Disclaimer: I do not own any of Meyer's books or ideas.
A/N: This chapter may seem like a rehash of Breaking Dawn but it isn't. My goal is to write a story with substance not fluff. I want to explore Bella and Edward's relationship more in depth than Meyer ever thought to. I feel like Breaking Dawn was a terrible mistake. The readers really didn't know how much Bell and Edward's relationship grew because the whole damn pregnancy was written in Jacob's perspective.
Thank you to my beta Trilby97.
4. Goodbyes
*Bella*
All I could remember was running. Fear and anxiety pushed my feet as I ran. Even though this was a dream, it felt real. The images my mind conjured were vivid and detailed. I clutched a tight bundle to my chest. Nothing, I thought, could will it from my grasp. When I thought I was safe, I stopped by a small stream. My heart still thundered in my ears uneasily. Before looking to see what was tightly swaddled in the bundle, I checked for any strangers. Everything was clear and peaceful. In my haste I didn't have the time to appreciate the beauty of my surroundings. Strong evergreens shielded the clearing, and from what I could see from the moon light, purple flowers peppered the clearing. The night was calming now, and the fear had left me.
There was squirming and a faint cooing sound coming from what I held closely. Curious, I pulled back the white cloth revealing a set of stunning green eyes, pale skin, and rosebud lips. The baby's soft features resembled someone I knew, but I was too distracted by the child's green eyes to remember. I brushed the back of my forefinger against the child's cheek and alabaster eyebrows. The baby was absolutely beautiful. Almost too beautiful.
I woke up to the sound of the piano. Its beautiful cadence floated up the stairs. Soft yellow light was pouring into the room through the large window. I took a deep breath, remembering the dream I'd had. My stomach tightened. Edward would freak out if I told him about the dream. I pushed the thought away.
I sat up and stretched. Edward's...wait…our room was filled with boxes having yet to be moved down stairs and into the truck that would take it to our new home in Chicago. Our decision to change schools was a compromise of sorts; I would still indulge Edward's college fantasy, just not at Dartmouth. If we were going to school together I thought it should be an enjoyable experience for the both of us. Northwestern had a phenomenal music program. Dartmouth's paled in comparison.
While I still loved my classic novels, I became enticed by music. The more Edward played and composed the more curious I became. I had no interest in learning piano, yet I wanted to understand the beautiful medley of notes Edward played.
As I was about to plop back into the bed, the sound of the lulling composition cut off abruptly and was replaced with the feeling of two cold arms around my waist, which caused my heart to jolt.
I moaned blearily then placed a kiss on his cheek. "There, you got your kiss." I snuggled closer to his chest ready to sleep more.
"I wanted more than a kiss, my love." He moved my hair out of the way and placed a kiss in the crook of my neck—his favorite spot—and on my shoulder. I sighed, trying not to smile. Sleeping with Edward these days was almost impossible. "Don't you like this?" he murmured into my neck as he ran his hand over my waist, stopping it under my breast.
How could I not? My grogginess was waning, gradually being replaced with burning desire. He began peppering feather light kisses on my face and neck with kisses. The feel of his lips dancing across my skin caused me to giggle.
"I'm trying to get more sleep," I laughed.
"I've been waiting ten hours for you to wake up. Now let me see those beautiful eyes," he murmured softly, his beautiful voice like music to my ears.
I shook my head. In a last ditch attempt to seduce me, Edward rolled us over causing me to straddle him. My eyes flew open. I could feel the full length of Edward beneath me. I lifted my head from his shoulder to see a smile spread across his face. My hair fell like a curtain around our faces
"Good morning, love." He kissed my nose, and then slowly craned his neck up to kiss my lips.
His lips moved against mine. It was a soft, innocent kiss but I couldn't help pushing it further by running my tongue against his lips. Edward opened his mouth, pushing his hand in my hair. I moaned my satisfaction, when one of his hands grabbed my butt. I moved against him, seeking more friction. Edward made a sound of wanton desire deep in his chest. Suddenly, he stopped. We both ground our discontent and I froze as well.
"What?" I said, breathlessly. I couldn't have done something wrong.
He sighed and placed his head on my shoulder breathing heavily. "Alice, go away," he begged.
He started to move away from me. "Yes, I know w—"
In a burst of uncharacteristic boldness, I grabbed his member. My face flushed.
"I know what today is." His usually unruffled voice was now saturated and rough.
I slowly moved my fingers up the length of him. He trembled above me. I smirked.
"I can stay in bed with my wife all day if I choose," he snapped, frustrated with more than just Alice. My hands were swiftly pinned to the pillow above my head. Edward's eyes were anything but calm. They were wild.
"Just give me a minute."
"Or a couple hours," I said, matching his intense gaze. A low growl rumbled deep in his chest.
"Go away, Alice, and play with Jasper," I yelled at the door.
"If I didn't know any better…," he mused.
"What?" I asked coyly.
"I'd say I've created a monster," he chuckled, looking up through his eyelashes.
"I'd say that happened ages ago. Edward, let go of my arms."
He shook his head. "I can't do that. You might try to monopolize the situation."
I glared at him finding no outlet for a weakness. He just seemed pleasantly amused. He took his time teasing me, working me into frenzy. I tried futilely to break free from Edward's restraints.
"Dammit, Edward!" I said as he sucked on my breast. The feeling was deliciously good. I thought I was going to explode. He kept lapping at my nipple with great vigor while my insides grew hotter. I clamped my thighs together seeking some type of friction. My back arched as my release finally came.
"How about a nice hot shower, love?" he asked, finally releasing my wrists.
Edward pulled me up by my hips, wrapped my legs around his waist and carried me to the bathroom. He sat me on the edge of the counter; his eyes were still lit with intense desire as he removed my shirt before flitting to the shower to get the water running. He took off my pants next, tracing the curves of my thighs.
Edward looked at me, his eyes bright despite the darkening circles underneath them.
The child had Edward's eyes!
I felt a pang in my chest.
I reminded myself now wasn't the time. I leaned forward for a kiss, but Edward had already seen my expression.
"It's nothing," I said defensively before he could even ask.
He groaned. "Bella, we will talk about this later." The inflection in his voice made it clear to me that this wasn't a question. It was a demand. In vain I hoped that he would forget.
He began kissing me again, his lips moving unnaturally against mine. Simultaneously, I felt he was detached. I stopped him when I realized he was dwelling on it.
"I don't want to talk about it. It was a random thought," I explained, holding his face in my hands.
"You're doing wonders for my ego right now, Bella," he said exasperated.
I laughed. "You're the one who's worrying over nothing. Your face just reminded me of something. We'll leave it at that."
I covered his mouth with my lips before he could form any words. My mouth parted when his tongue traced along my bottom lip. Despite our minor disagreement, we proceeded to undress each other. Edward lifted me off the counter and into the shower with ease. Even though we made love, it was without our usual ardor. I knew he wasn't focused on me because he was somewhere else worrying.
Awkwardly, we dressed. Edward wouldn't look directly at me. His eyes shifted downward. The completeness that usually filled me after we'd been together was suddenly missing. I felt unbearably empty.
Edward and I walked downstairs without touching. I saw that Emmett and Jasper were beginning to load our things on to the truck; it would easily take them a couple of minutes.
"Jazz, we need to be on the private jet with these boxes by this evening. If you're going to go hunt go now. We have no time to waste. Emmett, be careful with that!" Alice yelled anxiously out the open door.
Esme and Carlisle were sitting in the breakfast room and talking quietly. Carlisle's arm was casually draped around her shoulders and she instinctively leaned in to his embrace. They both looked up simultaneously as we entered the room. Esme smiled at me and patted the seat next to her.
"Good morning, Bella."
"Good morning, Carlisle. Esme." I nodded to both. "I hope you don't mind me cooking in here."
"Of course not, this is your home," Carlisle said.
I walked to the fridge and pulled almost everything out on the counter, unable to figure out what I wanted. After looking over the assortment, I finally narrowed the assortment of food down to three things: eggs, hot sauce, and pickles. I never ate pickles, but I wanted them now. Reluctantly, I put the pickles back in to the fridge, deciding I did not want to chance getting sick this morning. Taking my fail proof meal, eggs over easy and hot sauce, back to the table, I could feel Edward's eyes on me.
"So tell me, Bella, what do you plan on studying while you are at Northwestern?" Carlisle asked.
"I've always wanted to be a teacher, but I'm not sure about what I want to teach."
"It will come to you."
"Have you thought about being an English Major?" Esme asked.
"You love literature, Bella," Edward added tentatively.
"I will look into it at orientation week."
I was almost done with my breakfast, when I started feeling nauseous for the first time in weeks. I thought I was being careful by choosing eggs; I couldn't get enough of them since the honeymoon. To prevent getting sick, I gulped down the rest of my orange juice.
"I'm not feeding you enough," Edward said.
"I've gained almost ten pounds because of you," I said a little too harshly.
"You look beautiful no matter what size you are," Edward muttered.
I resisted to the urge to roll my eyes. However, I couldn't stop my body's reaction to blush. Avoiding his eyes, I sighed, pushed back my chair, and took my plate to the sink.
Alice poked her head into the kitchen. "Edward, Jazz wants to go hunting with you before we leave."
"I'll meet him out back."
"I'll go too," Carlisle said standing up. Esme stood beside him and held on to his hand. Carlisle looked at her, whispered something too low for me to hear and kissed her.
Edward walked over to me with his hands pushed into his pockets. I refused to look at him. He towered over me. Pushing my hair away from my face, he cupped my cheek. His lips were next to my ear as he whispered, "Es tut mir leid, meine Liebe."
Then he captured my lips and pulled my body against his, my body naturally melted against him. I knew he was trying to tell me he was sorry through the kiss.
Just as quickly as it started it ended. Edward's lips left mine with a 'pop'. My lips were tingling and my mind was scrambled. I watched him walk away with a dumb look on my face.
Alice and Esme giggled at my reaction. I couldn't figure out what just happened.
"Come on, Bella. We have a lot to talk about," Alice said seriously, drawing me from my daze.
I followed her upstairs to her room. She led me to her antique wrought iron bed decorated with black sheets and an assortment of pillows. She moved to the middle of the bed, crossing her legs underneath her.
"Let's talk," she said.
"About what?"
"Whatever is troubling you…and Edward."
"You noticed?"
"You wouldn't even touch this morning or let alone look at each other. The Edward is gone and Esme is outside making sure Emmett doesn't damage anything. So it's just me."
"I thought Emmett would be done by now."
"I ordered a few more things. Now back to what we were talking about. Spill, Bella," Alice ordered.
"I've been having dreams about this little boy and then this morning I had one about a baby. His eyes were just like Edward's before he changed."
"What do you think it means?"
"I don't know. I can't make heads or tails of how these dreams are making me feel. My emotions have been scattered all day."
"You're worrying him.
"I know." Now I was irritated and started to rant my frustration, "But he really shouldn't jump to conclusions so fast. He keeps doing that. Constantly I feel like I have to be careful of what I should say to him otherwise I risk him having an epic worry attack. I can't talk to him about this, Alice. "
"This isn't worth not talking him. Trust me, I can see it."
"What should I say to him?" I cut Alice off. "He'll only see the baby dreams as me wanting one and not wanting my life with him. Nothing could be farther from the truth. What if he wants to give me up for my own good or something crazy?" The tears seemed to bubble up from nowhere.
"Oh, I'm sorry here are some tissues," Alice offered. "He can't give you up now. He's had you for too long."
I nodded in agreement, though I still doubted it because he'd gone to those extremes before. "I'll be fine in a few minutes." I dabbed the tears away with the tissue. "What should I say?"
"There are some things that I can't tell Jasper. Tell him what you feel comfortable with. That's what I would do."
"Thank you, Alice."
She put her arms around me and embraced me. "That's what sisters are for."
Alice asked me if I wanted a mini makeover. I politely declined and suggested a movie instead. She and I watched TV downstairs. I nodded off somewhere between Leave it to Beaver and I Love Lucy.
"Bella. Bella, wake up," a familiar tenor voice said. "Wake up, love, you don't want to miss dinner with Charlie."
I opened my eyes and saw Edward crouched in front of me. "No, I don't." I sat up and got myself together.
Somehow the kiss Edward had given me before he left didn't change the emptiness I still felt. The entire drive we let the uncomfortable silence choke off any pleasant feelings.
"Are you ready?"
I took a deep breath and nodded, ignoring the nagging feelings pulling on my heart. I knocked on the door once, and Charlie was there and embracing me in a hug. I was startled by his blatant display of affection. Usually he steered clear of things like this. But today I couldn't care less.
"Dad," I sighed leaning into his embrace.
"Bells," he said clearing his throat, ushering us inside. "Edward."
We spent the remainder of the afternoon and well into the evening with Charlie. I didn't want to admit to myself the reason I found every excuse to stay past dinner. Ultimately, I decided to clean and cook. I found myself trying to justify leaving Charlie alone, but I couldn't. What I was doing was utterly selfish and…he needed me.
I listened to Charlie and Edward talking in the living room.
"How's the chili, Bells?" Charlie shouted while watching the football game.
"It should be done in about fifteen minutes."
"You know you didn't have to go cooking up a storm for me," he said walking into the kitchen and examining the various containers of food I packed for him. "All of this looks amazing!"
"It's no problem," I said blinking away my tears while stirring the chili. Not again. I couldn't understand where this was coming from. I prepared myself for this, I told myself.
"You're a horrible actress, Bells."
"Sorry," I said, brushing my tears away.
"It's only college and you'll visit on holidays, won't you?"
"Yeah." I sniffled, suddenly feeling silly, for the second time today, for being emotional.
"Bells, you have a big day tomorrow. Don't worry about me so much." Charlie shifted awkwardly and started blushing. "I love you."
"Me too, dad."
I was packing up the chili when Edward came up behind me and placed his hands on my shoulders. We shared a look for a brief moment before Charlie walked us to our car.
"Good luck, kid." Charlie kissed my forehead and closed my door.
On our way home I felt drained. Edward arched his eyebrow at me, seeing the worry that I failed to hide. Edward reached over and placed his hand on mine to comfort me.
Edward parked in front of the house.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"I'll be fine. I promise." The last thing I needed was Edward worried about me second guessing my decision to attend school out of state because I didn't want to leave Charlie.
I wasn't even two steps into the house before Emmett swung me up in his arms and started spinning me around. "I'm going to make your last night here epic!"
"Em, put me down. I'm going to be sick."
"Sorry, I won't go so fast next time." He stopped abruptly. "I have a bunch of scary movies, popcorn, some of that gross peanut butter candy you like so much, and—" Emmett picked up on my mood and stopped midsentence. "Why the long face?"
"It's been a long day."
Emmett frowned and released me from his arms.
"We can do this some other time, okay? Go home and get some rest," he said seriously. I felt bad for not spending time with him on my last night.
Edward lifted me into his arms and took off running out the side door.
I held on to Edward and didn't let go until we were in the cottage both tucked into bed. I evened my breathing and focused on suppressing my emotions.
"Bella, what were you thinking of earlier this morning?"
Here was my moment to take Alice's advice.
"I remembered a dream I had. I was running away from something. See, no big deal, just a typical nightmare," I said.
I felt like I was lying to him on the one hand, and on the other I wasn't about to change that because I knew what he would think. And I didn't want to lose him. I wanted to keep my fairytale just the way it was: happy or seemingly so.
He frowned. "I reminded you of a…nightmare," Edward's voice was filled with sadness. I almost told him about the baby in my dreams when I heard it. I should have chosen my words more carefully.
I covered his mouth with my hand. "That's not what I meant. The memory came back to me at the wrong time. It had nothing to do with you. Please, don't worry. You worry so much." I pushed his hair back from the top of his head.
"I apologized earlier for this, and I'm going to do it again. I practically ignored you while we were having sex. I was worrying about what you were keeping away from me. It wasn't because I didn't want you. I'll always want you." Edward deepened his voice.
"I know, but don't you ever do that again. I felt so empty," I said.
"Did I hurt your feelings that much?" he asked.
I nodded.
"I'm such a fool," Edward whispered.
He leaned his forehead against mine and closed the distance between our lips. His lips moved with the right amount to tenderness, and he rolled us over so that I was on top of him. His hands gently caressed my hair and back.
"I don't deserve you." He looked at me with such intensity I felt like he could see through me.
With that one look, the emotions I tried desperately to fight off while at Charlie's rushed back, and the guilt intensified. I didn't deserve him.
"What is it?" The look in his eyes was very tender, once again dragging up the guilt. "Talk to me please."
"I want to be strong for you," I started to say.
"Bella, you carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. Sometimes that can be a good thing. Right now it's hurting both of us. Let me take the load off."
"All right, I'm scared," I finally admitted to him and myself.
"You know the nightmare isn't—"
"It's not the nightmare, Edward. I feel unprepared for all of this. I don't know how to be married, move away from home, and leave Charlie. Everything is happening so fast, and I don't know what's going to come next." My body shook with sobs. However, these tears were cathartic. "What if I'm not a good wife?"
"That's absurd."
I was about to object when Edward placed his finger to my lips. "It's seems to me that you need a bit of reassurance. Listen to me. We'll take our marriage day by day. There's no rush."
I nodded my head.
"I'm going to miss my family, too," Edward admitted after my breathing slowed down. "I will never get used to leaving them," he spoke honestly.
And just like that, a wave of peace washed over me as Edward held me. Things finally felt like they'd be all right. I went to bed that night with thoughts of hope for our new life in Chicago.
The next morning I woke with my heart pounding in my chest. I expected to find myself curled up against a tree guarding my precious baby. As much as I wanted to deny it, I knew he had to be mine; I felt it deep within me. I was stroking his petal soft cheek, when I was compelled to look up. A group of cloaked figures materialized at the edge of the clearing. Dread settled over me like a vise. It was too late to run and I couldn't force myself to move. They glided easily across the meadow. The baby sensed my distress and began to cry. They'd be here soon. I was determined to protect him till the end. I held him close to me, humming, trying to calm him. The figures drew closer.
"Shh," I whispered. "They won't hurt you."
Then they surrounded me.
Splitting thunder shook me from my reverie. My head snapped toward the window. The sky was black and rain fell against the window in sheets.
"Edward," I called.
He appeared next to me on the bed, pulling me into his arms and said, "I expected you would fall back asleep. It's still a bit early."
"I can't."
"Another nightmare?"
I nodded.
"Tell me about it," he said softly his voice conforming to the silence.
"Haven't I been sleep-talking?"
"You've been silent since we've come from our honeymoon."
"How strange," I said. I figured I would have been sleep-talking since they were so vivid.
"Bella, the dream," Edward insisted.
"I couldn't move and these dark figures were closing in on me."
"Who?" His body tensed.
"Maybe it's the Volturi, since they were wearing dark cloaks."
"They're never going to hurt you as long as I'm around. I swear."
"I know."
After an hour of tossing and turning, no amount of humming or back rubbing could lull me to sleep. I rolled out of bed following Edward to the kitchen.
"Are you hungry? Or is it too early?"
"Yes, my body craves the food you make now. It's insanely delicious for someone who doesn't eat at all."
He laughed. "What shall it be this morning? Fried eggs and hot sauce?"
"You noticed that?" I blushed.
"I notice everything about you."
My stomach growled loudly. "I'll take the fried eggs and hot sauce."
"I'd be happy to oblige." He leaned over the counter and placed a kiss on my lips.
After breakfast I took a quick shower then got dressed. By the time we had to leave, the weather hadn't changed. I grabbed a bottled of water before I left the house just in case I got sick again. Emmett drove us to the airport. Emmett gave me one last hug and kiss when we got to the security check point. I would miss my older brother.
He stopped Edward and said, "Take care of her."
Edward nodded and embraced Emmett in a hug.
Thankfully security didn't take long. Edward swiftly led us to our gate, and we boarded the plane not long after. Edward and I sat alone in first class.
"You ready?" I asked, excited.
"With you, anytime."
What do you think of Edward and Bella's relationship so far? Do you think their problems will continue to be a simple fix in this marriage? Please review, review, review!
~Tiff