Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I am just the uninvited guest swimming around in her pool.
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The Path We Chose
Chapter 4: These Lips
Things change after you share your first kiss. I don't just mean the first kiss of your life, but your first kiss in a new relationship. What seemed natural before--keeping a friendly distance from each other--was now close to impossible. Edward and I could not be within a few feet of each other without touching. I suddenly felt awful for ever laughing at Alice's and Jasper's partner situation in Health. It must have been excruciating for them to be in the same room for nearly an hour without being close enough to touch. Edward and I held hands through the entire class period. We had no choice.
The first time Edward reached for my hand under our desks, I had looked at him and we both smiled. It felt right. Sometimes he would run the backs of his fingers up and down my arm from my wrist to my elbow until he felt my goose-bumps. Do it again, I would think, and he would, just like he read my mind. Edward and I never officially declared ourselves boyfriend and girlfriend. We didn't have to--we just knew it. And so did everybody else. The people in the everybody else category stared harder than before and I heard our names on their whispers. The girls' stares were different than the boys'. The girls knew Edward was dating now and seemed to think that perhaps, with the right look or twinkle of the eye, he might leave me and sprint to them.
Jessica and Lauren were the only ones who were bold enough to actually flirt with him in front of me. Edward had to pry their hands from his chest or away from his arm with one hand while he held me at my hip with the other. They had no shame. I reminded myself that I was the one he was kissing and touching and holding.
About three weeks after our relationship had become public knowledge, Jessica found us in the parking lot before school. She trolloped over just as Edward and I were heading toward the big brick building. On and on she chattered about Health class, all the while keeping her eyes on Edward in hopes that he might look her way and see her sparkle. I wanted to tell her that her sparkle was manufactured and came from the glitter in her eye shadow, but that would just be catty.
"Don't you think it's so funny that I ended up with Jasper and Alice ended up with Mike?" She asked.
"Wasn't it even funnier when you and Mike refused to help them out by trading partners?" I asked, enjoying the taste of sarcasm as it left my mouth. I wasn't that opposed to catty, after all.
"Maybe Alice and Jasper aren't the soul mates they think they are." She laughed when neither of us replied. "Just kidding," she said and put her hand on Edward's chest, as if she was just giving him a friendly pat, but then she left it there.
"Jess-ica," I said. "I know Edward's chest is really hard to resist. Believe me, I know. But don't you remember yesterday when he had to move your hand away for you…again?"
"Oh," she flew back like it was his chest and not my words that had just burned her. "I hadn't even noticed. Sorry."
"Okay," I said, sweeter than honey on a strawberry. "We'll see you in class later." I gave her an Alice-style nose-crinkle. Surprisingly, she walked away, but not without a teasing smile toward Edward. He wasn't looking at her. His eyes were on me and my smile.
"So," Edward said, squeezing me closer, "my chest is hard to resist?"
"Irresistible." I brought my hand to the exact spot Jessica's had rested only seconds ago and I tickled slowly with my fingernails. He closed his eyes. "Do you like that?"
"You have no idea."
"And when her hand was here?"
"It felt like weight." He picked up my hand and kissed it. "This is the hand I want."
Jasper was sitting alone at lunch. By alone, I mean Alice wasn't there and Emmett and Rosalie had their noses in each other's faces in some sort of discussion. Their lips were moving at the same time. I wondered if one even heard what the other was saying. "Where's Alice?" I asked Jasper as I took my seat next to Edward. He kissed my cheek and whispered, hello, reminding me that I hadn't properly greeted him before my Alice inquiry. He let his arm linger over my shoulder. "Hi," I whispered back.
"She's in the library with Mike. They're behind on the budgeting report."
"How are they behind?" Edward asked, "It's easy. It's practically done for you at this point. It's more about copying your income from one piece of paper to your report."
Jasper leaned closer to us, his arms resting on the table. "Well, Alice doesn't like going to Newton's house." He was speaking so softly that Edward and I both bent our heads straining to hear him over the rest of the cafeteria noise. It didn't help that Emmett was cackling next to us in his banter with Rosalie.
"Why not?" I asked.
Jasper didn't answer. He just raised his eyebrows at us and shifted in his seat, looking uncomfortable and anxious. I'd never seen him uncomfortable or anxious before. We changed the subject and I tried to keep him involved in the conversation as much as possible but his attention kept drifting off. Eventually he announced he was going to find Alice and he'd see us in class.
Edward and I barely made it to Health on time because, well, we were compelled to make out in a hallway nook before class. When we finally relented and made our way toward class, we left our little nook, but didn't stop kissing. He held my shoulders and I was walking backward--often bumping into other students--while he walked forward kissing me between each step. Some guy pushed on me when I stepped on his foot and I fell forward against Edward who stumbled back but managed to keep us both from falling over. We laughed and kissed some more. We were mid-kiss when Jasper caught my arm. I turned and Edward's lips grazed my cheek.
"Bella? Have you spoken to Alice at all today?"
"No, I usually don't see her until lunch and obviously she wasn't there today. Why?"
He leaned closer and whispered, "She's upset about something. She ran from me, into the bathroom." His breath was warm on my face and there was something different in his blue eyes. They were rounder and wider--he seemed really worried. I looked at Edward and he told me to go on. Jasper took my hand and led me quickly to the bathroom in the hall outside the library.
I practically ran through the door, "Alice!" She was right there, standing against the wall. Crying. "What is it? What happened?"
She was sobbing. She could barely speak. Her chest was heaving. I didn't know what to do. I looked around the room like my answer was there somewhere. Paper towels, sinks, soap-dispensers, nothing would help. I started to get hot, really hot, sweaty. I went to her and tucked her little wisps behind her ear over and over trying to sooth her, because that's what my mom used to do for me. In between gasps, she said that Mike had kissed her.
"Alice, I don't understand. Did he hurt you?" She shook her head. "Did he force it on you?"
Her sobs were mellowing. "Not rough or anything. He just kissed me. As soon as I pulled away he stopped and said sorry."
"Why did he kiss you?"
"Well…after, he said that he thought if he kissed me I would like it."
"Why are you so upset, sweetie?"
"Jasper--" was all she said before her sobs started all over again. She sank to the floor. I took a deep breath and sat with her on the germy, cold, public restroom floor. I cringed a little when I felt the floor beneath me, but Alice, her face was in her knees. I pet the nape of her neck like she was a cat. I had to make her purr. I waited for her to calm again before I asked her if she kissed Mike back. I didn't think she would have but I couldn't understand why she was this distraught. Angry, I could understand. Annoyed, irritated, sure. But sad? I didn't get it.
"No! Bella, no."
"Alice, please explain this to me." I was looking right into her dark eyes, pleading for her to trust me. I put a hand on her shoulder like I'd seen Jasper do many times before. It seemed it worked better when he did it.
"Mike's lips were on mine, Bella," she whispered. She touched her lips like she needed to show me--like Mike's kiss was still there, visible. "I had a feeling he would try something like this. I just knew it. I refused to go to his house. I knew it." Her head shook back and forth. "I didn't want to be alone with him. Jasper is going to--"
"What is Jasper going to do?"
"He's going to be so hurt."
"Alice, have you met Jasper? He's going to understand."
"You think so?"
"I've only been friends with you guys for a little while, but I know so. He loves you. He's waiting for you right outside. You should see him. He's so worried about you, he can barely talk. He's been whispering since lunch."
"Oh. I know I'm overreacting. It's just, you don't know. Jasper first kissed me when I was fifteen. I've never kissed anybody else." More tears presented themselves. They weren't going to let her go easily. I caught them with the back of my finger--one side, then the other. "Bella, these lips…" she touched them again, "they're Jasper's, you know? I know it sounds, I don't know, idiotic, but that's our thing. I told them they were his. I gave him my lips for Christmas one year." She rolled her eyes at herself in embarrassment. "It's our thing," she repeated. "He says, bring my lips over here, or I say, your lips are lonely or whatever. But now…"
Then I hugged her again, because that logic I could understand. Her lips were only for Jasper. She didn't want to share them with anybody else. I kissed her cheek. "Alice, that isn't idiotic. But Mike? He doesn't even count. It's like a fly landed on you. An unwanted, pesky fly landed on your lips and you shooed it away. That's all." I got a half-smile out of her. "Come on. Wash your face off." I pulled her up to the sink.
"Oh, God. I have mascara running all over me."
"I don't know why you wear that stuff. You don't need it. Your eyes are beautiful as they are." I wet a paper towel for her and handed it to her. She took it from me and threw it in the garbage.
"I'm not putting that on me." She ran the water and started splashing her face. Sure, she would sit all over the disgusting floor but the paper towel couldn't touch her. She seemed to be done crying, though.
"I'll tell Jasper you're on your way."
"Bella?" She said as I was almost out the door. "Don't tell Rosalie? About the lip thing."
I told her I wouldn't say anything. I never spoke to Rosalie anyway, so why would I tell her? My relationship with Rosalie entailed the do not speak unless spoken to rule. I steered clear of her and she mostly steered clear of me--or maybe she was just indifferent. I couldn't be sure.
Jasper was leaning against the lockers across the hall with his arms folded across his chest. He stood upright when he saw me. I smiled at him to let him know that Alice was okay. "Bella," he drew me into a hug and I felt warmth all around me, like a blanket. I hadn't even known I was cold. I remembered being hot in the bathroom, but when had that been replaced by cold? "Thank you," he whispered. My body and mind relaxed and any panic I had left in me melted away. I knew the warm, calm feeling came from Jasper somehow. I had never felt anything like it before. Alice needed this. She needed to get herself into Jasper's arms. "Is she--What's going on?" He was still talking in warm whispers, warm against my hair.
"She's better," I said, pulling out of Jasper's embrace but the warmth remained. I was compelled to tell him what I could to ease his mind a little. But I think I did the opposite. "Jasper, something happened. It's nothing huge--at least I don't consider it to be. But she feels so guilty and she's afraid it's going to hurt you. Just remember that she is really torn up."
His eyes were slits and his lips, pursed. "Did that little fucker--?"
"No! It's not what you're thinking. Not even close."
He just shook his head over and over until Alice walked out looking much better. She even smiled at him. It was the most timid smile I had ever seen on her face and her nose didn't crinkle. Jasper picked her up in his arms and hugged her. Her feet were well above the floor. "Tell me what's wrong, baby," I heard him say as I walked back toward Health. It hadn't been a whisper.
It seemed the class was getting free time to work on our project. I apologized to Mrs. Hines telling her I had personal problems. She waved me by without any eye contact, which didn't matter because I was busy glaring at Mike, the fly, as I passed him to get to my desk. Edward was questioning me with his eyes and I explained in hushed fragments. Bathroom, Alice bawling, Mike kissed her, he's a fly, with Jasper now.
"She was that upset over a kiss?"
"Yeah, that's where my thoughts were going at first, too. But then she told me that she had never kissed anybody but Jasper." I looked up into his eyes, those eyes. "That's when I understood."
His eyes widened and he bent down, our noses almost touching. He titled his head slightly and his nose nudged my cheek. "Are you telling me," he said against my lips, "that I am the only person you've kissed?"
"Yes," I said back against his lips. "Couldn't you tell?"
"Not at all." And then he kissed me soft and quick in the back of Health class before anyone noticed, or maybe they did, but it didn't matter.
When the bell rang, as soon as we were out the door, Edward grabbed Mike's shoulder and pulled him to a stop. "We need to talk."
I followed them outside where Edward questioned him against the wall. I hoped they wouldn't start fighting because that brick building did not look safe at all.
"I thought I had a chance with her. I was wrong. End of story. Come on, man, think about Bella."
"Don't you say her name!" I thought for sure Mike would be slammed into the wall for that, but Edward restrained himself, keeping his fists close to his sides. "What does Bella have to do with you kissing Alice?"
"You probably thought you had a chance with her," he gestured to me, "when you kissed her, and it worked out for you, didn't it?"
"Bella did not have a boyfriend. How can you think you have a chance with Alice when she already has a boyfriend?"
"Come on, man, it's high school. If Bel - if she had a boyfriend would that have stopped you?"
Edward looked over at me. His brows furrowed and then, without turning away from me he said, "Just stay away from Alice. You don't have a chance." Then his eyes were back on Mike, "And for the record, Bella has a boyfriend and you don't have a chance with her, either. Just…stay back!"
Edward took my hand and walked me toward Gym, my final, and least favorite class of the day.
"Why didn't you answer the fly's question about me?" We were just outside the gym's double doors.
He tucked me into a corner between the wall and the lockers' edge where there was just a smidge of privacy. His hands were on my shoulders. "Because he was right, Bella. I would have kissed you even if you had a boyfriend. I wouldn't have been able to stop myself." His voice quieted and his eyes fell to my lips. "Just, like, now." His hands clung to my back, and my arms circled his neck as his lips shot straight to mine. He gave me his tongue and I gave mine right back. We shared our mouths like we were hungry for one another. And then he was kissing my chin and down my neck and behind my ear, his kisses gradually gentling. He took my earlobe between his lips. If my earring stud bothered him, he didn't complain. He drew back slowly until just the very edge of his lips were grazing the very tip of my ear. We were both breathing harder than we should be at school. His fingers in my hair, he pushed it back, kissing all around the edge of my ear, up to the top, and then my temple. Kiss after kiss down to my cheek. And then, his breath tickling my face, he said, "Do you know what a privilege it is to be the first and only guy to kiss you?"
I shook my head. I knew I had it bad for Edward Cullen. I understood Alice's reaction to Mike even more than before. My lips were for Edward's lips alone. "Not me, though. I mean I'm not the only one to kiss you."
"No, but it's never felt the way it does with you. I've never felt like this with anyone before. You are the only person I want to kiss. I'm never going to stop."
The romance is going to gradually get heavier, so if that sort of thing bothers you, you may want to bring a jar of pickles with you. ;)
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