Forbidden Desire

Chapter 4

A/N: AND I'M BACK! All of a sudden…haha HI! I've been meaning to write and then I forget this existed but I'm back now and I hope to finish this story off ONCE AND FOR ALL! And continue to new stories ^^ This chapter is slow but the next chapter will be much more lively!

Aki's eyes slowly blinked open and he looked down to see Ken curled up against his chest. He smiled softly and pet the boy's hazelnut hair gently with the back of fingertips. He watched Ken squirm underneath his touch. "I'm hungry" Ken spoke with a rasp sleepy voice before opening his eyes. Akihiko giggled at how adorable the boy looked .

"Well let's get you something to eat." Aki suggested looking into Ken's eyes as the boy sat up. Ken rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.

"Yakisoba?…beef bowl?…" Ken said quietly thinking of what he wanted.

"You want something heavy. Beef bowl it is!" Akihiko said with delight. "The protein is good for ya! It will put some meat on those bones" Aki smiled as he poked ken on the side of his ribcage. Ken pursed his lips tightly, trying not to laugh. Akihiko wasn't satisfied so he kept poking Ken continuously like he was using Ken as a keyboard. Ken's mouth flew open and released hearty laughter. Koro heard the boy and jumped on the bed excited. He started smothering Ken and Aki with playful affection. "You want a beef bowl too Koro?" Koro barked in response to Akihiko. Ken got up from the bed and Koromaru followed. Akihiko stayed on the bed and admired Ken as he pulled a shirt over his head. He realized Akihiko was staring and his face turned pink and he pulled his shirt down over his private area. What is he doing just staring? I thought we were leaving…I should just exit the room and finish getting dressed. Yeah, that's it, I'll just leave…but should I say something first. This is all too WEIRD! Ken's thoughts went wild and he felt himself starting to sweat from the nerves.

"Uh…urgh. I g-gotta get the rest of my clothes..so…" Ken said hesitantly and began walking quickly out of the room. Akihiko saw a chance to tease Ken but he decided to give him a break. He was already embarrassed enough. Ken got to his room and closed the door behind him. He sighed in relief and Koromaru cocked his head to the side in confusion. "I know, I know I'm weird…this whole thing is weird. My senpai, the guy I always wanted to grow to be like…and earlier…I feel sick but happy. I don't know what's wrong with me." Ken vented to Koro. "Maybe it's my nerves. I get worked up too easily. Akihiko-senpai is always so cool and calm. How does he do that?" Ken went through his clothes and slipped on a pair of beige cargo pants. "I feel like a kid all over again. I need to stop acting like such a child!" Ken flopped himself on the bed in frustration. Koromaru felt Ken's mood and whined at his feet. "I'm okay Koro." Ken smiled softly and bent to pet Koro. As he stroked Koro's fur, he looked at the dresser and noticed a thin, flat corner of something was sticking out. Ken got up and made his way over.

"You ready yet Ken?!" Akihiko called out. Ken was transfixed on the mysterious object. He pulled it out and it was a picture. It was a picture of Shinji and Akihiko at Hagakure. Wait…something's strange about this photo…they look…different somehow. Like they like each other? No! That's insane! Shinji didn't like guys..or did he? Akihiko surprised me so I guess Shinji wouldn't be far off. Shinji… Ken felt a pang in his chest remembering what happened long ago. I killed him…it was my fault. Aki was crushed…everybody was. Ken heard the door click open and quickly sat on his bed with the photo tucked underneath him. "Are…you okay?" Akihiko raised one eyebrow as he stared at the pale boy. "You're as pale as a ghost. Let's go get some food in you."

"oh okay!" Ken smiled the suspicion away but Akihiko was still suspicious of him. "Let's go!" He crouched down to Koro. "We'll bring you back something Koro." Akihiko examined Koro's familiar orange vest.

"Isn't that your old vest?" Aki asked intrigued.

"Yup" Ken laughed. "I outgrew it but it was my favorite after all so I didn't want to part with it. Now I don't have to cuz Koro won't outgrow it. He's already an adult!" Ken smiled proudly. Akihiko laughed and shook his head.

"Alright let's go" Akihiko held the door open as Ken exited. They began to walk down the street and Ken looked down at the ground.

"I..changed my mind. I want Ramen." Ken said fidgeting with his hands.

"Hm? Okay we can have Ramen. There's a Ramen shop around the corner this way." Akihiko pointed ahead.

"I-I want Hagakure!..it's just been a while since I've been to Iwatodai Station so…can we?" Ken put on an innocent smile but inside his nerves turned the deepest pits of his stomach.

"Oh! S-Sure okay. In that case, we need to take the train." Akihiko motioned to the park. "We have to go through the park and the train station is on the other side." They started walking in the direction of the train station. Akihiko's mood is different now. He seems full of thought and empty at the same time. Maybe I shouldn't have asked…why did I ask? Ken squeezed his fist tightly feeling like an idiot for suggesting Ramen after seeing that photo. "Hey, Ken?" Aki wore a solemn expression and spoke without looking anywhere but straight ahead.

"Yes?" Ken looked up at Aki's face and looked away quickly once he was the look Akihiko was making.

"Nothing. Forget it. Let's just get something to eat." Akihiko took back his words of inquiry and continued to walk in silence. Why is Ken acting so strange? Was it because of what happened earlier? I hope I didn't mess him up in the head or anything. Maybe I took things too fast. Should I mention it? Or would that make him feel MORE uncomfortable. What am I doing? Akihiko sighed, deep in his thoughts.

"Did I do something wrong Aki?" Ken looked away afraid of the answer.

"What?! No, of course not. It's ME that should be asking YOU that." Akihiko felt guilty that Ken thought it was him that was the guilty one.

"Oh…no! no you didn't do anything wrong." They boarded the train and ended up at Iwatodai Station. Akihiko felt this bitter clenching in his chest.

"It's been a long time for me too…" Akihiko and Ken made their way to Hagakure. I haven't been here since….ugh. I don't even want to think about it. Ken could see the pain that Akihiko was trying to hide behind a composed expression.

"Are you okay? We could go to the Wild Duck burger instead? I could easily eat a-" Ken was interrupted by Akihiko.

"Why wouldn't I be okay? I love ramen. Besides, Wild Duck's fries are terrible and mushy" Akihiko forced a smile and held the door open for Ken. Akihiko went to his usual seat at the bar like he was on autopilot. Ken sat in Shinji's usual seat without realizing. "Hey Ken, could you sit…nevermind." Akihiko sat trying to keep himself collected. They ordered their food and began slurping the ramen slowly.

"Hey Aki-kun! It's been a while!" The owner approached Akihiko at the bar.

"Huh? Oh yeah it has. How's business?" Akihiko threw himself in conversation, hoping to get out of his thoughts.

"Great! A lot of regulars like usual." The owner tapped an employee that was walking by. "Hey you see this guy here! Akihiko Sanada! He was a regular of mine years ago. He used to come with…what was his name?" The owner looked at Akihiko. Ken froze with Akihiko and it was as if time stood still. This was a terrible idea. Idiot! Idiot! Idiot! Why did I ask to come here?! Ken screamed at himself. He felt it was his fault that Aki was in this painful and awkward position.

"Shinjiro Aragaki." The words slowly dripped out of Akihiko's mouth with angst as if he was going to choke on them.

"Oh yeah…I saw the newspapers and the news. I didn't see you so I wasn't able to give my condolences. So young…" The owner commiserated with Akihiko.

"Yeah…" Akihiko looked down at his food stirring it with his chopsticks.

"If I can do anything for you, let me know. I know how special he was to you." The owner placed his hand on Akihiko's shoulder and went back to work.

"Aki…." Ken started to speak but the words became stuck.

"Don't!" He snapped. "Just don't worry about it." He sighed. Akihiko started to go into the deep chambers of his mind.

"You're getting broth on me, slurping like that" Shinji complained wiping his arm with a napkin.

"Compliments to the chef" Akihiko laughed at Shinji's serious expression.

"The compliments need to stay in your bowl..." Shinji said grabbing a bite of his ramen.

"Or yours!" Akihiko said attempting to assault Shinji's ramen with his chopsticks.

"Hey eat your own!" Shinji couldn't help but smile.

Ken forced himself to finish his food, even though he lost his appetite but Aki wasn't even close to finishing. Ken figured he probably wasn't going to finish it and wanted to give Akihiko an escape from the place.

"I'm finished." Ken said timidly. Akihiko snapped back to the present.

"Oh okay. I am too." Akihiko cleared his throat. They headed home without a word. They passed a convenient store close to Akihiko's place.

"Can I get Koromaru something here?" Ken asked.

"Sure." Akihiko agreed. Ken ran in and grabbed a few different bags of dog treats and bought a few meat croquettes as Akihiko slowly followed behind. They left and went back home.

"Koroooooo! Look what I got!" Ken said enthusiastically, hoping the good mood in his voice would rub off on Akihiko. Koromaru came running from Ken's room upstairs and sat excitingly at Ken's feet waiting for a croquette. He munched happily and Akihiko dazed off rubbing the back of his head.

"Hey Ken, I'm gonna go for a run. I need some exercise after eating. I'll be back soon okay?" Ken looked at Akihiko and nodded.

"O-okay. See you soon." Akihiko went out the door and Ken sat with Koro on the couch and turned on the TV. 30 minutes passed and then another hour. Ken became worried and couldn't focus on TV anymore. He looked at Koromaru. "I hope he's okay…" Ken waited until he couldn't keep his eyes open anymore. He squinted at the clock "10….o'clock…so...late" Ken dosed off with Koromaru on the couch. No Akihiko to be seen or heard.