Authors note: So I know that most people at this point are aware of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), especially if you are aware of the effects of battle on many of the young men and women coming back from War. It was also discussed in CAWS. But just in case here is a definition as Bucky will be experiencing a Flash Back, one of the common symptoms.

PTSD : Posttraumatic stress disorder is classified as an anxiety disorder in the DSM IV. In the typical case, the individual with PTSD persistently avoids all thoughts and emotions, and discussion of the stressor event and may experience amnesia for it. However, the event is commonly relived by the individual through intrusive, recurrent recollections, flashbacks, and nightmares

There are four types of symptoms of PTSD

Reliving the event (also called re-experiencing symptoms)

You may have bad memories or nightmares. You even may feel like you're going through the event again. This is called a flashback.

Avoiding situations that remind you of the event

You may try to avoid situations or people that trigger memories of the traumatic event. You may even avoid talking or thinking about the event.

Negative changes in beliefs and feelings

The way you think about yourself and others may change because of the trauma. You may feel fear, guilt, or shame. Or, you may not be interested in activities you used to enjoy. This is another way to avoid memories.

Feeling keyed up (also called hyperarousal)

You may be jittery, or always alert and on the lookout for danger. Or, you may have trouble concentrating or sleeping. This is known as hyperarousal.

CH4

Steve stayed awake with Bucky the rest of the night, keeping his friend company as they reminisced about the good old days when they were still just a couple of kids from Brooklyn. They sat together in Steve's room sharing a bottle of expensive whiskey as they laughed over days past, recalling people and places long since gone. There where no tears shed in anger or in despair but a few in laughter as Bucky cackled, holding the side of his ribs as Steve just shook his head hiding his face as he recalled the particularly embarrassing memory of his first kiss. A few times Steve would find him self just ginning ear to ear at the sight of Bucky Barnes, back to who he really was, the charismatic charmer with a strong sense of loyalty and devotion to his socially awkward and stupidly brave punk of a friend Stevie. The Captain marveled at the reality that he had been given his best friend back and with him, a renewed sense of self after spending two years lost in a time he was struggling to adapt to.

Bucky would look up at Steve in those quiet moments and be able to read him like a book, like he always could. He would huff and roll his eyes but smile back, passing the bottle with a steady nod and eyes that communicated how grateful he was to be alive and reunited with Steve, despite the horror that was still simmering beneath his true blue gaze. Together they watched the sun come up over the sparkling city below as they took seats on the balcony, finishing the last of the whiskey. Even though the super soldier serum kept them from getting drunk, they could still feel the pleasant sensation of inebriation, the effects lasting in short burst of ten to fifteen minutes before more alcohol was needed to keep the buzz going.

Steve yawned as the sun broke free from the horizon and the sky grew lighter with a scattering of clouds. He looked over at Bucky who had his eyes closed, face pointed up at the morning sky with a content smile on his lips, short tuff of hair blowing in the breeze. He looked so much more like Bucky Barnes rather then the Winter Soldier and Steve felt his chest grow tight as he said a silent prayer thanking the powers at be for giving Bucky a second chance at life. The renewed man opened his eyes with a satisfied sigh as he shook his head.

"Gonna be a beautiful day Stevie!...For a while I wasn't sure I'd get to see another one but,...Here we are pal!... I still don't understand how or why but,... here we are!" Bucky chuckled as he ran his hand through his short hair, a lazy gin on his face. He looked over at Steve who nodded but then yawned again, his eyes feeling heavy. He had stayed up most the night before watching over Bucky's troubled sleep and all of the day until his friend had finally risen after what seemed like an eternity. His exhaustion was becoming evident and the heaviness of his eyes too much to ignore.

"Common Stevie!... Time to get some shut eye!... Can't have Captain America stumbling around all bleary eyed and sleep deprived!... What if aliens attack the city...again... or some other weird future things happen!" Bucky demanded with raised eye browns as he stood up and offered Steve his hand. The Captain smirked and accepted his help up.

"The future is now Buck!...Us old fogies just gotta play catch-up!" Steve muttered as they headed inside.

"Yea, well so far I ain't all that impressed with the here and now!... I mean where the heck are them flying automobiles that Howard promised!... Gonna ask Tony next time I see him!" Bucky stated with a dramatic and grumpy tone. Steve smiled but inwardly he cringed, hoping Bucky would not talk to Tony about his late father but also not prepared to explain to Bucky why it was a sore subject, not when Bucky was still getting himself back together. Bucky and Howard had actually been better friends during the War then Steve had been with the weapon's inventor since the Captain was always attending military strategy meetings and conferences while Stark and Bucky would sneak off to go have drinks and flirt with dames. Steve swallowed down the pang of dread he felt, knowing that when Bucky realized he was responsible for Stark and his wife's death he would be overcomb with guilt and remorse. He knew that those feelings would come regardless once he learned just how effective of a weapon he had been for Hydra, but still, the personal connection was bound to hurt all the more.

"Thanks for the sunrise Stevie!" Bucky smiled as he pat his friend on the back as they parted ways.

"First of many more Buck!... You hitting the hay?" The Captain asked trying to sound casual but slightly hesitant to let his recovering friend out of his sight.

"Nay,...Been asleep for 70 years!...Gonna walk around this Tower some,... maybe I'll even ask that robot voice thingamabob to teach me to use a computer and go on that information-net world-web..." Bucky trailed off with a bashful, embarrassed smirk as Steve couldn't help but chuckle and shake his head.

"Sorry Buck,... it's just... it's kinda how I must've sounded when I first came to in this century!..." Steve sighed as they both broke into another small chuckle with empathetic nods. " The robot voice is called Jarvis, and you can ask him anything!... And you use a computer to go on the internet also called the World Wide Web or going online..." Steve stopped and laughed again as Bucky dramatically slapped his flesh hand over the right side of his face with an exaggerated huff and roll of his eyes.

"Jezz Steve!...It's gonna be like going back to school... and I hate homework!" Bucky grumbled with a sigh and a smile. He patted his friend on the shoulder then gave him a casual salute. "Captain Roggers!" Bucky grinned in mock formality.

"Sargent Barnes!" Steve saluted back mimicking his serious tone. Steve watched from the door way as Bucky headed off to explore with his new sense of freedom and the somewhat familiar surroundings. Once Bucky was well out of sight he let his smile falter as he fell back into the bed.

"Jarvis?" Steve sighed as he rubbed his tired eyes.

Yes Captain Rogers?

"Please keep me posted if Bucky needs anything,... if his heart rate increases to the point of panic or if he becomes violent ...or in distress... or confused... or collapses or..." Steve tried to think of all the possibilities but was interrupted by the AI.

Sir, I shall notify you promptly if Sargent Barnes is behaving in anyway that is inconsistent or erratic and will monitor his vital signs accordingly.

Steve let out a breath of relief and closed his eyes. "Thank you Jarvis!" The Captain yawned once more before he finally let sleep over come him.

...

Bucky spent most of the morning exploring the various level's of the tower that he had access to, trying to keep himself busy and distracted from the oppressive sensation that at any moment he would snap back to reality and all of this would just be a dream. For some reason he kept questioning his good fortune and try as he might, could not quite believe that he was safe and with Steve 70 years in the future. To him, it felt like only a few days before he had been locked in a cell of endless misery, only vaguely aware that he was trapped inside his own mind, at times forgetting even that, simply waiting for Zola to come drag him out for more conditioning and experimentation. He had grown steadily in conscious awareness, since the day he heard Steve call his name, distant and echoed off the sides of his barren cell. Even after Hydra had strapped his body back into the chair that ate memories and he was dulled to silence, he had managed to shout his recognition and pound on the metal door of his mental prison when he heard Steve utter those familiar words, "Till the end of the line." The time since then until waking up in his friend's arms surrounded by familiar strangers seemed immense and immeasurable.

Bucky gritted his teeth in irritation and resentment as he knew with out question that the Winter Soldier was still an ever present shadow in his mind, lingering just below his consciousness, an echo of a past that he couldn't readily recall yet bore the physical and emotional scares of. He felt his flesh hand subconsciously tugging at his short hair,... the slightly sharp pain honing his senses on the present as he snapped out of his muddled thoughts of reality and self awareness, suddenly looking around with rapidly blinking eyes. He found himself in a library, full of book shelves that contained numerous selections of reading material. Bucky smiled as his fingers grazed the various spines of literature. He round a corner and stopped with a sharp intake of breath as he saw Dr. Banner leaned back in an armchair, glasses perched on his nose as he looked up toward the former Assassin from a medical periodical.

"Hello Buck,...How did you sleep?" Banner offered a calm smile, not reacting to Bucky's slightly crazed demeanor and shocked expression. Bucky exhaled and visibly shivered before he let out a nervous little laugh and rubbed his face.

"Sorry..." He muttered sheepishly as he shook his head walking toward the good doctor and easing into the chair across from him. "I wasn't expecting to see anyone,... still a little Punchy I guess." Bucky shrugged and avoided eye contact.

"That's completely understandable!" Bruce nodded with a soft expression as he closed the medical journal.

"And I didn't much feel like sleeping... Steve and I stayed up till dawn...remembering the good old days." Bucky's voice took on a distant tone as his eyes wandered, fixed on nothing and seeing memories that brought a slight smile to his face. Banner watched the man he recognized in physical form and appreciated the conscious mind that had at last reclaimed it's body and soul.

"It's good that you two have each other,... Helps keep you grounded when someone else has been there and shared your experiences... I think that is part of the reason Tony likes having the other Avenger's around, staying in this tower with him..." Bruce mused catching Bucky's curious eyes. Banner continued after only a slight pause.

"The events that brought us all together,... the alien attack on New York,... it made us all realize that we were stronger and better together,... that alone we were vulnerable to our own weaknesses... For Tony,... that experience exacerbated his already neglected traumatic past and he began having panic attacks...He asked me to move in to the tower in part because he wanted someone else around as emotional vulnerable and damaged as he was. Steve, Natasha, Clint, even Sam,... and the great Thor I suppose as well when he is in our realm,...all carry with them past burden's that bring nightmares and emotional baggage that they each deal with in their own ways... But being here, being together,... it makes it easier to face all the bad,... both out there,... and in here." Bruce tapped his pointer finger at his own mind, before tilting his head as he watched Bucky process what he was telling him. "Try to keep that in mind when you feel like it's all too much,... We each are struggling to hold onto who we are and what we have become." Bruce added and Bucky looked up at the Doctor with pensive eyes that skirted away before nodding his head and swallowing.

"Have you had breakfast yet?" Bruce asked after a few moment's of silence. Bucky shrugged, finding his will to speak somehow lacking, the oppressive feeling still ever present even with the reassurances from the man he desperately wanted to believe was real and not a figment of his imagination despite a growing doubt he could not overcome.

"Well I haven't... will you join me?" Bruce smiled and Bucky turned toward him with a brief nod, eyes still carrying the troubled expression he hid better at times then others. Slowly he stood and followed Bruce in silence, mind still drifting from the present to the past, reality and uncertainty.

As the two men entered the Kitchen, they where greeted by Natasha and Clint who were teasing one another about how to cook eggs. The Black Widow turned and gave them both gentle smiles before elbowing Clint in the stomach as she snatched the spatula away with a huff. Barton winced and grumbled with a sigh of resignation and then turned toward the new comers' with a nod and rolled eyes.

"Coffee?" He held up a cup toward them with a questioning look as Bruce took a seat at the kitchen counter and pulled out the chair next to him for Bucky who's face was in a disconcerted frown, his troubled expression glancing around him with wariness as a creeping, paranoid feeling took over his rational thought. Bruce glanced at Bucky with a slightly concerned look then over to Hawk Eye with a nod about the coffee. The Archer too was watching Barnes with a careful look.

"Bucky?" Clint spoke again and at the sound of his name James flinched and blinked rapidly taking a step back, jaw locked and fists clenched as his chest began to heave with panicked breaths.

"Would you like some coffee?" Clint asked slowly as he held up the mug again. His voice was calm and even but also gentle and non threatening. Natasha turned away from the eggs to glance at Bucky who looked ridged, anxiety and fear evident in his large eyes that where becoming dilated. His body shook as he backed away further from the other people in the room, suddenly becoming aware of his complete confusion and disorientation. He looked around with desperate eyes, unable to recognize where he was or who he was with, his mind gripped with distorted thoughts that nothing he was seeing was real. His vision shook and his breathing became fast and shallow as the sound of his own screaming began to echo inside his head. Bucky felt his knees buckle as he brought both hands up to his head and a choked cry escaped his constricted throat.

Instantly Bruce rose from his seat as Natasha and Clint exchanged looks before turning off the burner's and locking the drawer that had knives in it. The Doctor took a few slow steps toward Bucky who was now on his knees rocking back and forth, fingers laced in his hair and gripping it as his wide eyes remained glued to the floor, mouth mumbling frantic words that where whispered. As Bruce drew closer he watched as the traumatized man began shaking violently, fear flowing from him as sweat beaded up on his brow.

"Sargent Barnes,... can you hear me?" The Doctor lowered his body until he was on his knees before him but jest out of arms reach.

"It'snotrealit'snotrealit'snotreal" Bucky's words where slurred together and labored as he hyperventilated.

"What's he saying Doc?" Clint asked with caution as he remained behind the counter, a look of concern settled on his face.

"He's repeating himself,... 'It's not real'." Banner sighed as he slowly reached one hand toward Bucky, palm up. James seemed unaware of the hand and kept repeating his frantic mantra as his vision blurred more and his chest ached from the shallow breaths and lack of oxygen.

"Should we call Steve?" Natasha questioned, unsure if Bucky was apt to become violent.

I have already alerted Captain Rogger's concerning Sargent Barne's current state of distress as he has instructed I do when such situations arise.

"Bucky,...what's not real?" Bruce asked, keeping his voice low and soothing. When he received no response he moved forward a little more receiving a fearful glance from panic-stricken eyes. "Bucky?... can you touch my hand,... It is real,... you can feel it." Bruce offered with a gentle tone. Bucky let out a muffled whimper as his flesh hand shaking, reached forward and gripped the hand before him then let go quickly as he threw him self back, scooting away with a tortured cry of desperation.

"NONONONONONONONO!...It's a trick!...Hydra is here... Zola!... Zola has needles...messing with my eyes,...messing with my mind!... This can't be real,...I need to wake up!... Wakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeup...Please... I need to wake up... need to escape Hydra!" Bucky had began to cry as he curled into a tight ball on the floor, folded over his knees both hands still pulling on his short hair as he gasped for breath between choked sobs. Bruce's eyes grew and then a sympathetic expression covered his face as he looked upon the Hydra brand on the back of Bucky's neck now visible with his short hair cut. He looked up at Hawk Eye and the Widow who each carried a deep, compassionate look in their eyes before turning toward the door way as Sam walked in. The Falcon entered the room and his smile dropped the moment he looked over and saw Bucky on the ground shaking as he mumbled between panicked cry's and desperate gasps.

"What...?" Sam asked with a calm voice as he slowly crouched down next to Bruce.

"Don't know what triggered it but he doesn't think this is real,...thinks he is still being held captive by Hydra and Dr. Zola's experimentation is creating this as a hallucination." Banner gestured to the room at large with a sigh. Sam nodded and began speaking to Bucky with strong, authoritative, but non threatening words.

"Bucky,... Sargent James Buchanan Barnes,... You are in the Avenger's Tower in New York City,... The year is 2014 and you have just woken up from 70- years of Hydra captivity." Bucky was still mumbling to himself but his body trembled violently at the mention of Hydra. " Bucky,... look up at me,... can you meet my eyes?" Sam asked with a firm directive. Bucky choked out another sob as he slowly lifted his head, eyes wide and unfocused, lost in the storm of confusion. Steve bolted in the door and headed strait for his friend, arms out reached and calling his name.

"NO!...GET AWAY!" Bucky screamed with desperate fear as his metal arm lashed out and Steve went flying back against the wall breaking the plaster. The terrified man scrambled away into a corner of the room rocking again on his knees, arms wrapped around himself as he began banging his head against the wall with mumbled cry's. He was repeating his name, rank and serial number through trembling lips, eyes squeezed tight.

"You okay?" Clint offered a hand to the dazed Captain who nodded and stood up.

"Steve,... just stay back alright... Let me handle this,... he's just confused,... need to bring his back to reality." Sam reassured as he set a comforting hand on Steve's chest with a steady and confident nod. Bruce stood up next to Steve and patted his back as they watched Sam close distance toward Bucky with soft, even steps.

"What happened?... He was doing fine just a few hours ago?" Steve sigh with a heartbroken gaze locked on his best friend.

"Not sure Steve,... But he seemed deep in thought and struggling when he found me in the library this morning... It's a lot to take in, waking up like he did after so long,... he thinks all of this isn't real." Bruce explained and Steve rubbed his tired eyes with sad sigh.

"Bucky,...Bucky,... I need you to look at me Sargent!" Sam spoke with a sturdy tone from his kneeling position five feet away. Bucky let out a small anguished cry as he opened his eyes and turned his body sideways as he fell back against the wall, flesh hand gripping his metal bicep pressing himself hard into the corner. His wide, dilated eyes where locked on Sam, still blinking rapidly as his breaths escaped in strangled cries. "Bucky,... it's all right,... your safe,... Your with friends,... Steve is here,... No one here will hurt you,... You are just confused." Sam explained. "I need you to focus on your breathing Buck,... deep breaths,... in and out." Bucky struggled to compile as his body continued to shake violently, his breathing accompanied by whimpered sounds of distress. The VA counselor turned toward the others. "Natasha gab me some mint from the fridge, left draw... Clint,...a pillow... We need to help him ground him self to the present with sensory stimulation." Sam instructed. As he was handed the items he scooted closer and rolled the mint in his hands before careful holding it out to Bucky.

"Bucky, take this mint and hold it up to your noise. Grip this pillow. Tell me what it feels like." James hesitantly took the items and did as told using only his right, flesh arm, the metal one remaining locked in a ridged fist. He hugged the pillow to his chest and brought the mint to his noise, eye's focusing and focusing, pupils ever shifting, His knees where pulled up and the tears streamed down his face as he blinked, jaw locked and nostrils flared.

"What dose the pillow feel like?" Sam asked again and Bucky let out a choked cry as he hugged it closer, eyes squeezing tight again as he wrapped his trembling form around it.

"S..s...soft." Bucky spoke with a hushed whisper and another whimpered sob.

"Good,... that's good. " Sam nodded with a gentle smile. "I want you to put the mint in your mouth Bucky,... chew it... focus on what it tastes like, on how it feels." Sam instructed and without opening his eyes Bucky placed the mint in his mouth and began to chew, as he did his eyes opened, and a slightly less panicked look graced his distraught features.

"Sargent Barnes,... Do you know where you are?" Sam asked after a few moments when Bucky's breathing had evened out slightly.

"Avengers...tower?... With Steve?" Bucky's tone carried uncertainty and doubt, eyes lost and scared, pleading for Sam to tell him he was right. Sam nodded again with a patent smile of confirmation. He looked over and waved at Steve, beckoning him to come join them. With slow, cautious steps Steve knelt down next to Sam, his compassionate and worried blue eyes meeting Bucky's pain filled gaze.

"Hey Bucky... I am right here pal,... It's gonna be okay now..." Steve was prepared to continue his reassurances but Bucky let out a heart wrenching cry as he pushed away from the corner and crawled desperately into Steve's arms that opened up and gladly accepted his friend's quivering form. Steve held on with gentle firmness, as he felt the tension slowly drain from Bucky's body, pouring out just as the tears that flooded from his eyes, face pressed against Steve's shoulder and chest. The others watched with empathetic expressions at the truly wrecked and devastated man who was clutching desperately to Steve as a life saver, a grounding point. After a few minutes and continued words of reassurance from Steve, Bucky pulled back, tears slowing, but his lost and confused expression remaining.

"Sss..Sss..Steve,... Tell me this is real!... Tell me you are real!" Bucky begged, eyes pleading as his voice held the fearful edge of slight insanity.

"Yes Bucky,... This is real,... I am real,... You are safe,... You are here with friends,... the Avenger's,...you are free,... you are never going back to them!" Steve spoke with a strong conviction and was careful to avoid saying Hydra. Bucky's crazed eyes searched Steve's face as if looking for some indication that he was untrue,... some evidence that this current reality was nothing but a dream. After a few more moment's Bucky's eyes dropped and he let out a shaky breath, swallowing back the urge to scream, cry and laugh as his body gave into the exhaustion after his hyper vigilant adrenaline rush. He practically collapsed into Steve's arms with a muffled sigh, eyes glazed and distant as he looked down at the floor.

"I... Think I might be losing it Stevie,..." Bucky croaked, as he wiped away his tears, his body lessening it's shaking. Steve held his friend in his arms and stroked his short mess of hair that was sticking up all over.

"Losing what Buck?" Steve asked with a soft, kind voice.

"My mind." Bucky answered back with a slight shudder. Steve sigh and hugged his friend tighter then nodded to Sam who had stood up and pointed at the couch. With a gentle push he held Bucky back so that they could see each other's faces, Steve's hands planted firmly on his shoulders.

"It's okay Buck!... If you lose your mind,... I'll be right here to help you find it again!... I won't let you slip away Pal,... Not gonna let you fall... Not this time!" Steve swallowed down his own emotional lump in his throat before helping Bucky to his feet. With one arm around his friend's shoulder he guided him toward the couch and helped him drop down.

Bucky took his seat with a sigh as he leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees and hands running through his hair. Steve sat next to him and rubbed his back in soothing circles. Doctor Banner approached slowly with a cup of water and Bucky mumbled thank you with out making eye contact, an embarrassed flush of color spreading up his cheeks. He used his flesh hand to hold the water but he was shaking and the liquid was spilling over the brim. Steve used his own hand to steady the cup, helping his friend gulp down the water before setting the cup to the side. After a moment Bucky pulled his legs up and laid down on the couch curled up, his head resting on Steve's thigh as he blinked his glazed and distant stare strait forward, arms warped around him self, and breathing slow but still trembling. Steve began running his hands through his friends mess of hair and he looked up with tired eyes and a sad but thankful nod as Clint handed him a cup of coffee. The others rejoined in the kitchen where they went about with breakfast and small talk, occasionally glancing toward the two super soldiers on the couch, Steve's eyes fixed on Bucky and the broken man's gaze straight ahead, lost with emotional turmoil.