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Chapter 4
My finger plays with my mother's ring. I have worn it since my parents died. It is her first wedding band. I wear it on my right hand. I endlessly play with putting it on and off constantly. I'm always like this when I'm in my therapy sessions. Talking about Yamatai is never easy, actually...I hate talking about it. Her name is Kate and she is young only about thirty-five. She has long blonde hair and pretty blue eyes. She's actually pretty hot...not as hot as Sam but not bad to look at. She wears business slacks and a white blouse, her legs are crossed in the chair as we sit on the porch overlooking the pool on my estate.
"How did you sleep last night?" She asks me as she sips a cup of tea.
"I slept better than I have." I answer her watching as Sam walks to the diving board in her pink bikini.
"That is improvement, tell me what helped you sleep better?"
"When I started to have flashbacks of Yamatai and made myself think of something else, something pleasant." I watch as her perfect form dives gracefully in the pool.
"Were you thinking of her?" She asks me.
"Yes." I admit and take a sip of my tea.
My eyes continue to watch Sam as she surfaces. She pushes back her wet hair and opens her eyes. She looks over at me, she smiles wide and waves. I wave back and watch as she continue to swim. I look back at my therapist as she watches her swim as well.
"Have you told her how you feel?"
"No...I don't think...I don't know." I look down at my fingers messing with my mother's ring.
"When the time is right. Well Lara..." She looks at her mobile. "Our session is over, keep doing the deep breathing exercises, when having flashbacks stay focused on something else...and don't blame yourself. What happened there...I would have done the same things you did." She looks me in the eye, her face full of caring.
I nod and she gets up and walks off with Henry. I continue to watch Sam swim. She looks so beautiful today. I finish my tea and Sam gets out of the pool and wraps herself in a towel. She walks up to me and sits down in the chair next to me where my therapist had been sitting.
"How did it go?" She asks smiling over at me.
"Fine, sessions are getting better and better." I answer her.
"I'm glad." She leans back in the chair.
She continues to talk and I listen to every word. I love to just hear Sam talk. Her voice is just so calming to me. Last night was the first night I didn't have nightmares and it was thanks to Sam. My thoughts of her kept the dark demons of my past away. Her beautiful brown eyes, looking at me, her gorgeous smile...all those things about her kept the horrors away. I continue to listen to her, talk about this new film idea she has. She always has some new idea for film. She looks at me closely and smiles again.
"Last night...I didn't weird you out did I?"
"What?" Oh my god, did she notice my super strange behavior. "No...no...I was just tired and...such." I manage to get out.
"Good, I was hoping I didn't make you uncomfortable. I...I know you were almost...you know on the island." She looks down.
Memories flash before me. My hands bound in front of me. The smell of fire and ash fill my nostrils. I can see him...that goddamn pig. His hands rubbing my hips seductively, one hand slips between my thighs. I want to vomit. I spit in his face. He punches me in the stomach...hard. I haven't had a woman in so long, that's about to change. He whispers in my ear. I see him undo his pants and comes near me. My heart is racing...goddamn sick fuck! He will not have me! I knee him in the groin. He kicks me and we struggle on the ground. I grab his gun, and without thinking I fire. The memory is just so horrible. My hands begin to shake, I try to think of something positive, I try to free myself from my memories. Come on Lara, stop living in the past. Come back to the present. I focus and see Sam. She's holding my shaking hands I look into her brown eyes, those wonderful amazing eyes.
"Lara...come back...it's okay...you're not on Yamatai. You're here, you're home with me." Her voice is so soft and soothing.
My hands stop shaking and my focus is on the present. I can feel the softness of her hands, they feel so delicate gripping mine. I look down at my hands and then look back up. Her eyes are hypnotizing to me. My lips quiver as I want to just lean in and touch my lips with hers. Oh Sam...I just want to kiss you. To run my hand through your soft dark hair. I swallow hard, and our foreheads touch. I breathe in and focus.
"I'm sorry...the demons from my past always come back." I whisper to her.
"I know Lara...I'm sorry I brought it up." She brings up her hand and rests it on my shoulder.
"I just want to forget you know...I hate remembering that place."
"In time the pain won't be so great, but you will never forget. Yamatai will always be a part of all of us." Her words sound so reassuring.
"I know, thanks for being here...with me."
"I'm always here for you...you're my best friend." She smiles at me.
I pull away and look at her brown eyes. If only you looked at me more than your best friend. If only you looked at me the way I see you. I see the love of my life.