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Time is such a perplexing thing. Events that occurred in the distant past oftentimes feel like they occurred only yesterday, while events that occurred mere hours ago can oftentimes feel that they occurred an eternity ago. Time and it's perception by mortal beings seem to have no rules, bending and twisting as it wants, as if it had a consciousness of its own. Sometimes it is hard for me to remember life before the Clone Wars started. It is amazing how radically a war can change all facets of life. It can turn good men into villains and villains into good men. It can warp and distort our values, change rules, ruin lives and change the universe and the way we perceive it forevermore.
But sometimes I am able to remember certain things about life before the war. I understand the feelings that Anakin is experiencing. I felt the way he did myself. I still do. We all have. The bond that is formed between Master and Apprentice is as close a relationship as a Jedi is permitted. Sometimes it becomes a bond similar to that of parent and child. But in this case the bond between Anakin and Ahsoka is that of overly protective elder brother and sister. They care for each other dearly. There is nothing wrong with that. But there are certain… complications that Anakin could never understand.
Despite popular misconceptions, Jedi do not try to get rid of their emotions, but rather keep them in check. Unbridled passion without logical thought to balance it out is a disaster waiting to happen. We permit ourselves to have our feelings, but when the time comes we have to be willing and able to let go at a moment's notice.
It can be a cruel thing to ask of someone sometimes, but it is necessary. The Jedi Order wields tremendous power not only through our application of the Force but also through our reputation and moral authority. We could easily come to rule this galaxy if we so desired. But we don't. We don't because we do not desire power, and we do not desire power because we are taught not to desire.
We don't try to acquire power because we do not allow our personal feelings to get in the way of our duty.
That is the essential balance that a Jedi must maintain. We have to be compassionate enough to aid the unfortunate and keep the peace, but we cannot allow our passion to overwhelm us.
This I fear is something that Anakin cannot understand. He can be told it, he can even repeat it or memorize it, but at heart he doesn't understand. His one fatal flaw is that he cares too much.
He thinks it is his moral responsibility to save the entire galaxy and everyone in it. It has become an obsession for him, and I fear that it will drive him mad.
Ahsoka only left the Council chamber a moment ago, and yet it feels that an eternity has passed. Anakin is running after her. A sudden urge comes to mind. I need to help. I've spent my time during this affair on the sidelines, I need to intervene, I need to help. I need to do something, anything.
I can only take a single step before a hand reaches out to grab my shoulder. It is Master Plo. Not a word is spoken, but a message is sent. This isn't my fight. I have tried to raise and train Anakin to the best of my abilities, but I can't be there for him forever. He needs to learn to handle these matters by himself.
For a second my mind is plagued with revolt. Anakin is like a brother to me. He is hurting badly. And what about Ahsoka? If she is like Anakin's sister and I am like Anakin's brother does that not make her like my sister as well? Her trust has been destroyed, her faith in the Jedi demolished. Her entire life has been turned upside down. Wouldn't it be a tremendous help if at least one member of the Council went after her and tried to assist her in putting the pieces back together?
No, the unspoken message Plo sends speaks volumes. Ahsoka needs to figure this out on her own. We've done more than enough.
The reactions from the various members of the Council seem mixed. Yoda, Plo-Koon and I are clearly saddened by this horrible loss, but Saesee, Ki-Adi and Mace seem, at worst, mildly confused. They don't understand. After all, how could Ahsoka refuse such a generous offer?
The problem is that the Jedi are beginning to become unbalanced. We cannot gravitate towards any extreme if we are to retain our identity. While being overly emotional is a dangerous path to walk, being completely cold hearted and cut off from the feelings of others is just as bad. But that is what is happening. We are gravitating too far to one extreme in order to avoid another. We are losing our sense of compassion, a trait that makes the Jedi who they are.
Men like Mace think that since certain emotions lead to the Darkside it is best to cut off any emotion all together in order to avoid temptation completely. But we are more than mere machines. We are people with thoughts and feelings. And as Jedi it is our duty to aid others.
But how can we act as peacekeepers if we are so emotionally stunted that we cannot interact with or relate to the people we claim to serve and protect? I don't have the answer to that, but we need to figure this out and soon, or else we may very well lose all we hold dear.
I am reminded again of the peculiar nature of time. I remember something Master Yoda once said about the nature of arrogance just before the war began. It feels like it was a lifetime ago, but it was only two years ago. What did he say? Ah yes.
"A flaw more and more common among Jedi. Too sure of themselves they are. Even the older, more experienced ones."
Master Windu was there when Yoda said that. I'm sure he took that to heart, just as he takes everything Yoda says to heart.
Certain anti-Jedi propagandists on both sides like to portray Master Windu as Yoda's mindless right hand lackey, but the truth is more sobering.
Master Windu holds everything Yoda says as gospel truth, but whenever Yoda offers warnings or admonitions I think Mace subconsciously blocks it out. It applies to others in the abstract, but whatever warnings Yoda gives do not apply to him. After all, he isn't just a Jedi Master, but the closest thing to a second in command the Order will ever get. He thinks himself above rebuke and beyond reproach.
The sad thing is that he doesn't even realize he is doing it, and it would be improper to point that out, to say the least.
Anything wrong or bad that happens on his watch or because of his actions can be easily justified to him as the Will of the Force.
The Force is powerful, but we are not the puppets of destiny. We have free will and the ability to make our own choices. Destiny has many paths laid out for us, but it is our own choices that decide the path we take.
We cannot simply write off our own mistakes as the Will of the Force. We have to confess our mistakes, recognize our faults and then work to rectify the mistake.
But this arrogance that looms over the Order has caused things to spiral out of control. An innocent person nearly died because of our inability to challenge preconceived notions and look beyond the obvious.
After all, is it not true that things are never what they appear to be at first glance? Is that not one of the first lessons that a Jedi was taught, that you can never judge a holobook by its cover?
We need to reflect on what we are becoming and reverse course as soon as we can. Otherwise there is little to no hope. The shroud of the Darkside covers everything in a murky haze. Nothing is absolute anymore, nothing is secure. And I fear that we are not learning from the mistakes we are making.
We may have good intentions, but that isn't enough. Not anymore. I'm reminded of Qui-gon. He and I traveled to many unusual places during my apprenticeship, and Qui-gon enjoyed collecting odd sayings and turns of phrase. One of his favorites was that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. I'm not sure where he came up with that little jewel, but it seems more applicable now than ever.
Something is stirring, something evil. And I feel that recent events are only a foreshadowing of what is to come. We must be ready, we must be vigilant.
Something is coming.
A confrontation of some sort is unavoidable.
It is only a matter of time.