Chapter 4

ANN flickered on the screen in front of Shepard. Miranda hunched over a datapad in the chair next to her bed.

"Caught up yet?" Miranda asked, eyes flicking to the screen.

Shepard sighed rolling the side of her face against the pillow and looked at Miranda.

"You, me, this." Shepard waved at the hospital room. "Tell me it doesn't make you nostalgic."

"I'd like a few less occasions to be nostalgic, Shepard."

"Here, here," Shepard said and turned back to the screen.

"How much more of that are you going to watch?"

"The news?" Shepard asked. "What, am I hogging it? You got a soap to catch up on?"

"Shepard." Miranda sighed and turned her datapad off. "What're you hoping to learn from that?"

"Well, I've been waiting for the sports section, but they keep droning on about bombings and Terra Firma and Summit protests instead."

"You can't do anything about it and worrying won't do any good."

"Do you know," Shepard sat up, "Terra Firma struck some Shields's hideout? Probably took possession of explosives the Shields knocked off the Alliance last year? They have a nuclear warhead. A nuclear warhead, Miranda."

"Yes," Miranda sighed crossing her legs. "You're the one behind on the news, not me."

"And those protests. It's just what Terra Firma wanted killing those turiens on my ship. The Alliance had nothing to do with it, let alone the Council. And what? Not having a Summit, not discussing our problems - that's going to fix things?"

"There have always been separatists."

"And now, it's all about not repairing the relays - the separatist opportunities now finally possible. 'Many only want enough relays repaired to accommodate a return home to larger systems. Others say this would be a step back.' Hell, yeah, it's a step back. It's madness."

"The Council won't let that happen," Miranda said.

"Everyone was working together for the first time. We accomplished so much because of it. Just throw it away." Shepard fell back in bed. "Give the terrorist groups exactly what they want. Reward all the destruction, all the death, everything they've done to us. It just incentivizes more of it."

"You can say all that at the Summit."

"The Summit's not my soap box," Shepard said. "Let them figure it out."

"You seem passionate enough. You can make anything your soap box, Shepard."

"I've said enough."

Shepard pulled a pillow out from under her elbow and wrapped her arms around it.

"When can I get out of here?"

"Soon," Miranda said.

"We're still testing my biotics tomorrow?" Shepard twisted to look at her. "Please, say yes. I've been a very good girl. Been using my call light for every bathroom break. Kept my heart rate down. Haven't pulled out my IV and run wildly down the hall holding my hospital gown closed as I look for the nearest exit sign."

"Long as everything remains stable, can't see why not," Miranda said.

"Kind of wish I had a witness here for that, but I'll trust you," Shepard said. "Where is Liara anyway?"

"I don't monitor that," Miranda said and lifted her datapad again.

"She's been pretty quiet. You noticed that?"

"I don't monitor that either."

Shepard hugged the pillow tighter and lay quiet for a moment. Miranda held the datapad closer and scrolled down a page.

"I lost so many," Shepard said.

Miranda looked up.

"So many on my watch," Shepard said.

"Shepard," Miranda scooted onto the edge of her chair. "You've lost soldiers before."

"In war, Miranda. This wasn't war. It was from the inside. I didn't put the pieces together in time. I can't take that back and I can't change it, but this never should have happened."

"You win some, you lose some. You've won a lot. This doesn't even level the score."

"Soldiers died defeating Saren, defending the Citadel, taking down the Collectors, the Reapers. This? It was for nothing."

Miranda gave a long sigh. "They died in active service. That's more meaningful than most deaths out there. Most people die from heart disease, cancer, or in a shuttle accident coming back from a birthday party. People die all the time. Most of it is for nothing. At least for them, they died fighting."

Shepard fixated on rubbing her thumb in a circle on the back of her hand. After a while, Miranda sat back in her chair and lifted her datapad again.

"When's the Summit?" Shepard asked.

"Two weeks."

Shepard nodded and took a deep breath. "I need to be there."

"You will be," Miranda said.

"Good."

Shepard turned back to the vid screen. Maybe most people did die for nothing, but she was going to make sure the bastards that made them die for nothing paid. They didn't want the Summit to go on, then she'd be there to make sure it did.

XXX

Miranda shoved a table against the wall and pulled a pillow off her bed. She tossed it into the center of the room she'd been renting. The two dining room chairs scrapped across the floor as Liara pushed them up against the table and out of the way.

"Okay. We'll start with that." Miranda indicated the pillow.

Shepard sighed. "A pillow?"

"Too intimidating?" Miranda folded her arms. "Let me find you a paperclip then."

"Why don't you?" Shepard said. "While you're gone, Liara and I can move some real stuff."

"A paperclip would actually be more of a challenge," Liara said.

"Never been good at that fine, tactile stuff," Shepard said. "How about the table?"

"Pillow first, Shepard."

Shepard inhaled a full breath and reached her hand out. She hesitated.

"What's wrong?" Miranda stepped nearer.

"Nothing," Shepard said. "It's been a long time is all. Just getting my bearings."

Liara put a hand on Shepard's arm. "We can do this another time, Shepard."

"No," Shepard said quickly.

Blue energy licked across her skin. The tickle invigorating her. The surge and power of it made her feel alive.

"Anytime, Shepard," Miranda said.

Shepard flicked her hand and felt the energy rushing through her. The pillow flashed blue and burst. Synthetic cotton erupted into the air. Shepard twisted her hand and threw out a swirling sphere. It dragged the floating fluff into a vortex. Miranda frowned as a piece of fluff sucked past her face into the singularity.

"Show off." Miranda put her hands on her hips. "That was my pillow."

"Accident. Sorry. Little bit of a power surge," Shepard said. "But look, I cleaned it up for you."

"Let me scan you."

Shepard let the dark energy fade off her skin and straightened. Miranda approached with a paddle in her hand and her Omni-Tool glowing. Liara smiled encouragingly from over her shoulder.

"It's good," Miranda grinned broadly. "It's working just as it should. How do you feel?"

"Normal."

"And your biotics?" Liara asked. "Do they feel the same?"

"A little strange. Kind of like sighting in a new rifle."

"We'll need to measure you," Miranda said. "See where you spike. Check your endurance. It's a different implant. Your biotics may be altered good or bad."

Shepard didn't want to dwell on the bad.

"Let's hash it out then. See where I'm standing," Shepard said.

"We will," Miranda said. "But another time. There's a lot to throw together before leaving tomorrow."

"I can measure it," Liara said.

Miranda raised her eyebrows. "You know how?"

Liara held up her Omni-Tool. "Yes."

Miranda shrugged. "Don't destroy my room. I'm going back to the med ward to gather some things. Call me if something happens."

"Of course." Shepard waved her off.

Miranda disappeared out the sliding door.

"What do you want to test?" Liara asked.

"I get to choose?" Shepard asked. "How novel. How about … that."

Liara glanced over at Miranda's metal framed bed. She raised her eyebrows then crossed over to it.

"Liara," Shepard said with a smile. "I'm not serious. Miranda would kill me if I broke her bed and tore her pillow apart. Just seeing what you'd say."

"Oh." she stood uncertainly. "Very well."

"Right answer though," Shepard said. "I like though that you believed I could jump from a pillow to a gigantic metal bed."

"I believe in you, Shepard."

"As far as my biotics go, I hope that's not unfounded, but we really don't know do we? How about that table or a chair?"

Liara grabbed a chair and set it in the middle of the room.

"This isn't going to spike any maxes will it?" Shepard said.

"Lifting might not show us any spikes," Liara allowed, "but we can test endurance, see how things are translating out."

"I need to throw something then, if I want to measure a spike," Shepard said.

Liara's eyes widened. "Shepard …"

"Not here," Shepard said. "I'm not crazy. Let's find another spot."

"What? No. Let's stay here."

"Let's go." Shepard opened the door.

"Shepard!" Liara scrambled after her. "Where are we going?"

"They have to have some open space here. We just need to find it. Let's try this direction."

"Shepard, these corridors are indistinguishable. We need to know where we're going."

"Then tell me where to go. You've been living here almost two weeks. You haven't explored? What about the warehouses? Docks?"

"No," Liara frowned. "Not there. It's daytime, they'll be in use."

They walked mindlessly. Shepard darted down corners and peered through open doorways. The warehouses were indeed busy with workers running cranes and loading freight. Shepard looked anyway away.

"The docking terminals can't all be in use," Shepard said rushing down a side hallway.

Liara stopped with a sigh. "Very well. I know a more open space."

Shepard backtracked with a smirk. "Holding out on me, huh? Thought I'd give up, go back to tossing pillows around Miranda's room?"

"Lifting a chair would be an adequate trial of your biotics at this point."

"I want to know how high I spike, not how long I can lift a chair."

"You must be worried you'll spike lower. I can understand that."

"Then lead the way," Shepard said.

Liara nodded with a slight frown. They navigated through a labyrinth of metal corridors. Light grew dimmer and halls quieter. A light dust twisted in the air disturbed by their passing.

"Is this area condemned?" Shepard asked.

"It's not in use right now. Here, down this hallway."

They walked abreast. Liara twisted her hands together glancing over at Shepard. The corridor emptied into a towering atrium several stories high in the center. Half circled balconies looked over it. Shepard strolled up a couple of steps to a large dirt-filled planter in the center of the room. She gazed around the almost stage-like arena.

"What was this used for?"

"Biotic exercises."

Shepard twisted to look at her. "Just guessing?"

Liara shrugged and looked away.

Shepard peered up at the shaft overhead. It was certainly high enough to slam an object upward with some real force. There was nothing to break - no lights, glass, or paneling. Thick solid construction. Perhaps Liara was right, and it had been used for biotic exercises.

"I suppose we forgot to bring something to throw," Liara said.

Shepard's eyes moved over the open space. Her eyes stopped on a stairway, and she crossed over.

"Where are you going?" Liara said.

"Looking for something to throw, like you said."

The stairway led to the first-tier balcony directly overlooking the atrium. Footprints smeared the dust on the floor.

"We must not be the only ones coming here."

Shepard moved to the balcony's half-wall and looked out over the area below. They really should've thought to bring something to throw. It would need to be heavy though to really measure a spike. That might have been too cumbersome to bring this far. Her eyes moved around the balcony.

"What about that bench?" Shepard pointed to a metal framed bench in the corner at the end. "I might destroy it, but his section of the station seems abandoned. Think they'd care?"

Liara crossed her arms across her midsection as she crossed to the balcony wall beside Shepard.

"I suppose not," she said after a moment.

"All right then. That much is solved."

Shepard leaned out and looked up the shaft and back at the metal bench. It should work. She had a good distance to throw and that bench certainly looked heavy enough for it. Should give an excellent spike reading. Liara's fingers spread on top of the balcony wall, and she stared at them.

"Do you need to get into a better position?" Shepard asked.

Liara looked up sharply. "Shepard?"

"Maybe I should bring the bench down there first. Straighter shot."

Shepard crossed over to the bench. It wasn't attached to the floor. Good.

"I know you told me you don't want to talk about it …" Liara bit her lip.

Shepard paused. She looked back at Liara with a slight frown and came back over slowly.

"What?" she said slowly.

"You and Kaidan …"

"Liara," Shepard sighed. "Don't."

Shepard turned away and walked along the balcony wall toward the bench again.

Liara stumbled after her. "Do you still want to be with Kaidan? He loves you."

Shepard stopped and turned sharply.

"Liara," she said. "I don't want to talk about this again. We talked about it already on Earth."

"I know," Liara mumbled. "Sometimes the answer to a question changes though. Maybe you two could—"

"No," Shepard snapped. Liara's eye widened, and Shepard softened her tone. "Sorry, but no. We're not together. Nothing has changed. We're both Alliance soldiers, and we both have bigger things to think of."

"Have you told him—"

"I have told him, Liara. I talked to him about it."

"I understand," Liara said.

Liara didn't say anything more. Shepard slowed her breathing and turned back to get the bench.

"Maybe he doesn't truly believe it though," Liara said.

Shepard released a long breath.

"Look," Shepard twisted on her heels to face Liara again. "I want to make this very clear. Kaidan and I are not together, not anymore. I'm moving on. He should move on. Whether he believes that or not, I can't control. But if he knows me, and he should, he should know I don't make decisions lightly and I don't go back on them. I see them through. I can't double guess my decisions, Liara. I've talked to Kaidan, and he does know this."

"I see."

Shepard put her hands on her hips giving a hard exhale.

"Did Kaidan say something to you? If Kaidan's pushing this agenda on you, he's out of line."

Liara's face hardened. "He didn't."

"I hope not," Shepard said sharply.

She crossed her arms tightly with clenched fists and shifted her gaze back to the bench. Liara didn't say anything. Finally, Shepard spoke.

"Let's just go back. We can do this another time."

Shepard marched to the staircase and paused for Liara. Liara hung her head, hands twisting together. She glanced sideways at the bench and then came slowly over keeping her eyes on the floor. Shepard plunged down the stairs with a heavy footfall on each step.