Happy Friday Everyone! Big hello to all the new followers who came from the ROBATTACK blog recommendation.
Big thanks to Sherry and Paige for helping me with this story! This story would be a complete mess without you. Xoxo.
"Disarm you with a smile
And cut you like you want me to
Cut that little child
Inside of me and such a part of you
Ooh, the years burn"
-The Smashing Pumpkins-
EPOV:
Minutes tick by, or maybe hours; it is hard to tell when you lay awake in the dark. I am not sure if it is starting a new job that is keeping me up, or Charlie sleeping mere feet away. I feel ridiculous, but I have to constantly check on him throughout the night to see if he is still alive and breathing. I'm not sure if I am extremely paranoid, or if this is a common thing among new parents. Regardless, I get up every few hours to stare into his crib. Every time he is relaxed on his back with his eyes closed and a small smile on his face.
Other times, he opens his eyes to find me staring down at him, as if he could sense that I was checking on him. He gives me a small smile before drifting back to sleep. It's moments like these when I realize how much I love my nephew. When he is asleep, I allow myself to really study his face and I find so many similarities with Seth. He looks so much like my brother, it is difficult for me to look at him without being sad.
Charlie begins to cry and I'm quick on my feet and to his crib. He calms down instantly as soon as he is in my arms. "I'm here, buddy, it's okay," I say with a yawn, my eyes dropping with sleep.
He makes a few noises and giggles. I smile back, as I reach down and wipe the tears from his soft cheeks. "It's my first day of work today," I tell him, enjoying the way you can talk to babies in a way you can't talk to anyone else. "It's just an entry-level job, but I'll have enough money to get a place and buy you a few new toys…"
Charlie listens intently, his eyes wide as he gazes up at my face. I think my voice soothes him, because I can always feel his little body relax in my arms when I talk to him. "I'm going to buy you tons of new stuff Charlie, I promise. I'm going to make you proud of me."
He smiles at this and says something, and while I can't understand his baby talk, it does sound comforting. I rock Charlie in my arms, until he finally falls back to sleep. I hold him a bit longer, discovering that I find comfort from moments like these just as much as the baby does, before putting him back in his crib. Lying back down, I focus on finding sleep, knowing that I cannot mess tomorrow up.
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The first day on the job is difficult, but I hadn't really expected much else. Although it is an entry-level laborer job, they don't spend a moment messing around. They can't, at least not at first, not while I'm unfamiliar with the equipment and the environment. The project manager, Emmett, has shown me the ropes and when we are finally finished at around one-thirty in the afternoon, his entire demeanor changes and he suddenly looks years younger.
"So, you new to town?" he asks, as we pack up for the day.
I hesitate, before finally saying, "I just moved back actually. I was traveling around for a while." I certainly didn't want to air my dirty laundry to a man I had just met, who just happens to be my project manager as well.
"Well, that's cool! I've always wanted to travel, but I haven't managed to leave Washington."
"It's not too different," I comment mildly, "Everything looks the same after a while."
"I doubt that," he laughs, "I'm sure not everything is gloomy like Washington state."
As I think of something to say, I come up short. I remember the hot sun beating down on me and the grass itching my skin, but I don't remember much else about any of the locations I have traveled to. I spent so much time inside of grimy motel rooms and friends' apartments that I never really took in the scenery. It wasn't as if we were there to sightseeing.But I do fondly remember national parks and the days spent intoxicated under the sun.
"Well, there are some beautiful spots…especially in California."
"I've always wanted to go there," Emmett comments with a grin. "Try my hand at surfing, I bet I would be pretty good."
We make small talk on our way to our cars, and I feel as if I have found my first friend in town.
"You want to grab lunch? I know this great bar."
I promised mom, I would be home to watch Charlie after work, but even if I wasn't busy, a bar isn't a good idea for me. I need to have a clear mind as I try to get my life on track. While a single beer doesn't seem like much to some, I know that for me, it could never be just one. That life is behind me now, and I have my future with Charlie to think about.
"I can't man," I say apologetically, "I have stuff to take care of at home."
"Well, maybe next time then," he says without missing a beat.
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I can't even go to the grocery store without being taunted. It's hard to kick a habit, but with temptation right in front of you…It feels borderline impossible. Living a clean life is important to me now, but that doesn't mean the desire isn't still there. Every time I see a package of cigarettes or a bottle of alcohol, I want to give in. But when the temptation gets too bad, I just look at my small photograph of Charlie, and know that I couldn't do that to him.
I pass by the mountains of wine, to the frozen food, knowing that with my cooking ability…frozen dinners are the best I can do. I grab a few boxes of macaroni and cheese and throw them into my cart, before I am completely distracted by a girl walking past me.
Although I just get a quick glance…she is gorgeous. With long brown hair that flows down her back and past her waist, a small curvaceous figure, and a pretty face…at least from what I could see of it,she is exactly my type. I want to follow her down the frozen food aisle and talk to her. But, how ridiculous would that be? From the looks of her, she has her life completely together. Dressed in nice clothes, with a shopping list in hand, she doesn't look like the type of girl who would want to spend her time around a guy like me.
What could I possibly offer her? What could I really offer any woman besides a world of problems? Feeling two feet tall, I make my way to the checkout. I am in no position to date as it is. I have Charlie to care for and a future to plan. A woman would only make things complicated for me.
To brighten my spirits, my card has been declined. I pay with cash, trying to ignore the stab of embarrassment I feel. I suppose diapers and formula is more expensive than I thought. Thank God, I kicked my smoking habit.I gather my groceries and as I move to leave, I make eye contact with the girl from before…the beautiful one.
She gives me a shy smile before looking away. The most incredible blush tints her cheeks and I feel that I have a bit of a crush on this pretty stranger. I smile back, and head out the door, knowing that it would be a waste to speak to her. What could I say, "Hey, I'm Edward Cullen. I live with my parents and am recently sober. Oh, by the way, did I mention that I have a baby to care for?"I'll save myself the embarrassment of being turned down.
Charlie is ecstatic to see me as soon as I return. I find him on the floor, on his little belly, trying to move across the carpet to greet me as soon as I am in his sight. Suddenly, all the inferiority I felt less than an hour before, has completely dissipated. I pull Charlie into my arms and rock him, feeling now ten feet tall in his presence.
With Charlie safely tucked in my arms, I tell him all about my day. His eyes are wide as if he was taking every word in and completely understanding it. I love that about him, I can open up to him unlike anyone else.
As soon as Charlie is fast asleep, I set my alarm clock for work in the morning and lay down hoping that sleep will come easier tonight. As I close my eyes, images of the brunette from the supermarket dance behind my lids. I don't even know her, and she haunts my thoughts already.
Although I have nothing to offer her, I do hope I run into her again soon.
A/N: So, I had to give you guys a bit of a tease ;). But Poor Edward, right? Too afraid to talk to talk to her because he doesn't think he is good enough. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! I'm really feeling this story right now, so you will be getting a good number of updates.
If you liked this, please review! Or even if you don't like this, you can always review too ;).
Song- "Disarm" by The Smashing Pumpkins (one of my favorite bands).