White Walls

Chapter 4:

Not Heartless

Sasuke's POV

I stood there watching Kakashi put all my stuff into brown paper bags. After spending three hours in isolation, the doctors decided that I should be put in the other precaution room. The one next door to Naruto's.

I don't like being on precaution. I was on it when I first came here for the first few days. They don't let you have anything. They think you'll either try to kill yourself or use something to hurt someone else. I don't understand it. They don't even let you have your fucking shoes, and they cut out the strings in your jackets and pants. Do they not know that people pay good money for that?

"Come on Sasuke."

Kakashi grunts and walks passed me. I give one last glare at the boy who sat opposite of my old bed. It's his fault they put me on precaution again. That bastard. I suppose it's just justice being served. A little pay back for that nasty bruise I left on the side of his face.

Oh well. He's not my friend anymore.

I turn and follow Kakashi across the living room where everyone was watching a movie, receiving a few glares from Shikamaru and Kiba, like always. I just ignore them.

While Kakashi unlocks the door I peek through the window in Naruto's door. He has the lights off, but I can see him laying on the floor, huddled against the wall. He's a weird one.

"Alright, say hello to your new room." Kakashi smiled and walked into the room and flipping the light on. I don't like this room. There is just a bed in the middle of the room. That's it. At least in the regular rooms you get a dresser and a side table.

He walks over to my new bed and dumps my stuff onto it. He picked through everything and takes my pens and my notebook. He even took my Ipod. Bastard. He turned to me and looked down at my feet. "Take em' off."

I glance down at my shoes. I was hoping he would ignore them. I don't like walking around just in my socks. I sigh and kick them off, letting him take them away from me. I wonder why shoes are even considered dangerous. Do they think we'll try to swallow them or something?

"We're heading to supper in a few minutes." He mumbled before walking out of the room, closing the door behind him. I stared around the room. It was so bare and quiet. Very quiet. It was kind of creepy being alone in silence like this. It's kind of weird.

I sat down on my bed, shoving the pile of clothes onto the floor and stared at the white walls. The light is dimmer in here and the blinds on the windows are closed. The walls don't have the same effect on my eyes as in my old room. I sighed. How did I even end up in this fucking place.

I don't like it here, but it's better for everyone. I deserve to be alone. I hurt people. I hurt mom and dad. I hurt Itachi. I hurt everyone. I just need to stay here alone, and guzzle down all the meds they give me that will help me to not get so fucking mad all the time.

Where the hell did I even get that? Who the hell did I inferit the fucking anger genes from? Definately can't be mom, and dad is way to impassive. Itachi isn't like me. Maybe I am the first in the family to have anger management problems. My kids will have it. If I have kids. It probably wouldn't be a good idea to populate the world with more monsters like me. I should just die. Everyone would be better off without me. I'm just trouble waiting to explode at any minute with a raging fist.

Fear me.

"Come on guys, line up!" I hear Iruka's voice. Dinner time. I sighed. I don't really feel like eating, but of course if I told them that they would think I was trying to kill myself or something and put me on the third floor where they put Gaara and Shino. Ha, those freaks.

I make my way to the door and walk out of my room. I saw everyone turning the corner already. I froze for a second and glanced throught Naruto's window again. He's still laying there. Maybe he's asleep. If he doesn't go he'll get in trouble again for not staying with the group. Stupid rules. I should get him. It can be my 'sorry' for getting in trouble in the first place. Yeah, and I can prove to that bastard Sai that I am not heartless!. I

I held my breat as I reached for the knob. I felt nervous. I don't want him to be all freakish. He'll just piss me off.

Naruto's POV-

My dad hates me.

Surely it can't be true. There is no possible way it happened like that. So fast, without warning. I lost it all today, didn't I? My world evaporated into a light blue cloud that melted around my body and burned my skin like a toxic nuclear poison. It amazes me to no end how the entire Universe seems to be against me, treating me like some cosmic joke.

'Oh, hey, here's an innocent little child with a smile on his face.' The Universe said at the time of my creation. 'Let's throw rocks of insanity and torture at him until he finds it unbearable and offs himself!Hahaha.' And the stars of fate giggled and nodded their gas filled heads.

Yes. I'm sure that's what happened.

I rolled over, letting my forehead touch the wall as I lay on the floor in the corner of my room. I didn't want to go out in the living room and join in on the activities. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I didn't want to see or be seen by anyone. I just wanted stay in my room in the dark and sleep, if at all possible. I would be even happier if it was quiet.

I could hear them all out there. Laughing and talking. The movie they were watching blaring on the glass covered flat screen. I wish Kakashi would come back and put me in the detention room again. I didn't really finish my last twenty minutes.

Today was not a good day. I made Sasuke upset, got put in the detention room, lost my dad, then lost my shoes.

Yep, I lost my shoes. After dad left, this guy I never seen before came in and started going through my stuff. I was kind of weirded out by him at first, but he said it was because I was 'precaution'. He took all the sweat pants I had and tore the strings out of them. He took the books my dad had brought me. He took most of my socks, only leaving two pairs for me to wear. Then he took my shoes.

I don't care. It's not like I'm going anywhere that requires books and regular footwear. I wonder if everyone else had their stuff taken away too. Or maybe it's just me, seeing as how I'm the one who tried to kill himself.

I lift my arm to my face. I stare at the old scars, the newer half-healed scars, and the fresh gash that lay right over my wrist. The only one that I will cherish the most. It is beautiful to me. It's almost like it's a living entity staring back at me with sad eyes, unable to apologize enough for not being able to do what it was meant to do.

I trace over the skin that surrounds it. I used to love how I could feel my veins protruding from the smooth surface, but now all the little tunnels have collapsed and are nowhere to be seen. I miss them. I wish the hadn't come home so soon. I wanted, so badly, to die that night.

I would have succeeded if I hadn't been an idiot and left a damn trail of blood from the bathroom to my room. How stupid could I have been. I had ever been so careless before to not even cover it up before running through the house.

I felt absolutely stupid when my mom came stomping in ranting about how I fucked up her carpet. "I thought you were done with that shit!" She had yelled when she saw the blood seeping through the sleeve of my jacket. I, like an idiot, tried to cover it up thinking the trail wasn't enough evidence for her to know what I was doing.

She rolled her eyes and left the room. For a moment I thought I had a chance to finish the job. I practically ran to my dresser to pull out the box cutter I kept there. I think that was the moment I went a little coo-coo. I mean, I was a little coo-coo before, but I was way over the edge at that point.

I was numb. I could barely feel the pain of the industrial blade shredding through the same slash over and over. Cutting the flow in my veins and feeling my hand go cold as the heat dripped down my arm onto the carpet. More for mom to bitch about.

When my head felt airy and I had the urge to lunge forward to the floor my dad walked in. My mother was trailing behind him screaming her head off about how much of an idiot I am and how much it would cost to get the stain out.

Good old dad picked me up and carried me into the bathroom. He wrapped me up nice and tight. We didn't go to the hospital to get stitches, so there will always be a nice big scar to remind me of my first failed suicide.

I went to sleep that night hoping the bandages would fall off and I would continue my drain to the other side. It didn't happen. I woke up the next morning to my mom kicking the mattress telling me I had to go to therapy today. I felt sick. My head hurt, my arm was numb and cold. Every time I moved I got lightheaded and I wanted to puke. I knew that day would not be a good day.

Everything I had kept a secret, every little detail of my rather insane mind, I let it go all over my therapist. I remember how badly I wanted to slit her throat when she looked at me through her glasses like she was trying to see through me. Then she said, "I believe you have sever bouts of depression and it is causing you to have psychotic episodes inducing psychosis and symptoms of schizophrenia."

It was like she was laughing at me.

Mom was so mad when they told her that I had to go to a mental hospital. She didn't act like it in front of the therapist or the hospital representative. She was smiling and nodding like nothing was wrong. She even laughed a few times when the rep decided to joke around. She's always different when we're around other people.

She and dad drove me and mom kept getting mad because we didn't know how to get there. She started crying and screaming. My dad held her hand and told her "you'll get through this."

It made me want to cry when he said that. Did he forget that I was the one who tried to kill myself.

"Come on guys, line up!" It was Iruka's voice. I didn't know what was going on, and I really didn't care. I don't want to go out there.

I heard my door open and I closed my eyes tight, dreading the thought of one of the councelors coming in here and forcing me to go and join in on whatever it was that they were doing out there.

"Um... Naruto? It's time to go to dinner."

My eyes shot open and I sat up quickly, staring through the dark at Sasuke. Why is he in here? I just stared at him for a moment before he spoke again. "Are you coming, dobe."

I glared at him. I wasn't in the mood to take anyone's shit. I stood and crossed my arms over my chest. "I'm not a dobe. You bastard." He lifted his eyebrows at me and smirked. I heard him "hn" as he turned towards the door. "Nice to see your not all submissive."

I continued to glare at him as I followed him out of the room. Why is he such a jerk? When we got into the living room I realized everyone was already gone. "Come on. If we hurry we wont get in trouble."

We walked a little faster down the hall way. I kept glancing at Sasuke. He was starting to freak me out. Before, if I even went near him, he would freak out. Now, all of the sudden, he's talking to me like a normal human being. They probably drugged him up after he punched Sai.

He looked at me and I looked away quickly, keeping my gaze straight ahead. "Hey..." He sort of whispered. I looked at him. "I'm... I'm like... sorry and shit... you know, for being mean to you and everything."

Oh yeah. He's drugged.

"You should be, you big jerk." I wanted to just say 'it's cool', but I'm just not in the mood. I see him smirk and chuckle. I couldn't help but blush at the sound. I don't know why.

We made it to the cafeteria and no one seemed to notice us walk in. We took our place in the line and got our food. I took my place next to Shikamaru and he made his way over to the table he sat at before. He was alone now, since Sai found a new seat next to Kiba at our table. I felt kind of bad for him, but if he punched me in the face I wouldn't want to sit with him either.

"Stop it Sai!" I heard Kiba yell. I looked up and blushed when I saw where Sai's hand was on Kiba. "What, I just dropped my napkin." He smiled sweetly. He's a perv.

"So what happened with your dad?" Shikamaru asked, obviously trying to ignore the little episode taking place across the table. "Um, he got mad at me. I guess. Heh, I don't think he'll be back for a while." I tried to laugh a little, but it came out sounding pathetic. He smiled at me and nodded in understanding. He's nice.

I started feeling bad again. Like everything around me was a big blur and I was stuck in the mess of it all. I started breating hard and the thought of the box cutter that was at home made my mouth water. Today was a good day to let it out.

I looked down at the table. My eyes immediately going to the plastic fork. I thought of how easy it would be to snap it in half and use the sharp edge to dig deep into my flesh. Maybe open a few scars.

I bit the inside of my cheek and looked at the people sitting at my table. They were all eating or talking. Not looking at me. I ease my hand up and snatch the fork off the table. I slid it into the pocket of my new sweatpants. No one would see.

I'll be happy soon.

Ooooh, what's gonna happen?

Hey, did you like that itty bitty little interaction between Sai and Kiba?

I think I might elaborate on them next chapter, just so I can be a perv!

And Sasuke apologized! Ahhh! And Naruto thinks he's drugged. Lol.

Sorry it's short and uneventful... I just needed a set up for next chapter!

Comment to make me happy!

Comment to make Sai extra pervy!

Tee hee!

Thanks!