Doctor Rossa mindboggle, self titled "psycho-therapist extraordinaire" looked around the large room in which she had settled her office (she had needed an entire warehouse of the booty bay docks as some of her clients where quite imposing in size) and considered that this might not have been such a good idea.
Sure, Azeroth (and apparently Outland as well) was filled with people who had severe mental problems they needed to overcome and her crafty little goblin mind had seen this as the perfect opportunity. This was basic economy, you find something people need, you offer it to them for a price (a pretty high price if you're the first one providing said service) and you've got yourself instant profit.
But, as blasphemous as this though was to someone of her upbringing, maybe all the money in the world wasn't worth standing in a room with these four. Her first client where all extremely powerful people and, as of course would be expected for people requiring her counselling service, severely unbalanced individuals. Worse yet, they really didn't like each other.
Still, she had gotten this far, and she had already cashed in her astronomical fees, so she might as well get this group therapy started before her patients decided to kill one another. She climbed on the high stool that would put her on eye-to-eye level with them, adjusted the glasses on her pointed nose (she didn't need them, they just made her look more professional) and took out her clipboard.
"So! She said to the rest of the circle, Welcome to you all and thank you for coming. Now remember that you are all here because you have problems and you want to solve them. That gives you one thing in common and the point of this group session is, through dialogue regarding shared experiences, help each other overcome these problems." She really had no real therapy training but who cared, she had been paid already, and these guys were insane, they wouldn't notice.
"Who wants to start? Mister Sunstrider?" Rossa offered to the blood elf sitting across her.
The young elf rolled his eyes and reluctantly stood up: "Hi, I'm Kael'thas and I'm a magic addict."
Rossa gestured the three others and they all muttered "hi Kael" back at the bloof elf prince with not real care or conviction in their voice. The prince sank back in his chair, pouting at the hostility coming from the three others.
"Now Kael, I think we should start at the beginning…hum, can you talk to me about your childhood?" Rossa asked.
"Does he have to? I mean you really want to hear him whine, trust me, it's annoying" the night elf to Kael's right taunted.
"Now mister Stormrage, you'll get your chance to talk, for now just listen" Rossa scorned him before Kael could answer and probably start a shouting match…or a fight to the death.
"Look doc, there's very little to say about my childhood, I'm a prince, I lived the good life for my first centuries, you know, got interested in magic, I mean, back when it was safe and all because of the sunwell, didn't start out as an addiction, just more of a hobby, you know, was the first thing that got me out of Quel'thalas too, went to study with the Kirin Tor over at Dalaran" Kael explained.
"I hear human aren't careful about magic corruption like high elves were, maybe that's where it all started?" Rossa suggested.
"Nah, like I said, with the sunwell around, even far away, I was fine, but Dalaran is where I met this girl, Jaïna Proudmoore…she was great, I was quite found o her too…" the prince reminisced.
"Oh… painful break-up?" Rossa was just throwing random questions to give him the impression she was interested, although she was admittedly a sucker for gossips.
"Not so much a break-up, we never managed to get anything really serious going, you know, me being ten times her age and all was kind of awkward and she wanted to focus on her studies. 'Course that didn't keep her from hooking up with that bastard Arthas a few months later." Kael explained.
"And you resent this Arthas person for stealing the woman you love?" The fake doctor asked.
"Oh yeah, between that and marching legions of undeads over my homeland, murdering my father and defiling our beloved sunwell with the remains of a necromancer to raised him as a lich, all the while butchering a great number of my people, yeah…I guess you could say I resent him" Kael answered.
"Oh, it was THE Arthas then… that must make it even more frustrating, seeing as you can't get revenge because now he's kind of like a god and all…is that when you became addicted to magic?" Rossa asked.
"Well, yeah, me and every other blood elf, with no sunwell we were all craving magic, but we tried to fight it and help out the alliance, to, like you said, get revenge on the scourge." Kael explained.
"And then?"
"Alliance betrayed us, threw us in a dungeon until them had time to execute us, the Vashj and her nagas came along, told me to go to Outland with her to meet Illidan so he could solve our magic craving problems…and then…" Kaeel said bitterly.
"Here we go again…" the night elf sighted, he probably would have rolled his eyes if he had any.
"Then this asshole got my people hooked on fel magic!" Kael shouted, standing up and pointing Illidan Stormrage.
"Oh yeah sure, it's all my fault! You asked me if there was a solution, I offered you the only one I knew, I didn't force you to go along with it, but because my way wasn't the magical "we'll make it all good like it was before" it's my fault your people are so damn screwed up, right! It has nothing to do with you turning your back on me and making a deal with the FREAKING LORD OF THE LEGION!" Illidan shouted back, standing up to tower over the younger elf.
"Well after watching you screw over the brokens and knowing your history, trusting you seemed like a much more insane option. I mean, you failed to provide a cure for us, you dragged us into a battle we lost because you're the worse strategist ever on icecrown, then you brought us back to Outland to sit on our ass, calling you Lord Illidan, while we wait for Kil'jaedan to come over and punish you, and us, for your failure. Yeah, that would have been the sane thing to do." Kael snapped back.
"OK! That's enough!" Rossa shouted, sitting on the stool. She had to call them back to order before they wrecked her office. "You are not her to bicker among one another, you are here because legions of psychopaths wielding and wearing powerful magical items are invading your homes to pillage your valuables, all on the moral justification that you are insane. If you want me to prove them wrong, you need to calm down and help me find the root of your problems, Kael you've talked a lot, how about letting Illidan tell us about his past a little."
"I'll tell you about his past! He has this brother who's better than him at everything, there's this girl he likes but she likes his brother better because, as you might have noticed, he's an ass, so he betrays them to the legion, and then he changes his mind and betray the legion, but then he betrays them again and they lock him up for a few millennia, and then they free him, and they trust him again, and so he betrays them, swears fealty to the legion, again, betrays the legion, again, then makes a deal with the broken and myself in Outland and he, surprise surprise, betrays the broken! I mean shit, they don't call that guy the betrayer for nothing, and I'M insane for breaking the terms of my alliance with him." Kael shouted.
"You know, I think most people have a problem with you betraying me to THE LEGION!" Illidan replied "I'm sure those blood elves back in Azeroth were real happy to hear that their prince had sold his soul for power!"
"DA! Because tha elves back on azeroth are real saint ain't they?" the troll to Kael's left spat.
Rossa was really loosing control of her patients; she considered hiding under the stool.
"You elves came to our lands from overseas, kicked us out, killed us by tha hundred, team up with human and dwarves to do it too, and me, I was forced to get tha horde to give a hand, for all tha good that did, your beloved people still gotta hold of me, pluck out my eye and force me to chew on my own arm to get away! Poor little elves lost their sunwell, BOUH HOU!" Zul'jin screamed.
"You know, I always wondered about that, you're a troll, can't you people regrow lost body part?" Illidan asked.
"Don't you think I WOULD HAVE if it was the case?" Zul'jin growled.
"Ok…ok, just asking, I'm not the one you have a grudge against, remember?" Illidan said dismissively.
"Nah, that be tha horde! All these year I keep telling tha forest trolls we should honor our alliance with that horde, and what do the new warchief do, he takes in ma most hated enemies in his rank! I spit on the horde and its betrayal! We Amani will get even with the alliance, and the horde, and anyone else who defile our lands!" Zul'jin raged.
"Yeah, no offence…scratch that, do take offence, but you're an aging, one eyes, one armed troll with barely enough people to actually occupy all this territory you want back so much, you really think you're doing the smart thing by declaring war on…well, everyone?" Kael asked sarcastically.
"Says tha elf who sided with a night elf called THA BETRAYER only to change his mind and side with a demon known as THA DECEIVER!" Zul'jin replied.
"ALRIGHT, EVERYONE SHUT UP!" Rossa screamed in her patented goblin voice amplifier (which fizzled out and cough on fire after this sentence). "I think I'm starting to see the pattern here…" she really wasn't but she had to calm them down somehow, if only out of self preservation.
"You see…all of you have had your trust abused too many times in that past…Kael, you trusted the Jaïna but she chose the other guy, you trusted the alliance but they turned on you, you trusted Vashj but she led you on a fools quest, but you still trusted Illidan but he didn't help your people…" she told Kael. The blood elf prince calmed down and sank back in his chair.
"And you Illidan, you loved that girl and your brother took her, than he said he trusted you but he banished you because you were trying to help, then the legion betrayed you, although you ight have seen that coming…and then you met someone who you felt a lot of kinship with, and you offered to help him, but you made a few mistakes, and he turned on you as well…" she told Illidan. The betrayer grunted and sat back down.
"And you Zul'jin, you were forcibly removed from your land and the only people who would help you, the only people you came to trust with the safety of your people, they turned their back on you as well…you see guys, all of you have been betrayed and deceived so many times you feel like you shouldn't opened up to anyone anymore, that any attempt to makes things better is doomed to fail because the whole world is against you and so you make bad decisions: you side with the worse crowd, like the legion, you go on a power trip an declare yourself king of your own world or you lash out at everyone in the world." She concluded.
The three looked at each other, considering Rossa's analysis, apparently being given a lot to think about.
"So hum…I'm sorry I had no solution to save your people Kael…I really tried you know…" Illidan said.
"I know, I'm sorry I was such a spoiled brat about it…and Zul'jin, I'm sorry my ancestors took your ancestral homeland, in retrospect, we really had no right to do that." Kael said.
"Bah…you know, we allied with tha horde and burned half your country, I guess we could call it even." The troll warlord said.
"Well, I think we made a lot of progress today, we all found what you did wrong and why, in our next session we'll try to find out how to make it right!" Rossa said cheerfully, thankful that she had managed to pull this off without dying.
"Hum…sure but…what about him?" Kael said, pointing the fourth patient.
"If he feels like talking in the next session, he's welcome to do so, but for today…" Rossa reminded him.
"No…I really think we should tackle this issue now, I mean he sort of declared war on us recently and I'd like to know why, I mean you got mean in a rare peaceful and understanding mood doc, honestly I had come here to murder you all, but now I'm sure if he'll just tell us why he's gone insane…" Illidan said.
"For the last time, I AM NOT INSANE!" the fourth screamed, his deep voice resonating in the warehouse.
"Hehe, look man I've been there, you have no idea how long I've screamed that behind bars to some psycho who wouldn't listen, but, seriously…" Illidan continued.
"I am not insane I tell you, I've never seen things more clearly, I used to be insane these last few millennia but I've recovered my sanity now!" the other insisted.
"Look, no offence, and I mean it this time if only because I fear you a lot more than the crippled troll here, but you declared war on every mortal spellcaster and are currently screwing over with the leylines of the world in a way that everyone keeps saying will cause a great cataclysm that will split the world's crust and open a vortice to the nether…look that is not sane behaviour." Kael insisted.
"I know what I'm doing, you stupid mortal just don't undersand everything at stake, I'm not crazy damnit, I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO'S NOT CRAZY!" the great blue dragon howled.
"Ok, ok, I think we are quite done here, mister Malygos, I think we should schedule special one on one séances you and me…" Rossa said, dismissing the three others who seemed more than happy to leave the presence of the raging aspect of magic.
"Doctor please, I'm not insane why can't you see that!" the dragon complained.
"Mister Sunstrider had a point Mister Malygos…you are threatening to blown up the world by your action, you did declare war on every mortal spellcaster in Azeroth and you have shown an adamant unwillingness to talk about it with anyone, including your sister who loves you dearly and recommended you for this treatment." Rossa reminded him, remembering herself that she had been quite surprised that one of her first customer was the queen of dragon kind Alexstraza herself.
"But Alex doesn't understand the stakes, she cares for the preservation of life on the short term but she doesn't understand magic like I do, she doesn't see that I'm acting for the best, just that there are a few casualties down the road. I'm not insane I tell you, I've never seen things more clearly, what I'm doing has to be done, why won't anybody see it!" Malygos pleaded.
"In my experience, when you act in a certain way, and everyone thinks you're crazy but you, chances are you're acting crazy." Rossa offered him, not mentioning that "her experience" was really the 10 minutes she had just spent talking with Kael, Illidan and Zul'jin.
Malygos got his reptilian head within inches of the little goblin, teeth bared, growling lowly and for a moment, Rossa Mindboggle though she would soon see the big sea of coin in goblin heaven.
"Goodbye, doctor." The great aspect of magic said, spreading his wings out and enveloping himself in a magical mist. A second alter, he was gone.
Rossa was left alone in her office, that warehouse large enough to house a dragon, and shrugged, she had just made a crap load of gold, she wasn't dead and there might be a small chance that she had actually helped those people, a good day all things considered.
Of course, it probably wouldn't matter because no one would ever believe them sane and would surely just keep trying to gut them for their stuff, but that was the way the world rolled, Rossa wasn't a hero, just an little goblin woman making a living in this crazy world and that was fine this way.
((Moral of the story: Blizzard listen to the players:
People complained that cool lore character were suddenly acting all evil and had to be killed by raids, their motivation: madness!
In wrath of the lich king, we get a cool lore character suddenly acting all evil and has to be killed by raids, his motivation: sanity!
They broke the pattern, yay!))