Four-thirty on a Wednesday afternoon, Jess' phone rings.

"Hello?"

"Yes, hello, Mr. Mariano, this is Wayne Jiggerson of Philadelphia Central Gas Company. I need to know how many people are living in your apartment for some very important safety procedures that we unfortunately neglected to perform when you moved in."

Jess tugs the phone away from his ear to stare at it. Nope, still real. "What?"

"I'm very sorry for the inconvenience, sir," says the voice, which sounds like a cross between Joan Rivers and a muppet, "but it's just a quick check, nothing more than that, just need to know how many persons are inhabiting - "

Jess hangs up, and goes back to work.

Three days later, another phone call.

"Hello, Mr., eh, Jess Marciano? Is that right?" Jess pinches the bridge of his nose. "I have here an order for a child's birthday cake and I just want to double check the address. Is that right? Do you have a child?"

"I didn't order any cake," he says.

"Well, maybe it was a gift," says the voice, which seems to be making an attempt at a Jersey accent. It is not all that successful. "If you're a new father, well, friends and family often like to surprise them with - haha, oh, silly me, look at me ruining the surprise. That is if you are a father, are you a father, Mr. Marciano?"

Jess hangs up.

Two days later. "Is this Jess Mariano's phone?" A Brooklyn accent, this time. "Yeah, right, I'm a bookie, and he owes me money. But I'm a family man first and foremost, you understand, and I respect men who stand up and do the right thing, and I heard a rumor that he had a kid so if that's true then bada bing, bada boom, I'll be inclined to be forgiving, if you know what I mean."

"For fuck's sake, Lane, I know it's you," Jess says.

"Whaaaat? Who the hell is Lane? I don't know any Lane."

Jess hangs up.

Another two days. "Yes, hello, Mr. Mariano, this is Mrs. Beatrice Longbottom from the U.S. Census Bureau - "

"Don't you have a job?" Jess asks.

"Why yes, I work for the U.S. Census Bureau! I'm just doing a quick survey to gather some, eh, preliminary data in anticipation of the upcoming - "

"Put Rory on the phone," Jess says.

"Who's Rory? I'm Mrs. Longbottom," Lane says, a little too quickly.

"Put Rory on the phone or I'm hanging up and blocking your number."

"That's not even possible, I checked!" Lane cries, and then some sort of scuffle ensues, involving lots of rustling noises and a few outraged cries. Jess sighs, and closes his laptop.

"Hi," Rory says sheepishly, after a few more scuffles. Jess can hear a distant door slamming, on her side of the phone. "Uh. So, hey. Long time no talk. Heh."

"You could've just asked," Jess says.

"Well, I didn't want to overstep any boundaries," Rory says anxiously.

"So you decided to prank call me?"

"It was Lane's idea!" Rory exclaims. "Granted, not a very well thought out one, but, um, you know Lane. Part of her charm." She laughs nervously.

"Okay, well you have me on the phone now. So, ask."

"Ask what?" Rory says, ludicrously.

"Rory."

"What?"

"Rory."

"Don't do this to me, oh my God, you're such a jerk," Rory says, and sighs loudly. "Okay. Jess. Buddy. Old friend - "

"Christ," Jess mutters.

"Do you…possibly…have any news that you'd like to…share? With me?"

"I can't think of anything in particular," Jess says.

Rory yells in wordless outrage. "Jess!"

"I mean, not anything that's anybody's business, anyway."

"I am your stepcousin!" Rory exclaims. "Sort of! It is totally my business, and you told April!"

Jess smirks. "Which one is April again?"

"I'm hanging up!"

"Okay, okay," Jess says, laughing. "Okay, so - "

"So," Rory says eagerly, "so. So there's a - "

" - kid, yes there's a kid," Jess says, and Rory squeaks. "Her name is Willa."

"Oh my God, oh my God," Rory says, "you have a kid? You have a kid. A daughter. You have a daughter."

Jess grins. "Yeah."

"And you named her after Willa Cather!" Rory says gleefully. "Of course you did. Of course you did! Oh, Willa Mariano. What a name. Oh my God."

"It's a good name, I thought."

"Such a good name. Oh, God, is she cute? She's probably so cute. Luke didn't have any pictures but granted he kicked me out pretty fast - "

"I can send you pictures," Jess says.

"You better send me pictures! Oh my God, Jess. Jess." Rory's voice goes hushed with amazement. "You have a daughter, Jess. You're a dad."

"Yes," Jess says, with a conviction that is familiar to him now. "Yes, I am."

"I'm so proud of you," Rory says, which would sound condescending and awful coming from literally anyone else. But Rory has always been different. Rory has always meant it in a way that Jess could never be anything but grateful for.

"Thanks," Jess says.

"Tell me about her," Rory demands, and Jess settles back into his chair. "Luke said her mom was married?"

"Yeah," Jess says. "And a poet."

"How very Henry Miller of you," Rory says.

Jess laughs out loud. "Well, everyone needs a role model."