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BEST FRIEND'S GIRLChapter Four: In the Library…
The next day, Remus decided to get started on the little mission that James and Sirius had sent him on. It wasn't that he wanted to take part in this scheme, but he did want to help James, and more than anything he wanted answers.
He wanted to know why Lily had chosen James, rather than him, to be her tutor, when she didn't even like James. Or did she? That was another question he had. There was a whole list of them-quite literally, in fact, - he had taken a pathetic turn for the worse last night and written them down. Now his questions would be answered. All he had to do was find her.
He looked in the library first, because that was where she usually was, reading a muggle novel and sneaking sips of tea past Madam Pince. He had watched her there so many times, pretending to read or study. This thing was getting a bit pathetic- he might be worse than James.
Sure enough, that was where Remus found Lily- at her usual table, immersed in Pride and Prejudice. He smiled slightly at the sight of her, concentrating so intently on the book. Her dark red hair fell into her face, but she didn't seem to notice. Her expression was priceless- eyes slightly widened, mouth curved into a slight smile. She looked so content, sitting alone and reading. Finally, she laughed out loud- softly, of course, but loud enough for Remus to hear.
"Good book?" he asked, regretfully interrupting her. He knew what it was like, being so involved in a book that you were inside of it. He felt bad for pulling Lily out of Jane Austin's world, but he had a job to do. At least, that was his excuse.
"Remus!" Lily looked up at him, startled. Well, Remus thought that she was just startled. He had now idea that her heart had just flipped over in her chest and was currently beating at twice its usual speed. After gazing up at him for a moment, she seemed to remember that he had spoken to her, and quickly dog-eared the page of her well-worn hardcover.
"Well?" Remus asked, pulling up a chair to the table and sitting down, "What's the verdict?"
"It's my favorite." Lily smiled, her face lighting up, "I must have read it a dozen times." Had it been any other boy, Lily would have worried that he'd think she was a loser with no social life whatsoever. Remus was different, though. Lily was sure that he'd understand.
He smiled, "Yeah; I know what you mean. I love Muggle literature."
Lily nodded in agreement, pleaded that Remus had not disappointed her. "Have you read Pride and Prejudice?"
"I haven't, actually." Remus confessed, "I always thought it was sort of a girl book… could you tell me about it?"
"Sure," Lily consented happily. If there was anything she liked talking about, it was books. "Well, it's about a girl- Elizabeth- and she's very stubborn. Headstrong, you know, very clever. Pretty, too, I would suspect, but not in an obvious sort of way. Anyway, she meets this man, Mr. Darcy, and she despises him. He's everything she's against- rich, arrogant, snobbish. They spar back and forth and each other, fight- she thinks that they hate each other." Lily smiled. "But as it turns out, Darcy is in love with Elizabeth, and after she turns him down, she realizes that she loves him, too. By then, though…" Lily's face darkened, "She's not sure if it's too late."
Remus was quiet for quite some time. Lily thought that it might be because she had bored him terribly with her description of Pride and Prejudice. She wondered, miserably, if he had fallen asleep with his eyes open… but in truth, Remus was just very deep in thought.
Though Remus had never actually read Pride and Prejudice, the story was terribly familiar. In fact, as Lily had described the book, Remus had been viewing a sort of movie in his mind's eye. First, Lily was screaming at James, her hair flying and voice shaking. Next, James was confessing his love for her, and she was rejecting him- laughing in his face. Finally, a horrifying image came to him- Lily with James, smiling… he wrapped her in his arms, and then, then they kissed. He blinked furiously. No. No, he did not want to see that… but if he didn't say smoothing, he might have to live with seeing that for the rest of his life…
It was Lily, however, who broke the silence.
"I suppose James has told you about our meeting last night?" She asked, fidgeting a bit in her chair.
"Er- yes, actually. Not the specifics, of course, just that you'd asked him to be your tutor for transfiguration. He hesitated, "Look- er- why did you ask him to be your tutor?"
When Lily didn't answer, Remus' pale face flushed a bit.
"Uh- I'm sorry, you don't have to answer. I just wondered, is all." He muttered hurriedly, cursing himself for bringing the matter up at all.
"Oh, no!" Lily smiled, "it's all right. I asked James because- well, because who else could I have asked? The Ravenclaws don't seem to care for me much, and you know I can't very well ask a Slytherin."
"What about Marlene, though? She's got to be the best in the class!"
Lily sighed, "I considered asking Marly… but then I remembered that she tried to tutor me in fourth year, and…er, it didn't work out so well." Lily knew what he would say next, but she kept hoping that he'd… forget? Okay, so it wasn't very likely that he'd forget that he was taking Transfiguration…but maybe he'd be too polite to ask?
No such luck. Although Remus wasn't entirely sure that he wanted this question answered, he felt he had to ask it anyway.
"You could have asked me." He said quietly. "Was there a reason why you didn't ask me?"
Lily's face went red, and she bit down on her lower lip, as she often did when she was nervous.
"You like him, don't you?" Remus asked. His face fell, and his heart dropped right along with it.
"No!" Lily answered quickly, "Of course not!" she laughed at the absurd notion.
"Well, why did you ask him, then?" Remus demanded impatiently. It occurred to him that he was being very rude, but he couldn't help it- he needed answers!
Lily decided, then and there, that she was going to tell him everything. She opened her mouth- no sound came out. That seemed to be happening to her quite a lot lately. Words weren't working for her these days…
She leaned forward, and before she could stop herself, she was kissing Remus Lupin. It happened so fast that once her lips had landed on his soft pink mouth, she was not entirely sure how they had gotten there. She was sure of one thing, though- she was not at all sorry that they had.
Her lips tingled as they touched his, and the tingling feeling quickly spread into her face, and soon it was everywhere. He tasted good, she realized, like chocolate. Then, she realized something else, something much more startling- he was kissing her back! This was, without a doubt, the most beautiful and stunning realization of her life. How fitting, as it went along with the most beautiful and stunning moment.
After several seconds, she broke away from him, gasping for air. Then, something equally stunning happened- he reached out, pulled her face towards his, and they were kissing again.
Remus didn't know what had possessed him to do it- or perhaps he did know: it was her, with her glowing pink cheeks and dancing green eyes. She had touched his lips and stolen his heart, his soul, and his good judgment. For that perfect, golden moment, he didn't care who was watching. It was amazing-and then it was over.
Suddenly, he remembered- his friends, his mission- he had just betrayed the most important people in his life, his best friends. Guiltily, he pulled away from Lily, and simply looked at her.
Lily, at that moment, was the most lovely thing that he had ever seen. It was difficult to say what the most beautiful thing about her was- it might have been her dark red curls, tousled from where Remus' hands had been, or her eyes, more alive than he had ever seen them. It might have been the way she was blushing, or the way she was smiling. Or maybe it was just the way she looked at him- like he was the sun, the moon, and the stars, like he was smarter and kinder and more wonderful than anyone she had ever met- like she was in love.
This is wrong, he reminded himself desperately, it feels right, more right than anything, but it's just wrong.
He stood up. Her eyes followed him, saying, "Don't go," but he had to. He looked down at her one last time before tuning to leave.
"Don't tell him," Remus said quietly.
Lily shook her head, and after one last glance at her lovely face, he left. Lily sat alone in the library, more happy and sad and altogether confused that she had been in her entire life.