This chapter was tricky to write, hence the long wait. Sorry, but I just couldn't get it right. I hope readers are happy with the way it turned out and the way I'm writing the characters. I'm trying to give them genuine, human emotions. All have flaws, especially Dean since he's the central character, and I prefer him that way. Some might disagree, but he's not a saint and I'm really trying to capture that. Please review and let me know what you think.

Like everything else in Lawrence, the Anderson home still looked like it had the last time Dean had seen it. He swallowed hard when the white farmhouse came into view after turning up the gravel drive. He had nearly turned around a couple of times, but had gripped the steering wheel firmly, found his balls, and kept driving in determination.

He still had to wonder what the hell he was doing there though when Jason pushed open the screen door and stepped out onto the porch. Dean killed the engine and slowly climbed out of the car and leaned against it and the two men regarded each other blankly for a long moment.

It still eluded him at how they had managed to form a bond in Mike's garage all those years ago. After their shared love of anything that had an engine and Midwestern roots the similarities ended. He was a loner with biker boots, a leather jacket, and a sleek car. Jason was a country boy who'd worn the same baseball cap for years, who had a good sense of humor and had a heart as big as he was. He was a friend with everybody and had immediately taken a liking to Dean the first day they had met.

Jason had offered his friendship to him without question and that only made what Dean had done worse. That's why he had a lump in his throat that he was trying to swallow at that very minute.

He pushed off the Impala and slowly approached the porch. "Hey," he said.

Jason was silent but walked to the railing and leaned on it with his forearms and clasped his hands.

"I wouldn't blame you a bit if you'd have come out of the house and beat my ass. It's what I would've done."

"Yeah, well, I'm not like you," Jason replied coldly.

Dean knew he deserved that, but the words still made him flinch. "Look man, I'm sorry," he said hoarsely. "I feel as guilty as hell. I never wanted for any of this to happen and neither did Natalie. Just…don't give up on her."

Jason just looked at him and he wondered if it wasn't too late to just climb back in his car and drive away as fast as he could. He sounded more lame the more he talked and he probably would've scoffed and flipped himself the bird if their positions had been reversed. But like Jason had said, he wasn't like him.

"You feel as guilty as hell, huh?" Jason mused sarcastically. He snorted. "I can almost forgive you for sleeping together, though doing it on our wedding day was kind of cheeky. It's the deceit that nearly killed me. I know how close you were and I trusted you! The three of us, we were friends and I was made out to be a fool for months."

"Jason, I'm not going to make excuses for myself. But you have to understand when me and Natalie met…we didn't have anybody else and it was just hard to let go. And when we finally did break it off, we just wanted to forget." Dean looked down and kicked the gravel with the toe of his boot. "I guess we figured it would go away."

"You both lied to my face. You both slapped on smiles and lied," Jason said clasping his fingers together so tightly the knuckles turned white. "I even asked her once."

"And like I said we both feel as guilty as hell," Dean said desperately. "We all have skeletons. She's a human, Jason. Forgive her for it." He thought about what his dad had said to him that morning while sitting next him. "You know I'm the last person to be giving you advice, but it seems to me that if you love a person, you love them for everything, their faults as well as their strengths. And the true test of a marriage comes when the other person needs forgiveness. And if you can't do that then you don't deserve her."

"And you do?"

"I didn't say that." He sighed. "She chose you, Jason. That's got to count for something. She chose you and had your baby."

Jason's eyes clouded over and his shoulders slumped.

"What?"

For once, he regarded Dean with pity and he straightened. "You need to talk to Natalie," he said quietly before ending the conversation by turning his back and walking back into his home.

oooooooOOOOooooooo

Dean was close to losing his mind by the time he got back home. No, Missouri's home. Lawrence wasn't his home anymore; the recent conversation with Jason had proved that. He just wanted to throw his bag in the trunk and drive away without looking in the rearview, but he felt that this was a challenge he had to rise to. Leaving this town in a cloud of dust wouldn't give him the peace he craved.

Dean opened the front door and found Ben on the steps making slow progress upstairs on his hands and knees. He stuffed his keys in his pocket and raised an eyebrow when the toddler turned his little body to look at him.

"I bet you've been told a thousand times not to go near the steps," he said.

Ben only smiled at him.

"Yeah, I thought so," he remarked dryly. "C'mon, let's get you back on level ground."

Ben squealed when he reached for him and attempted to scramble out of his grasp, but his hand slipped and his chin came down on the step instead. "No, no, no," Dean said when the bottom lip began to quiver. He lifted the baby into his arms. "Shhh, you're okay, let me see."

Fat tears rolled down his cheeks and he snuffled loudly, but Ben allowed Dean to pull down his bottom lip with his thumb. "You're okay tough guy," he reassured him patting his diapered bottom. "Nothing wrong except a fine set of chompers coming in." He then smoothed down Ben's fine blond hair and studied his cherubic face. Jason's shadowed face echoed in his head, but he shook it off. "C'mon, let's see if we can find a snack."

He carried the boy into the kitchen where Missouri was humming to herself and standing on her tiptoes and watering her flower pots that hung in the window sill over the sink. "Scamp here was attempting to scale to greater heights, you know," Dean told her wryly setting Ben down on the counter next the fridge.

"Booberr!" he exclaimed flailing his arms when Dean opened the door and saw the small container of blueberries.

"I know, but I knew you were coming in so I didn't worry about it," Missouri said without turning away from her plants. "And don't get the juice all over him," she added when Dean lifted the lid on the container and popped the fruit into Ben's mouth. "Natalie will skin you good if that stains his clothes."

Dean flinched at the mention of Natalie's name and Missouri noticed, but said nothing. "She should be here soon, shouldn't she?" he asked, humoring Ben by letting him feed him a berry.

"Bout half an hour."

"Where are Dad and Sam?"

"Library," she said setting down the watering can. "Mr. Mallard passed away last week in the middle of the night, but the evening before he kept calling his daughter saying he was hearing wailing outside in his yard. Sam thinks it was a banshee, but they just want to make sure they have their bases covered." She smiled brightly at Ben whose lips were stained purple. "You want to go outside?"

Ben replied by turning big green eyes on Dean and holding out his chubby arms. He could handle giving the kid an occasional lift, but the sort of affection the two year old was offering was foreign to him. Clearing his throat, he lifted the baby and tried handing him off to Missouri but Ben latched onto his neck in protest and he turned to the older woman at a complete loss. "Do something," he implored.

"He wants you."

"But…." He couldn't risk becoming attached to the little boy, but figured it was a little too late when he realized he liked the way he fit into his arms so easily.

Missouri smiled at his grudging acceptance. "I think he misses the bond with Jason on some level."

"Great, I'm sure Jason would love the fact that Ben took such a shine to me."

Missouri patted Ben's back. "You went to see him, huh?"

"Yeah."

"Feel better?"

Dean looked down at the small fist that had closed around his thumb. "I've got a pit in my stomach."

"Dean…"

"Missouri, I shouldn't have come back," he whispered; panic beginning to fill his voice and eyes.

oooooooOOOOooooooo

Dean had hastily given Ben to Missouri and ignored his crying and went out to the porch.

He took a deep breath of fresh air and sat on the front step and pressed the heels of both his palms to his forehead trying to stave off a growing headache.

He didn't move for a long time while Missouri quieted Ben to soft whimpering and waited for Natalie. When she finally drove up the curb he stood purposefully and walked to meet her. She seemed hesitant to talk to him, but let Dean open the door and help her out.

They walked up the sidewalk silently but when Natalie started ascending the porch steps, he stopped her and pulled her down on them to sit next to him. "What aren't you telling me?" he asked bluntly.

"What did he say to you?"

"Enough to know that there's more going on here than just plain jealousy because I slept with his girl when you were dating. By the way, you have the crappiest poker face in the world."

Natalie seemed to relent and wrapped her arms around herself as if trying to draw strength. "Jason didn't ask me to leave because he found out about us. He could've forgiven me for that."

"Then what is it?"

She couldn't seem to look at him. "Ben…"

"Natalie, don't," he interrupted jumping to his feet and raking nervous fingers through his hair. "He began pacing back and forth in front of her.

"Dean, I don't know for sure—"

"How could you not know for sure?" Dean exclaimed. "How could it even be a possibility? You and I hadn't slept together for two and a half months before you announced you were pregnant."

"I found out I was pregnant seven weeks after I married Jason," Natalie whispered still not looking at him.

Dean froze and felt his entire world slip out from under his feet.

"I didn't tell Jason right away, I was scared," she continued, figuring there was no going back. Her face burned with shame. "And when Ben was born he figured he was just a little early."

"Stop it," Dean said finding his voice again. "Just stop."

"Dean, like I said I don't know for sure," Natalie said climbing to her feet to stand beside him. Tears were streaming down her face now. "Jason won't have a test done. I don't think he'd be able to stand it if Ben wasn't his."

Dean felt bile rising in his throat and he turned his face upwards to the sky and closed his eyes. "Why are you doing this to me?" he begged her. "Why now?"

"I never wanted to hurt anyone, but I'm tired of living lies," she answered crying openly now. "You may live in a world of half truths, but I don't want to anymore." She wiped at her cheeks furiously. "I thought I could be content, but every day I look at Ben and can't help but wonder who he is and what he carries inside of him."

He opened his eyes and looked at her accusingly. "Why didn't you just tell me?"

She smiled sadly. "How the hell would I have started that conversation? Besides, the outcome would've been the same. We all would've been hurt."

Dean clenched his fists. He knew she was right. "Dammit."

"Mama!" Ben exclaimed leaning against the screen door.

Dean and Natalie both turned to the little boy simultaneously. Natalie put on a smile and ran up the steps lightly and opened the door. She bent and picked him up and kissed him. "Have you been a good boy for Missouri?"

Ben smiled and nodded and then clapped his hands excitedly. "Surprise!"

"Surprise? For me?"

He leaned towards the kitchen impatiently.

Natalie allowed herself to be led further into the house and Dean followed slowly. He said nothing as he watched Ben show his mother the scribbling he did for her with probably every crayon from his box and refused to meet Missouri's knowing gaze. When Natalie quit gushing over her son's artwork and announced it was time to go, Ben shook his head and began pouting.

"What's wrong?" Missouri asked when his pouting became struggling and a mantra of "no, no, no".

"He's afraid of the dark," Natalie said trying to juggle a diaper bag and the squirming child. "He doesn't like to sleep in his room even with a nightlight."

Missouri looked at Dean sharply.

"Hey," Natalie said in her son's ear. "You can sleep with me tonight, okay? Be good and you can sleep with me."

Ben stopped fighting and seemed to accept the deal and Natalie gave Missouri a long suffering smile. "Thanks for watching him today. Say bye, Ben."

"Bye."

She turned so he was looking at Dean in the doorway. "Say bye to Dean."

He smiled and waved. "Bye."

Dean remained silent but smiled softly at the little boy.

Natalie said another goodbye to Missouri but avoided Dean's gaze as she walked past him. Missouri waited for the front door to close before raising an eyebrow. "What was that about?"

Dean just gave her a betrayed look and walked away.