Disclaimer: Don't own or claim rights to Buffy or Stargate
In which, our heroes meet the Tok'ra.
"So," Sam began, "Jack managed to get both Lavelle sisters pregnant?"
"Um, yep?" Xander guessed.
"Are, uh," Danny hesitated, "are there any more?"
"No," Xander declared decisively. "Just the two. Huh," he added thoughtfully. "That makes two for two."
"Quite," Giles murmured. "I'm sure we all need to hear how your father … 'scored'."
"I can't believe you slept with two women so similar," Sam grumbled at her CO, "and didn't even connect the dots."
"And moving on," Jack decided, rolling his eyes. "We've got the blood tests running to verify paternity, though some people don't really think it's necessary," he added, smirking at his 2IC, "and then we need to decide -"
"Unscheduled off-world activation," the speaker intoned.
"Oh, thank God," Jack muttered.
Buffy paced anxiously around the room, while Xander chewed on a hangnail. Willow was attempting to meditate with Tara, but it didn't seem to be working too well. Giles sat in his seat and frowned at the three young people, unsure why all of them were tense.
"Buffy, would you please sit down?" Giles begged. "Your pacing is giving me a headache."
"Can't," Buffy answered tensely. "Got that icky-ooky feeling again."
"That's what it is," Xander muttered, looking at the blonde. "I was trying to figure out what was wrong. I was wondering if it was because we're so far underground, but it's that feeling again. Like the snake-dude from last night."
Willow shuddered. "Yeah, there's definitely that going on. But there's also something else. Like … the Hellmouth, kind of, but not quite. Not evil and grabby like that, but sort of drawing and twisty. You know?" she asked plaintively.
Xander closed his eyes, and tilted his head in thought. "Yeah. Kind of. It's really faint, though. So what is it? A not-Hellmouth?"
"Well," Willow began, frowning slightly, "a Hellmouth is a weakening in the dimensional barriers, leading to a Hell dimension. Um, maybe this place has a weakening to other not-Hell dimensions? Like a portal that they travel through?"
"So we're talking Initiative again?" Buffy asked tensely.
"Maybe," Xander nodded. "But I don't think so. Major Davis seemed pretty clear that these guys don't know anything about what goes bump."
"So if it's not demons, then what?" Buffy asked. "Little green men? Would that explain my wiggins with snake-dude and Mr Murray?" she asked, turning to Giles.
"Aliens?" Giles asked. "I highly doubt it."
"So we can have demons, but not aliens," Xander teased. "And that voice said 'unscheduled off-world activation,' not 'unscheduled, uh, cross-dimensional activation,'" he added wisely.
"Oh!" Willow jumped up. "That could be it! They could have stable wormhole technology, and are making contact with alien life-forms."
Xander frowned. "Okay, but are we talking 'My Favourite Martian', or 'Aliens'?"
"Actually," Giles interposed mildly, "it is generally accepted that the monster from that movie is a misidentified khasharr demon."
"Huh. So the 'Aliens' monster is a demon. But what about what they have here? Like snake-dude? I mean, he's like that ghoold demon from the ancient Egyptian Watcher diary that … I … am not admitting to have read," Xander finished, eyeing the older man warily.
"You read the Watchers Diaries?" Willow pouted. "Without me?"
"Uh, no?" Xander tried.
"Which diaries are those?" Giles asked, curious.
"They're the ones that are stuck at the back of the shelves. 'Cause they're written in demotic, which you said one time you don't read."
"And how do you read demotic?" Giles asked, eyebrow raised.
"I thought it was kind of cool, so I tried to learn hieroglyphics?" Xander explained, twisting his hands nervously. "But you don't have anything in hieroglyphics, so I ended up learning demotic, 'cause the diaries are written in demotic."
"So can you read hieroglyphics as well?"
"A little. Not much, 'cause I didn't have any practice material." Xander sighed. "See, this is why I don't say things. 'Cause I know you're going to start making me do other things, aren't you."
Giles sighed. "I don't know why you insist on hiding your intelligence."
"Oh, there's a whole ton of languages I don't know," Xander dismissed. "I mean, according to you, I barely even speak English."
"Quite so," Giles nodded, smiling slightly. "So that makes how many languages you know?"
"Less than Willow," Xander advised, folding his arms stubbornly.
"Very well," Giles conceded, sighing.
"So, Willow, about this stable wormhole technology," Xander turned brightly to his red-haired sister. "What's with that?"
"Um, it's kind of like a portal spell, but with science," Willow explained. "Which means they would need some kind of device to create the portal, or, uh, maintain the event horizon, if we're wanting to be scientific."
Xander tilted his head, confused. "So a, uh, star portal could be stable wormhole technology?" he asked.
"Well, yeah," Willow shrugged, as if it was obvious. "Where did you get that term, anyway?"
"The Watchers Diary that I read. Sadji, Woserit's Watcher, mentioned driving the demon-gods back through the star portal. Woserit led the battle, but fell before they succeeded. He finished her war, then retired to finish her chronicle. I don't know what happened to him after that."
"So we might have stories of aliens in the Watchers Diaries?" Buffy asked, frowning. "Why don't I ever find these stories. They sound much better than Joseph Fairbanks' whiny little story about Mary Little, who wouldn't plait her hair like a proper female should."
"That would be because it's written in demotic, remember?" Xander teased. "And who here reads demotic?" he asked, raising his hand. When no one else raised their hands, he looked around, surprised. "Huh," was his only comment.
"Wasn't on my cool list," Willow apologised. "There now, of course."
Giles sighed. "I'm surrounded by children who learn languages simply because they're on their cool list," he muttered.
"Better than not learning them at all," Tara suggested, smiling softly.
Major Davis squared his shoulders, took a deep breath, and prepared himself before opening the door. "Hi, everyone," he greeted, smiling. "How are you today? Can I get you anything? Have you had lunch yet?"
Xander's belly took the opportunity to answer the last question first, much to his personal embarrassment.
"Okay," Paul grinned. "I'll take that as a no. I can take you to the mess hall so you can get something to eat, and then I'll try to answer any questions you might have."
"Are you going to be able to answer questions about this place?" Buffy asked as they walked along the hall. "You know, about what they do here?"
"Well, I may need to get extra authorisation for that, and you'd probably need to sign some documentation – non-disclosure agreements to be specific. I don't think it will be that hard to get authorisation, though, considering your relationship to Colonel O'Neill. The thought of him having living offspring is probably going to make someone happy, though that won't necessarily be me. I know what he's like, and I've heard what you're like, and I really don't need that level of antacids and hair dye in my life at this point in time, thank you very much."
"Hey!" Buffy protested. "We're not that bad."
"As someone who had not a single grey strand before I arrived in Sunnydale, I believe I would come down on Major Davis' side, if you don't mind," Giles admitted, smile tugging at his lips.
"And if we were to, say, throw a few terms or concepts around?" Willow suggested.
Paul frowned. "Such as?"
"Stable wormhole technology?" Willow offered.
"Star portal?" was Xander's contribution.
Buffy frowned. "Uh, what was it? Goolies?"
"Ghoold," Giles corrected, "though that may vary with dialect."
"Uh," Paul began, eyes wide. "Shit," he muttered. He sighed. "Okay. We'll get lunch, but then I have to go talk to people, possibly make some phone calls."
Jack watched Major Davis with some trepidation. On one hand, it was very likely that he was here to drag him away from the 'lovely' Anise. On the other, Major Davis being so pale after dealing with his kids wasn't a good sign at all. What had they gotten into now? And now he was in a whispered conversation with the General. Not good.
Jack pulled away from his conversation with the Tok'ra, and headed over to the General and the Major. "Anything I should know?" he asked quietly.
"Your kids are freaky?" Paul asked, shaken.
"Hey!" Jack hissed.
"They know. They've worked it out. Stable wormhole technology, the Stargate, and the Goa'uld. And you know how I know they actually worked it out? They didn't use the phrases Stargate or Goa'uld. They called it 'star portal' and, uh, something like Goa'uld, but not quite."
Jack frowned. "How would they even have access to this? Is it something to do with that stuff they're into? That you won't tell me about?"
"Maybe," Paul frowned. "Apparently they have access to stuff that would make Dr Jackson drool, and your kids have been researching since high school. It's possible that they have come across alternate versions of the texts about the Goa'uld invasion and the rebellion against Ra."
"You have other sources of information about the Tok'ra?" Anise asked, leaning into the conversation.
"Uh," Paul quickly glanced at Jack and General Hammond, "we may have come across some people who may have access to alternate histories, including texts about the Goa'uld and Ra, but, frankly, the SGC doesn't have the clearance at the moment to know too much about it."
"Then get clearance," Anise dismissed. "If there is more information, we want it."
"I'm afraid it's a bit more complicated than that, Anise," General Hammond frowned. "We are not the ones who control who has clearance for what. I'm sure that the Tok'ra, with their own security concerns, would be able to appreciate that."
"As your allies," Anise scowled, "one would expect a little more co-operation."
"If it comes to that, sir," Paul murmured to General Hammond, "I do believe that … our guests would be more than capable of dealing with the Tok'ra."
General Hammond regarded Major Davis, then his second-in-command. "Very well. Have them sign the NDA's, talk to them briefly, then bring them in."
"Merciful Zeus," Xander muttered, wide-eyed. "What is that? An alien wonder-bra?" He grunted when Buffy smacked him, and turned to scowl at the girl. "You'll notice that Willow didn't hit me."
"That's because Willow was too busy ogling the alien to hit you," Buffy noted smugly. "Tara hit her, instead."
"Still," Xander shook his head, "I stand by my comment."
"Who are these children?" Anise sneered. "And why are they here?"
"Actually, these are my children," Jack announced proudly. "Well, three of them, anyway. The taller blonde isn't mine," he added conscientiously. "She's a sweetheart, though. Which probably proves that she isn't mine," he added with a wink to Tara.
"Can say that again," Danny muttered. All three offspring heard him, and scowled at him, causing him to snigger. "Sorry," he apologised between snorts. "You're just so much your father's kids."
"Okay," Xander nodded. "Can't fault that one."
Anise examined Xander thoroughly. "You are Jack O'Neill's son?" she interrogated.
"Uh, yeah," Xander answered cautiously.
Anise slunk forward, smirking. "I am interested in mating with an appropriate male, and your father has very good genes. I wondered -"
Wide-eyed, Jack grabbed Anise, and steered her away from his son. "And that's a really bad idea," he announced.
"Oh, yeah," Willow muttered. "She's evil."
"Hey!" Xander protested. "Not all women attracted to me are evil." When both his sisters glared at him, he opened his mouth to argue further. Thought about it. Shut his mouth. Tried again. Shut his mouth again. "Willow wasn't evil," he tried finally.
"Willow is your half-sister," Buffy countered. "And your cousin. Which, frankly? Ew!"
"Not my fault," Xander whined.
"That tone sounds familiar," Danny murmured to Sam.
"It does," Sam nodded.
Anise cleared her throat to regain the centre of attention. "I wish to see these histories you spoke of."
"You can't," Xander blurted out. "Uh… They're written in demotic."
"You read demotic?" Danny asked, excited.
Xander gained a deer-in-the-headlights expression, and stepped back behind his sisters. "Uh … maybe?" he squeaked.
"Hieroglyphics, also," Giles smirked. "Though not well, apparently."
"Are you self-taught?" Danny asked excitedly. "I noticed you only had a high school education, and I doubt they taught ancient languages there -"
"They barely taught English," Giles muttered.
"So I'm guessing you taught yourself?" Danny continued, ignoring the other man.
"Jack!" Xander whined. "Tell him he can't have me."
"You can't have him," Jack ordered. "If I can't play 'let's blow stuff up' with him, you can't have him for your geek collection."
"Who said that?" Xander demanded.
"Your sister," Jack shrugged. "Uh, Buffy. She complained about the look you get on your face."
"It's hereditary," Sam added, smirking at Giles.
"Why are we talking about this?" Anise demanded. "I want those histories. I demand that you provide the histories. We have the ability to translate from your ancient languages, so that is no barrier to their supply."
Willow peered at the blonde alien. "You know, you really should stamp your foot when you talk like that," she suggested.
"Besides which," Giles dismissed, "these documents are part of a private collection, owned by a private organisation of foreign citizenship. You have no grounds to compel the SGC to supply them, as they have no access to the documents your wish for."
"But I want them," Anise demanded, trying out the foot stamp.
The room fell silent, except for a few muffled sniggers.
"I wonder if the chip classes the Tok'ra as human," Buffy mused as she watched Anise walk off.
Willow stared at her, goggle-eyed, while Xander squinted thoughtfully.
"Be worth a try," Xander decided.
"But..." Willow began. "Wouldn't that be cruel?"
"Who to?" Buffy asked, scrunching her nose.
"Uh..." Willow cast about, thinking. "Um... Oh. Jack. And, and … two wrongs don't make a right, and two snarky people don't cancel each other out."
"Yeah, but Spike annoying Anise – who wouldn't pay to see that?" Xander demanded. "Apart from the other Tok'ra, I mean. And we would take him home afterwards," he added conscientiously.
"Uh huh," Willow nodded. "And you're going to travel twenty hours, in a car, at night, with him? And spend the days sleeping in a hotel room with him? Depending on the season, you might even have to break the trip twice," she added.
Xander looked at her, aghast. "You're right," he decided after a moment. "Jack doesn't need that kind of aggravation."
Sadji – Narrate
Woserit – Mighty woman
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