Kaeru-sensei doesn't own Naruto, and he's a crappy sensei as well!
A/N: Nope. I'm actually gonna finish this one. I swear to God I'm gonna finish it or die trying.
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Chapter One: The Start of Legends
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(Konohagakure, Atop the Shinobi Academy, June 11th, 13 Years After Kyuubi)
"WHAT!" the three stunned genin cried out. While Sakura and Naruto both wore expressions of shock, Sasuke inwardly seethed. Dammit! He thought, his face contorting into rage, I thought he was lying about that!
"Well," Kaeru chuckled, rubbing the back of his head, "you see, after your academy years, there's another, secondary test run by your Jounin-sensei. In your case, me. The first test is to test your capabilities into becoming shinobi. This test is to ensure you have the skills I deem necessary to become full-fledged ninja."
"So it's like a secondary exam?" Sakura asked curiously. Kaeru smiled and nodded.
"Yep, and your examiner is me," he replied. "Now, why don't you kids go get some lunch, and meet me at Training Ground Seven in two hours?" He disappeared once more in a swirl of leaves, leaving the three children to their own devices. They sat for a few seconds in silence.
"Hey Sakura-chan, wanna go get some ramen with me?" Naruto asked loudly, hopping to his feet. The pink haired girl scoffed and rolled her eyes, turning away from him with her arms crossed.
"As If I'd ever want to be caught dead with you!" she scoffed. Immediately, she turned to Sasuke. You could see the hearts in her eyes. "So, Sasuke-kun, do you want to get something to-" She stopped talking as soon as she'd realized the black haired boy was walking away from her. "O-Ok! I'll see you then, Sasuke-kun!" She gave his back a wide smile before turning away and going back to the ground level. As she walked through town, she paid a lot of attention to the ninja leaping from roof to roof overhead. Though most would actually walk along the streets alongside civilians, those in a rush or on duty would usually take the rooftop route. More often than not they were headed to the Hokage Estate. While genin teams usually got their missions from someone on the bottom floor, teams of Chunin rank or above would report directly to the Hokage.
Taking a moment to ignore said travelling ninja, Sakura took in her surroundings. She was currently walking down the main street from the South Gate, the Hokage Monument standing directly overhead, and the Hokage Estate just in front of it. There were quite a few civilians mulling about around her, a few of which would give her short, polite waves that she would return. There were a few ninja around her, most of them in the Jounin and Chunin category, though she could tell apart a few genin by their youth and their lack of a flak jacket. Looking around at the stores she couldn't really find anything worth her interest. Until she saw her. A woman around her mid-twenties eating at a dango shop, feet up on the table, and a trenchcoat over a fishnet shirt. While she wore extremely short jeans shorts and a pair of sandals, she had nothing else on. Sakura became filled with righteous feminine fury.
"What the hell are you wearing!?" she yelled, storming towards the indecent woman. The purple haired diner paid no attention to the pink haired girl. Shannaro! Don't you ignore me!"Hey! Put some clothes on you- you insult to women!" That got the trenchcoat wearing woman's attention. Sakura suddenly felt fear as the woman's hard gaze rested on her. She could feel the woman looking her over critically. Instead of getting angry though, the stranger snorted.
"Psh, as if a gaki like you could talk to a super sexy woman like me about being insulting," she snarked. "Look at you, you don't even have the looks of a woman! You're just a really feminine looking guy!" Sakura seethed. "Oh don't pretend like I'm not right. Your chest is flatter than this table." To emphasize her point, the woman kicked said table in front of her.
"Why you…!"
"Oi, oi, Anko-chan," a familiar voice called out behind Sakura. Anger slightly forgotten, the young girl turned around to see her sensei approaching with a few other people. The first one beside him was definitely a Hyuuga by the look of his eyes. He had a hard look on his face, but it seemed like it was plastered there more than him actually trying to look mean. The second one was a woman probably around her forties. She had deep brown hair and a certain regal feel to her. Sakura recognized the woman as Ino's mother. "You're not hassling my cute little student-wannabe, now, are you?" Anko scoffed and rolled her eyes as the newcomers sat around her. Sakura slowly backed away, deciding that this was a good time to leave.
"Please, Anko-chan would rather corrupt the girl to follow her own ways, wouldn't you?" the woman teased. "Kami help us the day she actually takes up an apprentice. Or worse, the day you two have children!"
"Ehhh!? I'm not that bad!" Kaeru played along, earning a punch in the arm from his girlfriend.
"And I am? How insulting is that?" she joked. A young waitress soon came to the table and took the orders of the three newcomers. "Oi, Hizashi-san. How's the gaki?"
"Un (Yeah)," Kaeru nodded, "I haven't seen him in a while. How's little Neji-kun?" The Hyuuga sighed and crossed his arms, a proud smile on his face.
"Neji-kun is doing well in his Jyuuken (Gentle Step). He's living up to his title as a prodigy," Hizashi replied with a deep, strong voice. "Though he has a very… revolutionary view of the system between the Main and Branch families. He's already gotten into trouble with otou-san because of his views." Anko waved her hand dismissively.
"Psh, like the gaki'll let that keep him down," she dismissed. "Isn't he getting a following?"
"Hai," Hizashi replied. "And one of his followers seems to be my brother and sister's daughter. I've seen them working in secret to reform the clan system." He chuckled. "I'm sure they'll figure something out. Maybe not while my otou-san is alive, but someday in the future." He then looked to Kaeru. "You know, Neji-kun has been waiting for another visit from Kaeru-ojisan."
"Ah, well I've been busy, you know," Kaeru excused himself. Hizashi rolled his eyes.
"Yes, any Inuzuka would be able to smell it," he joked, making Kaeru flush and Anko grin wickedly.
"Just because you haven't gotten any in a few years doesn't mean you can be jealous," Anko teased, though everyone could hear the bite behind her words. The table became silent.
"So my little Ino-chan has finally become a shinobi!" the woman sitting with them switched the mood quickly. "I'm so proud!" Anko and Kaeru both gave each other a knowing look.
"Well…"
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(Konohagakure, Training Ground Seven, June 11th)
Sasuke waited patiently, resting against the left-most wooden pole on the training ground. He had his eyes shut and his arms crossed as he relaxed outwardly. Inwardly, though, he was both outraged and excited. I can't wait to be a shinobi! He thought to himself. I'll finally avenge the Uchiha and repopulate it! Kaeru-niichan better not hold anything back, even for those two! I won't let myself be slowed down by them! He was interrupted from his thoughts when he heard a throat being cleared. He opened his eyes to see his cousin looking down on him. The man raised his right hand in greeting.
"Yo," he spoke. Sasuke simply nodded his head in greeting. "Why aren't you with your friends, Sasuke-kun?" he asked. The youngest Uchiha rolled his eyes.
"I don't have any friends," he replied. That made Kaeru laugh, earning himself a dirty look. "I don't!"
"Bah, those two other kids are pretty nice," Kaeru pointed out. "They'll be your teammates too, if you pass. You might want to get to know them."
"I don't need them," Sasuke retorted, "they'll only hold me back!" Though he didn't respond, Kaeru simply shook his head and sighed. It was only a few minutes later that Sakura appeared, and a few minutes later, Naruto showed up.
"Good, everyone's here," Kaeru clapped his hands together. "Well, I suppose we can begin our test now." His face slid into a smile that seemed way too happy to be anything but suspicious. He reached into his pocket and pulled out two, shiny bells. "What you three will be doing, is try to take these bells from me. Whomever gets a bell will become my student." Sakura raised her hand. "Gaki, we're ninja. Don't raise your hand and just ask."
"Sensei, there are only two bells though," Sakura pointed out. He can't honestly think we'll all pass with just two bells and three of us, right?
"Good observation, Sakura-chan," he nodded approvingly. "That's because only two of you will pass. The one who doesn't get a bell will be sent back to the academy."
"What!?" Kaeru covered his ears at the resulting scream. Sakura protested first, "But Kaeru-sensei, that isn't fair!"
"Ah, ah, I'm the examiner, children," Kaeru smirked and waved his finger. "That means I make the rules. If I want to only have two students pass, I'll only let two students pass. Now then." Taking a small alarm clock out of his flak jacket pouch and placing it on one of the wooden poles, he set the time. "You have one hour to get these bells from me. Until three. Unless you come at me with the intent to kill- Oi!" Kaeru quickly raised his arm to block an oncoming kick from Naruto, who quickly moved to kick him again. "Calm down, gaki, I haven't said to start yet. But good enthusiasm." He smiled and tossed the boy back to his friends. "Now then. Hajime (Begin)!" Immediately, the three academy students leapt into the nearby tree line. Sakura was flat on her stomach under a bush, but her face was easy to see for the trained eye. Sasuke was hidden a bit better in the trees, but a trained eye could spot his shadow easily. Naruto…
"I don't have to hide! I can beat you up right here and now!" the blonde shouted, standing right across from Kaeru.
He can't honestly be this stupid, can he? Kaeru wondered. Seeing the boy's determined face, Kaeru did his best not to facepalm. "You know, you don't seem to be as bright as the other two." Naruto pointed an accusing finger at Kaeru.
"Shut the hell up!" he growled, then hunched over, his hands in a cross handsign. "Kage Bunshin no Jutsu (Shadow Clone Technique)!" Immediately, the field was filled with over forty blonde haired boys. Kaeru's left eye raised slightly.
Hm… Hearing about this is completely different than seeing it in person, he thought to himself as the multiple Narutos charged towards him en masse. This shouldn't be too hard, but I'd rather not get hit. I suppose it's time to bring out what I trained with Shisui-kun. Right before impact with the first clone, Kaeru vanished, effectively eliminating around twenty clones who hit each other in the confusion. Confused, the blondes looked around.
"Where did he go!?" one shouted.
"He just disappeared!"
"He can't just disappear, that's impossible!"
"Yeah, and it's broad daylight!"
"First lesson of Shinobi Arts: Taijutsu," a voice appeared from behind the original, who was in the back of the group of clones. They all turned around to see Kaeru standing there, his Sharingan blazing with three tomoe. "Now then, prepare yourself." Quickly, Kaeru reached into his side kunai pouch.
"Urk!" The original flinched, doubling back a little. As quickly as his hand moved to his pocket, Kaeru brought out… "A book!? What the hell do you have a book for!?" Kaeru opened the book, removing a slip of paper and tucking it into his flak jacket pocket.
"To read, of course," he replied, his eyes glued to the pages. "Icha Icha: Childhood Friends. A good read." He smiled slightly.
"Pay attention to me, teme!" Naruto growled. With a mighty cry, all of the remaining Narutos charged at Kaeru. Kaeru made quick work of the clones, easily blocking their attacks with his remaining arm and striking back with his feet.
Not bad, he thought, Kakashi-san would have trouble with the sheer numbers, though Gai-san would be having a blast. Speaking of, I suppose it's time to take a page from his book. "YOUTH! HRRRRAAAAAGH!" Suddenly fired up, Kaeru lunged towards the clones, beating them down and popping them. He moved quickly, seemingly teleporting from one enemy to the next. His methods were brutal, from nut-shots to twisting and breaking the clones' necks. "Lesson Two, Genjutsu." Kaeru appeared directly in front of the real Naruto, who was stunned at the man's sudden appearance. He held his right arm in a single Ram seal. "Magen: Narakumi no Jutsu (Demonic Illusion: Hell Viewing Technique)." Suddenly, Naruto froze in place, his eyes wide. "Hm… perhaps that was too harsh." Back in the treeline, Sasuke's eyes widened.
He's open! Now's my chance! He thought. Immediately, he pulled out six kunai from his leg pouch and threw them in a curve towards Kaeru.
Not bad Sasuke-kun. But you're too open.
The kunai struck, and Kaeru's body went flying forward, knocking into Naruto and stunning the boy out of the genjutsu. Or at least, a log was struck. Shit! He knows where I am! Sasuke immediately moved from his location to find a new hiding spot.
Shannaro! He was so close! Sakura thought to herself. Sasuke-kun is so cool! She froze as she felt a finger tap her finger. Slowly, the pink haired girl turned around.
"Houkou Nodarou (Will of Houkou)," was all she heard before she fell into darkness. Her final thoughts before the hour was up was, Sensei's eyes look weird… Kaeru looked down on the pink haired girl, a bit disappointed.
She really is dead weight… he sighed, walking back out into the clearing. "Alright Sasuke-kun, it's just you and me." He stared right into the treeline, and he could hear Sasuke's breathing hitch. "Come out and face me, or you all fail." Immediately came the response. Sasuke lunged out of the treeline, making a beeline for the bell tied to Kaeru's waist. "Too slow." Kunai drawn, Sasuke lunged at Kaeru, aiming to slash him. Kaeru easily blocked the kunai with his own. "Lesson Three, N-"
"Katon: Gokakyu no Jutsu (Fire Release: Grand Fireball Technique)!" Sasuke called out, taking a deep breath and blowing out a huge fireball about half the size of the boy, which instantly launched itself point blank towards Kaeru. It engulfed Kaeru's figure and exploded once it hit the ground. Fast! Sasuke immediately noted his cousin's presence behind him and spun, throwing four kunai at Kaeru's shadow. Damn! He's playing with me!
"Taju Kage Bunshin no Jutsu (Multiple Shadow Clone Technique)!" a cry rang out in the clearing, and both Sasuke and Kaeru stopped to watch hundreds upon hundreds of blonde boys pop into existence around them. "Charge!" With a mighty roar, the clones were upon them. Though they separated around Sasuke, pops could be heard with every clone that was beaten down by Kaeru.
"Not bad, gaki! Kage Bunshin no Jutsu (Shadow Clone Technique)!"1 a single clone popped up beside Kaeru.
"Wait-what!?" The Narutos cried in shock. They quickly regained their composure as more of them started popping. "Get him!""Raah!""Kick his ass!" Sasuke was now appearing every so often to strike at Kaeru, making moves between the hordes of blondes and retreating whenever his cousin was getting close to hitting him. Inside the mass, Kaeru smiled as he felt one of the bells break off of its string. Right as he felt another tug.
RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING! The bell rang, indicating that their time was up.
"Yahoo! I got a bell, 'ttebayo! I got one!" Naruto cheered. Kaeru snickered as both his clone, and the bell in Naruto's hand, popped in a plume of smoke. "N-Nani!?" He stared at his now empty hand in shock and sadness.
"Almost," Kaeru spoke up as a now shivering Sakura emerged from the forest. "Ah, here's our last member. Did you enjoy your dream, Sakura-chan?" The pink haired girl shuddered and whimpered a little. "Ah, perhaps I was a bit cruel with that one." He moved towards the girl and rested his hand on her forehead. "Tell me, are you feeling alright? No sudden apathy or something similar? Can you think straight?"
"H-Hai sensei…" Sakura whimpered. "I feel fine…" It was obvious that she wasn't being completely truthful, though. Naruto shot her a worried glance while Sasuke scoffed and glared at Kaeru.
"Well then," Kaeru sighed, standing before the children. "I'm a bit disappointed in you three. None of you managed to get a bell." Sakura shot the man a glare, but he ignored it.
That jerk took me out before I could even try, she raged silently.
"Well, I suppose I can give you a second chance…" the children perked up at that. Kaeru wandered over to the nearby treeline and pulled out three cages, each one holding a single, young rabbit. He handed a cage to each child. "Take these home and bring them back tomorrow at noon. This time, all three of you pass, or you all fail. The second part of this half will be finished tomorrow, than then I'll decide." While Sakura gushed over the rabbit, Naruto and Sasuke both seemed confused. "Have fun kids. Remember, come back with your rabbit at noon or none of you stand a chance." With that, Kaeru made a Ram seal and vanished in a swirl of leaves.
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(Konohagakure, Anko's Appartment, June 11th, 11 PM)
"Mmm, so how was your day, Kaeru-kun…?" drawled the violet haired woman, tracing the chalky white chest of her lover. "You scare those brats shitless?"
"Heh, that's your job, Anko-chan," Kaeru replied, an arm wrapped around the woman's shoulder. Said woman rolled her eyes and snorted. "Honestly! I mean, the only reason you haven't scared Naruto-kun is because you two are so alike!"
"Ohoho? And what's keeping me from scaring you off, hm?" she teased in return.
"I dunno, probably your sheer, utter sexiness and the mind-blowing sex?" Kaeru retorted, earning a laugh from his girlfriend.
"Better be glad your girlfriend is me, teme. Any normal girl would have left you for a comment like that."
"And we both know you're far from normal," Kaeru chuckled. Anko scoffed again.
"Fuck normal! It's too damn boring!" the room was silent save for their content breathing for a few minutes. "So are they your team, or what?"
"Not yet," Kaeru replied. "I'm giving them the 'second test'."
"You're a cruel motherfucker, Kaeru-kun," Anko laughed. "Are you sure you don't want to join the Torture and Interrogation Department?"
"Bah, it's just a simple mind over matter test. Nothing like your stuff."
"Hai, hai. You'll never compare to the sexiness that is Anko-sama!" Anko cheered, kissing Kaeru's cheek. They both closed their eyes, snuggling up to one another. Absentmindedly, Anko traced the little golden band on her left hand, on her ring finger.
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Across the village in the Haruno household, Sakura was gushing over the little rabbit in the cage. "It's so adorable! I think I'll name you… Menma-kun." Sakura blinked a little bit, wondering where that name could have possibly come from. "Menma…kun… What an odd name…" Shrugging, the girl continued to pet the little creature.
On the opposite side of the village, not far from Anko's apartment, Sasuke laid in bed in the Uchiha Clan compound in his old room. He stared at the book in his hand, every so often glancing at the small, fuzzy brown creature in the cage beside his bed. Scraps of lettuce littered the bottom of the cage. The rabbit seemed to be looking earnestly at Sasuke. Or rather, what he was eating. In his hand was a plate of tomato slices, of which he'd pop into his mouth from time to time. Once more he glanced at the rabbit that his cousin had given him. "What a strange test…" he mumbled, tracing the rabbit's eyes to his snack. "You want some?" Sasuke blinked and picked up a tomato slice and held it to the edge of the cage, slipping it in past the bars. Quickly, the rabbit ate the red food and held its face against the cage, as if asking for more. "I guess you're kinda cute. I wonder what part you have in this test… Here, have another." Slowly, the two began to bond over tomatoes.
Out in the slums of the village near the West Gate, Naruto stared blankly at his rabbit. In turn, the rabbit stared back at the boy. "What a weird test," Naruto said aloud. His eyes squinted as he looked at the little creature. "Oh well. I guess you want food, right?" Naruto smiled and got up as the kettle on his stove began to whistle. He opened two packets of instant ramen, chicken and miso flavored, and poured the boiling water into the small cups. He closed the lids and waited three minutes before taking the chicken flavor and eating it. He glanced at the miso flavor and poured it into a small bowl, cutting up the noodles into small pieces and placing it in the fridge. "It bet you can't eat hot stuff like I can, huh?" he asked the rabbit. "Just gimme a little bit and I'll have your dinner all ready!" After about five minutes Naruto checked on the ramen. After ensuring it was about room temperature, he placed the bowl in the rabbit's cage. The small mammal eagerly ate the meal. "Hehehe! You really like this stuff too, huh? Well eat up! Tomorrow I finally get to be a ninja! Goodnight Miso-chan!" Turning off the light, Naruto pulled on his nightcap and went to bed.
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(Konohagakure, Training Ground Seven, June 12th)
The next day saw Training Ground Seven occupied by Sasuke, Sakura, and Naruto, all three of which were leaning against a pole in the middle of the clearing. Sakura sat in the middle with Naruto and Sasuke on her left and right, respectively. Both Naruto and Sakura were talking about their rabbits, while Sasuke chimed in occasionally. It was a rather quaint scene that Kaeru arrived in.
"Good morning brats," he greeted, each of the three responding in turn. "So, are you ready for the third part of the test?"
"But sensei, I thought this was the second part?" Sakura asked. Kaeru blinked and was silent for a moment. "Sensei?"
"Oh, yeah," Kaeru nodded slightly as the girl felt a bead of sweat trickle down the side of her head. "Anyway, give me your rabbits please." Each of the students gave Kaeru their rabbits. "Now stay here while I verify these are the same ones."
"Can't you do that here, Kaeru-sensei?" Naruto asked. The man laughed.
"Do you really want to watch me shove my hand up their asses to pick out a-"
"Just go!" Sakura shrieked. Kaeru laughed a little bit more and left with the three rabbits, returning a few minutes later and tossing the cages back to the children.
"Now then," he grinned, tossing a kunai to their feet. "The second part of your exam. Kill your bunnies."
"WHAT!?"
"B-But sensei-" Sakura's lip trembled. Kaeru's eyes suddenly hardened, and a feeling of fear washed over the wannabe genin.
"I said kill them," he spoke in a hard voice. "Kill them or each and every one of you fail, and I send you back to the academy. No, I'll make it so you never become shinobi."
"Kaeru-niichan! That's not fair!" Sasuke growled angrily. "You told us to take care of these animals!"
"I said to take them home and bring them back today," Kaeru responded harshly. "I never said anything about taking care of them." He sneered. "In the shinobi world you will be forced to kill. You may find another way, but if you don't you will have to kill." He seemed to glance at Naruto when he said this. "Now slit their throats! Now! Or none of you become shinobi! Ever!" Naruto screamed and raised his kunai. Sasuke and Sakura watched with wide eyes as the kunai plunged deep into the brown furred rabbit, blood spurting from the back of its neck as it died instantly. "Sakura!"
Said pink haired girl began to cry as she did the same as the blonde. "I'm sorry!" she cried repeatedly. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Oh Kami I'm sorry!" Like her teammate, she killed the rabbit instantly. She began to weep loudly as the rabbit went still, and didn't even seem to mind that Naruto had started to comfort her by hugging her. Kaeru's eyes rested on Sasuke, who was staring at the little creature in his arms.
"Sasuke. Kill it."
"I… I can't!"
"If you can't kill this rabbit what makes you think you can kill Itachi?"
"Shut up! You don't know anything!"
"Itachi killed my family too, Sasuke! If you don't kill this rabbit than that means you want me to avenge our clan! You can pussy out all you want, stay in the village and-"
"HAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!" Sasuke suddenly raised his hand up, and with a pained cry he stabbed the neck of the rabbit. It squealed loudly before it died. Sasuke dropped the now dead rabbit and fell to his hands and knees, puking whatever he had for lunch. Kaeru stood impassively and sighed.
"You pass," he said. "Now listen to me." While Naruto glared at Kaeru, Sakura's eyes were filled with tears. It took Sasuke a moment to stop vomiting before he rested his weak eyes on his cousin. "Do you hate me?" All three students nodded. "Good."
"Good!?" Naruto shouted. "Why is it good that we just murdered a bunch of innocent rabbits!?"
"It isn't," Kaeru replied. "It's good that you don't enjoy killing. If you had, I would have failed you for sure. In the shinobi world, it is not our works that define who we are. It's our humanity. You all pass." Suddenly the world shimmered and wavered, and Sakura's eyes widened as the corpses of the rabbits disappeared, only to reveal the rabbits still in their cages at their feet. "Now, we'll begin missions tomorrow. Meet me at the base of the Hokage Estate at sunrise."
"Wait, what just happened?" Naruto asked loudly.
"He put us under a genjutsu," Sakura proclaimed, staring at their sensei. "He made us believe we were following his orders and killing our rabbits while we just sat here doing nothing!"
"Eh…" Naruto's face went blank. "Genjutsu…?" Sakura growled.
"Naruto-baka!" she yelled, pounding her fist into the top of Naruto's head. "Don't make me explain it again!" With that, Kaeru vanished in a swirl of leaves.
XXXXX
(Konohagakure, Hokage's Office, June 12th)
"That was a very cruel thing to put them through, Kaeru-san," Hiruzen chided the man. "What exactly were you hoping to get out of your tests?" The other Jounin stood patiently as Kaeru stepped forward.
"My first test was to test their willingness to work together," Kaeru explained. "While I took Sakura out early, both Naruto and Sasuke seemed to have no trouble teaming up once they realized that they had no chance on their own."
"And do tell why you removed Sakura from this test?" the Third Hokage asked.
"Because I knew she'd do anything Sasuke did," Kaeru revealed. "While I knew this, I also knew that getting Naruto and Sasuke to work together would be like trying to mix oil and water. If they could put their differences aside, surely Sakura would as well."
"And what's the meaning of your second test?" Iruka asked impatiently. "There's a reason we don't submit our students through such emotional turmoil!"
"Shush, Iruka-san," Kaeru gave the teacher a pointed look. "You're here for observation only, remember?" The scarred Chunin grumbled but otherwise remained quiet. "I committed them to my second test to see how willing they were to take a life, and how determined they were to be shinobi. Someone who won't put their all into being a shinobi should not take up such a duty. We can't afford to take in people who will quit at the first sign of trouble." A few of the other Jounin nodded in agreement. "As for their willingness to take a life, I wanted them to hesitate. Anyone who can kill without question or regret is dangerous not only to our enemies, but to Konohagakure itself. If they got false orders to kill another Konoha shinobi, would you want someone who kills without question, or someone who looks underneath the underneath before committing to the order?" Hiruzen seemed to think a moment over those words. After a few minutes a slight smile crossed his face.
"You were a wise investment, Kaeru-san," Hiruzen complimented.
"Thank you Hokage-sama," Kaeru replied. Hiruzen raised a finger.
"However, what you did was reckless and could very well have ended the careers of three promising shinobi before they even began. Be careful you do not take your actions too far." Kaeru stayed silent, but nodded. "You are dismissed. Next, Team Eight."
XXXXX
(Konohagakure, Akamichi Barbeque, June 12th)
"You know, maybe I should start wearing a skirt," said the violet haired Mitarashi. "I mean, I know my body is too sexy to keep hidden, maybe I should show off more." Her dining partner sighed and rolled her eyes.
"I'm sure Kaeru-kun wouldn't appreciate that," the brunette stated. Anko merely snorted and rolled her eyes. "Really, I'm surprised he puts up with you just wearing fishnet and that trenchcoat."
"Because he knows I'll kick his ass if he told me not to!" she replied. "Really, Rin-san, you worry too much! I'm fine as I am and he knows it!" Rin rolled her eyes and sighed.
"I know, I know," she spoke exhaustedly. "You two are just inseparable." Anko smirked and blew the girl a raspberry.
"Hello, mind if I join you?" spoke a voice beside the table. The women turned to see a woman with dark raven tresses and bright red eyes. She had on colorful clothing as well as a flak jacket.
"Sure, sure. Come sit next to me, Kurenai-chan," Rin smiled and patted the seat next to her, which the Ice Queen of Konoha graciously accepted. "We're just talking about Anko-chan's clothing choice. Or lack of, really." Kurenai sighed and gave Anko a disapproving look.
"Anko-chan, I thought we went over your clothing habits," Kurenai scolded lightly. The younger woman shrugged, taking a stick of dango into her mouth. "Pay attention to me when I speak to you young lady." Anko snorted.
"Hah! Since when have I ever been considered a 'lady'?" she asked sarcastically. "I'm a smexy bitch through and through! And don't you forget it!" Anko laughed loudly and obnoxiously as both Kurenai and Rin sighed exhaustedly. "So how's Obito-san?" she asked Rin as soon as her laughing stopped. Rin perked up a little.
"Tobi-kun has gotten stable recently," she said happily. "I've finally been able to get most of his wounds healed, and Inoichi-san is entering his mind once a week to get rid of his mental block to free him from his coma." The other two women nodded, indicating that they were still listening. "He should be up shortly, they say. I certainly hope so, anyway."
"And how about Asuma-san? How's your little 'secret'?" Anko asked Kurenai. The Ice Queen blushed, looking around nervously for eavesdroppers.
"We're well," she said curtly. Her look then turned sly. "How about you and Kaeru-kun? I see you have an engagement band on, Anko-chan." The violet haired woman scoffed and crossed her arms, though a light dusting of pink could be seen on her cheeks.
"Yeah, well, at least we aren't all hush-hush about it," she returned. "But yeah, we haven't set a date or anything, but… he proposed a few months ago out of nowhere." She laughed. "And it was after we had sex!"
"Oh dear Kami, that man is hopeless," Rin sighed, rubbing her forehead. "Tobi-kun wouldn't stop thanking me after we had our first time… It's sweet, but it's kind of embarrassing…" Kurenai grinned triumphantly and crossed her arms.
"It seems like Asuma-kun is the only one of our lovers who's actually a man," she gloated. Anko rolled her eyes.
"I'm sure Kaeru-kun is more of a man than Asuma-san," Anko challenged. "In fact, Asuma-san is probably the weakest of our men. Obito-san and Kaeru-kun could kick his ass any day!" Kurenai pouted at that.
"That's because your men are Uchiha," she grumbled. "It isn't exactly a fair fight."
"Oh please," Rin spoke with a sly smile. "Even without their Sharingan, Asuma-san wouldn't stand a chance. I mean, Kudo no Obito (Obito of the Void)."
"Shitai no Kaeru (Kaeru of the Corpse)," Anko added smugly. "And… Oh, I'm sorry. Asuma isn't even an S-rank in any Bingo book!" Both Rin and Anko laughed together as Kurenai tried to sink deeper into her seat. "Face it. Asuma's pretty much the weakest of the Elite Jounin. Hell, even Kakashi-san is stronger than him. And he's only got one eye!" Kurenai smirked, though.
"At least Asuma-kun in politically experienced," she replied with dignity. Both of her friends simply gave her blank stares.
"Obito-kun is pretty much a shoe-in for Hokage if he ever wakes up," Rin stated flatly.
"And Kaeru-kun is a good runner up as soon as he finishes being a Jounin-sensei," Anko added in the same tone. There was silence for a moment before Kurenai groaned loudly, both of her friends laughing at her expense. Not long after they were all kicked out for being overly loud and disturbing the dining experience of the other customers.
XXXXX
(Konohagakure, In Front of the Hokage Estate, June 13th)
Kaeru sat silently while he waited for his team to appear. So far Sasuke had arrived, but Sakura and Naruto were missing. The two genin arrived a few minutes after the sun was visible over the village walls, talking slightly animatedly to one another. While Kaeru didn't pry, he could hear that it was about his little cousin. The conversation ended as soon as they got close, but he could tell that Sakura seemed to be getting more comfortable with Naruto.
"So everyone's here," Kaeru acknowledged. "Now before we go in, I should tell you that we won't be going on any dangerous missions for a while." While Sakura simply looked a bit disappointed, Sasuke and Naruto looked angry. "Listen, in the eyes of Konohagakure you're all still newbies. It doesn't matter if you have any skill, you will be taking D-rank missions until I deem you ready. If you want to complain, you can quit being a shinobi right now." He gave them all a hard look. While Naruto and Sasuke still both looked pissed, they didn't say a word as Team Seven entered the base of the Hokage Estate. They went up past the reception desk without hassle, though Naruto got a nasty glare from the woman behind the desk. Even though both Sakura and Sasuke noticed this, they didn't pay it any attention. Naruto was a troublemaker after all.
On the second floor was a large room with a few desks and mission scrolls on each one in the corner. The rest of the room was a lobby that separated into offices. There were three desks lined up against the balcony with the letters 'D', 'C', and 'B' from left to right, respectively. While all three genin stared at the 'B' table hungrily, they reluctantly followed their sensei to the 'D' table. A Chunin sat at the table, a bored expression on his face.
"Yo," Kaeru greeted. The Chunin grunted in response, tossing Kaeru a random mission scroll. "Tch, teme." Kaeru smiled and turned to his students, opening the scroll and reading it. "Well, kids, it looks like we're painting a fence today." Both Naruto and Sasuke groaned. "Ah, suck it up boys. See? Sakura isn't complaining."
XXXXX
(Konohagakure, Konoha General Hospital, Room 219, June 19th)
Rin sat calmly with her eyes shut as Inoichi sat slumped on the chair opposite of her to the bed. It had been a half hour since he'd gone in. If he wasn't out in a few more minutes, she'd have to wake him up manually. To be honest, she wanted that to happen. If he got trapped, it meant that Obito's conscious was starting to stir. Unfortunately, it wasn't to be as she noticed the platinum blonde man start to rise. Rin opened her eyes and slowly stood.
"How is Tobi-kun?" she asked immediately. Inoichi gave her a similar serious look.
"His mind is still fractured, but there's progress," he stated. "I can't stress enough how lucky he is to have been found by Kaeru-kun. If he had experienced any more mental stress, than Obito-san would be beyond repair." Rin nodded. "In a few more sessions he should be well enough to recover on his own."
"Thank you, Inoichi-san," Rin sighed in relief. She stared at the relaxed face of her boyfriend. "I can't thank you enough for helping him."
"It's my duty as a Konoha shinobi and as your comrade," the blonde replied dismissively. Rin nodded. "I should get going. My wife will have my head if I'm late for dinner!" The two shared a short laugh. "It's nice to have some work though. T&I has been pretty slow recently and I need to pull my weight as the man of my family. Well, I'm off. Have a good night, Rin-san."
"Goodnight, Inoichi-san," Rin replied. The blonde left the room silently and Rin made her way to the window, watching the sun set over the skyline. It was something of a habit she had made while taking care of Obito. Below, she could see stores beginning to open up for the night, while others closed up for the day. She could aso see Team Seven as they came in to report their mission completed. She smiled as she saw Naruto carrying a very angry cat. That had been hell. Ah, to pass on the Will of Fire.
XXXXX
(Konohagakure, Training Ground Seven, July 10th)
"Right, one more time," Kaeru commanded. His girlfriend smirked as she stood in the middle of the clearing.
"C'mon brats! I can take it!" she taunted. "You won't even lay a finger on me! Ahahaha!" Sasuke suddenly burst from the ground underneath the woman, grabbing her by the ankles. "Eh? Not bad gaki!" Anko grinned and spat out her dango stick, impaling Sasuke's hand and loosening his grip enough for her to break her left foot free of his grip and stomp on his other hand.
"Tajuu Kage Bunshin no Jutsu (Multiple Shadow Clone Technique)!" Naruto cried from the treeline. Pops could be heard all around as the forest was suddenly filled with hundreds of Narutos. The blondes all surged forward towards Anko, and were upon her in seconds. "Yeah! We got you now!"
"Not so fast, gaki!" Anko grinned as she flung off her trenchcoat. The eyes of every blonde went wide, as well as Sasuke's who had just emerged from the ground. "You're open!" As both boys ogled the violet haired woman, she burst into action and started beating down the blondes. "This is too easy Kaeru-kun!" she laughed sadistically as she cut through the clones ranks, who had just started realizing that they were still in a fight and were attacking, albeit weakly.
"Shannaro!" Sakura screamed, jumping out from the treeline, a fire in her eyes. "Put your damn clothes on!" She roared with righteous fury as she slammed her fist into the ground that Anko had just been at, the ground collapsing in on itself. Quickly, Anko vanished and reappeared in front of the pink haired girl, chopping the back of her neck. Sakura burst into a plume of smoke and suddenly burst from the crowd of attacking Narutos. Sasuke followed her lead, attacking in the confusion. It was a strategy they had made with a little help from Kaeru. Naruto would overwhelm their enemy with numbers, and Sakura and Sasuke would attack in all the confusion, using Kawarimi no Jutsu (Body Replacement Technique) to switch with a clone whenever they were about to be hit. It was a hit and run tactic that relied on overwhelming numbers, confusion, and overwhelming force.
"Katon: Gokakyu no Jutsu!" Sasuke's voice cried out from above. In all the confusion, Sasuke had leapt above to get a better eye on Anko and had formed handseals on the way up. Anko looked up to see the end result, a giant fireball next to the sun rushing down at her. She grimaced. With the clones surrounding her she would be trapped, and with Sakura distracting her, anyone unsuspecting would be caught in the blast while they tried to deal with her overpowering strikes. Unfortunately for them, Sasuke had leapt up too high, giving her ample room to escape before the fireball hit the ground, exploding and taking out multiple clones in the process.
"That's enough!" Kaeru's voice called out from the forest. In sequence, the clones started to pop in groups of ten as the Jounin walked out into the clearing. Anko appeared next to him, smirking. "Well done, brats. You're really improving."
"Heh, just a second later and I woulda been caught by that," Anko complimented Sasuke as he came forward. She smirked and put on her trench coat as Sakura glared at her. "Get used to it, little girl. As a kunoichi your very body is a weapon. Well, mine is. Only a creepy pedo would want your flat tits." Sakura growled but did nothing else.
"Alright, brats," Kaeru smiled. "Time for some more training, and then we'll be finished for the day."
XXXXX
(Konohagakure, Hokage Estate, August 5th)
"Dammit, I'm sick of these stupid C-ranks!" Naruto shouted as they entered the second floor. Today, Hiruzen was taking the day off to pass out D-ranks to the genin teams. "When are we gonna get a real mission, Kaeru-sensei?"
"Naruto, don't mess this up!" Sakura scolded the blonde in a whisper. "We're on probation in the first place, no way we'll get a decent mission right now!"
"I agree with the dobe," Sasuke spoke up, giving Kaeru a hard look. "It's clear we've already surpassed the point of these missions. A higher challenge would be good for us." Kaeru gave a 'hmm' and thought for a minute.
"C'mon Hokage-jiji! You gotta give us a good mission!" Naruto demanded. The Hokage hid an amused chuckle.
"Naruto! Don't you speak to Hokage-sama in such a way!" Iruka, who was sitting at the 'C-rank' table, shouted at the blonde. "You will address him with respect!"
"It's quite alright, Iruka-san," Hiruzen waved his hand dismissively and took a drag from his pipe. He looked to Kaeru. "What say you, Kaeru-san? Do you think Team Seven is ready?"
"Hai," Kaeru replied, his three genin giving him a surprised look.
"Very well. Iruka-san, hand me that one on the edge."
"Hai Hokage-sama." Iruka reached over and gave Hiruzen the C-rank mission.
"Let's see… You'll be escorting a bridge builder to Nami no Kuni," Hiruzen read aloud. "Is that acceptable, Kaeru-san?"
"Yes, that seems like a suitable task for them," Kaeru replied with a glint in his eye. Hiruzen gave the man an impassive stare.
What are you thinking, Kaeru-san…? he thought to himself. "Bring in the client," he called to the Chunin at the door. The man nodded and exited. As the three genin spoke excitedly, Kaeru seemed deep in thought. You know something don't you Kaeru-san? Hiruzen thought. But what is it that you know? Moments later the same man returned with a scraggly looking man with grey hair and wearing glasses. He wore standard clothes for a manual worker, a simple brown shirt and pants, with a sash around his waist. In his hand was a slightly filled bottle of sake.
"These are the brats? Great, I'll be dead on the first day with my luck," the man said. Naruto opened his mouth to speak, but with one glare from Sakura, he was silent.
"Don't worry, Tazuna-san," Kaeru feigned reading from the mission scroll. "My genin are quite capable. Added to it, you have myself, Sitai no Kaeru, to assist you as well." Tazuna smirked.
"Well, I guess not everything is hopeless if I'm being escorted by a man with 'corpse' in his title. These brats of your better not hold us back."
"Alright, everyone. We'll leave at the South Gate tomorrow at noon. You'd better pack up and get ready."
XXXXX
Omake: Naruto meets Chichi and Kakarot2
Kaeru and Anko walked down the street, hand in hand. "So I hear Obiot-san is starting mental therapy," Kaeru spoke, getting a nod from Anko. They walked further in silence on the way home from the movies, passing by a playground.
"Oh yeah!?" a voice called out. "Well I don't care! When I'm Hokage, I'll make you all pay!" Kaeru frowned, looking over at the voice. Naruto. He glanced at his girlfriend.
"Should we do something?" he asked. Anko sighed and crossed her arms. "He's the Kyuubi Jinchuriki after all. He might not now, but someday he could make good on that threat." Anko groaned.
"Follow my lead, baka," she replied, making a ram seal and disappearing in a plume of smoke. In her place was Anko, but at eight years old. "C'mon, jackass! You're doing this with me!" Kaeru chuckled and shrugged, repeating her action. He groaned as he felt his hair change from long and awesome to the same bowl cut Gai had. Anko laughed. "Hah! I forgot how stupid your hair looked!"
"Let's just go," Kaeru grumbled, taking Anko's hand and leading her to the blonde. "Oi!" Naruto, who was grumbling as he sat on the empty swings, looked up.
"Why the stupid face, gaki?" Anko asked, crossing her arms.
"Who the hell are you two?" Naruto asked, sneering at them. Kaeru rolled his eyes.
"My name's… Kakarot," he replied.
"And I'm Chichi. Now get off your ass and let's do something!" Naruto's eyes widened as Anko spoke.
"Huh? What do you mean?"
"What do you think? Let's go play!" Kaeru smiled. Naruto's face morphed into suspicion, then slight happiness.
"Ok! My name's Uzumaki Naruto, and I'm gonna be-"
"Shut up and let's go do something already!" Anko shouted impatiently. Kaeru rolled his eyes and punched the girl in the arm, earning his a raspberry. They spent the next few hours playing.
XXXXX
A/N: Whoo! Finally! Damn, we're finally at the main story. Ok, this was fun. I can't wait to write more. Sorry about those time skips during training, but nothing really interesting happens then aside from the Tora missions and even that gets old. So I decided to focus on the other characters, show that the kids are actually training, and so on.
I hate how Naruto is the only one who uses Shadow Clones in the beginning. I mean, later on everyone can use clones. So clones won't be special to just Naruto. Expect to see more of them than in canon.
A little nod to lord of the land of fire's That Look. It's a great story, but incomplete. I recommend it though. It's an engaging read and I miss it dearly. I hope someday he decides to resume it. You might also note I got the rabbit test from his works. I changed it up a bit and changed the reasoning some, but his stories inspire me and I want to show him a little love.
Anyway, can't wait till the next one. Ja ne!