Charlie: Enoby doesn't own FMA, only the OCs, so don't sue her!
Enoby: Or McDonald's! On with the story!
Just a Dream?
Chapter 1
Past From Hell-
Director: No! Cut that shit out!
Enoby: Oops! Sorry!
The Annihilation of the Mary-Sue Brigade
Chapter 3
'Like, seriously Hanners, you'll love Rickayyy! He is so sweet! ^_^ Jessi and everyone thinks I'mma slut because I live with my thirty year old boyfriend but I dunno they are just jealous.' the black-haired teen said to her friend. They were 'working' at McDonalds for the last time; Springbreak was coming up and nobody wants to be stuck in a fast food restaurant the entire time.
The blonde looked over at her friend and mumbled, 'Yeah, Ai, but do you think it's wise to be dating a thirty-year-old bloke right after your entire family were killed?'
Mary-Sue sighed and said leaning on the cashregister, 'I guess but why should it matter? I was adopted and it really sucks to find that out at their funeral... sometimes I wish I could just go away and be somewhere with friends that won't try to leave me all the time somewhere that I could be appreciated,' she whined.
They stood in silence for a few minutes until the door chimed and Rickayyy walked in, with his hands tucked down his tracksuits he approached Mary-Sue's register whilst carrying a human arm. 'Yeah, I want… You. Like, innit.'
'OH MY GAWD! RICKAYYY! DAT IS SO KAWAII!'
Oskar (who was sitting at a table with food from KFC) silently pointed the human arm out to Leo, who then raised his eyebrows the highest they could get in disgust.
Mary-Sue smiled and said, 'What is it Rickayyy? You know I can't have visitors at work!'
He smiled showing his horrific gold fillings and chipped teeth (in fact, some teeth were missing altogether), 'Just wanted to like, innit, see what time ya got off, innit mate? Blud.'
Mary-Sue whipped her back and forth and simply said, 'Midnight,' while turning redder than the blood dripping from the arm.
Rickayyy nodded and walked back out the door, leaving the bloody arm to rot on the floor.
There was a deep silence.
Oskar coughed.
More silence.
He spoke up, 'Isn't anyone going to notice the severed arm?'
'What severed arm?' the other people in the fast food restaurant asked.
11:27pm
Mary-Sue slowly inserted the key into the door of the apartment she shared with Rickayyy. She could smell the faint scent of copper, though she was used to this as she never really complained about the 'dead bodies' that she never saw him bring back.
She opened the door and stepped over the threshold, screaming as she saw the sight before her; Rickayyy was covered in blood with a knife in his hand, blindly stabbing at air. Mary-Sue turned and ran back to her car (because even though she's sixteen she can so totally drive), locking the door then hyperventilating hopelessly, before pulling out her cellphone and dialling 911. The operator answered and Mary-Sue yelled, 'P-please help me! I need the ambulance! M-my boyfriend is killing someone!'
'Okay ma'am, calm down and stay where you are, I've tracked your call and a police car is on its way.'
She hung up the phone and dialed Hanna's cell, wiping the tears from her eyes with sandpaper.
'GRRR who is it ya prick? Fuckin' council! With their fuckin' taxes!' Hanna screamed into the phone.
'Uhh, Hanners. It's me, Mary-Sue… Can you ask your mom if I could come and live with ya'll for a while Rickayyy isn't a murderer! He's dishonoured your family! YAAAAAA!' Mary-Sue said.
Hanna farted, 'Yeah Ai, s'pose I can do that. When are you coming over?'
The distraught girl sighed and said, 'When the fire department leave will you wait for me? I don't think it will take too long… Just up to 24 hours…'
Mary-Sue could hear the non-existence cogs grinding as Hanna 'thought' through the decision, 'Of course, duck. I'll be up there. I just got Conqueror of Shamballa so we can watch it later.'
Mary-Sue chuckled then said, 'Yeah! Sounds fun… Well I gotta go, the AA just got here.'
She hung up the phone and began talking to the officer as she watched Rickayyy being restrained and then taken away.
'You think that air in there was fun? No, no my dear! Your air, and your other air were very arousing! All its non-existent screaming, then when your Papa air came in... oh, Mary-Sue, you would have been even better. 'Cause you're such a fuckin' airhead!'
Mary-Sue gasped and turned to the officer, 'No!'
One minute of very slow questioning later
Mary-Sue sat in the car outside of Hanna's house, finally calming the tears enough to decide to go inside and tell Hanna nothing of what Rickayyy said.
'Oh Ai, did you get all of your porn?' Hanna said opening the door, revealing her friend and alone suitcase. Aika nodded then mumbled, 'Yeah, everything else is in the car… OOOAH! I only need this for girls walked in and Hanna immediately started the girls watched from episode 1 to 3 before falling asleep.'
'What a reet fuckin' mouthful from ya, duck!' Hanna said in her sleep.
Mary-Sue rolled over, her hand caressing the television, making it glow an eerie blue colour in excitement. Then thousands of tiny hands shot out of the T.V. and molested the two girls, pulling them into The Gate!
Oskar's bedroom
Leo and Oskar were sat watching episodes from Salad Fingers on YouTube.
Oskar was confused, 'So Leo… Is it a green person or a salad?'
Leo shrugged, 'A closeted homo-whatever?'
Oskar nodded, pulling a Stephen face from this year's The Apprentice. He jumped as a random cool person appeared on the screen, 'Amestris needs YOU!' the caption stated, with the person's finger pointed at the boys.
Oskar was silent for a minute before saying, 'Goddamn Spyware,' while closing the lid of his laptop. They both decided to ignore the strange occurrence, passing it off as being due to the effect of mixing alcohol and pain killers.
Suddenly, there was a bright flash of light, and they woke up to find themselves stranded in a ditch with just their pyjamas to keep them warm. Oskar and Leo looked at each other for a few minutes before the former sighed. 'Brilliant,' he said. 'That's the last time I drink a stirred Martini.'