Chapter 4:

Sam drove quickly down the highway, glad that there were no other cars around and he could go as fast as he wanted. He needed some air right now, and he rolled the windows down, despite the chilly air and fact that he was only wearing a t shirt.

He had a lot of shit to think about. He'd kissed Kurt. He hadn't meant to...he'd just been upset, and Kurt was there, and trying to comfort him...he'd smelled really sweet...like lavender. So he'd kissed him….and it had been…

Awesome.

Sam smiled, loosening his grip on the steering wheel. Awesome didn't begin to cover it. Everything about it had been perfect. It felt right, and sweet...it felt like how kisses should feel, how they movies say they feel but never really do.

Of course then the panic had set in. The "oh shit but I'm not gay holy fuck" panic. It was receding now, and he could think clearly.

Kissing Kurt had been great, and driving down the highway with the wind whipping through his hair, blowing away the panic and worry he'd felt in the locker room, Sam was sure that given the chance he would be happy to do it again, and again. But that led to a few...problems.

The first being...well….he liked Kurt. He liked the way he dressed, the way he spoke, the way he never made Sam feel stupid, or like he didn't know what he was talking about. He liked the way he licked he lips before he spoke, running his small pink tongue over them gently, biting down on them for just a moment…

He liked Kurt, and he liked kissing him...so was he gay? It wasn't something he'd ever really thought about before, mostly because thinking wasn't exactly his strong suite. Whenever he tried to think about important things, his mind seemed to wander.

However, this time, whenever his mind wandered, it just wandered back to Kurt, which led him right back to what he needed to be thinking about.

His exit came up, and Sam turned the car into it, slowing down slightly.

He thought about Quinn, and god help him, Santana...he'd fooled around with both of them (more so with Santana than Quinn) and he'd liked it. A lot. He had to admit, kissing Kurt had felt better than kissing either of them ever had. Maybe just because it was new, and different..but kissing Kurt, he'd felt something he'd never felt before. He couldn't explain it, or describe it…

So kissing them hadn't felt as good as kissing Kurt, but he still enjoyed it, quite a bit. That was the only reason he'd stayed with Santana for so long, actually, because of how much he liked what they did together.

So was he bisexual then?

He furrowed his brow, and blew a bit of his hair off his face. Maybe. Bisexual seemed possible...but what it if it was only Kurt? He'd never met anyone like him before...maybe he was the only guy he was attracted too.

There was another problem, too, one that that started with a "B" and ended with a "Uses too much hair gel".

Kurt was with Blaine...and sure, he said he loved him...but that hadn't stopped him from kissing him back. And trying to kiss him again. Sam licked his lips. He could tell Kurt liked him too, maybe just as a friend before...but after that kiss, he couldn't deny having more feelings for him.

Sam had never taken anyone away from someone else before...never had the backbone or confidence. But he was sure he could do it...and he was sure Kurt was worth it. He tried to think about what that would be like...being with Kurt. Being his boyfriend. Being able to walk down the halls, holding his hand...or kiss him whenever he wanted. Having Kurt to talk to when he was scared, or worried, or upset...and knowing Kurt would listen, and care, and make it better.

He grinned a little, knowing that parts of his fantasy were pretty unrealistic. He'd be too afraid to walk down the hallways holding Kurt's hand, he was sure of that. He wasn't as strong as Kurt...or Blaine, he supposed...he didn't think he could handle that level of harassment.

But still...the fantasy felt so good...

Sam sighed, pulling up his destination, the "Lima Loser Club". He wasn't too keen on the name, not liking to think of himself as a loser, but it was the only comic book store within 20 minutes. He had a lot to think about, and he'd thought about it on the drive. He would figure the rest out later...right now he wanted to lose himself in some other, more colorful, less confusing world.

The next morning Sam went to school with not exactly a plan formed, but some vague idea of what he was going to do. The first thing he needed to do was put the axe on his relationship with Santana. No matter how things went with Kurt, he couldn't spend another day as her personal fuck-puppet punching bag. The rest of the plan mostly involved telling Kurt how he felt about him, and hopefully kissing him again.

And well, the plan didn't really go beyond that but he was hoping the result would be Kurt leaving Blaine and...going to him, he supposed. Anyone even marginally deeper than Sam probably would have had to mull around the whole "but I'm not gay" thing for a little while longer, but he'd always accepted things at face value. He still wasn't sure he was gay, but he knew he liked Kurt and right now, that was enough. The rest he could figure out later, because it seemed to him that being with Kurt in whatever way possible would make all the other confusing stuff either worth it, or unimportant.

Kurt had been distracted all morning. He'd practically had to force himself to pay attention in the two classes he'd attended already, and even then he was pretty sure he'd taken the most pathetic notes. He doubted they would of much help to him when he was studying.

He couldn't stop thinking about Sam, and kissing him, and what that meant. Because he still loved Blaine, he knew he did. He'd wanted Blaine for so long, and now that he had him he didn't want to screw that up…

But then Sam's smiling face rose up in his mind, with his easy laugh and his strong hands...hands which had felt so right, holding his hips against the locker.

"Hey, beautiful." Blaine said, coming up behind him in the hall. Kurt jumped a little.

"Oh...hi." Kurt said. Blaine kissed him lightly on the lips, and Kurt shifted around uncomfortably. He was so going to hell.

"So, guess what you're doing Saturday night." Blaine said excitedly.

"Let me guess…it involves you, in some way?" Kurt asked, smiling a little.

"Quite possibly." Blaine said, trailing his hand down over his arm, before holding his hand. "We've been dating for a little while now, and it's sort of annoyingly traditional, which I know isn't really you're thing but...my parents are making dinner on Saturday and I want you to meet them."

Kurt smiled widely. "That sounds great." He said, leaning in and kissing Blaine softly.

Blaine grinned. "Of course it does, it was my idea." He joked, kissing him back.

"I just love how down to earth and modest you are, Blaine." Kurt said, wrapping his arms around Blaine's neck. "It's just so sweet."

"Modesty is for the untalented." He said, flashing Kurt a smug smile.

Kurt smiled back, and pressed his lips against Blaine's again. "So true..."

Sam watched Kurt laugh, and smile and he felt sick. Not because Kurt was laughing and smiling...but because it was Blaine who was making him do it. His heart beat quickly and he ducked inside an empty classroom. He couldn't believe he'd been such an idiot. He'd only been thinking about whether or not he could take Kurt away from Blaine, and completely ignoring the most important thing…

Kurt was happy with Blaine. Blaine was his first boyfriend and he made him laugh and smile...they saw plays together...they loved each other.

Sam bit his lip, feeling a hole open up in his chest. He ran his fingers through his hair, brushing it out his eyes, hating the resolution he'd come to.

Blaine made Kurt happy...and he couldn't take that away from Kurt.

Kurt walked down the hallway, trying to keep figure out exactly what the hell was happening inside his head when he passed a class room that was crying.

Kurt grimaced. The room was not crying. Someone inside the class room was crying.

God his head was messed up today...

Kurt bit his lip, briefly considering giving who ever was crying some privacy...but curiosity got the better of him, and he peaked his head inside. Santana was sitting at a desk, crying her eyes out and being comforted by Brittany. "I can't believe it..." Santana sobbed.

"There, there." Brittany said blankly, patting her friend on the shoulder.

"It was so awful Britts...he broke up with me..." Santana began, choking on her words.

"...In Na'vi!" She finished, dissolving back into tears.

Kurt's eyes went wide and he closed the door silently. Sam had left Santana? Kurt's heart pounded in his chest. He started walking towards the cafeteria, hoping Sam was there.

He needed to talk to him. Entering the cafeteria, saw Sam sitting with Puck, though Puck seemed to be leaving, and he quickly walked over to his table.

"Hey, Puck, we're friends right?" Sam asked, sitting down at his table in the cafeteria. This was probably an awful idea, but it was the best one he had, and no way in hell was he doing it alone. He couldn't explain why he'd chosen Puck, but for some reason, he just seemed like the best option.

"If by friends, you mean we've had like two conversations the whole year, then yeah, you're my BFF." Puck said, raising an eyebrow.

"Great." Sam said, choosing to ignore Puck's sarcasm. "What are you doing Saturday night?" He asked.

Puck shrugged. "Probably seeing a movie with Lauren, spend the whole time in the back row making out and throwing spit balls at the backs of peoples head. Why?"

"I was wondering if you wanted to go to a club." Sam said, hoping Puck didn't notice the way he voice had broken over the word "club".

"Why?" Puck asked, looking him over suspiciously.

Sam shrugged. "Clubs are fun?"

"Why me?"

"Well, those two conversations had a really profound impact on me, Puck." He said, then smiled. "I don't know, I guess I figured you were the only one here badass enough to have his own fake I.D." He said, shrugging.

The suspicious look receded from Puck's face, and Sam mentally high fived himself. Whose stupid now, Santana? He thought bitterly.

"Yeah, I got a fake I.D." Puck said. "Sure, I'm in." He said simply, and Sam resisted hugging him. "Only if my girl can come with me." He added.

Sam grinned. "Sure. I was going to suggest it, actually." He figured Lauren's presence would ensure Puck didn't run and/or kill him once they got to the club.

"Sweet." Puck said, looking off into the distance. Sam turned and saw Lauren walk over and sit with Mercedes, and Puck stood up. "I'll see you later, kay?" He said, patting him on the shoulder.

"I didn't realize you two were friends." Kurt said, and Sam jumped a little. "Sorry, I forgot. I'm terrifying." He said, taking a seat.

"Only when you come up behind me, Kurt." Sam said, shaking his head. "And yeah, Puck and I are BFF." He said, grinning. Kurt stared at him.

"I heard you broke up with Santana." Kurt said, an air of leading in his voice.

"Yeah, well, enough was enough. She was a terrible girlfriend and I couldn't take it anymore." He said simply, taking a sip of his 7-UP. Kurt's face fell a little, and Sam raised an eyebrow. "Did you want me to say it was because of you?" He asked.

"...No." Kurt said, narrowing his eyes. Sam could tell that wasn't completely true.

"Look, Kurt...I know that happened yesterday...was...well, I don't know what it was, but it was something." Sam said, any confidence he'd had in his own brains dissipating completely. "Something we need to talk about, I mean."

Kurt nodded. "I know." He said quietly.

"I didn't see your car in the parking lot this morning..."

"I rode with Finn."

Sam nodded. He'd figured that was the case. He hoped Kurt didn't wonder how Sam had noticed the lack of his car, because the answer was, he'd been looking for him. "Well, why don't you come over to my house after school today, we'll talk, and I'll give you a ride home, ok?" He asked.

Kurt nodded.

The lunch bell rang, and they headed to Glee together. Sam tried to make conversation. "Hey, you know what I've always wondered?" He asked. Kurt shrugged lamely. "'Pro' means good, right? And 'Con' means bad?"

"Yeah..."

"Ok, well, in english they teach you that the protagonist is the good guy in the story, which makes sense...but then, shouldn't the bad guy be the contagonist?" Sam said. Kurt turned to him, with a raised eyebrow.

He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again. "Actually...I have no idea why it isn't." He said, looking thoughtful. "Huh..."

"I know, right?" Sam said, as they walked into the choir room. "Food for thought."

"I've never understood that expression." Kurt said, taking a seat in the front row.

Sam thought for a moment. "Maybe because thoughts are food for the brain?"

"But the expression isn't, 'food for your brain' or 'thoughts to feed your brain'. It's 'food for thought'. What the hell does that mean?"

Sam shrugged. "The world is wacky like that."

Kurt laughed, but then smiled sadly. Sam smiled sadly back, as Blaine came and took a seat between them. Sam looked away as he placed an arm over Kurt's shoulders, and kissed him on the cheek.

Mr. Schue came in, and asked who would like to start off the Glee assignments. Kurt raised his hand, and walked to the front of the room.

He looked at the band and nodded, and they instantly seemed to know what song Kurt wanted them to play. Sam was going to have to ask them how they did that one day, just knew every single song in existence...it took him weeks to learn one new song.

The music started, slow and sad, but pretty sounding...and Sam looked into Kurt's eyes as he began to sing.

I can feel the magic floating in the air

Being with you gets me that way

I watch the sunlight dance across your face

And I've never been this swept away

Kurt's voice was so...smooth. Sam knew that didn't make sense, but it was the only word he could think of to describe it's soft silkiness...he swallowed, and tried to look away, but he couldn't tear his eyes away from Kurt's gaze.

All my thoughts just seem to settle on the breeze

When I'm lying wrapped up in your arms

The whole world just fades away

The only thing I hear

Is the beating of your heart

He kept staring at Kurt's eyes and he realized he didn't even know what colour they were. Grey? Blue? Green? They were the most fascinating eyes he'd ever seen...and he couldn't even describe them.

Cause I can feel you breathe

It's washing over me

And suddenly I'm melting into you

There's nothing left to prove

Baby, all we need is just to be

Caught up in the touch

Slow and steady rush

Baby, isn't that the way that love's supposed to be

I can feel you breathe

Just breathe

Sam realized that this was going to make what he was planning on telling Kurt later a lot harder. Kurt was...beautiful. Too beautiful. No one should be allowed to be so beautiful, and so out of reach. It wasn't fair.

In a way I know my heart is waking up

As all the walls come tumbling down

Closer than I've ever felt before

And I know, and you know

There's no need for words right now

Cause I can feel you breathe

It's washing over me

And suddenly I'm melting into you

There's nothing left to prove

Baby, all we need is just to be

Caught up in the touch

Slow and steady rush

Baby, isn't that the way that love's supposed to be

I can feel you breathe

Just breathe

I can feel the magic floating in the air…

Being with you gets me that way...

Kurt finished, and everyone clapped. Kurt smiled sadly, at the group, and at Sam, and took his seat next to Blaine.

"Alright, this is my house." Sam said, opening the door. "Mom?" He called, listening for a reply.

"I don't think she's home." Kurt said, looking around at Sam's house. It was small, but neat. There were a lot of pictures of him on the wall, at varying ages. Kurt smiled at a picture of what looked like a an 8 year old Sam, smiling widely at the camera, a large gap in his front teeth and freckles across his face. His hair was a light brown colour, like caramel.

"Yes she is." Sam muttered, wandering into the house and looking around. He smiled at Kurt. "Want to watch a grown woman explode?" He asked.

"Um, sure?" Kurt said, furrowing his brow.

Sam went to the bottom of the stair case and cupped his hands around his mouth. "I BROKE UP WITH SANTANA!" He yelled. A second later, Kurt heard a stomping sound and a harried looking woman with long dark brown hair came running down the stairs.

"Get the fuck out of town." Sam's mother said, and Kurt stared at her. He'd never heard someone's parents swear before.

"Ok, but you have to pay for my train ticket." Sam said, grinning. His mother squealed excitedly and hugged him.

"Oh I prayed for this day, Sammy-Bean, really I did. And now my prayers have been answered!" She chirped. "There is a god."

"Or, more logically, Sam just came to his senses and realized that Santana was a megabitch of the highest order." Kurt said, smiling.

"Good point." She said, letting go of her son. "I like yours better, it means I don't have to sacrifice those virgins like I promised. Lina Evans, nice to meet you-?"

"Kurt, Kurt Hummel." He said, shaking her hand firmly. Her eyes lit up at his name. Sam must have mentioned him.

"Oh you're Kurt." She said, dropping his hand. Kurt saw Sam nervously blow his bangs up off his face. "Nice to meet you, my son hasn't shut up about you for about a week."

"And on that note, we're going upstairs." Sam said, taking Kurt's hand and leading him up.

"She seems nice." Kurt said once they got inside Sam's room.

"She is." Sam said, standing awkwardly in the middle of his room. He didn't want to feel awkward around Kurt, but the longer they stood there quietly, the more awkward it became. Finally, Sam had to speak. "Kurt...about what happened..." He began. Kurt cut him off.

"Don't worry, I understand." He said, looking away. Sam furrowed his brow. What did he understand? "It was a mistake, you were upset, I was...there.." He said, tears springing into his eyes. "We don't need to talk about it again."

Shit, Kurt thought he regretted kissing him? Sam was stunned for a moment, unsure how he could have such bad self esteem. "Kurt...I mean, you're right. Kissing you was a mistake...but not for the reason you think." He said softly. He moved closer to Kurt and took him by the elbow, guiding them both over to his bed. Once they were sitting on it, Sam reached over and grabbed the box of tissues he had on his night table, and wiped the tears off Kurt's face. Unable to help himself, he ran a finger down Kurt's cheek as well, feeling how soft and smooth it was. Kurt closed his eyes as he touched him, and Sam unconsciously found himself leaning forward to kiss him. At the last moment, he stopped himself. This wasn't what he'd been planning on doing.

He took his hand away and leaned back from Kurt, who opened his eyes and looked at him sadly. "Kurt...kissing you...it was the most amazing thing I've ever felt. It was...I don't regret kissing you, not at all. But it was a mistake, because you're with Blaine." Kurt just continued to stare at him, so he continued. "And you're happy with him. I know your relationship isn't perfect, but I can see that you're happy with him. I don't want to come between that...I don't want to get in the way of your first love, because one day you might decide that this was a mistake...I was a mistake...and you'd hate me for for breaking you two up. And I couldn't stand that, Kurt. I couldn't stand to have you hate me, and I couldn't stand to have you...and then lose you."

Kurt nodded. "Then why did you kiss me?" He asked, his voice sad and low.

"I...I don't know. I was...emotional...I couldn't help myself." He admitted, wishing he could run his fingers along Kurt's face again. "I'm sorry about that, Kurt. I'm sorry I made things confusing for you." He said, and a sad smile grew on his lips. "But I'm not sorry about that kiss. I can't be."

Kurt nodded. "Me too." He said quietly, giving him a small smile. They sat there for a few more minutes, staring at each other. "Sam..." Kurt said after a while. Sam grimaced, hating how he loved the way Kurt said his name. "What happens now?"

"Whaddya mean?" Sam asked.

"With us. What happens with us? Are we still..." Kurt bit his lip and looked at him hopefully. "Are we still friends?"

"Of course." Sam said quickly, not giving any thought to how painful that was probably going to be. "I like hanging out with you, Kurt." Sam said, grinning.

"I like hanging out with you too, Sam." Kurt said, smiling back. Sam's stomach twisted. If they were going to be friends, he was going to have to stop saying his name like that. And he was going to have to stop wearing pants that fit him so well, hugging his long legs and making it just completely obvious that he probably had the worlds most beautiful body underneath them. He was going to stop having to so...perfect.

"You wanna, uh...watch a movie?" Sam asked, jumping off the bed to stop himself for obsessing further over Kurt's...everything.

"Sure, what do you have?" Kurt asked, walking over the the shelf with Sam's DVDs.

"Mostly sci-fi, horror, a few action movies, comedies..." He said. He was fairly proud of his movie collection, actually, but Santana had almost beaten that out of him. In the barely two months they'd been dating, she'd found time to ridicule and put down almost every single one of his favorite movies.

"Oh, let's watch Groundhog Day!" Kurt said excitedly. "It's been far too long since I've seen it."

Sam smiled. "Sure, that movie never gets old."

"My favorite part is when he's killing himself." Kurt gushed as Sam put the movie in. Kurt was sitting on his bed, and Sam sat on the chair by his desk.

"Yeah, that's good. I like when he's trying to convince Andie McDowell that he knows everything that's going to happen, like what the camera guys going to say, and she's just looking at him like 'whhaaatttt'."

Kurt laughed and nodded, and leaned back against the wall behind Sam's bed as the movie started. By the end of it, Sam was pretty sure there was no sound in the world as beautiful as the sound of Kurt Hummel laughing.