Remus stared at their entwined hands, considering his next response. He knew that the ball was in his court, and that he had to decide what it was he truly wanted. Not daring to look into Sirius's eyes, he moved his gaze around the room. He glanced out of the window, as if highly interested in what was going on outside. In truth, he was just buying more time.

Deep down, he knew what he wanted to reply. He wanted to say yes, he could forgive Sirius everything and they could pick up where they left off fourteen years ago. However, he was still hurt. Sirius had caused him so much pain when he had been with Narcissa, and he didn't want to let him off that lightly. His heart said to forgive Sirius, but his head wanted to make him suffer a little bit longer.

"I don't know, Sirius." He mused aloud, looking back at their hands. He couldn't bring himself to look into Sirius's eyes.

Sirius felt like his heart might burst with disappointment and frustration as he heard those words. His cheeks flushed a dull violet colour with embarrassment, as he withdrew his hand. It was stupid of him, he thought, to expect Remus to forgive him so easily. Remus was able to hold a grudge like no one he knew. He would brood and sulk until he'd blown things out of proportion.

"I've told you I'm sorry, Remus, what more do you want?" He muttered, his voice thick with mortification. "I can't force you to forgive me, but equally I can't take back what I did"

As Sirius removed his hand, Remus had felt a pang of disappointment himself. "I don't know, Sirius," He repeated slowly. "I want to forgive you, but I don't know if I can. I don't know what is it, I just need something more"

Sirius felt a rise of hope in his chest, and before he knew what he was doing, he heard his own voice, thick and husky, responding. "I'm sure I can think of something"

Remus looked up at the tone of his voice, and before he knew what was happening their lips were together, and he felt a familiar rush of excitement that only Sirius could bring. As their mouths crashed together, he felt Sirius's strong hand on the back of his head, roughly pulling Remus even closer to him. He felt himself give a small moan as the nails on Sirius's other hand dug themselves into the flesh of his back, and he sank his teeth hard into Sirius's bottom lip.

There was no real affection in the kiss, Sirius thought. If anything, it was an expression of all the pent up frustration they had both felt for the past fourteen years. He could feel his insides burn and stir as their tongues fought for dominance, as if both wanted to prove they had missed the other more. It had been so long since he had been touched by anyone at all, let alone Remus, he felt as if he was experiencing everything for the first time.

After a few moments, they tore apart from one another, both breathing heavily. Remus could feel his heart beating ferociously in his chest, as he struggled to regain his composure. Now that they were apart, he felt shaky, as though the kiss had sapped all the strength he'd been saving for talking. "I feel like I should say something dreadfully witty now" He said, in a wobbly voice, smiling apologetically.

"Tell me you forgive me" Sirius implored, his eyes staring so deeply into Remus's that it was almost unnerving.

"I'm not a slut, Sirius" Remus admonished gently, rubbing his chin where Sirius's stubble had rubbed against him. "You can't buy my forgiveness, even with a kiss like that"

"You never did give it up easily, Moony." Sirius grinned wickedly. He hesitated, the added seriously, "But do you forgive me?"

"I think so, Pads" Remus nodded. "it's just sometimes I don't think you appreciate how hard it is for me to be with you at all, so when you fuck around..."

"Tell me, then" Sirius murmured, rubbing the pad of his thumb along Remus's jaw line. "I can't understand these things unless you explain them to me."

Remus drew back from his friend's touch and turned to face him properly. Looking at Sirius's face, he was surprised to realise that he still felt that same thrill of amazement every time he looked at Sirius. The wonder that someone like him could ever be even vaguely interested in a loser like him. It was the same feeling he had experience all those years ago as a weedy eleven year old on the Hogwarts Express, terrified of the cool kids who apparently wanted to be his friends. The long dark hair that framed the handsome face with the strong jaw. He still couldn't grasp that such an attractive, dangerous man would kiss him, Remus J Lupin, like that.

"You know how insecure I am, Sirius, and you know the reasons why. You know that people see us together and they're repulsed by us daring to be together. But it's different for you. You're the cool one, the handsome one, the one everyone loves. The fact you're gay doesn't even register with people." He sighed. "But I'm not like you. People look at me and they see a werewolf. A vile creature who will probably maul their children and eat their wife. And on top of that, I'm gay. And not particularly funny or attractive."

Sirius's mouth twitched in amusement, but he tried to keep it under control. "Moony, I find you attractive. And you're clever, even if you aren't acting it at the moment." His shoulders began to shake with the effort of suppressing the laughter. "And do you really think that I'm going to be the most popular dinner guest in the community, when everyone thinks I'm a murderer?"

Remus smiled. "We're aright pair aren't we? The werewolf and the murderer" He sighed. "We're never going to be invited anywhere ever again."

That familiar wicked grin spread across Sirius's lips. "Suits me down to the ground, Moony." He replied, pushing his friend down flat on the sofa and climbing on top of him. "It looks like you're stuck with me"

Remus opened his mouth to reply, but readily allowed Sirius to silence him with another kiss. This one was more tender than the first, but it did nothing to diminish the quickening of Remus's heartbeat as he allowed himself to be dominated.