Wow, this story seems to be coming along faster than ever! I'm coming up with loads of ideas, but I might not be able to include them all without ruining the plot. =] Sorry!
Anyway, here's chapter four. This chapter is going to have Eiji's first encounter with Fuji after the incident with Tezuka. It'll also have Kenji, Eiji's oldest brother. Hope you like!
So where are you standing now / Are you in the crowd of my faults
The morning that Oishi had found Eiji lying on top of their container whisked quickly into the afternoon. Eiji's stomach clenched at knowing that the result of being absent from school today was receiving the homework he missed tomorrow, along with that homework as well. And having to meet Tezuka face-to-face for the first time since he caught him and Fuji together to recieve his punishment for missing practice. Oishi reassured him endlessly and without impatience that he would help him out with his homework and even go with Eiji when it was time to see Tezuka. This seemed to calm the overwhelmed redhead down a bit.
The day went by fast, faster than Eiji would have liked, and before he knew it, it was time to head to practice.
It was all Eiji could do to restrain himself from running in the opposite direction.
True to his word, Oishi stayed by Eiji's side as they headed toward Tezuka. Their captain furrowed his eyebrows some at the sight of Oishi, but didn't say anything else to regard the vice-captain.
Eiji took Tezuka's scolding with his head bowed, only looking up when he finally announced his punishment ("50 laps"). Eiji nodded and muttered, "Gomenasai, buchou. It won't happen again."
Tezuka gave a quick nod and said, "Go."
Eiji, relieved to be dismissed, bowed and said, "Hai," before taking off.
He tried to ignore the jolts going up and down his spine that he got whenever he knew Fuji was watching him.
When morning practice was over and it was time to go to class, Eiji felt trapped. This time, Oishi wouldn't be there to help him, as he was in another class. The entire day, he would be forced to sit next to the one he tried to avoid during practice. Fuji.
The bell rang for first period, and Eiji walked into class. He looked up temporarily and saw that Fuji was already in his seat, staring at him with open eyes. Eiji swallowed the lump in his throat and quickly walked over, sitting himself down in the seat next to Fuji, carefully avoiding his eyes. He could still feel Fuji's sharp gaze boring a hole into his skull.
In an effort to calm himself down he began to fill his mind with thoughts of self advice.
It's okay. Just breathe, breathe. Now exhale. Don't look at him, don't speak to him, don't even think about him. Just focus. Focus. Pay attention to the lesson. Focus. Breathe.
And it worked. Kind of. Eiji kept this routine up for the rest of the day, paying attention in class more than ever, filling his mind with problems and solutions to keep him occupied, and calming himself down whenever he walked through the hallways towards his next class, feeling Fuji's eyes on his back.
And finally, finally, the final bell sounded, and Eiji knew that he did it. He made it through today. He would of course see Fuji again during tennis practice this afternoon, but he wouldn't be alone this time. Oishi would be there. And if need be, he would use the same routine he used to get through school during practice. Focus on his task only and let it fill his mind, never allowing the tensai in.
To Eiji's content, practice seemed to go by quickly, and then it was over. He headed into the clubhouse as Oishi was heading out.
"I'll wait for you over by the fence," Oishi said. Eiji nodded and walked into the deserted clubhouse. He hadn't wanted to witness Fuji getting dressed and chatting with their other teammates as though nothing had ever happened between them. Eiji didn't know if he could take seeing him so happy when Eiji was feeling the complete opposite about the same thing.
As Eiji slipped on his T-shirt, he heard the door open and close softly. Slowly turning he said," I thought you were going to wait, Oi - " Eiji looked up and froze. He felt his insides turn over and his heart quicken, because standing in the doorway was not his doubles partner.
It was Fuji.
"Eiji," Fuji said softly. Eiji blinked and quickly looked down, trying hard to avoid looking Fuji in the eyes. "Eiji, would you please look at me?" When Eiji silently refused, Fuji sighed. "Listen Eiji. I just came to talk. About... what happened two days ago."
Eiji still refused to look at Fuji, eyes glued to a small crack on the clubhouse floor. He watched as a small ant crept out, staying near the crack until he was sure he was safe before scurrying out. In some way, Eiji knew how that ant felt. Right now, he felt trapped, waiting for the danger to pass until he could finally breathe again. Kind of like the ant.
"What happened between Tezuka and I was a mistake. An accident. I never meant for any of it to happen. It just... did."
"Am I supposed to actually believe that?" Eiji said, looking up, finally. He was surprised at his courage to speak. What shocked him even more was the confidence behind his words. He could only hope that this sudden confidence showed on the outside while it was definitely not showing on the inside. "That it just happened? Things don't just happen, Syuusuke."
"Well, it did," Fuji answered, keeping his voice calm for Eiji's sake. "Please, Eiji. I never meant to hurt you - "
"Well, you did," Eiji said, unable to control the tears the blurred his sight. Fuji hung his head and folded his arms across his chest. "In fact, after what happened between me and my family, the stunt you pulled just about crushed me."
Fuji looked up, eyes open and confused. "What happened with you and your family?"
Eiji felt a little rage licking at his insides, but misery and devastation overpowered it easily. Of course he doesn't know, Eiji thought. Angry tears stung his eyes as he glared at Fuji but he didn't dare let them fall. Fuji studied him for a moment, searching for the truth. He probably found it, for he looked into Eiji's eyes, realization dawning on his face.
"Did - did you tell them? About... us?"
"Hai. I told them."
"What did they say?"
Eiji didn't answer, but instead looked down again, hiding his face as a betraying tear escaped from his eye. He heard Fuji sigh. He figured it out.
"Eiji, I'm so sorry."
Eiji just shook his head, finally getting a hold on himself. "It doesn't... doesn't even matter," he muttered, still shaking his head as he gathered his things quickly. He piled everything into his bag harshly, closing the strap.
He didn't realize how close Fuji was until he felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to see him standing right in front of him. Eiji felt his heart beating furiously and his face and neck getting warm. How could he still feel like this whenever Fuji touched him after what happened?
"Eiji... I'm sorry. I really am." Fuji's voice was full of regret and sincereness. So sincere that Eiji almost believed him.
"Don't apologize. You would have done it anyway."
Fuji didn't have a response to that. Sensing his cue to leave, Eiji pulled his arm away from Fuji's grasp and ducked around him, walking out of the dark clubhouse quickly.
If he hadn't left so fast he would caught Fuji reaching his hand up to his face and sliding it over his eyes.
XXX
Oishi watched, brows knitted together in a worried line as he watched Eiji walk toward him. The redhead's arms were wrapped around his torso tightly and he was looking down. Oishi waited until Eiji was a few feet away before he spoke. "Eiji?" Said person glanced up, stopping. Oishi was bewildered to see that Eiji's eyes were faintly red. "Daijobu?"
"Hai."
Oishi knew immediately his friend was lying. Other than his voice breaking on that one word, he spotted Fuji coming out of the clubhouse. Oishi saw him look up and met his eyes. Oishi glared while Fuji stared, and it was only broken when Fuji turned away. Oishi knew by his sagging shoulders and hanging head as he walked away that Fuji was hurting too.
The rest of the week continued on like this. Eiji would avoid Fuji during morning practice, ignore him during class, avoid him again at afternoon practice, and get cornered by Fuji in the clubhouse when everybody had left. These small meetings consisted of Fuji coming in while Eiji was the last one to get ready, barely mutter his name, and Eiji would maneuver around him, the brunette making no move to stop him. But he was getting more and more persistant, and it was getting harder and harder for Eiji to play keep-away any longer.
Eiji sighed as he strolled down the sidewalk casually. He felt the need to get out of Oishi's house today. Oishi asked if Eiji wanted him to come along, but Eiji politely declined the offer; he just wanted to be by himself for a while.
Maybe I'll go wander around the petshop for a while, he thought. But before he could change course, he felt his phone vibrate then play a ringtone. Eiji grabbed it from his pocket and stared. He had put in different ringtones for everyone in his contacts, a small hobby he did with his phone. Eiji hadn't heard this ringtone often. Eiji glanced at the name of the caller and felt a wave of surprise hit him. The phone kept ringing. Deciding it was best to pick up, he finally answered the phone with shaking hands and put it up to his ear.
"Moshi moshi," he said. God, even my voice sounds nervous.
"Eiji."
Eiji swallowed, his throat dry.
"Kenji."
"Listen, would you meet me at the beach in about five minutes? Where we used to go as kids, that rocky slope? I just... I just wanna talk to you."
Eiji stopped when he reached the slope leading up to the part of the beach that was almost completely covered with rocks. He glanced up at a certain boulder and spotted a man sitting there patiently, waiting. His muscular arms were around his knees, which were loosely pulled up to his chest, and he was staring out into the ocean. He looked remarkably a lot like Eiji, except older, and broader. His long red hair was hanging loosely down his neck, his bangs shading his eyes. His face looked mysteriously blank of all emotion, just staring out into the endless water.
When he finally acknowledged his brother's prescence, he turned his head in Eiji's direction and greeted him with a warm smile.
"Eiji," he said, his voice clearly stating the relief he felt that his brother did not try and escape meeting him here. Eiji gave Kenji a small smile back. "I'm glad you came. Why don't you come up here and sit with me?"
The younger Kikumaru sibling hesitated for a second before walking up to where Kenji was and sat himself down on the rock. There was a silence that followed this action, as neither brother knew what to say to each other. Eiji grew slightly uncomfortable. What was it that Kenji wanted to talk about? Was he going to start yelling, like his father, about his choice of sexual orientation? Or, maybe like his other siblings back home, stay silent about the entire thing and try to ignore it? Eiji's stomach clenched.
At long last, Kenji seemed to have found his voice, for he said quietly, "I missed you, you know." Eiji turned to him and saw he was in the same position he was in before he had arrived; keeping his eyes on the horizen and that emotionless mask on. But Eiji swore there was a trace of sadness hidden in his voice.
Then the trance was broken and Kenji gave the smallest smile he could give and said, in a slight joking tone, "The house has been real quiet without you."
Eiji could've smiled, but didn't, and followed his brother's gaze out in the water. Out of the corner of his eye, Eiji saw Kenji turn toward him. It was as though Kenji was scared to meet his little brother's eyes, and only settled on looking at him when Eiji wasn't looking. The thought made Eiji's stomach hurt a little more.
"Eiji, I just want to say I'm sorry."
Eiji turned to him, somewhat surprised. Kenji looked down. "What for?"
"What kaa-san and tou-san did and said to you was unfair, and I didn't do anything to help you."
"Kenji, it's fine - "
"No, it's not fine!" Kenji snapped, and Eiji jumped slightly. These words seemed to give Kenji the courage he needed and he finally looked his brother in the eyes. Eiji found himself staring into two striking blue eyes almost exactly like his that were flaming with anger. An anger that Eiji knew wasn't directed at him, but at Kenji. "It made me sick, hearing tou-san yelling at you just because you don't happen to like girls, and forcing you to leave home! Kaa-san made not even the slightest effort to comfort you or anything. She just stood there, letting tou-san kick you out of the house!"
Eiji shook his head. "Kenji, none of that was your fault. You weren't the one to kick me out."
"No, but I might as well have been," Kenji said, filled with self-disgust. "Like kaa-san, I didn't do anything. Just stood there like a deer in the headlights. Let it all happen. You were alone, weren't you? You told us, thought we would accept you, and they threw it back in your face. And I. Couldn't. Move. If I had told you in some way then that what you confided in us was alright with me, because it is, you wouldn't have left! And that... is why I hated myself so much from the moment you walked out that door, why I still hate myself right now. Because you needed someone then, and I didn't do shit to provide you with that."
To Eiji's shock, the orbs Eiji had been staring at had rapidly filled with tears of fury, some escaping every so often throughout Kenji's speech. Kenji was oblivious to them, but kept his gaze on Eiji. The mask that had been there before was long gone. Now Kenji's face showed a wide variety of emotions. Pain, disgust and hatred (at himself), fear, love, pleading.
Eiji sat there in stunned silence, unable to say anything. Unable to think. He turned away from Kenji and focused on the ocean. All the same, he could still feel Kenji's eyes boring into him, almost with the same intensity that Fuji used whenever he stared at Eiji. The two brothers sat there in silence for what the both of them felt like to be an eternity, one anxious and the other trying to mull it all over in his head.
Finally, Eiji turned to face Kenji, and Kenji felt a slight pang inside him when he realized his brother was crying as well.
"S-So you don't hate me, nii-chan?" Eiji said, half-whimpering. "Like kaa-san and tou-san?"
Kenji's eyes widened.
"No, Eiji. No," he murmured, grabbing his little brother by the shoulders and pulling him close. Eiji sniffed into Kenji's shirt. "Of course not, Eiji. I could never hate you. And neither do kaa-san and tou-san. They're just horribly misunderstood. They can't appreciate you the way you are, that's all. They'll accept you over time. You'll see." Eiji said nothing as he allowed the bottled up pain and devastation he had kept inside of him for the past week to come pouring out, tears of misery and joy drenching a bit of Kenji's shirt. Kenji just held him while his little brother cried, not saying a word, and rocked him gently.
Eiji clutched the back of Kenji's shirt, bunching some of it up in his fists. Kenji leaned down and pressed his lips to Eiji's hair.
"Arigatou, nii-chan," Eiji said, his words of deepest thanks muffled in Kenji's chest. Kenji smiled.
"That's what family is for, Eiji. And you're welcome."
Love, can you see my hand / Let me one more chance
We can still have it all
So that's the fourth chapter! I hope I didn't disappoint anyone with the outcomes of both meetings Eiji had with Fuji and Kenji. That's just how my brain works. Anyway, off to the next chapter! When it gets uploaded. =]