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To think that only yesterday,
I was cheerful, bright and gay.
Looking forward to, and who wouldn't do,
The role I was about to play.
But as if to knock me down,
Reality came around,
And without so much as a mere touch,
Cut me into little pieces.
Leaving me to doubt, all about God and His mercy,
Oh, if He really does exist,
Why did He desert me?
And in my hour of need,
I truly am, indeed,
Alone again, naturally.

Alone Again, Naturally By Gilbert O Sullivan

Sandy groaned. He scrunched his eyes, keeping them shut. NO! He shouted in his mind. He breathed in, immediately his nose was filled with her scent. Her shampoo, he loved that smell. He loved her so much. Then it came to him. It was a dream. She wasn't really gone! He opened his eyes. She was laying right there beside him. It was a dream! Oh thank God! He didn't know what he was going to do without her. She looked so peaceful. So beautiful. He kissed her arms up to her neck to her jaw to her cheek to her forehead. He kissed her lips faintly. It didn't wake her though. Funny, that always seemed to do the trick, at least she was still here.

"Kirsten…" he said quietly, trying to wake her. He had to look into her eyes, hold her to him, have her tell him it was just a dream. Tell him everything was going to be okay. He put hands on her arms and shook her gently. What was wrong? He stared at her and then realized… she wasn't breathing.

"KIRSTEN!" He yelled. "SETH! RYAN!" He tried to yell again. Nothing came out. He couldn't breathe. His world went dark again, as he was thrust into pitch black.

They took Sandy into a small room, waiting for him to come to. Once they had relieved Ryan of his body, Ryan turned around and punched the cinderblock wall. This wasn't fair. Didn't she know what she was leaving? Didn't she care? Didn't she know they couldn't live without her? He put his head to the wall and cried. He kept pounding the wall until he couldn't muster up strength to hit it again and he left his hand there.

Seth had gone back to rocking. His crying was heavier now that he was officially without a mother. This couldn't be happening. He couldn't live without her. He needed her too much. He loved her to much. This wasn't fair.

Everyone else was crying. Caleb had left. Jimmy was now trying to comfort Julie and Marissa since he was sitting in the middle of them. Summer was trying to comfort Seth but she wasn't his mom and that's what he wanted.

The doctor summoned Ryan. Something about Sandy. He went in and saw Sandy squirming with his eyes closed. Poor Sandy. Tears still streaming down his face even though he wasn't awake. Ryan wasn't sure how exactly Sandy was going to take all this. By the looks of things right now, Ryan's guess was not very well.

Then it was bright. SO bright. Sandy squinted in the light. He saw an outline of something. Someone. It was her. Then he knew what was happening. He watched her come into focus. She was still bright. She looked so angelic. Her face came close to his and he looked deep into her eyes. She was so peaceful. Tears began to fall down his face. No. Baby, tell me it's not so. She put her hand to his cheek. He knew what was happening. He was dreaming. But he wasn't going to stop it. 'Don't leave me!' He whispered. She mouthed "I love you" and blew him a kiss. 'NO!' He pleaded. 'This can't be the end.' He whispered. He watched as her outline left and it just became a light in his eye. But the light wasn't going away. What?

It was the doctor shining the light in his eye trying to get him to follow it. Ryan was standing beside him.

"He's back." The doctor said quietly but trying to make it somewhat cheery.

"Tell me it was a dream. Please…" Sandy whimpered as tears fell. "Tell me it was a dream, Ryan." Ryan just looked at him sadly, not knowing how to tell him. Of course that told Sandy everything.

"I have to…" Sandy got up from the bed. "I've gotta go…" Sandy motioned w/ his hands and then disappeared out the door. Ryan heard the men's room door swing open and then slam shut. In the back of Ryan's mind, something told him that this was the beginning of the end. Ryan tried to push it away but he knew that it was somewhat true.

Sandy ran into the bathroom and vomited all the dinner he had eaten. He was surprised he hadn't earlier. He let go of the toilet and sat with his back against the wall. This couldn't be real. Why was this happening? He began to cry again. He yelled out. "NO!" He wanted her in his arms. "NO." He wanted to kiss her lips. "No." He wanted to tell her everything was fine. "no." It got meeker as he said it. Soon he was whispering it. His back rapidly went up and down as he went into a crying fit. He took a deep gasping breath and released it at once in screaming. "AAAAH!" He couldn't take it. His head fell at the tears kept coming. His wife was dead. She was gone. She couldn't come back. He felt so lost. So he sat there.

Ryan came in the bathroom and saw Sandy sitting there. He looked so defeated. Ryan went over to him.

"They said that if you want to say goodbye you can." Ryan nearly whispered.

"Okay." Sandy managed. He got off the floor and started to go toward the door. He swung it open and the light hurt his eyes. He went to check on Seth.

"Hey buddy." He said as Summer moved so Sandy could sit down. He put his arm over his son's back. Seth was hunched over, head in hands, arms on knees. He had stopped crying and was staring at the square tile on the floor, thinking. About her. About her kissing his boo-boos and kissing his tears away. Telling him everything would be okay. Scaring away Mr. Fred the monster in his closet. Making him soup when he was sick. Trying so hard to learn how to play those video games. But he had told her to just give up it wasn't working. He was just kidding not being mean and she knew it. But now he wished he had tried to teach her. He wished he had done more with her. Wished he hadn't ran off that summer. Wished he could be sure that she knew that he loved her. That she was the most important woman in his life. Seeing his dad had brought the tears back to his eyes.

"She sure did love you." Sandy told Seth. That was too much. Seth threw his head into his father's chest and cried. Sandy tried to comfort his son but it just wasn't working.

"I'm going to go see her one last time do you want to come?" Sandy asked Seth. Seth shook his head "yes" slightly. Too much movement and he was going to be in the bathroom like his dad had been. Sandy looked to Ryan asking the same thing. Ryan gave him the look of "yes." So they walked down the hallway looking completely lost and defeated.

When all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through

Move Along by The All American rejects