ago suddenly began to clear slightly as the others in the room let out their pent up breaths.
"So, you guys want to help Hayato-kun come out of his shell right?" Yuigahama asked.
"Mhmm. That's right." Ebina nodded.
"Yah… We don't want him to have to act like a hundred-percent perfect dude all the time ya know? We just wanna hang with the real Hayato, faults and all." Tobe sounded sentimental as he spoke. "So if you could think of a way to do this then yer helps would be much appreciated."
As Tobe's words reached my ears, my mind couldn't help but launch into thoughts about the nature of Hayama's group.
The feelings that these three now held were far cries from those of the group that I had observed in the past few years.
The group back then had all held onto their superficial bonds like lifelines.
They were more than willing to sacrifice their own personal feelings to preserve what they thought it was that they wanted. Their chief desire was to protect what little they had built together, even if that meant sacrificing what few semblances of authenticity that that relationship held in the first place.
From the sounds of it now though, it looked like they had realized how futile their efforts to maintain that deception really were in the end.
It was fittingly ironic that the one who had clung the most tightly to that superficial relationship was Hayama himself, and now it appeared that he was unsatisfied with the outcome that he was directly responsible for.
"I see." Yukinoshita nodded and rubbed her chin in thought. After a moment, she addressed Yuigahama and I.
"Well, what do you think Yuigahama-san, Hikigaya-kun? Shall we?"
Breaking the bonds and masks that Hayama Hayato had painstakingly spent years building up for himself huh? To do that would take not only a monumental amount of effort, but also careful planning and above all, a perfect setup.
Thinking about it rationally, it sounded like this request would be a lot more trouble than it was worth in the end.
On the surface, I could casually say that I had no attachment whatsoever to any of the parties involved, and that the outcome of this request was inconsequential to me either way.
But deep down, a selfish urge pricked at me to accept the request, and to accept it with finality.
Personally, I was tired of seeing the façade known as Hayama. I was tired of seeing the imposturous, 'refreshing' Hayama freely throw out his smiles when I knew that the real Hayama Hayato wasn't as nice a guy as I had made him out to be.
Above it all though, the emotion that stung at me most was pity.
I told myself that I wouldn't pity Hayama like he had done me so often. But in the end, it was difficult to fully stop myself.
The life he lived was a lie, and from what I saw, there wasn't a single person that truly knew him.
Whether it was to preserve his front of being the perfect athlete, or the perfect friend, or the perfect heir to his parents' legacy, Hayama had repressed himself and shielded away his feelings with flashy smiles and a refreshing attitude. In his world that was characterized by adoring admirers, a finely tuned pedigree, and universal praise, he had nothing and he had no one.
"…We'll do it." I said.
"Okay… yeah!" Yuigahama said in agreement.
"The Service Club accepts your request then."
Yukinoshita turned her eyes away from me and addressed the three with a neutral expression. In response, Tobe began to energetically spout out his appreciation.
"Thanks a ton Miss Yukinoshita, Miss Yui! And of course, you too Hikitani-kun."
I nodded and Tobe threw a thumbs-up in my direction. By the way, my name's still not Hikitani. Or Hikio for that matter.
At that moment, the bell rang, signaling the end of the lunch period.
Ebina, and even Miura thanked us as the three of them filed out of the clubroom and headed into the hallway.
Yukinoshita, Yuigahama, and I also stood up and began packing away the cups and plates into their rightful positions.
After we finished, Yuigahama and I grabbed our bags and stood to leave.
As we motioned to make our exit, Yukinoshita called out to confirm something.
"Shall we reconvene after school to discuss the case?"
"Okay, that sounds good! See you then Yukinon!"
"Yeah. See you then."
Yuigahama and I affirmed with short responses before exiting the clubroom.
We walked through the empty hallways of the special building and eventually made it to the third floor of the main building where our class was located.
As I walked in, my eyes instinctively scanned over the room.
I noticed that Tobe, Miura, Ebina, and Hayama were all seated in their usual corner of the classroom, and were chatting about something that I couldn't quite hear over the voices of the other students.
However, as I looked upon them, I noticed that the one that was the least engaging in that group was the figure in contention himself, Hayama Hayato.
He would occasionally nod or smile reservedly in response to Tobe's loud banter, but aside from that, he seemed relatively quiet and uninvolved. His eyes looked remarkably distant.
I tried keeping my eye on him during the class, but his behavior remained relatively consistent the entire time, so I eventually turned my gaze away.
Class passed by slowly like always.
The food in my stomach made me feel slightly drowsy and as a result, I found it hard to pay any lasting attention to the lessons that played out in front of me. Simply put, not only was it a huge struggle to pay attention, but also just to stay awake.
Still, class eventually saw its conclusion and we were dismissed as the school bell rang.
As I stood from my seat, I took a final look at the group on the other side of the room.
The scene that I saw was the same redundant one that had been playing on repeat since the beginning of the year. More refreshing smiles and idle nods.
As I stared over at them, my eyes eventually met with Yuigahama's. After a moment, she walked over to the side of the room that I sat in and approached me with a question.
"Hikki, you ready?"
"Yep. Whenever you are."
I finished packing up my things and Yuigahama and I walked together through the halls of Sobu High.
"I saw that you were staring. Were you able to pick up on anything?"
"...I wasn't staring. It's called reconnaissance." I purposely used a fancy English word in order to confuse Yuigahama. When she paused slightly and her face contorted a little bit in confusion, I continued. "And no, nothing was different as far as I could tell. Hayama was being quiet, but that's no different from how he's been acting all year."
"Uh huh… now that it's been brought up, I can definitely see what Tobe and Hina meant though. Heh, I mean I noticed that he was being a little less talkative, but I didn't think it was that a big deal at first…"
Yuigahama responded with a pained look on her face. Based on what she said and the tone in which she said it, I had a feeling that she was inwardly blaming herself for not having been more observant.
Yuigahama had always prided herself on being able to read the mood and adjust her actions accordingly. In this way, she was able to gain favor amongst her group while also being considerate of everyone's unique feelings. It was no surprise that she had so easily been able to assimilate into the school's top caste in the first place.
Over the course of the last two years though, Yuigahama's unhealthy eagerness to please others had waned a bit, and instead she began to focus more so on what it was that she wanted and her own personal aspirations. I couldn't say that that was a bad thing by any means.
But still, it appeared that either because of this fact or because she had simply stopped paying enough attention to Hayama's clique, she had grossly underestimated the change in Hayama's behavior.
Not that I could blame her really. That was just how human beings operated. While Yuigahama did genuinely care for the well beings of others, and especially for those with whom she was close, she too couldn't completely avoid her human tendencies.
Although she was still close with the members of Hayama's clique, she had gradually been drifting away from them and instead had elected to spend most of her time in the Service Club. As a result, most of her attention was probably focused on the club, and her involvement in the other group had slowly become secondary in her priorities.
Honestly speaking though, it's not like it would have made all that much of a difference anyways. I highly doubted that anything Yuigahama could've done would have helped Hayama at all.
As we walked, the clacks of our shoes against the hallway floors sounded out and reverberated in the still air.
Eventually, our steps slowed as we came upon the entrance to the Service Clubroom.
I slid the door open and unsurprisingly, Yukinoshita was sitting near the window with an open book in hand.
"Yahallo Yukinon!"
"Sup."
We greeted her as we walked in from the hallway and made our ways to our respective seats. After we had situated ourselves, Yukinoshita nodded and spoke.
"Shall we get started on the consultation then?"
Getting straight down to business huh? At least let me drink some tea first to help me settle down…
"I've already prepared the tea as well."
Yay! Yukinon is like so reliable!
Once the tea was poured and the remainders of the teacakes from lunch were divvied up, Yukinoshita motioned to initiate the meeting.
"So. From what I understand, the nature of the request revolves around the destruction of Hayama-kun's superficial image so that he can embrace his true personality."
"Yeah I think that's about right…" Yuigahama tacked on uneasily.
"Okay now that we've confirmed its premise, how should we go about carrying it out?"
"Good question."
I muttered in response as I began to think seriously.
How should we go about carrying this out? That was the million-dollar question in this scenario.
If we thought about it from a purely technical standpoint, it would probably be wise to start considering all the past instances where Hayama's nice-guy act started to fall apart and we got a glimpse of the person that lay underneath.
As I racked my brain, a few specific instances came to mind.
On the roof during the Cultural Festival.
His betrayal of Tobe and his desire to protect his superficial relationships during the second-year field trip.
His attack on Orimoto and her friend in the restaurant that one time.
Our conversation during the marathon last year.
What happened during the Valentine's Day Event.
So basically any time the two of us talked then… Wow, he really hates me doesn't he?
"W-Well, I was thinking about it in class and I thought that maybe we could all stage something like an intervention for him? Like we trick him into coming to the clubroom one day or something and we all talk to him and tell him how we feel. Maybe if he hears it from everyone at once, it'll finally get through to him…"
Yuigahama wrung her fingers nervously while she spoke. Judging from her tone, it sounded like she really had put some thought into her proposal and that she had considered her plan on multiple levels.
It wasn't a terrible idea… but the probability of something like that working was likely close to zero.
If it did work, it definitely would've been the ideal scenario that required the least effort on our part yet still managed to accomplish all the necessary goals.
However, I just couldn't envision a world where such a simple solution would solve such a complex problem. I did like the part where we tricked him though.
In return, I explained my reasoning.
"I don't think Hayama would honestly listen. He might nod and play along, but in the end, I don't think that us talking to him would be enough to actually change his mind. The fact that he still acts the way he does after all this time is proof that it goes way beyond the scope of logical reasoning."
"Oh. Yeah I guess." Yuigahama said softly.
Yukinoshita's eyes were vacant and she looked to be lost in thought. Yuigahama similarly looked towards the ceiling with a finger on her chin, and I stared out the window at the ant-like figures below.
After we all sat in silence for a while contemplating different scenarios in our heads, Yukinoshita spoke up in a calm tone.
"Perhaps we're looking at the situation in an incorrect way."
Yuigahama and I turned to look at the owner of that voice.
"Maybe the premise for the request was all wrong in the first place. It was never simply for us to convince him to change himself, but rather to wrest the situation into our own hands and change him ourselves. After all, it's highly unlikely that Hayama-kun would lend a sincere ear to what we have to say to him."
She had a point. Hayama would never listen to me if I just came up to him out of the blue and told him that the superficial way he was acting was pointless. He would probably dismiss me with a smile or laugh in my face. The same went for all of the others too.
Yukinoshita might have a little more luck considering she had known him for so many years, but in the end, I felt that the result would be the same. With these considerations in mind, I urged her to continue.
"I think you're onto something. How exactly do we do that though?"
"I-I'm still not sure about that part."
We all fell into another silence while we considered the new strategy and information.
I thought back to the word that Yukinoshita had used earlier. Destruction.
For whatever reason, I felt that that word was the key factor here. Destructions weren't subtle or calculating; they were violent and above all, forceful.
If we really wanted to destroy something as sturdy as Hayama's public mask, we would need force and a lot of it.
As I lifted my mug to my mouth, I noticed that it had been completely drained of its contents.
Usually Yukinoshita was pretty diligent at discerning when our cups were ready for refilling, and would immediately fill them up again (Even despite our claims that we were perfectly capable of doing it ourselves or that we'd had enough).
However, because Yukinoshita seemed to be completely absorbed in her thoughts, I decided that I could refill my own cup for once. As I stood up, her eyes flickered over to me and she breathed out a small apology upon noticing my empty mug.
"Oh. I'm sorry. Let me do that for you."
"Nah, I've got it. Don't worry."
I answered naturally and gestured for her to sit down. She complied and the thoughtful expression that she had been wearing earlier returned almost instantly.
As I came upon the small table and lifted the teapot to pour, my eyes once again found themselves staring out at the scenery below. On the school's main field were uniformed students running back and forth between goalposts and bandying around a ball from one side to the other.
The sight that I was seeing was the soccer club's daily practice session.
Although many of the players were sweating and looked exhausted after having bathed in the bright afternoon sun, they at least appeared to be having a good time. I saw Tobe on the field laughing and joking around with what appeared to be a first-year while playfully slapping him on the back.
The younger player seemed a little hesitant but smiled nervously as Tobe threw his head back in a fit of laughter.
Sharing your sagely third-year wisdom with the newbies huh? Wow Tobe really was a good guy wasn't he…
…Or could it be that he was just being his show-offy self like always? Tobe = scumbag. A good-guy scumbag basically. GGS? That sort of thing is supposed to be reserved for after the game you know.
"Takeshi, I said I wanted your group in a three center formation. Are you ignoring what I'm saying on purpose?"
Suddenly, a loud shout brought me out of my idle thoughts.
"Do you remember what I said about your strike form? I told you to fully flex your knees, and to keep track of your leg positioning when you're about to kick. I don't know if you're trying to make me look stupid, but in the end you're the one who's putting on the embarrassing performance."
My eyes roved over the field for the source of those biting words.
They eventually landed on the soccer club's team captain, Hayama Hayato.
Hayama was standing on the sidelines with his hands resting on his hips. It appeared that he was running plays with the newer members of his club, and judging by the public tongue-lashing he had just given to one of the players, it seemed that he wasn't in a good mood.
From what I could see from this distance, his facial features looked twisted and his eyes were sharp. I could see the outline of his jaw jutting out from underneath the skin of his cheek. His face didn't just seem slightly pained like it had in class; it now also held a clear edge of anger.
I recoiled slightly as a vile thought suddenly wormed its way into my brain. As I spoke, my breath fogged up the glass in front of me.
"I have an idea."
Both Yukinoshita and Yuigahama looked at me with curious expressions.
"Hikki…" Yuigahama looked slightly pained as she addressed me. "I don't know about all that…"
Yuigahama's hands gripped tightly at the hem of her skirt. Hidden underneath her moist eyes was an expression that radiated concern.
I angled my eyes slightly to my right as to gauge the full spectrum of reactions that I had received in response to my proposal.
Yukinoshita looked uncomfortable and turned away from me when I peered over. Her small hands were balled up slightly and her eyes that rested idly on the table looked troubled.
The atmosphere in the room seemed eerily still despite the blowing wind that seeped in through the open windows.
Finally, a small whisper floated through the air.
"I said once that I couldn't approve of that type of method…"
I peeled my gaze away from Yukinoshita's figure and aimed them towards the floor as she said that.
Although her words were vague, I didn't need her to spell it out for me to understand. Her words echoed 'self-sacrifice' in their tone alone.
It was undeniable that I had done things like that once.
My mentality during that time was one that emphasized effectiveness above all.
Accomplish my goal efficiently as possible, by ways of any means necessary. That was the ideology that I touted most heavily.
I was given a job, and more often than not, doing a job meant working with a limited amount of options. If the only option I was left with was using my own rotten personality as a weapon, then I was willing to grip the sword on both ends, metaphorically speaking.
Having to stoop to tactics that had a negative impact on my social standing or my reputation in the eyes of others was something I could handle. I could bare the brunt of the trauma and I could handle the burden without the cracks piling up noticeably.
The insults, the sneers, the laughter behind my back… I could bare it all. I had enough experience with it, and if nothing else I was an expert at being ignored and hated. I was the perfect person for the job.
The M.O. of Hikigaya Hachiman then was to kill himself so that others might live. A third party might have even said that what I had done was heroic; that I resembled a hero in that I could selflessly sacrifice myself for the benefit of others.
But in the end, who exactly had benefited, and who was it exactly that had been hurt in the process…?
The answer wasn't just me like I had initially believed.
"I…we thought we had made it clear that this kind of thing did more harm than good in the end…"
The soft tone that she spoke with carried a sense of melancholy that brought back bitter memories of a time in the past. A time when time itself had felt frozen.
Maybe it was these very bitter memories that had strengthened my resolve so profoundly, but at that very moment I decided something. I decided that I couldn't stand by and let that type of superficial existence engulf anyone else. Not myself, nor Yukinoshita or Yuigahama.
Not Hayama.
"This isn't the same thing. I meant it when I said I that I was done doing things that way."
Calling this self-sacrifice wasn't entirely accurate at all, and I didn't mean that sentimentally or technically either.
This was more along the lines of mutually assured destruction if anything.
"I-I don't know about that… But even so, we haven't explored all of our options yet… and there's always the potential that—"
I looked at Yukinoshita with as earnest an expression as I could muster, and interrupted her firmly.
"I'm not like that anymore, I promise. I need you to trust me this time." I'm sure the look that I was fixing on her was dripping with emotion. "As much as I hate this too, I don't think there's any other way to do this."
She averted her eyes and bit her lip softly.
After a while, she spoke up in a voice that was barely audible.
Yet, I heard it all the same.
"…Will it work?"
I answered her with confidence.
"Yeah. It should in theory."
Yuigahama who had been sitting quietly and watching the conversation unfold from her seat, suddenly whispered.
"Eh… Yukinon… Do you really think this is okay?"
Both Yukinoshita and I turned towards her suddenly as if we had been startled for some reason.
With the intensity of the conversation that unfolded and the absence of Yuigahama's interjections, I had almost forgotten that she was sitting there entirely.
Yukinoshita looked at Yuigahama before gently speaking.
"If Hikigaya-kun thinks it'll work… then I trust him."
She then turned to me with a look of determination.
"So… what do you want us to do?"
Spring was a time for fun, and it was a time for frolicking. Given the warm weather and fresh scenery that characterized this time of the year, it wasn't at all surprising that so many were out lounging around with friends and generally enjoying the fruits that the branches of their youths had to offer.
However, in no certain terms did that mean that this happiness was universal.
There were always people and there were always problems in the world. Pretty weather didn't mean happy endings for everyone.
There was one person in particular though that seemed more miserable than ever.
I thought about the request as I pedaled my bicycle down the empty street.
What had happened to the real Hayama that had forced him to tuck himself away so deeply into his carefully constructed shell?
A shell that protected him from the harsh realities of the world. A shell that protected an overly-optimistic nature and a painfully refreshing attitude.
…Or was it the other way around?
A shell that he created to protect the world from the harsh realities of Hayama Hayato..?
Either way, the scene on the soccer field today showed that this shell was cracking. I could never in a million years imagine the old Hayama saying something so distinctly out-of-character. At least publically.
To the best of my knowledge, Hayama had never explicitly shown anger or any negative emotion in a public setting before.
There was our encounter with Orimoto and her friend that one time, but that took place in a secluded restaurant and besides, those two weren't Sobu High students. There was little chance that his actions then could or would have spread far enough to damage the reputation that he maintained at school.
Then there was what happened today.
Although it was the first that I had directly bore witness to, something told me that this wasn't the first time an event like this had happened.
From the way Tobe and the others had made it sound, it seemed that his actions had started becoming increasingly erratic over the past few months.
Although his scolding of that soccer club member could easily be dismissed by the fact that he was the team captain, and thusly had a responsibility to instruct and train those who fell below him, I knew that there was more to it than that.
Underneath his tone laid distinctly negative emotions.
Anger, hostility, bitterness.
All of these seeped out with his every word. Although I doubt they had anything to do with the failed play or the player himself, the fact that it happened at all meant that he was slipping.
Perhaps what was necessary then was to lubricate the edge that Hayama was still barely clinging onto.
If this were the case, my course of action became markedly simple.
The question: How can you save a man who refuses to save himself?
The answer: You put a gun to his head and pull the trigger.