A/N: Thanks once again for all your favs, follows, and reviews! I get so much motivation from your reviews so it really means a lot to me :)

I can't believe it's been a whole week since the last update, but hopefully the length of this chapter will make up for it!

Thanks to:

IndiaMoore, Mike (I really considered Morgause...reviving her probably would have been smarter on his part...but I figured Agravaine would prefer to see his brother!), AmberW, SunnySmile2413, Jedimasterawesome (hehe, glad you appreciated that!), LadyDunla (Thanks! He seemed way too meek in the series but hopefully I can keep him relatively in character), Sacred3, Olive (Haha, definitely! I used to ship ArMor once upon a time but now I'll just settle for sibling love), Kianix, Black Alnair (Thanks! They'll chat more this chapter :) And I'm glad you're cool with Agravaine stealing some screen time...I figured I needed to write him some scenes for his storyline to make sense), and Replica Velocity a.k.a. X5 714. You guys are the BEST!

This chapter was tough- as much as I want Morgana and Merlin to be on the same page I feel like so much has happened that they can't really be okay that quickly.

Disclaimer: For my birthday I caved and asked for the boxed sets for Seasons 1 to 4 so hopefully I will be the proud owner of that! But Merlin still belongs to BBC.

Merlin had always felt there was a distance between him and Morgana that he could never seem to bridge.

When he first laid eyes on her in his early days at the Court of Camelot he was simply enamored by her beauty, like every other man, and he attributed the distance to their differences in status.

But then he got to know her, speak with her, travel with her, and learn that there was more to her allure than just her looks. Then status was no longer an efficient enough excuse.

He felt drawn to her, perhaps because they were both born with great magic, perhaps for other reasons. When he realized she had magic he hoped they would grow closer, that she would be the first of his kind within Camelot that he could reveal his true self to.

But instead the distance only increased.

He truly wanted to tell her, but the Great Dragon and Gaius had both advised against it, and so he chose to keep his secret hidden.

He wished he could tell her now, be that last push to bring her back to where she belonged and finally close that distance— but he still wasn't sure he could trust her.

He wasn't sure how to begin the conversation with Morgana. It seemed as though she had saved him from the mercenaries, but he was still her captive in this little dark cave. He had no idea how far he was from Camelot or where he even was. All he knew was that he had to get out and back to Arthur soon.

Merlin cleared his throat and began awkwardly, "Thank you for the water Morgana— but what are you playing at? Why did you bring me here?"

"You mean why did I save you?" Morgana corrected.

Merlin remained silent, still unsure as to where the conversation was going.

"I have questions. And you, friend, will provide me with answers." Morgana looked at Merlin with a steely gaze, as if she were the defiant prisoner demanding answers and him the captor.

"Let's start with an easy one," Morgana continued, "Tell me, how is Camelot faring?"

"Camelot is thriving— Arthur is ruling the lands well and—"

"And how is Arthur?" Morgana cut him off.

At least she still cares. "What can I say? He's Arthur. He's survived your betrayal so there's not much else he can't face," Merlin replied, testing her reaction.

His answer seemed to annoy her. "Why are you so loyal to Arthur?"

"I don't expect you to understand Morgana, you have no sense of duty, no sense of loyalty."
Merlin immediately regretted saying that as soon as it came out of his mouth.

Morgana raised her voice in anger. "You're wrong. Don't think I don't understand loyalty just because I've got no one left to be loyal to."

"You did though Morgana. Arthur, Gwen, Uther. They all cared about you. You were the one that betrayed their loyalty."

Morgana chose to ignore that, redirecting the conversation back to Merlin. "And what about you Merlin? Did you care about me? Did I betray your loyalty? Or did you decide you'd do Uther's kingdom a favor and dispose of a witch?"

Merlin took a deep breath. It all comes down to that, doesn't it? He knew she'd feel betrayed but Merlin never imagined that she cared so much about why he did it.

"Of course I cared. I HAD to do it Morgana. You know that. There was no other way."

Morgana shook her head furiously, "There's always another way Merlin. It was your choice to poison me. What would you have done if you had to choose between saving Arthur and saving Ealdor?"

She had him there, and he could only answer her truthfully, "I would have found a way to save them both," Merlin mumbled.

"But yet you chose to kill me Merlin, instead of finding another way. You held me in your arms and watched me die," the accusation in her voice was clear.

"I'm so sorry Morgana. I didn't want to. But everyone was gone, and there wasn't time to think of another solution before Arthur and I became fully under the influence of the spell," his voice was strained, pleading with her to understand.

"But why didn't you tell me? You're not the only one who is loyal to Arthur. I've known him for much longer than you have. If I had known I was the cause of the curse I would have made Morgause stop."

"But you couldn't have even if you wanted to Morgana. Morgause wouldn't have stopped if you asked her, you know that."

"Then I would have taken the hemlock willingly," she countered.

Merlin paused at that, having no quick response to her statement. He wondered how much truth was in her words. He knew that if he was in her position he would have willingly taken the poison, and that any of the knights of Camelot would have too, but would she really have scarified herself and betrayed her sister at that point?

"I didn't know that Morgana," his voice came out unevenly.

"You didn't even ask. I didn't know she used me to carry out the curse. She didn't give me a choice, and neither did you. Why would you think I wouldn't have sacrificed myself for the kingdom if I knew?"

Just Kilgharrah's many warnings about your destiny.

Again, Merlin remained silent, which frustrated Morgana to no end.

"You hate magic don't you Merlin?"

Merlin was taken aback by her new question. Why would she think that? And then he got it. Oh god, she thinks I chose to poison her rather than search for another way because I'm afraid of her magic.

Arthur was hiding in the stables. He had spent all day trying to get away from his new manservant George, but nothing seemed to work. Tasks that seemed to take Merlin an entire day were finished within the hour by George. Arthur supposed he should have been pleased by the progress, but was only irritated. The man had absolutely no personality and social skills worse than Merlin's!

No, he was being too harsh. Arthur was just irritated in general. George was a fine servant, dedicated and competent, but he just wasn't Merlin.

"Arthur?" He was shaken out of his thoughts by Gwen's voice and he turned to see her approaching the stable.

"Gwen? Yes, wait, don't come in here, it's filthy. Merlin should have mucked the stalls last week," Arthur answered, walking out to meet her.

"I know you're worried Arthur," Gwen comforted, reaching out touch his arm, "but he'll be fine. Your father's been asking for you though, and I think George is tripping over himself in anxiety because he can't find you."

"Thank you Gwen," he managed a small smile, knowing she had added that last part to humor him, "I'll go to my father now."

Arthur knocked twice before entering his father's chambers— not that it mattered much. Uther was sitting in his chair, facing the window like always, completely listless.

"Father, you asked for me?" Arthur approached the King and sat down across from him.

Uther seemed to straighten a little at the sight of his son. "My son," he smiled," reaching across the small table that separated the two chairs and grasping Arthur's hands. "I have a task for you."

"Yes father, anything," Arthur answered, eager to do anything that would lift Uther's spirits.

"I want you to find Morgana."

"Morgana?" Arthur questioned, not expecting this request from his father.

"Yes. I want you to find her and fix her."

Arthur bristled a little at his words. He wasn't quite sure Morgana was able to be fixed, rather, he wasn't sure that she even needed fixing.

"Father? I know you miss Morgana— I do too, but she's made it very clear that she wants nothing to do with us anymore."

"NO," Uther was adamant, and he stood up to face his son. "She saved me from Odin's assassin." Uther started pacing, "It's the magic that's corrupting her, no doubt an influence of Morgause. I should have diposed of her while I had the chance. Our Morgana is still there, somewhere. Arthur, my dear son, promise me you will bring her back and we will find a cure for her magic."

Arthur was speechless, but what could he do but agree?

Morgana hated that Merlin met her questions with silence. It was just like when she first asked him if he thought she had magic.

"I really wish there was something I could say," was his inadequate answer at that time. And now he chose not to answer at all.

Maybe it was time for another spell. But she quickly tossed that idea out, not wanting to destroy the tiny fraction of trust she had gained with him.

She thought she'd feel better once she had her answers from Merlin but she only felt hurt. It seemed they would never understand each other.

Merlin still didn't know what to say, but the hurt that was so clearly reflected on Morgana's face made him want to fix this. He wished he could tell her everything, assure her that he poisoned her in an act of stupid desperation, and that he would never hate her for having magic because he did too.

"I don't hate magic Morgana," he started.

"I don't know what else I can say. I wish I would have done things differently. But there was no time, Morgana, and I thought you had already betrayed us for Morgause. You hated Uther, why would you have taken the poison to save his kingdom?

I can't change what I did," he continued, "You can blame me for that, for poisoning you, for not trusting you enough, but you can't accuse me of hating magic, of hating you for having magic."

And that was everything and all Morgana ever wanted to hear. When was the last time she had met a human that wasn't afraid of her magic? Never. Sure she had met those that "accepted" her magic, but merely because they wanted her power.

But Merlin didn't stop there. "You chose your own path too Morgana. You went to Morgause behind Uther's back. You commanded Cenred's men to take over Camelot and terrify its citizens. You released the Dorocha and killed even more innocents." Merlin was sorry, he truly was, and there wasn't a day that went by where he wondered if he had alienated Morgana into using her magic for evil, but she had done more than enough damage on her own. He thought of Lancelot; good men had died because of her actions.

"What you said to me, well, it holds true for you too. You had a choice, just like me. And maybe sometimes it is easier to think that we don't have choices, but it's like you said, there's always a choice." Merlin was angry too, and even though she had the upper hand here he wouldn't let her push all the blame away to everyone but herself.

Morgana met his gaze, knowing that there was some truth to his words, but not wanting to admit it.

They were at an impasse.

Agravaine twirled his crystal necklace by the candlelight, admiring the deep red hues. How curious that this small jewel could bring back Tristan. How terrifying that it would link our lives together in such a delicate pendant.

He had planned to head straight to the Pool of Nemhain to resurrect Lancelot and Tristan after checking in with Arthur, but instead found himself sitting in his quarters in Camelot Castle pondering the implications of using the crystal.

Agravaine missed his siblings, and perhaps that was why he was willing to work with Morgana. In her, he saw the same loneliness he felt. Tristan, the firstborn, was everything their father hoped for in a heir— strong, brave, crafty— brilliant both on and off the battlefield. Ygraine was equally blessed, and her beauty and kindness easily captured the attention of Uther Pendragon. The House of de Bois was lucky to have two such children.

Then there was him. It wasn't that Agravaine was unskilled. He was just, well, mediocre. He lacked Tristan's innate prowess and his ability to rouse others under his leadership. He neither possessed Ygraine's effortless likeability or her skill in emphasizing with people. And so, Agravaine fell behind the shadows of his siblings, but he never had a problem with that. All Agravaine ever wanted was a comfortable life.

It was different now. The grand House of de Bois was but a distant memory. His lands had shrunken considerably and his family all dead. It was now up to Agravaine to bring glory back to the de Bois' and bring justice to the deaths of his siblings.

In his mind, there was no better way to do that than to seize the throne to Camelot.

His thoughts circled back to his current predicament. He desperately wanted to crush the Pendragons and sorely missed his brother, but he was never one to take risks.

And this crystal was a big risk.

Merlin and Morgana sat in silence for a while, each not sure what to say.

Morgana wondered if it even mattered now— the past was the past, and maybe their paths were too different now to see eye-to-eye anymore. But she couldn't stop herself from wanting him to understand. No, she needed him to understand that although she was angry at him for poisoning her, she too had made a mistake.

She felt stupid. All she had wanted while she lived in Camelot was to make a difference— stand up for those Uther unfairly condemned. It frustrated her that regardless of how outspoken she was Uther would always have the final word.

When she met Morgause she thought she would finally be able to control her own destiny. Instead, she found herself simply following her sister's plans rather than making her own.

There was always a part of her that felt she had made a mistake in blinding trusting Morgause. But for all of Morgause's scheming, she was still her sister. She was still someone who treated her kindly, someone she could rely on. She was the one that ended the nightmares; she was the one that taught her how to use her magic. Most importantly, she finally didn't feel so alone with Morgause there.

But they had still argued. After Morgause had come to her rescue Morgana had come to understand that she was the vessel for the curse. For the first few days she was furious with Morgause, and childishly locked herself up in the room her sister provided for her. All Morgana wanted to end Uther's reign of terror, not curse the kingdom. She just wanted Camelot to understand that magic wasn't evil, and forcibly taking over the kingdom with magic wasn't the way to do that.

She thought back to that day, when everyone but Arthur, Merlin, and herself had fallen asleep and the castle was being invaded.

"Are you alright Morgana, you seem quiet." Arthur had asked.

"I'm fine." She wasn't.

"You sure?"

He took out his sword then and she was terrified that he was going to realize she had magic and turn on her. Instead he gave his sword to her for protection.

"I can always tell when you're lying. Don't worry Morgana, I won't let any harm come to us," were his words.

She felt a rush of gratitude towards him then, and his promise and kind grin in the face of a terrifying situation meant the world to her. Her loyalty to Arthur was a big conflict of interest with her hatred towards Uther.

Arthur. Arthur was always honorable, always the hero. They had grown up together, but he had never realized she had magic. She couldn't exactly blame him— as they grew older he became too busy protecting the kingdom, trying to make Uther proud, or pursuing Gwen to notice her struggles. But at the end of the day she knew he would still do anything for her. And while she and Arthur grew apart, she thought she had gained a friend in Merlin. He was brave— not in traditional, sword-brandishing way that Arthur was, but he was willing to bring her to the druids even though Uther would have had executed him had he found out. Most of all, he had kept her secret, even made up an excuse when Arthur questioned why she was the only one awake.

No, regardless of what she felt towards Uther, her loyalty to Arthur and Merlin and those she cared about within Camelot was stronger. There are some things worth dying for. Saving the kingdom was worth it, was more important than her life. She would have taken the hemlock back then, before she had been filled with too much hate, and she hoped Merlin believed her.

While Morgana was lost in her thoughts Merlin couldn't help but look at her and think about how lovely she still looked. He mentally reprimanded himself for having that thought now. Really Merlin? Even Gwaine wouldn't be thinking about a lady's beauty in this sort of situation.

Perhaps it was her change in attire, as she was no longer wearing those dark fraying dresses that seemed to slowly unravel with her state of mind. Instead, she wore travelling clothes— a simple white blouse and vest with functional cotton pants. Sure she was a little grimy— worn boots caked in mud, hair wet with sweat messily tied in a ponytail, and no makeup. But it was refreshing to see her that way and it reminded Merlin of the old days of them traveling together with Arthur. He desperately hoped it reflected a change in her mindset as well.

He was pulled out of his musings by Morgana's voice restarting the conversation. "Do you know what I learned from Morgause?" Morgana questioned, not bothering to wait for a response. "The decisions I make will change the shape of what is to come. The night before you poisoned me, she asked me whose side I was on, hers or Uther's. To be honest, it wasn't a hard choice.

But what I didn't know was that her side meant cursing the kingdom. I was too naïve for trusting her so easily, for not knowing that she used me to curse Camelot. When I chose her side all I wanted to do was end Uther's reign so I could stop living in fear, so those with magic could live freely. There are many things I regret, things I should have done differently."

Merlin couldn't believe his ears. This was the old Morgana, the girl he knew and admired. There was hope yet for her, and he was glad to hear what her true intentions were that day.

But then she continued. "But I won't apologize for taking action against Uther. I don't want his redemption, his forgiveness. For as many deaths as I have caused, Uther has caused thrice as many. There's so much I wish I could take back Merlin, but Uther deserved every terrible thing that came his way."

Then what does she want? Why did she save him then? Merlin didn't know what to say to that, and he found that this conversation raised as many questions as it answered.

He didn't necessarily disagree about Uther though. He too was guilty of wishing for a kingdom without Uther's rule, but found himself time and time again protecting Uther for Arthur's sake. It was hard to shape a world inclusive of magic while protecting Uther's reign, but he had no way around it— no way that wouldn't hurt Arthur.

Morgana sighed. "Let's take a walk Merlin, you must be sick of sitting here," Morgana extended her hand to Merlin.

He took it, not wanting their conversation to end and deciding that she meant no immediate harm. It was an odd feeling though— even a simple gesture like that felt too intimate to him given their current situation.

He hesitantly followed her out of the cave, and she smiled inwardly at his trepidation of leaving.

"Sorry about that," she offered, gesturing to the mouth of the cave, "I find that I'm not too good with barrier spells yet…it was only meant to keep any stray mercenaries out, not repel you inside."

He appreciated that she tried to explain, and he wanted to know more. "It's alright, I think I've gotten more sleep here than Arthur lets me have in a week," he joked feebly.

Morgana couldn't help but crack a small smile, and she was glad it was still dark enough outside that he wouldn't be able to see it. She was glad he was relaxed enough in her presence to make jokes though, and it seemed to alleviate some of the heavy pressure of their conversation.

"Do you know where the mercenaries came from? Arthur said our route through the Valley was a secret," Merlin continued, trying to fill up the silence and also wanting to know if she was behind the attack.

"I'm sure you're clever enough to figure it out Merlin. After all, didn't you just say your route was a secret?" Morgana replied.

"Agravaine," Merlin murmured lowly to himself. Merlin secretly appreciated her subtle compliment but was more concerned that Arthur's uncle was still determined to ruin Camelot.

The comment was not unheard by Morgana though, as the great deal of time she spent alone and in silence made her pick up on the smallest of sounds.

"Camelot has many enemies, magical and non-magical," Morgana stated nonchalantly. "Uther's actions will continue to shape Arthur's reign. Watch your step there."

Too late. Merlin tripped on a gnarled root and landed face first on the ground.

Morgana rolled her eyes, wondering if there was some validity in Arthur's incessant claims of Merlin's clumsiness. She walked toward him to offer her hand yet again, but stopped when she saw his face. She couldn't hide her amusement this time, and a smile soon turned into a small fit of giggles. Merlin's face was covered in red clay, and paired with his red neckerchief and purple shirt, he looked absolutely ridiculous.

She still liked being around him. She had almost forgotten the sound of her own laugh, but he had the uncanny ability of bringing easiness to any situation.

"Yes, very funny Morgana. You and Arthur really are siblings," Merlin groaned, picking himself up from the ground.

Her laughter stopped then, and he froze, realizing what he had just said.

"Morgana, I—"

"Don't get too attached, you'll be returning to him yet," Morgana said lightly, and with what Merlin thought was a shadow of a small smile, she then turned and continued on.

Merlin was stunned. She runs so hot and cold, I don't know what to think. But he was glad she let his comment go. Their interactions were so fragile and tumultuous that he didn't know if he should be on the offensive or walking on eggshells, but he started to feel more comfortable walking by her side.

One urgent question remained though. "Where are we going Morgana?"

"Camelot."

A/N: Thanks for reading guys! Hopefully the next update will be less than a week :) Leave me a review?