Chapter 4 - The Rebirth
How do people sit around with nothing to do? It had to be the most boring life to just sit there all the time and watch tv. Yet that was what Lee was expected to do. He couldn't show himself because the killer might find out he was alive so he was stuck in this stupid house in Maryland with just a tv to keep him entertained. He couldn't even go out and have a nice dinner somewhere. Billy couldn't stay because it would be questioned where he was so he had left a guard outside who had strict orders not to go inside and was told that he was guarding a Political Prisoner.
On top of all of that, Lee couldn't help but keep thinking about Amanda. Was she upset that he was dead? He was sure she was. She held her heart on her sleeve most days and he knew that she wouldn't handle the death of anyone she knew well especially if she cared about the person. Wait? Did Amanda care about him? If she did, then well it was all her fault. He had told her not to get involved with the agency. He had even tried to tell her that you couldn't have friends in this line of work. Would she listen to him? Of course not! Now she was probably all upset and there wasn't anything he could do about it but if she had just listened to him, she would be fine right now. They would never have been involved in any cases after the first one and she would not even know what he was doing much less that he was considered dead right now. But oh no, Miss Housewife was determined to tag along and be a part of this whole spy business. She just didn't get that this was real life and that feelings don't matter. After all, if she had died in NH, he would have been okay. She wasn't the first partner he had lost. He would have been sad but he knew that eventually any of them could be killed in the line of duty. Wait did he just call Amanda his partner? Well that was just a phrase, it really mean anything.
As Lee continued to beat himself up in his mind, he suddenly remembered that Amanda wasn't doing anything for the agency when she went to NH and of course it was his fault that Sheila had tried to kill Amanda to begin with. Well it was still the point; she had connections to him and that was dangerous. If she was killed because of those connections, it wouldn't be fair. Besides it was also different circumstances if Amanda died suddenly. She was a civilian and she had a family which included 2 young sons and a lot of people would be heartbroken at the news of her death. No one would really miss Lee. He had no real family except his Uncle and the man barely talked to Lee. No, you just couldn't compare Amanda's death to his. Amanda had so much to live for and Lee was just Lee. Lee found himself hitting the wall again as his emotions continued. Why was he angry with Amanda? She didn't do anything wrong. Was it so bad that she might care that he was dead? In some ways it seemed comforting to know that someone would care but at the same time it was so upsetting knowing that he likely was causing her a lot of pain that just seemed so unnecessary. Billy had made the rules and at the moment, there was nothing Lee could do to change them.
The days went by slowly and when Friday hit, Lee really wanted to go to his own Funeral and see what people said about him but of course he had no way to get there. He had found himself thinking about Amanda many times over the past 3 days. He knew that what he was doing to her was cruel. She would be miserable thinking he was dead. He truly had worried that he wouldn't find her alive in NH and he remembered how torn up inside he was about it. Lee Stetson might play a tough guy but deep down he knew that Amanda's death would likely be his undoing. Now he was leaving her thinking he was dead. He didn't have a choice though, he couldn't tell her. If only Billy had come up to visit him, he would have demanded that they let Amanda in on the secret but Billy knew that Lee would be like a caged animal and had stayed away.
Lee slammed his fist against the wall and said "Damn it this isn't fair. I'm so sorry Amanda. I hope you will someday forgive me for hurting you this way." Deep down, he knew she would but it still killed him knowing how much he had hurt her the past few days. Billy had promised to pick him up early Saturday morning and drive him to Amanda's so that he could arrive just as the rest of the family was leaving. Saturday couldn't come fast enough. Lee wasn't sure if any 3 days had ever dragged by more slowly in all of his life. He also understood how people suddenly went mad. His thoughts were killing him and he couldn't stop them.
Finally it was Saturday. Lee was up at 5am, had his bag all packed, had taken a shower and was ready to go. Billy finally arrived at 8am. He told the agent he could go and after he was sure he was safely out of sight, Billy went in and got Lee. Lee couldn't walk fast enough out to the car and then had to wait for Billy to catch up. Billy couldn't help but smile as he got into the car. "In a hurry are you?" He asked.
"I'm bored. I want to catch this guy and I'm not doing any good being stuck in a safe house watching tv all day. Has there been any other murders?"
"No, thankfully no." Billy answered as he began driving.
"Any leads? Anything?"
"Nothing more than we already knew."
"Billy, how is Amanda doing?"
"She came to your funeral Lee. She was pretty upset. Lee, she is a very strong woman. I think if you were really dead, she would find a way to work through it. She cares about you Lee. It was very obvious."
Lee sighed and rode the rest of the way in silence. As Billy pulled up near Amanda's house, they could see that there was a car parked in the driveway and it already had bags lined up in the back.
"Do you want me to go in with you?" Billy asked.
"No, you know it is kinda funny cause in the beginning, I always told her that all the jobs that we asked her help on were your idea even if they were mine. I could probably easily say this was your idea so she wouldn't be so angry with me but I don't want to do that."
"It was my idea Lee. I ordered you not to tell her. You definitely can blame this on me."
"No, I have to own this one. If we are going to be partners, then she has to learn to forgive me and she needs to grow stronger from this situation. You know what I mean?"
"Yeah, I do. I don't envy you right now though."
Lee sighed and said "I don't either. If this all works out and she agrees to help, I'll make sure she keeps you informed on what is going on."
"Sounds good. Good luck Lee."
Lee watched as Phillip and Jamie came running outside and jumped into the backseat and then saw Dotty following slower behind them. Amanda didn't even come to the front door to see them off which Lee knew was unlike her. His heart felt heavy as he knew this was another sign of how badly she was likely taking the news of his death. They watched the car drive away and waited until it was out of sight.
Lee got out of the car and hurried to the back door. He found the door locked and smiled because he was finally convincing her to be more careful. He took out his lock pick and unlocked the door and then walked in. He quietly made his way to the family room but could hear Amanda talking. Did she have someone there? Was Dean there? He stood against the wall and then realized she was talking to herself out loud.
"The hardest part about this job is the feelings. Lee said not to get involved and he was right about that." Amanda said as she began to cry again.
Lee didn't hesitate; he stepped out and said "I didn't think I would live to hear you say that. Well actually I didn't live; not officially of course." It was the first thing he could think of to say in hopes of lightening things up a bit as he revealed that he was alive. He then waited for her reaction. He hoped she wouldn't be too angry with him but he never expected her to come bounding into his arms either. It pleased him more than he could ever imagine just how much it meant to him that she cared so much about him and was so happy to see that he was alive. It was short lived though as she suddenly realized that he had deceived her and she turned angry with him and pounded him on the back and pulled out of his embrace. He didn't know what to say to diffuse the situation so he stupidly stayed with the idea of keeping things light and asked if she was angry that he was alive. He then asked if it was a nice funeral; not too fancy? He realized right away how insensitive he had been when she said "I have been really upset about this. I thought I had lost a friend. And it hurts." She was still crying even though she knew he was alive now.
Lee found his heart being torn apart again as she talked through her tears. He had never known anyone who truly cared about him before so this was so difficult to deal with. He didn't have friends and this was probably why. How did people deal with this stuff? Lee didn't even notice that he rubbed his fingers near his hairline out of nervousness.
"And I was frightened too. And uh...look I know you don't like tears, I know they frighten you more than bullets so I'm sorry about this little scene but you brought it all on yourself because it would have been totally unnecessary if you hadn't been killed which you haven't been and I cared that you were dead and I don't care if you don't care that I cared."
Lee immediately responded by saying "I do care. Really. Thank you." He was surprised himself at how much it meant to him that she cared that much about him. Were they friends? He knew deep down inside that he considered Amanda a friend. They had been through a lot together and though he wasn't ready to acknowledge it, she was a friend. It meant a lot that she considered him one too.
He was pleased to see her smile for a second and say "You're welcome."
For a few seconds they stood looking at each other. Something had happened between them that made it impossible to go backwards. The days of him complaining about her tagging along could never be taken seriously now because their relationship had grown beyond that. He knew she would grow stronger from this and as much as it had hurt him to watch her grief, he was so proud of her.
Amanda broke the intensity in the room by asking if he wanted a sandwich. For once, Lee didn't mind that her mothering side had come out since he hadn't eaten well the past few days since he was so worried about her. They walked into the kitchen and as Amanda began preparing a Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich, Lee dropped the bombshell that he was going to investigate his own murder and needed her help. He decided that he needed to bring Billy into the conversation at this time though so she would know that they both had discussed it. It didn't take long for her to realize that he would need a place to stay and he couldn't help but chuckle as she told him to put his things in Guatemala.
He poured himself a glass of milk and Amanda finished making them both sandwiches and they sat at the kitchen table.
"Look Amanda, I know that it won't be easy living with me but it will just be a few days. Billy had me in a safe house in Maryland but I need to be nearby in order to figure this whole thing out. Come on, we have worked together before in close quarters. Can't we do it again?"
"Yeah, but never in my house. Okay, let's say I agree to this. I can't have you upstairs in the boys' room or Mother's room so you would have to stay on the couch."
Lee sighed and said "I understand. It would probably be best to be downstairs anyway just in case anyone should turn up."
"Do you think the killer will come after me because you know I thought about that after Billy told me that you were dead?"
"I don't think so Amanda, but you never know."
"Alright, so what happens now?"
"Now, we wait. How about if I give you some money and a list of food to pick up and I'll make dinner for us tonight as a thank you for letting me stay?"
Amanda thought about it for a second and then nodded her head and said "Okay, if that would make you feel better."
"Amanda, it isn't about feeling better. It will give me something to do. You do have a wok don't you?"
"Lee, of course I have a wok."
"Great, I would go myself but of course I can't. Do you have something I can write out a list on?"
"Sure" Amanda said as she got her shopping list paper and a pen.
Lee quickly made out his list and then pulled out his wallet and handed Amanda a wad of cash. Amanda couldn't believe he was giving her all of that for one meal. Her whole family could make several meals out of that much money but then she looked at the list and said "Squid? Really?"
"Yeah, I promise you will like it."
"Alright, well I better get going. I don't usually buy most of this stuff so it might take a bit to find it."
Amanda headed to the grocery store. As she checked over the list again, she couldn't help but laugh. It didn't really consist of much. He had listed squid, enoki mushrooms, an onion, some spices, rice and sake. Also he had asked her to pick up chopsticks. Amanda went inside and found everything except the mushrooms. She asked one of the floor personnel but he had no idea what an enoki mushroom was. In the end, she purchased some regular mushrooms.
She couldn't believe that it took almost all of Lee's money for these few items. It seemed like a waste but it was his money. As soon as she arrived back at the house, he asked for her wok.
"Oh Amanda, do you have something I can use as an Apron. I didn't bring much for clothing so I don't want to get food on these."
"Sure" Amanda said as she handed him a pink Apron. He looked at it with a funny look and then quickly put it on.
"You know Lee, you look good in pink. Maybe you should wear it more often." Amanda said with a smile.
"Amanda!" Lee said as he unpacked the bag of food. "Amanda, I wanted enoki mushrooms. These are just plain ones."
"I couldn't find enoki mushrooms and my grocery store didn't even know what they were."
"Oh damn, well I guess these will have to do then."
In no time, Lee had cooked the meal and Amanda set the table. Lee poured them both flasks of sake but Amanda decided that she should have a glass of milk instead. After taking off the apron, Lee sat down and served them both a serving of the meal. Amanda opted to eat with a fork while Lee used the chopsticks that she had bought. Lee was quite pleased with himself for cooking a nice meal for Amanda. It was a side of him that he didn't let many see and she seemed pleased with it.
After they finished eating, Lee told her that it was time for them to begin investigating. Unfortunately he didn't have anything appropriate to wear out in public that would hide his identity. He hadn't been able to get much clothing after his supposed death so he asked Amanda if she had anything he could borrow. He should have realized that she would be bringing out Dean's clothes. The man truly had no taste in clothing. Amanda had given him a pair blue jeans which fit fine but then she handed him a plaid coat and a hat that had ear flaps. Lee was sure that if Francine saw him now, he would no longer be called Scarecrow. His new codename would be Elmer Fudd.
TBC