Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the delightful prose; the rest belongs to NBC universal and so on.

Away

Olivia hadn't spoken to Elliot for two weeks, not since their conversation in her apartment. He'd called her and even come by the precinct again, but she'd been out on a call. Things had been too raw for her still, what she needed right now was to be away from him.

SVU had been getting more complicated; she had two new detectives to train and learn to trust. All the work was keeping her sane because she wasn't able to lapse into silence until lunch. Now lunch was a solitary affair for her, spent on the roof or in an empty room where she could let her thoughts wander. She'd eaten nearly every meal with Elliot. They would sit side by side, leaving barely enough room to move. It was the only time they were safe to do that, she supposed.

A few years ago, she would have given anything to have him in her apartment, whispering in her ear. But things were unpredictable now, he wasn't himself and she definitely wasn't the Olivia she used to be. Elliot wanted her, of that she was certain but she wasn't going to ask him to leave his family. He would probably resent her and end up blaming her in the end. Then, she would have ruined her last real relationship for good.

Olivia left for work early, heading to the gyms to work out some of her tension. She had been depressed about Elliot and neglecting her fitness. As she began to run steadily on the treadmill she tried to put everything out of her mind and think about what she wanted for Olivia. Since Elliot couldn't really ever be "it" she would someone else.

She didn't even notice the officers eyeing her from across the room, as impressed with her endurance as they were with her cleavage. That was how she met Matthew. Normally, Elliot would have come down looking for her, and her admirers would have scattered to the wind. But, there was no Elliot; she'd made sure of that. Matthew was tall, funny, and worked in homicide, which made him almost perfect for her. When he'd cornered her after her workout she surprised herself by flirting with him and accepting a date.

The first time they slept together, she nearly called him Elliot, and he knew it. But, he stayed the night all the same. When work permitted Olivia would invite him over, Elliot's face in the back of her mind. They went on that way until two months had passed without her even realizing it. She wasn't in love, but he was a welcome distraction and maybe in time she'd want him as much as he wanted her.

Between work and Matthew, Olivia was experiencing what she'd always imagined to be a full life. She sat at her desk, her hair clipped up messily and bags under her eyes. She hadn't been home in two days because of a series of rapes that had been coming through their doors, same perp and little or no physical evidence. Olivia stretched slowly, her muscles aching from the hours she'd spent hunched over files.

She was so wrapped up in the file that she didn't hear the quiet cough behind her, and so was startled when someone tapped her on the shoulder. She jumped up prepared to unleash on someone, when she saw Elliot's daughter, Kathleen. Olivia cleared her throat nervously, taking in the concerned expression of Kathleen's face.

"Did something happen to Elliot?" she asked immediately, her voice raising a few octaves.

"No…not really," she said, "But I need to talk to you, can we go somewhere, it won't take too long."

Olivia nodded, and led her into an interrogation room…actually the very one where she'd fallen to pieces months earlier. She closed the door quietly behind them before pulling out a chair for Elliot's daughter.

"So, tell me what's going on." Olivia watched Kathleen fidget for a moment before she spoke.

"I know you and my dad had a fight or something, he calls you like all the time, and then hangs up."

Olivia whitened at this, he was usually so careful not to burden his family.

Kathleen continued, "Anyway, I just thought you should know….our grandma passed away a week ago and Dad isn't taking it well, we think she killed herself."

Kathleen was crying a little now, and Olivia wasn't sure what to do. She reached for the girl's hand, but she jerked it away.

"My mom doesn't know that I'm here, but I had to come….you need to call my dad, I know you're mad at him for quitting, but you need to just call him…he's really upset and he won't talk to anyone.

Olivia stared slack jawed at Kathleen for a moment before speaking, "I'm sorry about your Grandma, Kathleen, I know she had some problems."

Kathleen stood up quickly then, "This wasn't easy you know, my mom would kill me if she knew I was coming to you, of all people.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Olivia asked angrily.

Kathleen shook her head, "my dad cares more about you than he does about my mom, he won't even talk to her but he calls you all the time…or at least tries to."

There was nothing she could say to that. She thought that by cutting Elliot off, she was saving them the trouble of aching for each other. She had Matthew and SVU, and he had his family, that was supposed to be enough.

"Kathleen, what are you asking me…to call you father? I can do that, but I'm not sure why you're getting angry."

"I'm angry because if you wanted him, he would probably leave my mom."

Olivia started at this, "that's just not true…we're par…"

Kathleen stopped her," You're more than friends and way more than partners. He's been sleeping on the couch, I hear him say your name in his sleep."

Olivia was shaking now, his daughter was telling her everything she'd ever wanted to hear but it was bittersweet. His mother was dead, and his daughter was crying because apparently her parents were on the verge of a divorce.

"I don't know what to say to that Kathleen, but I can tell you I will call your father and check on him, beyond that there's nothing I can do." She said tersely, hoping her confident façade was working.

Kathleen looked at her, with obvious resentment.

"You'll have to go see him, he threw his phone against the wall and drove to grandma's to pack the place up….and turned her phone off."

Olivia sighed heavily," Alright…so I'll go up there and check on him, then I'll call you ok? Don't worry about him; he's just going through a lot right now."

Kathleen stared at her, "ok, thank you…and I'm sorry that I was mean to you earlier, I guess my mom has blamed you in the past for dad's…distance."

Olivia nodded at her before standing and opening the door, "I should get back out there, but thanks for telling me what you did," Olivia said as she ushered Kathleen past the confused faces of Munch and Fin.

She slumped back into her seat, ignoring Fin's attempts to catch her attention. Eventually he came and sat on the edge of her desk, forcing her to look up at him.

"So, what was little Stabler doing here? Something wrong?" he asked.

"Yeah, El's mother died…she wants me to go check on him while he packs up her house," Olivia said, averting her gaze again.

Fin slid off of her desk and into Elliot's old seat across from her. "So, how are things between you two….it's uh, been a while hasn't it? " She nodded at him, reluctant to speak because she was certain her voice would shake.

"Well, if you're not sure you can handle going up there…we can ride along, if you want, be nice to see Stabler." Fin offered hopefully, not really wanting her to come back a wreck.

Olivia had been pretty happy the last few months with Matt and with the new guys. He just didn't want her going back to where she was before, when Elliot first left.

"It's ok Fin, I can handle him for a couple of hours I think; besides we were together…"

"For twelve years, yeah I know…I was there too, remember?" he interrupted jokingly, before returning to his desk.

Olivia smiled at him, appreciative for the obvious concern of her co-workers. They all knew how close she and Elliot had been and they were worried about her now.

Her smile faded when she considered what was waiting for her. Olivia sent a text to Matthew telling him that she would be home late; she didn't want to even consider staying the night with Elliot. She worded the text carefully, since he was well aware of her partnership with Elliot and hated the photo she kept of him in her bedroom.

Matthew taken care of, Olivia asked Cragen if she could take a personal day. It was still early, and she wanted to drive out there as soon as possible. The sooner she went to see about him, the sooner she could relax. She knew that he had a difficult relationship with his mother, she could relate as well as anyone.

Olivia grabbed her bag and headed to the garage to get her car, happy for the spare set of keys in her desk. She drove nervously on the highway, watching the city disappear behind her but unable to put her fears about Elliot out of her mind. He could be angry with her or burst into tears at the sight of her, she didn't know what to expect from him now.

Olivia thought about the things Kathleen said. His own daughter practically told her he was hers for the taking. Of course she wanted him, she'd always wanted him. But things were different now; she'd felt his absence acutely and he'd been gone less than a year. She was afraid of what would happen if she let herself love him the way she'd always wanted to; it would probably kill her.

As she neared her exit, she prepared what she would say to him, hoping that something good would come from this visit. Unrequited love is no joke, she thought, breathing in the ocean air.

Olivia turned onto his street, parking further down the block. She straightened her hair and makeup in the mirror before climbing out of her car. She walked slowly down the street, breathing as steadily as possible. She'd come here once before to meet his mother, and was no less anxious. Running a hand nervously over her hair one last time, she knocked on the door, her breath catching when he opened the door.

"Olivia", he said quietly, before stepping aside to let her in.

Next: I'm sure you'll be pleased.

Note: Thanks for the reviews; I should make a drinking game out of them…a shot for every review, or maybe I'll just high-five someone like usual…who KNOWS?