Chapter Four: Blood Bank
The summer seemed to slip by Beca and Chloe in the blink of an eye. The four months that they spent together were the best span of either of the girls' lives and both girls dreaded the inevitable drive back to Duluth and the restart of their lives. They had become closer than either had thought was possible and were completely in love, to the point where they did everything together and were starting to complete each other's sentences.
The summer had been a very full one and Chloe tried to cram as much in as possible. They took trips to Boston and went back to New York, this time seeing all of Chloe's favorite things. They had dinner every week with Chloe's grandparents and Beca found herself instantly embraced and loved by the pair. She was even allowed to borrow Chloe's grandfather's vintage Jeep so she could teach Chloe how to drive a stick shift, but didn't have to do the apologizing when Chloe slipped the car into reverse by mistake and backed it into a tree.
They hung out at the beach every day and Chloe had even convinced Beca to join her on hikes up the coast. She taught Beca how to cook a meal that wasn't out of a can or frozen and was overjoyed when Beca turned out to be a natural and surprised her with a feast one day when she returned from town. In return, Beca taught Chloe how to use her DJ equipment and was full of pride when Chloe created her first mix. Chloe surprised her with it one afternoon when she was taking the garbage out and came back in to hear the music playing in the empty house. She went to their bedroom to find Chloe dancing along to it and joined her, placing her hands on Chloe's hips and moving with her in time to the music. Her jaw nearly dropped when Chloe admitted that she had created it and she even felt a little jealous at how good Chloe was for a beginner.
They had spent afternoons out on the small boat that Chloe was surprisingly good at driving and Beca even tried her hand at fishing, but didn't enjoy the idea of causing pain to something that they were just going to throw back. Their evenings were spent on the back deck, watching sunsets and sitting at the small fire pit to keep warm. Their mornings were spent cuddling in bed, talking and reading one of the hundreds of books that filled the house.
While they were busy every day, both girls were also productive. Beca created over fifty new mixes and was finding inspiration every day. Chloe had started to paint again and would sometimes spend hours in front of her easel, getting her lines and colors perfect on each painting. Beca loved everything that she created and wanted to keep them all, but Chloe didn't have a real attachment to them and managed to sell a few down at the market in town.
They both sang constantly as well and Beca tried her hand at songwriting, but failed miserably. She was far better at manipulating the words of others than putting her soul on paper. Chloe loved to write though and some nights they sat at the piano in the den and Chloe would sing her words while Beca made up a song. Both girls could play the piano, but Chloe loved the intense look Beca would get on her face while concentrating on the keys and would let her provide their music just so she could see it.
Not every moment of the summer was perfect though and while they shared a lot of firsts with each other, the one that both of them had been dreading came a week into their vacation. Before her parent's divorce, Beca's parents fought constantly and the thought of arguing with Chloe made her stomach ache. She couldn't stop herself though from yelling at her girlfriend though and would regret that moment for the rest of the summer.
Beca had just finished taking a shower and was drying her hair off with a towel when she heard a faint murmuring coming from the attached bedroom. She quickly dried off her body and wrapped the towel around herself, before slipping out of the bathroom and standing in the bedroom to hear the conversation.
Chloe was holding Beca's cell phone up to her ear and Beca frowned when Chloe softly said "No, Dr. Mitchell. I had no idea that she hasn't called you. We've been here for a week and she never said anything, so I just assumed that she did. She's in the shower right now; do you want to call back? I'll tell her to call you then. Dr. Mitchell, I'm sorry if she worried you and I just want you to know that we're here and she's safe and I'm not going to let anything happen to her. I understand. Okay, bye."
Chloe hung up the phone and quietly slipped it into Beca's bag before sinking on the edge of the bed with her head resting in her hands. Beca cleared her throat and waited for Chloe to turn around before she said "What the hell, Chloe?! Since when do you answer my phone and talk to my father? That's none of your business and should have just let it ring."
Chloe jumped to her feet and said "I'm sorry for touching your phone Beca, but I saw his name on the screen and got worried. You knew how anxious he was about letting you come on this trip with me and I thought that you would at least have the decency to tell him that you got here safely."
Beca rolled her eyes and said "I don't need you to take care of me! I have a mother and I'm sick of you babying me and trying to make me do stuff that I don't want to do. If you're not happy with me and the decisions that I make, then maybe I should just leave. I thought you were different than Jesse, but you're both the same. You've been trying to change me since we pulled out of my driveway."
Tears filled Chloe's eyes and she looked down at her feet, trying to compose herself before she said something that she would regret. Finally, she looked up at Beca and said "I can't believe you would say that to me. I'm not trying to change you…I would never do that. I don't force you to do things either. I ask you to do stuff with me because I love you and want to be with you, but I'm never going to make you do something that you don't want to do. I'm sorry if pushing you to talk to me and actually open up is so offensive to you, but I can't carry this relationship by myself Beca!"
Chloe now had tears rolling down her face and Beca knew that she had hurt her, but couldn't stop herself. It was like something had snapped inside of her and she had to keep going until she was able to control it. She crossed the room and grabbed her phone out of her bag, staring down at it for a moment before throwing it out into the hallway with a loud thump. She then turned to Chloe with shaking hands and said "I don't want you talking to my father. He could have easily called me any time to check in, but waited a whole week. I could have been dead by now or missing, but he was probably too distracted with Sheila to care. Why should I have called him, Chloe?! He gave up on me and I don't want anything to do with him."
Chloe wiped her face off and walked over to the door of their bedroom, wanting to keep her distance from her emotional girlfriend. She looked down at the shattered screen of the phone and softly said "You don't want me to treat you like a child, but you act like it sometimes. Not calling him was childish. You knew he was worried and you shut him out. I know that he did a number on you with the divorce and everything, but he also tried really hard this past year to make things better with you. He let us stay at his house and gave you money and he cared enough to be concerned. You owed him a phone call."
Beca could see that Chloe looked a little frightened at her emotional outburst and tried to calm herself down, sinking onto the bed and taking a few deep breaths. She closed her eyes for a few moments to calm down and when she looked back up, Chloe had left the room. Beca didn't bother going after her, knowing that she needed some time by herself to cool down, and got dressed in silence. Once she was clothed, she went out into the hallway and found her phone sitting where it had landed, with the screen completely shattered and unusable. She groaned as she picked it up and went out to the living area, grabbing her wallet and Chloe's car keys before taking the car into the city to get her phone replaced.
When she returned to the house a few hours later, she was surprised to find it completely dark and worried that Chloe had left. She ran into the house and froze in the doorway when she heard soft music playing. As she walked further into the house, she recognized the music as being Bon Iver and knew that it was bad. This was Chloe's crying music and if was listening to this, then Beca had really done a number on her heart. She found Chloe laying on their bed with tears running down her face and watched her from the doorway, unable to think of anything that would make this situation better.
After a few minutes she approached the bed and sat next to Chloe, calming when she didn't move away from her or leave the room. She reached into her pocket and pulled out her new phone, showing it to Chloe who smiled slightly. Beca sighed and said "I had to go to town to get a new one and of course I didn't have an upgrade, so I just blew a ton of money. I should have never thrown it though and I'm really sorry that I lost my temper. I know it scared you and I'm sorry that it happened. I'm also sorry for what I said. I didn't mean it and I know that you care about me and just want what's best for me. Do you forgive me?"
Chloe nodded and with a raspy voice said "Of course. I'm sorry too. I know that I try to control you sometimes and I guess it's just because I feel really protective of you. I know that he broke you when he left you and your mom and that's something that can never be repaired. I just…I don't know what to do for you to make it better. I think part of me answered that phone because I wanted to talk to him and understand why you don't want him in your life. It was stupid though, because what he did was personal and I can never understand how you feel because it didn't happen to me. Just like you'll never know how I truly feel about my dad either. I'm sorry for questioning your decision and calling you out on it. I should have just minded my own business."
Beca wiped Chloe's face off with the back of her hands and said "Hey, it's okay. I like that you protect me and care enough about me to do it. You were right; I should have called my dad and told him that we got here. I guess I just wanted to hurt him…like he hurt me when he left. I don't want to make my issues with my dad your issues too because it's not fair to you. I'm going to call him and talk to him and try to make things right."
Chloe nodded and put her head on Beca's shoulder, leaning in close to her and closing her eyes as they both relaxed a little. Beca ran her hands through Chloe's hair gently and softly said "So, Bon Iver? I didn't realize that I upset you this much. You know I love you, right?"
Chloe smiled and said "I know and I love you too. I don't really want to talk right now, okay? Could you just hold me for a while? This whole thing has me thinking about my dad and I just…I think I just need to cry for a while."
Beca bit her lip as tears filled her eyes and nodded gently before wrapping her arms around Chloe's body and pulling her close. She had never seen Chloe this vulnerable before and felt terrible, knowing that she had started this with her temper. She kissed the top of Chloe's head occasionally as she felt the girl tremble under her arms and wished that she could do something to make this better, but knew that Chloe just needed to let everything out.
After fifteen minutes Chloe seemed to have calmed and Beca wanted to say something, but froze when a new song started and Chloe's body stiffened. Blood Bank started to play and Beca knew that this was Chloe's favorite song ever. She played this every night to get to sleep and always seemed to get a little teary when it came on. She tightened her grip slightly on Chloe's body and could feel Chloe start to sob into her chest. Her whole body was trembling and Beca couldn't stop her own tears from rolling down her face.
After a minute, Beca couldn't take it anymore and pulled herself into a sitting position so she could see Chloe's face. She pulled the bigger girl onto her lap with some effort and felt Chloe cling to her like a child upset from a nightmare. She kissed Chloe's cheek and softly said "I've got you, it's okay. I'm not leaving you again. Please don't cry."
Chloe whimpered at Beca's words and softly said "My dad hasn't called me in months. I'm his flesh and blood and he wants nothing to do with me. When I saw your dad calling, I got jealous and that was part of the reason that I answered it. You think that you have it bad, but at least your dad still loves you and cares about you. Why doesn't he love me, Beca? Am I that terrible of a person?"
Beca gasped softly and took Chloe's face in her hands, staring into her tear flooded eyes and saying "No, don't ever say that. You're so perfect and he's missing out on something great by not being in your life. Don't ever blame yourself, Chlo. He's the one at fault, not you. Please don't cry, Chloe. I can't see you like this."
Chloe only sobbed louder and buried her face back in Beca's chest, her heart truly broken and beyond repair. Beca's tears were falling onto Chloe's hair and she softly said "I love you Chloe. Your mom and step-dad love you and so do Aubrey and the other Bellas. You have so many people that love you and care about you. Just forget about your dad, he's not worth it. Parents should choose their kids in a divorce, not themselves. He chose himself and he's not worth your time or attention. I know it hurts, but you deserve better than him. It's going to be okay, I promise."
Chloe didn't say anything to Beca and instead cried until the song ended and for a little while afterwards until she eventually fell asleep in Beca's arms. Beca didn't have the heart to move her and instead stared down at the girl in her arms, wondering how someone so perfect had fallen in love with her. She felt terrible for hurting Chloe and vowed to be better. She couldn't see Chloe like this again and promised silently to never hurt her. Her heart couldn't take it.
Things had been better since that night, but that wasn't the last time that Beca had to face her actions from that day. In mid-June Aubrey came up to visit them when she had a break between sessions of summer classes and had been told about their fight from Chloe the night that it had happened. Aubrey had been civil to Beca as they ate dinner the first night that she had arrived, but after supper when Chloe slipped away to make a phone call Aubrey followed Beca out onto the back deck. Beca jumped when she saw the blonde standing in the doorway and instantly knew from the look on her face that she wanted to talk.
Beca sank onto a chair and softly said "Hey, Aubrey. How have summer classes been? How do you like grad school?"
Aubrey sat across from her with a heavy sigh and said "Don't try to distract me, Beca. We already talked about this at dinner and I know you're not a fan of small talk, so don't try to use it on me. Did you hurt Chloe? Last month I got a phone call from her and she was crushed over something that you did. Apparently you threw something and were yelling at her. If you ever lay a hand on her, I'll-"
Before she could finish, Beca cut her off and said "I would never touch her! We just had a fight and I know that I fucked up, okay? Is that why you came out here? I can assure you that I've apologized hundreds of times for it and she forgave me. I love her Aubrey and it kills me to know how much I hurt her that night. I regret it every day and wish I could take it back, but I can't."
Aubrey calmed a little at Beca's emotional words and softly said "No, I came out here to see both of you. Well, mostly Chloe, but I guess I wanted to see you too."
Beca rolled her eyes and Aubrey laughed a little before saying "I know that you love her and she loves you too. She's my best friend, Beca, and I don't want to see anything happen to her. I'm sorry that I jumped on you as soon as I came out here, but I love her and I just want her to be happy. I know you would never do anything to hurt her, but I guess I just wanted to give you a hard time about it. How has your summer been?"
Beca smiled and said "It's been the best thing that's ever happened to me. It's so beautiful up here and I don't want this to ever end. I feel so much more productive here and like I'm actually enjoying life instead of going through the motions. She's making me a better person, Aubrey. She makes me feel like I can be so much better than I am and do things that I've only dreamt about. Sometimes I get scared because I don't want to lose that. I like who I am when she's around and I don't want this summer to end."
Aubrey smiled sadly and said "Chloe has that effect on people. She has this way of forcing the best out of people and I hope she never loses it. It's not going to change when you come back to Georgia, Beca. It doesn't matter that you're a thousand miles from home and in a new place. This would have happened if you two spent the summer back in Georgia or at her house in Florida or at yours in Seattle. This is just the background; the important thing is you and Chloe. As long as you have her, you can be whatever kind of person you want to be. She's not going to leave or give up on you when you come back; it's just going to be different. You won't see her every day, but she'll still be there for you."
Beca looked down at her feet and softly said "Why are you being so nice to me? I know that you don't like me and you probably hate that I'm dating your best friend. I know she can do better than me and that I'm lucky to have her. I was actually expecting you to come out here and threaten to kill me if I hurt her. Chloe told me about the conversation you like to have with any of her new boyfriends and I was expecting to get it from you."
Aubrey just shook her head and said "They all have big mouths. I'll admit that I've threatened a few guys in the past, but it's just because I don't want her to get hurt. You know how things are with her dad and I can't stand the thought of someone breaking her heart any further after what her father did. I'm not going to give you the speech, because I know you won't hurt her. You both love each other and if you did hurt her, there's nothing I could do that would make you feel worse. I do care about you Beca and I don't hate you. I was just really stressed out last year and trying so hard to make up for my mistake during my junior year. I don't think I had any fun at all last year and that's not how your senior year should be. I just didn't want to disappoint myself and Chloe and the rest of you girls. Things will be different for you this year and I think you'll have a great time with the Bellas. I also think you'll have a lot of fun with Chloe and you're welcome over at our apartment any time that you want. Okay?"
Beca nodded and softly said "Yeah, it means a lot to hear that from you. Aubrey…the night of our fight Chloe started thinking about her dad and she was hysterical. I've never seen anyone cry that hard and I held her for so long until she calmed down. Have you ever met him before or know anything about him?"
Aubrey swallowed the lump in her throat and said "No, I never met him. He lives in Atlanta and in four years, he was only home once. He couldn't even be bothered to help her move into her dorm during our freshman year. She was staying at his house and he was home, but was too busy with work to help her get settled. My mom and dad were helping me and all of a sudden this girl just showed up with fire red hair and the saddest look on her face. My dad's not that great at reading people and showing emotions, but he even realized that something was wrong and helped her carry all of her stuff into our dorm room and get her settled. I can't even talk about what he did to her during her sophomore year because it gets me so angry. He's just…he's a terrible father and she just wants him to love her and show her some attention, but it's never going to happen. I know that she understands that and doesn't get that disappointed anymore, but it still crushes her. Please don't repeat this conversation to her, okay?"
Beca nodded with teary eyes and frowned when she saw Aubrey wipe her own away. Beca watched her for a moment as she gathered herself together and then stood up, crossing the small distance between them and giving Aubrey a hug. They stood that way for a little while until they heard the sliding glass door open and Chloe step onto the porch.
Chloe couldn't hide her smile and said "Aw, this is so cute! You're finally getting along! Come on inside guys, I want to show Aubrey the mix that I made."
Aubrey let go of Beca and grabbed Chloe's hand, following her into the house and down the hallway to the office that had become Beca's recording studio. Beca was content to just watch them walk away, needing some time to herself. She had thought all along that she was the broken one, but now she wasn't alone and she had to be better for Chloe.
From that moment on, Beca focused on opening herself up and experiencing everything that was available to her. She did things that she never imagined herself doing and learned to take herself a little less seriously, laughing at her mistakes and embracing the beautiful quirks that life held. As long as she had Chloe by her side to laugh with her, everything would be okay. They would be okay.