I LIIIIIIIIVVVE! ...Don't expect quick updates though. XP
"'Geez, what is with this family?'", Heinz grumbled to himself as he looked about the living room.
Awaiting for the kids to fall asleep was easy enough but to wait for the parents? Heinz was glad he did not have to put up with Linda and her mad obsession of washing her face and prepping her skin to get to sleep. How her husband managed to do so with a roll and a snore is beyond the platypus but now he here he was. In the living room with the family asleep, and left to his own devices to find out where Perry or the parents would stash anything that was more mature than Disney's PG-rated, if not incredibly old classics, movies, Pixar, and the occasional Paramount films. Not that he didn't enjoy watching them from time to time when Vanessa was like, 6, but Heinz was in this to give himself a break from his usual life. The least they could have was a chick flick. Candace was 15 years old for Pete's sake.
'Or maybe... If the boys could manage to modify their room so their clothes are changed automatically... It WOULDN'T be such a good idea for them to watch anything like.. Irobot or Mask. After all, they are only ten. Maybe Linda's more aware than Candace realizes.'
Upon such ponderings, did the platypus move aside some movies, curious for anything behind it when he noticed a small green button in the corner of the DVD case. A curious glance around the room and Heinz was at it again. Fighting that same old desire to push a button that he didn't know what it did. The same reason he would install a self-destruct button- a lot of buttons for that matter- on his inators. Or still hold the remote while the TV's playing the tape. He liked buttons. It was an odd obsession. But when the family's asleep and he's trying not to blow Perry's cover, exactly how much trouble could one little green button be? Possibilities were endless in these thoughts but whether it was an obsession or not, Heinz pressed it and stepped back to watch.
The DVD case that once stood, silently sank into the floor as a new DVD case rose up in its place. The only way Heinz could've guessed this was Perry's stash, was because of the "How to Speak English" DVDs and that while the previous case was black, this one was grey. The same shade as Perry's fur color, what since Heinz was now officially color-blind. But as Heinz climbed up to get a better look of the selection, he almost fell off onto his tail in surprise.
"'NO! Oh my gosh! I can't believe it! He has FRIENDS?! ALL TEN SEASONS?!'", the platypus gaped, now absolutely forgetting about the sleeping family. "'JACKPOT!'"
He quickly took down the collection and gazed at the packages of each season on the end table. Which one to watch? Where should he start? It was midnight. Would he have enough time to watch ALL of them? No. Knowing how enthusiastic Phineas is, he'd probably wanna get up at the crack of dawn or something. Heinz made his selection and settled down happily on the couch, excited to see how it would turn out. It wasn't long until he was intimately wrapped up in the show. Sure it was muted, but he knew the actor's voices by heart. All he had to do was read the captions super quick and watch what they did.
Heinz leaned further out of the seat as he watched the character Ross come up to the hallway between two doors. After a moment of looking between them, he finally headed into one.
'"Hey."', Heinz heard in his mind as he watched in excitement.
"Good Morning Agent P.", Monogram's face suddenly said, making Heinz fall off the couch with a chatter of surprise.
"'NO! WHICH ONE?! WHICH ONE DID HE CHOSE?!'", Heinz was chattering as he stood up at the TV, trying to find a way to change back.
"Agent P, calm down. You know how it ends.", Monogram rolled his eyes. "I was just calling to tell you-"
Heinz finally managed to figure out that pressing "play" on the DVD player made it run again but before he could lift his eyes to see what had happened, Monogram took over once again.
"'STOP DOING THAT! I'M NOT PERRY!'", Heinz shouted though it only came out as a soft growling noise.
"Agent P, knock it off!", Monogram hissed quietly. "As I was saying. If you have the time, we're going to need you to come into work tomorrow. It seems your old nemesis, Dr. Doofenshmirtz is behaving very oddly. He's been on the phone all night. We don't know who with, or why but it's clearly something diabolical. I'll brief you more on it, tomorrow. Monogram out."
Heinz was slightly perplexed at this. He was calling someone? At this time of night? Well not he, himself, but Perry? Why would she want to talk? And who with? But with Monogram off the screen, Heinz was finally allowed to press play and settled back down to watch some more. Simply allowing the incident of Perry doing anything, to escape his mind. Some while of watching his show, Heinz had finally found drowsiness. He put away the DVD. Turned it all off. And headed for bed, leaving the living room exactly the way he found it.
The next morning, as Heinz's memories of Vanessa reminded him, the kids were energetic for a new day while he, unfortunately, was not.
"Morning Perry!", Phineas greeted as he sat up in bed when the alarm went off.
Before Heinz could even open his eyes he was suddenly scooped up into a tight embrace before being sat down across the young boy's lap.
"So, Ferb! I've got a great idea for what we should do today!", Phineas began before Ferb reached under the bed and pulled out a calendar, pointing to the day. "Oh.. Right. It's Perry's check-up today! Never mind, we could play Ultimate Shadow Tag tomorrow."
The boy shrugged it off and the two got ready for the day. Again, Heinz was rather unused to having everything done for him and while things like brushing his teeth seemed a little weird, it was hard for him not to enjoy the attention. Whoever Perry lived with, these guys nearly worshiped their platypus from Heinz's perpesctive. But Heinz was quickly reminded of his REAL circumstances when he waddled off to the back yard as the boys ate their breakfast. Just then as the little girl with black hair from yesterday- Isabella wasn't it?- came by, so did another pet following after her. A chihuahua to be specific.
"'Hey me amigo!'", Pinky barked. "'So, Perry. Sorry about the vet. Hope you make it out good.'"
"'Oh um.. I'm sorry. I'm not Perry. I'm Heinz Doofenshmirtz.'", Heinz explained.
At this, the dog stopped. Pinky looked at him sternly for a moment. Was Perry serious? The platypus SOUNDED like Perry. She LOOKED like Perry. But it wasn't like her to make a joke like this.
"'...You kid...right?'", Pinky asked.
"'Um... No. I- AAAH!'", Heinz screamed as he began running.
Pinky charged full on with his teeth baring and chased the intruder all about the yard. When finally caught, Heinz was pinned soundly to the ground as Pinky leered down at him.
"'WHERE IS SHE?!'", the dog demanded.
"'She-! I-I-!'"
"'TELL ME!'"
"'SHE'S BACK AT THE DEI!'", Heinz finally managed to say, cowering underneath the gleaming white teeth. "'I-I don't know how this happened!'"
"'LIAR!'"
"'NO! REALLY! I-I SWEAR!'"
Suddenly loud exclamations came from the house and before either knew it, the two were pulled apart by Isabella and Phineas. Never before had Heinz been so happy to be held by someone else. The neglection of his childhood had always lead him to a want of this sort of comfort but at this particular moment he felt he needed it now more than ever.
"Oh my gosh! Pinky! What the heck is wrong with you?!", Isabella exclaimed as her dog tried to jump out of her arms and back at the platypus.
"Whoa, whoa! It's okay Perry! Geez, what do you think happened?", Phineas asked.
"I have no clue! Pinky was perfectly fine when I left him here!"
"...Hormones?", Ferb asked.
"I really dunno but if that's the case, I'm definitely going to schedule an appointment for Pinky too.", Isabella said. "I'm sorry Phineas."
"Hey it's okay. Perry's alright.", Phineas gave a reassuring smile.
"I should go now. I'm gonna tie Pinky up to his dog house till we figure out what's wrong. Later.", Isabella said.
"Bye!", the boys said, waving her off.
Phineas turned his attention back to the platypus who still clung for life against his shirt and gave a caring stroke.
"Shhh... It's okay...", he crooned. "Pinky's gone."
But to Heinz, it wasn't entirely okay. From what had just happened, he almost wondered if he ever wanted to leave Phineas' side. It was at this very moment that he understood exactly why, Perry was so protective of her family.
At the vet, things seemed to have calmed down a bit though Heinz still stayed close to Phineas. When he was taken away he was pampered for the while. Nothing out of a usual check up so far and was soon relaxing on a table as a young nurse continued to stroke his fur until the doctor came back with her pet guinea pig and sat him close by.
"Do you like it when I pet you?", she cooed lovingly.
"'Oh yeah, I like it alright.'", Heinz purred. "'And there's absolutely nothing wrong with this so far...'"
After a moment he looked over at the guinea pig who simply yawned and stretched out as the doctor petted him too. "'So uh, is she your owner?'"
"'Come now, Perry.'", the English-crested and accented guinea pig replied. "'Of all animals in the kingdom, you would know that.'"*
"'Actually, I'm not really Perry, I'm just in her body.'", the platypus corrected with a sheepish grin.
At this the guinea pig sat up and looked at Heinz straight in the eyes. What could he possibly mean by that? This made no sense to the cavy whatsoever. But as he saw Heinz look right back at him, he saw that it was true. Perry never kept her eyes so focused. Realizing this alarmed the guinea pig and as he sat there, he began to wheek loudly.
"Aw, what's the matter, Peter?", the vet said as she continued to pet him.
But by then, another doctor came in and the first was excused along with her pet.
"Alright, Perry. Now you'll be a good platypus as we give your shots, right?", the doctor asked as he pulled out a tray from one counter and sat it down near Heinz, showing clearly an assortment of needles.
"'Sh-shots?'", Heinz asked, suddenly very afraid.
"We want nice, clean, shiny coats, right?", the doctor went on, not realizing the building up fear in the platypus. "One for each layer on your body and tail."
"'Okay! I want my body back now! Tha-that's like-! SIX shots! Help!'", Heinz chattered, starting to back up on the table. But he was quickly stopped by the doctor's hand and scooted back into place. "'N-No! I-I don't take shots very well! P-PERRY!'"
Meanwhile, at the DEI, Perry was working about the apartment, set and determined to turn things around right for it to be comfortable for HER. She wasn't about to let the man's fault body stop her from gettings things done and she even did a few future favors for Heinz in case another incident like this happened. But as she bustled about, being a busy bee of keeping things neat and orderly, she stopped to notice the clock on the wall. Checking with her memory, she figured Heinz would be getting his shots right about now. Three on his stomach and three on his tail. She surprised herself as she chuckled darkly.
"..Alright, I have to admit. THAT kind of evil, is most certainly a pleasure..", she said to herself as she went on her business.
Now as Heinz was being carried back into the car by Phineas, still in shock of where all he was touched and what all was prodded into him, Perry had cleaned the house, destroyed and cleaned up after all the evil inators, organized the blueprints according to accomplished, unfinished, in alphabetical order each. She was now labeling the remotes when a door opened and closed.
"Hey Dad. I'm here for our weekend!", Vanessa called out.
'...Oh shoot..', Perry mentally cringed before getting up and coming to Vanessa to greet her. "Oh hi, Vanessa! How are you?"
She offered for a hug, but Vanessa simply walked past the man and dumped her backpack on the couch.
"I'm just stopping in here to change. I'm gonna meet up with my friends in five minutes.", she said.
Perry couldn't help herself. She was always in charge of everything that went on around her and her body's paternal instincts easily kicked in. The combination of her boldness and Heinz's fatherly care certainly caught Vanessa off guard.
"Hold it right there!", Heinz's body ordered, making the teenager look back in surprise. "Now why is it that when it's supposed to be OUR weekend, you just lock yourself into your room and either complain about what I do or run off with those freak-friends of yours?"
"W-well-"
"Cause if you wanna complain about how little of attention I actually give you, girl you gotta start opening your eyes cause I DO try to pay you your attention! I'm SO sorry my life is SO full of evil that I can only give you all my attention in just a manner of a few short days! I'm sorry I may not be 'INTO' your things or 'get it' or whatever, but I very well darn try! The least you could do is give me that much respect!"
"But Dad, you DON'T try to take an interest in my things! You've always been trying to get me to be a perfect little copy of yourself and I've already told you, I'm not evil!", she said, equally angry before huffing off to her room.
"Really?"
"Yeah. REALLY."
"So dating Monty Monogram behind my back all this time; that isn't evil, right?"
Vanessa stopped dead in her tracks as she heard Monty's name. Fear seized her and for once, her dad was right. But.. How did he know? She turned back around and the stern scowl on her father's face softened into concern.
"Don't worry about how I know. I'm just trying to look out for you.", Perry went on to say, making sure she kept in line that she was being Doofenshmirtz. "I do love you Vanessa. I'm sorry it doesn't always seem like that, but I do. Just... another way I fail at everything..."
Vanessa couldn't help but let a sigh escape her. This was definitely something...different. But it seemed genuine and even if it wasn't, Perry knew Heinz well enough to know what he really thought of his daughter and how much he loved her. She knew what he feels every time he gets shut down from another misfired, father-daughter bond but fortunately, Perry knew exactly what words to use and wasn't afraid of saying them.
"If you really want me to spend time with you, I'm free all day.", she offered.
"...What about Perry?", Vanessa asked.
" Ag- er.. Perry the Platypus has the day off.", Perry shrugged. "All I was planning on doing was just labeling the remotes like I've been meaning to. I'm free if you are."
"...Dad, what inators have you built recently?", Vanessa asked, taking a step back. "Or is this something you read online?"
"I uh...built a uh.. A try-to-understand-your-daughter...inator.", Perry lied. "And I got zapped right before Perry the Platypus hit me with it."
There was a moment of silence where Vanessa was trying to determine whether or not she actually believed this. Her dad having the upper hand? Actually saying something correctly instead of bumbling over his words and having it come out the wrong way? She felt she had to test to make sure he was really zapped with anything.
"...How did you find out I dated Monty?", she asked, making Perry silently curse herself.
"...How do you think I found out?", she asked in return.
"...The only people who know about it are Perry, Monty, and I.", she said. "So either you built something, or Monty gave it out. And I don't think it's the latter."
"Well what if he did?"
"Dad could you just answer my question!"
"Perry the Platypus told me!", she spat in frustration. "But the inator's already destroyed and thrown away so don't get any ideas about it."
"And the other one?"
"Destroyed and gone too.", Perry huffed, crossing her arms across her chest. "Look, I'm giving you a golden opportunity. All day long, I'm all yours so either we can still play 20 questions, you can just ignore me like you always do, or we can actually look for something FUN that we can enjoy. I'm open for any option!"
Well after Vanessa had gotten over the shock of her dad actually being mad at her, they agreed to spend the day together. Though doing what, neither were entirely sure at the moment until Perry offered they went for a walk through the city.
"Why?", Vanessa asked. "Something you wanna go see?"
"Just thought it'd be nice to get out and get some fresh air. We can talk. Do nothing. Window shopping?", Perry shrugged.
"...Sure..", Vanessa said, a small and curious smile creeping onto her face.
The two walked out of the DEI and down the street. At first quiet, but once they got started talking, it snowballed into a great conversation and both were laughing as they continued their way. Then lunch came to be in order and the two stopped into a diner. They grabbed a table, ordered their lunch, and continued in their conversation. While they waited for lunch though, Perry noticed a car stop outside of the diner, waiting for the green light and recognized it instantly. She could even see into the station wagon where Heinz in Perry's body was curled up against Phineas, still shivering and squirming uncomfortably.
Heinz saw Perry. Perry saw Heinz. And the platypus was instantly against he window of the car, whimpering, Perry would guess by the look on his face, almost begging to be swapped back right then and there. Thankfully Vanessa had her head to her lunch so she didn't see Perry give a wide, toothy, evil grin to the pitiful looking platypus in the window. It was too much fun as Perry waved at Heinz, almost teasing him with the circumstances.
Heinz was torn to shreds beyond Perry's understanding. Was that HIS daughter? Having FUN!? And he was missing out on it! Not only that but the excruciating pain that still resided in his tail. Doofenshmirtz was barely able to believe Perry was capable of being evil enough to TAUNT him the way she is now. But tried as much as he begged to be let out of the car, Phineas only wrapped an arm around Doof and sat the platypus back down on his lap.
"Aw. What's the matter, Perry?", Phineas asked, stroking the animal's fur, making Heinz cringe in awkwardness. "You haven't really been acting yourself lately."
Heinz was wailing as the car drove away, seeing his daughter continue to laugh and have fun with his nemesis. He had had some rough days, but this one just took the cake. His daughter. Actually having fun with him, without him. It was almost a screaming insult to the father that a platypus could do his job better than he can. And as they drove on back to the Flynn-Fletcher house, while these thoughts hung around Doof's head like a thick fog, tears stained the fur as he wished for nothing more than to have his own life back.
Very little did he know that Perry was equally pained in seeing her owners hug and love on the platypus she was supposed to be. And she quietly excused herself to the bathroom not long after they drove out of sight to hide her tears. She missed Phineas and Ferb and her family as badly as Heinz missed Vanessa. Every one of them. She sighed as she leaned back against the wall in the bathroom, pausing for a moment in her sobs to catch her breath and not alarm Vanessa. She stared up at the bright lights on the ceiling that glared down at her. There had to be something. Someway to make the trade-off faster. The first solution would be to build her own inator, but she didn't have the scientific understanding as Heinz did and she had Vanessa dragging around with her. But she had to risk it. Hopefully buttering Vanessa up with all the girly fun they've been having for the day she would be willing to let Perry at least ATTEMPT to find something about swapping back. She didn't want to have to wait till the end of TOMORROW to be back in her own body and back in her family's loving arms.
She wiped up the last of her tears, pressed her cold hands to her eyes to cool off the irritation a bit, and then headed back out, looking just as fine as ever.
"Hey, Dad.", Vanessa greeted. "Thanks again for the fun today. I'm sorry I always shut you down."
"It's perfectly fine, Vanessa.", Perry shrugged it off with a casual smile. "I know I'm not exactly... The best company at times."
"Well... Maybe if your inators weren't always so evil, I wouldn't mind helping you again.", Vanessa shrugged.
"...Again?", Perry asked curiously.
"Yeah. Remember? Don't tell me you've forgotten! Although, I guess, ten years is a while.", Vanessa thought for a moment before resuming topic. "Anyway. Don't you remember when I was little and I'd help you make little robots or whatevers to help out around the house?"
Perry was silent for a moment seeming to ponder though she was trying to calm her surprise. Vanessa was scientific like her father? The most Perry ever saw of Vanessa 'helping' Heinz was keeping him out of jail or handing over one of his inators. Maybe there was a chance. She smiled and gave a nod.
"Oh! Pfft! Yeah, I remember.", she said casually. "Sorry it.. It took me a moment."
"Yeah, well it has been a while.", Vanessa shrugged.
"Mm... Yeah.", Perry gave a nod. "...Though.. You know... I-I mean this as a pure suggestion, 100% guarantee of the privilege to say 'no', but there IS one inator I could use some help in making."
She was hesitant at first, but bit her lip in thought before replying, "What...inator? And what's it for?"
Perry tried to think of a plausible reason for there to be in building a mind-switching-inator, but there really was no other benefit other than to return to her own body. Defeated, she told Vanessa the truth. Who she really was and what happened. She cleared up Heinz's genuine feelings for his daughter and clarified that she hadn't said anything about Monty, and apologized for having tricked her in the first place.
Vanessa took the information calmly, nodding so often in time in understanding. She agreed to helping Perry, though she was pretty rusty as building machines, and the two sat off at once.
*In memory of Peter. A beloved guinea pig to my sister Amber. The vet and the guinea pig mentioned in this fanfic is my sister and her expet in honor of Peter and Amber's hope to become a vet when she grows up. ^^
Amber: Thank you Laura.
Laura: ...I miss him. TT_TT Bout as much as you do, sis...