Omg, w00t! another chapter!
Yes, everyone, this is going to be a RoyxEd AND a HarryxDraco story. And maybe some other parings like RonxHermione if I can pull it off! Yay for all!
Warnings: Boyxboy goodness, OOC to the max, swearing and Envy. Look people, I KNOW it's an all Out Of Character story. You really don't need to remind me in the reviews.
Don't worry, I may miss out some things in this story, but I am still getting it to follow the plot. Well, I'm trying any way, Damnit!
I was reading this fanfiction today and I found something that is now bugging me. You see, in this story, Envy's broken, dirty, unconscious and bleeding. Ed takes him in and treats his wounds. He also changes Envy out of his clothes into a large t-shirt and boxers.
But I was amazed about it the author forgot to note the awkwardness Ed would have gone through when changing Envy's clothes. Come on, that must have been really awkward for Ed! It might have just been the way the fic was written or something else like that. But it would have been great to know what Ed was thinking when taking off Envy's pants. I know, I'm such a hentai, but I can't help it. It just made me wonder.
And I will take this moment to thank all my reviewers, which I've decided to list here: Saphira's Ember, Me And My God Complex, ED'sGirl 4ever, SexySpoonsWillRuleUsAll, Rodrigo DeMolay, loser in the gutter, I love Malfoy as a ferret. You guys are all AWESOME! Cookies for all!
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Last Time -----------------------------
"Ah ha! So this is where that damn Defence against the Dark Arts classroom is! Oh, and why are you kissing Draco, Harry?
If that isn't an awkward situation, then my name it Michael Jackson.
-----------------------------------------Now
Harry tore his mouth away from Dracos with a look of genuine surprise on his face. This surprised look almost immediately was replaced with a look of terror, as Harry's eyes fell on the person who had interrupted his little time with Draco.
"What the he- oh, hello Ed" Harry stuttered out, his face red and moved away from Draco. Draco looked grumpy.
"Oi, why did you come here and who are you? Get out of here!" yelled Draco at Ed, advancing on him holding up his wand. No, the magical one.
"Why, Draco my home dog, there aint be violence while I'm here, ya dig?" said a voice, coming from across the classroom. All heads wiped to the direction the voice came from, and were shocked to see Dumbledore standing there.
"What the -"
"- FUCK!" bellowed out Harry. His face became ten thousand, two hundred and ninety seven times redder. Like a tomato with a hideous rash! He slowly backed away from the head minister, and would have run out of the classroom if Draco's arms didn't slide around his waist to stop him.
"Language, my homies, language" the old-new Dumbledore continued. Harry, Draco and Ed could just only gape at Dumbledore in wonder, before a disturbed Harry broke the silence.
"How long have you, err, been watching Draco and I?" asked Harry, being the angst nerd he is. Dumbledore coughed awkwardly.
"Well, I've been here the whole time, ya know? Well, I best be off, catch ya later, my dogs!" said Dumbledore before walking swiftly around the young teens and out of the door.
"Wait," said Harry, thinking over what Dumbledore said, "So that means that Dumbledore was watching Draco and I make out the whole tim- oh yuck, our head master's a pervert! Ed, you bett- oh shit, where did Ed go?"
Draco and Harry looked around the class room and sure enough, Ed wasn't there. They both just shrugged, Draco jumped on Harry and they went back to their making out passionately on the classroom floor.
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Ed had run out the class room as soon as Harry had turned to back. Ed's face red with embarrassment from what he saw, his mind trying to delete to mental pictures.
Eh, thought Ed, I wonder if they shower together…oh yuck, fucking mental pictures! Ed walked blindly through the castle, before walking into someone, knocking them other and falling on top of them. When Ed recovered from his head hitting a well-toned chest, his eyes were filled with shock when he saw who it was.
"Oh, hey Colonel!" said Ed, laughing nervously, his eyes all shifty-like and a light blush creeping onto his face. The position he was in was awkward. He was thrown over Roy, his arms beside Roy, prompting him up and keeping him from falling back down onto Roy's chest. And to make matters worst, Roy's arms soon found their way to Ed's waist and pulled Ed back down to against Roy's body. Oh, that didn't help the awkward situation or Ed's crush on the Colonel at all.
"Ed, are you ok?" asked Roy, his voice all husky and sexy like, from where he lay underneath Ed. Ed gulped.
"Y-yeah, I'll be ok. Just some mental pictures that I really didn't need to see. But it's all good, I'll deal. But I better get cracking, Colonel Bastard, I got some lesson to get to!" said Ed, pulling himself away from Roy's warm body. He got up quickly and ran away before Roy could call out his name. Roy looked depressed as he watched Ed turn the corner and was out of his sight, but his look was quickly replaced with concern as Roy got himself off the ground. Roy just shook his head. Ed must be losing his mind over something. Because, by god, the Ed he knew didn't say 'cracking'! Roy sighed, as he placed his hands in his pockets and thought about how else he could get Ed into an awkward situation. This time maybe with him on top, not Ed.
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And of course, the first lesson was on the top of the tallest building in this fucking castle. Oh yes. Top of the NORTH tower, not the south as Ed discovered once he got to the top of the SOUTH tower. A very helpful-but-yet-extremely-rude painting told him. Ed grumbled and made his way back down the south tower, which he spent a good ten minutes walking up. But on his way down, he did manage to catch up with Ron, Harry and Hermione, who just happened to be lost on their way to their fist lesson too, which just happened to be the same as Ed's first lesson. What a lucky break for our loved little shrimp. Oh joy.
Now, Ed is only at this castle of magic because he is meant to be a body guard. But he's doing a crap job. Crappy, crappy crappy! So, Ed decided to befriend the 'golden' trio. Awesome. It was either that, or getting a but-kicking from Roy.
"Hey guys, you mind if I hang out with you?" asked Ed, getting right to the point. This sounded extremely lame in Ed's mind. But also funny. Though mostly lame. The tri just shrugged.
"Sure."
"Whatever."
"I love you Harry!"
"Shut up, bitch!"
And thus started the journey to the class room. In the book, it involves a painting of a knight that leads them to the classroom by yell out crap, while the movie doesn't include that scene at all. So, we'll just go with the movie and they somehow magically get to the class room on time.
Again, the book describes the Divination classroom as an attic/tea shop, while the movie just makes it a class room. So blow this, it's an attic classroom, not a fucking gigantic room.
Ed thought this room was crap, as he followed Ron and Harry to a near by table. They all sat down, nervous about this lesson. Ed wasn't impressed, but was scared shitless when the teacher jumped out from the shadows.
Harry's first thought about the teacher was a bug, while Ed's first thought about the teacher was a vampire.
"Surprise! My horoscope said that I have to be creepy today, and of course you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only me. But let me give you my assurance that these predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to realize that every single one of the is absolutely true. Where was I? (1) Oh yeah! We will be doing tea leaf readings, so get your asses up here and get some tea!"
So after, about 10 minutes of drinking tea, there were the tea leave readings to get through. And my god, were they boring.
"It looks like a cross…and that means your going to suffer. And there's this thing that looks like a sun. Hang on…that means "great happiness"…so you're gonna suffer, but be very happy! Wait…what the fuck?" Harry stated, reading Ron's tea leaves with the help of the Divination book they were suppose to get.
"Well, that's great to kno- holy shit, when did you get here Hermione?" replied Ron, jumping when he saw Hermione. Come to think about it, Ed couldn't remember coming into the class room with Hermione…
"Pshhhh, I was here the whole time. Also, this class sucks. Which I know, because I was here the whole time. My Ancient Runes class is a lot better." Said Hermione. Every one, Harry, Ron and Ed that is, stared at her. She was about to open her mouth again, when crazy bug and/or vampire teacher came along.
"Omg, you're gonna get eaten by a dog, which is called the Grim! And you girl, are going to fail everything!" she exclaimed, pointing at Harry, holding Harry's tea cup. Hermione's face became an interesting red colour. The rest of the class gasped, and put their hands over their mouths. Harry, however, looked depressed.
"Wow, I pictured my death a bit more…colourful then that…"
"Wait a minute…aren't Ancient Runes and Divination on at the same time?" Ron said, confused, efectivally reuining the moment. Every one who cared, Harry, Ron and Ed that is, looked at Hermione with interest, while the rest listened to the crazy bug and/or vampire teacher explained what a Grim was and how it will affect your life.
"…yeah so?"
"So how are you taking two classes at once?"
"I'm not, dumbass!"
"Except for the part, where you totally are?"
Hermione didn't answer, and the class was dismissed. They now 'golden' foursome, though only Ed was golden (his hair and eyes work wonders in the sun light), had Care of Magical Creatures class, which is out side the castle.
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But oh no, first they had Transfiguration class then lunch before Care of Magical Creatures class. However, this was just a waste of time, since nothing happened in it. Except, Ed's new to the whole transfiguration deal, so natural he had to complain.
"Look, Miss, this totally defies the law of equivalent exchange!" Ed challenged, the teacher Professor McGonagall after he saw her change into a cat and back.
"Mate, there's no equivalent exchange in the magic universe!"
"Well, that sucks."
"You know what sucks? You attitude! I don't go around saying crap about your favourite things, do I? NO, I don't!" yelled the teacher. The whole class slowly moved their desks away from the Professor McGonagall.
"Um, miss, are you ok?" Hermione asked the way-over the top. Professor McGonagall sighed, sat at her desk and placed her head in her hands.
"No, Miss Granger, I'm not ok. Do you know how hard it is to look after the new-old Dumbledore? The first one was great, and then he had to go die on us. We were desperate to find a Dumbledore before the next school year. The new-old Dumbledore was the one who looked liked the one Dumbledore and that's the only reason he's our head minister. But don't tell anyone!"
Everyone stared at the Professor. Who would have guessed Dumbledore was different! The only clues were his different hair and his totally new face.
"Ok, whatever. I now have to tell Harry not to worry about the Grim that crazy old teacher told you about!"
"Um, I wasn't worrying…"
"Shut up, I'm just doing what the script says."
"Ok then!"
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"Wow, is it just me or is Hagrid's hut in a totally different place then last year?" asked Ron, as him, Harry, Hermione and Ed walked down this hill to their next lesson, after that uneventful lunch.
"Yeah, and he has a garden this year as well…"
"Seriously, what is up with that?"
Harry remained quiet all through the others bickering. Ed couldn't work out why, until he saw who they shared the class with. Ed's face paled again.
"Well look, if it isn't Potty, Weasel, Miss know-it-all and…Ed!" sneered Draco, while his two minions laughed from behind him.
"Get stuffed, Malfoy!" was Ron's reply, right when the teacher called Hagrid turned up.
"Oh don't worry, I will be tonight!" Malfoy winked at Harry, while Ed's face picked up a green tint to it.
But Malfoy's rebuttal went unheard, as Hagrid became to speak.
"Hello and welcome to your first Care of Magical Creatures class. I, of course (insert hair flip) will be your teacher. Today we will be learning about Hippogriffs. No, I didn't just make that name up. I'll go get them now!"
Hagrid left for a couple of minutes and Ed was trying to maintain his cool. It also didn't help that Harry and Draco kept throwing glances at each other. Ed shuddered. He still couldn't' get over it. But soon enough, Hagrid came back with the so called Hippogriffs.
"Ok class, who would like to have a closer look?" asked Hagrid, clapping his hands together in child-like glee.
No one moved. Until the golden foursome stepped forward. Soon, the class followed. Hagrid smiled.
"Ok, so Harry, why don't you came and play with his deadly bird! I'll even let you ride him!"
Harry couldn't refuse the look that Hagrid sent him. So he just shrugged, and went to battle the feathery death for a while.
"Ooooo, Harry! Remember you tea leaves!" said this obnoxious girl whose name escapes me at the moment.
"My tea leaves said something about a dog, not a horsy bird! Shut up, bitch!"
So, after Harry battled the creature he got to ride it. They flew around Hogwarts for a while. Some where in all this Hermione grabbed Ron's hand, but she didn't let go as she watched the death defying stunts Harry pulled when in the air. Ron grinned to himself.
Soon Harry landed and everyone cheered. I don't know why, but they did. Draco got jealous and went to go show Harry that he did not wear the dress in this relationship.
"Outta my way! You aren't so harmless, are you, you great UGLY, SON OF A BITCH bird!" yelled Draco at the Hippogriff.
"Oh, and did I mention that they'll rip you apart if you insult them!" Hagrid quickly added, as the Hippogriff viewed Draco with its yellow eyes.
"Oh, shit."
So, of course, the Hippogriff totally owned Draco's arm.
"Ow, I'm dying! I'M DYING!" Draco whined on the ground, clutching his arm.
"You're not dying, Malfoy!"
"Damnit!" yelled Ron from where he stood in the crowd.
"Come on now, off to the hospital wing we go!" Hagrid then picked up Draco and skipped with his to the hospital wing in the castle. "Class dismissed!" he yelled over his shoulder.
"Oh, Hagrid should be sacked right away!" complained Draco's number one fan, Pansy. "I'm going to see how Draco is!" she said as she ran off. No one stopped her, all thankful that she left.
So, Ed wasn't having the best of days. But, it was now dinner time and that cheered him up. So, he happily walked with Harry, Hermione and Ron to the…dinner room.
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If Ed's day couldn't get any worse, there was always someone there to make sure it did.
"I'M BRINGING SEXY BACK!" bellowed someone in the entrance during dinner. Everyone, of course, was eating when they heard that person yelling. Who didn't hear them, they shouted loud fucking enough! So everyone immediately left their food and ran out to the entrance hall. Ed however, stayed seated as his face paled and whatever he was eating on his spoon fell onto his lap.
"Oh Jesus Christ no!" whispered Ed, he'd recognize that voice anyway, as he pushed his way through the crowd forming around the person singing. Ed face palmed when he saw who it was.
"THEM OTHER BOYS DON'T KNOW HOW TO ACT!" yelled Envy, more then sang, that popular Justin Timberlake song. He also started to dance like the sexy bastard he is, with half of Hogwarts boys and girls cheering him on. Ed grumbled; knowing it was up to him to stop this dancing homunculus.
"Envy! What the fuck do you think your doing!" said Ed, as he yellowed at Envy. Envy stopped dancing, his face lightening up with joy as he saw who it was.
"O' Chibi san! What are you doing here! Let's dance!" Envy said and squealed like a little girl. Before Ed could run away, Envy grasped both of his hands and pulled Ed into a sort of waltz. Ed had the look of pure terror on his face. Everyone just stood there, watching this mad palm-tree like person dance with Edo.
"Aw, what a cute couple they make!" some random girl in the crowd said. Ed's face paled.
"Oh, shit no! Roy, Damnit, help me!" Ed shouted, as he turned and turned around with Envy. Roy stepped forwards and confronted Envy.
"You crazy palm tree! Give Ed back!"
What a hero he was! Poetry. His words are pure poetry!
"Oh, Colonel, I didn't' know you cared about poor little O' Chibi san!" taunted Envy, holding Ed closer to this chest and sticking his tongue out in Roy's direction. Roy's face immediately lit up with embarrassment.
"Well, you see- I, err- We, um- Need, erm- ok whatever, Envy just shut up and give Ed back!" shouted Roy at Envy.
"Well, ok then." said Envy, as he let go of Ed and pushed him roughly to Roy. Ed couldn't maintain balance and would of fallen over, if Roy hadn't have darted forward and caught Ed. Ed looked up into Roy's eyes and it became a romantic scene.
Cue the flowers, blowing around Ed and Roy thanks to some crafty students and the spot light the magic drama club just happen to produce to make the lovely scene before them glow brighter.
Cue loud squealing from all the Yaoi fan girls and boys who were watching this.
Again, it would have been a romantic scene if only Ed didn't sneeze in Roy's face thanks to the pollen in the air. Of course, God was just fucking with his head again. God's been doing that all Ed's life. It took Roy awhile to wash off his face, after he dropped Ed to the ground screaming out "Yuck!", and only let Ed near him again five minutes later. No one noticed when Envy snuck off to the door, broke the window next to it and jumped out the window and into the night. No, they all were too busy watching Ed and Roy.
"Sorry, Roy, but I'm allergic to pollen!"
"-Disgusting, gross, ew ew ew it's on my pretty face! I-"
"God Roy! Get over it!"
"-have to go have a long, hot shower now! Goodbye you disgusting person!" huffed Roy, before acting all snorting, sticking his nose up in the air and stalking off. Ed was left gaping in wonder of what went on in Roy's head. Everyone could only wonder. But since I'm the author of this story, I can make it whatever I want as long as I have an OOC warning at the start. Awesome.
'I want Candy dan dan dan da dan I want Candy!' Roy's mind sang to itself as it went go find a shower.
Well, we won't be doing that again any time soon.
Anyway, everyone called it a day and hit the hay in their dormitories. Ed laid down on his bed, welcoming the sleep. His last thought before letting sleep take over was;
'I have Alchemy first thing tomorrow with Roy…
...I wonder what I should wear.'
And with that, Ed went to sleep.
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(1) lyrics from the song Your Horoscope for Today by Weird Al.
Lol, I LOVE being random, don't you? Sorry, I just had to put Envy in the story somewhere. And isn't Ed and Envy dancing the CUTEST mental picture! Ahh, must fight writers block! AND not having a boyfriend! Damn you fate and you're evil, evil mind!
Good? Bad? Awesome? I need at least 3 more reviews before I can post the next chapter. 5 reviews would be excellent! Flames will be now given to my editor, who will grammar and spell check them and maybe add sentence or two, and send them back to me so I can then send them back to the senders. But, instead of putting me through that hard process, you can just not flame. Yay for all!
-------------Editor's Note:
Indeed. Yay. OMG, I'M KILLING A BOOK! DAMN YOU, YOU STUPID ANNOTATING ASSIGNMENT WORTH 100 POINTS! DAMN YOU! YOU AND ALL THE STUPID HIGHLIGHTERS THAT BLEED THROUGH PAPER! WAAAAAAAAAH I KILLED A BOOK! On a happier note, doesn't everyone love the new-old Dumbledore? I know you do, so drop us a review! Especially since reviews are words and words are on pages and pages are in books therefore reviewing will RESURRECT THE STUPID IDIOT NINE DOLLAR BOOK THAT I KILLED!
Alright, I'm done. Review!
-DaRLinG1357