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Chapter 4: Aftermath
"Dear god Brittany, what the hell are you doing?" Santana shrieks while quickly letting go of my wrist.
"I'm sorry" I say embarrassed. "I don't know why I did that, something just told me to" I tell her.
"Well it shouldn't have told you to" she snaps. "I was just trying to help you so you didn't get hurt" she says.
"I'm really sorry" I say while starting to walk away.
"Wait Brittany, I didn't mean to snap at you. I'm just shocked" she tells me while following me.
"Leave me alone, I'm already embarrassed enough as it is" I say walking even faster.
"No please wait, we should talk about this" she says as she continues to follow me. "I'm not mad, I was just really taken aback" she says.
"Please Santana, leave me alone" I almost beg because I feel so stupid. "Please, just go" I say.
"Not until I know you're ok" she says.
"Look I didn't hurt myself because you managed to keep me from falling so I'm fine" I say.
"I didn't mean about you almost falling, I meant I want to make sure you're not upset about what you did" she says.
"Santana I am fine but I really don't want to talk about this so please let me go home" I plead with her.
"Ok fine, but just know I'm not mad at you" she tells me before letting me walk away.
As soon as I get home I put the shopping away and then go straight upstairs to my room. I have no clue why I did that today. I know I have a crush on her or whatever but that doesn't excuse what I did, Santana looked so uncomfortable. I'm just glad she won't be in the coffee shop on Saturday because that would be embarrassing not to mention incredibly awkward. I so wish I had my phone right now because I could ask Mercedes or Rachel what they think I should do but because I'm grounded my parents are holding onto my phone.
Santana's POV
What the hell just happened? I cannot believe she just kissed me, it was so out of the blue. I hope I haven't hurt her feelings or anything but that wasn't ok, she shouldn't have done that. All I have done is be friendly to her and I thought it was obvious. I'm not mad at her; I guess I'm just confused and concerned. I have to call Quinn and see if she can meet up because I can't think properly so she'll know what to do. As soon as I called Quinn, I rushed back home because we agreed to meet at my house twenty minutes later.
"Ok I'm confused, she just kissed you?" Quinn asks.
"Yeah we were talking and I tried to warn her about the loose gravel on the ground but she didn't hear me in time so she almost fell. So then I grabbed her wrist to keep her upright and the next thing I know she leans in and kisses me" I say.
"So after you grabbed her wrist, were you two standing closer together or did your eyes meet or something?" she asks.
"How do I know?" I say confused.
"Maybe because you were there" she says cheekily.
"I don't really know what happened, I just remember her almost falling so I saved her and the next thing I see is lips coming towards me" I reply.
"I'm just thinking maybe she felt like something between you two connected so that's why she kissed you" Quinn reasons.
"I don't know what happened but it shouldn't have, she's a nice girl but I don't see her like that" I say. "It is wrong on so many levels for her to kiss me."
"Do you see it as being wrong or you think it should be wrong even though you don't see it?" Quinn asks.
"No I genuinely feel it is wrong and no doubt others think so too" I say.
"I don't think it's that wrong" Quinn says and I frown.
"That's rich coming from you" I state. "You're the one that said months ago that it was wrong if I liked Brittany. I'm not saying I do but when you were joking around and saying I liked her, you then said it was wrong if I did" I say.
"That was because I thought she was fourteen, I didn't realise she was sixteen at the time. Anyway she is seventeen now so what's the big deal?" she asks.
"The big deal is that someone kissed me and I don't feel the same. I have made her feel so embarrassed now because of the way I reacted" I say. I would never intentionally hurt anyone but now Brittany is hurt because of me.
"So you really don't feel the same?" she asks and I shake my head. "What if you do like her but you just don't realise it because it's been so long since you've been with anyone or even been on a date" Quinn suggests.
"No Quinn, that's not it and I have so been on a date recently" I say.
"Ok so when was the last time you went on a date?" she asks.
"I don't know, but it wasn't that long ago" I state.
"When did you last feel happy being around someone that wasn't a friend or a family member?" she asks.
"I don't know" I reply.
"I bet you have never enjoyed yourself once on any of those dates you've been on since you got divorced" she states.
"I have, some of them were fun" I say.
"Oh really, what ones?" she asks.
"That girl Rebecca you set me up with, she was cool and we had a good time" I say.
"Are you kidding me? She told me all about the date and how you barely spoke to her all night and if you did talk it was about coffee" she replies.
"That's not true, we had an interesting conversation about cakes" I state.
"No you had an interesting conversation about cakes with yourself while Rebecca just sat there bored. And don't think I'm stupid, she told me all about how the conversation arose" she says. "I know it was to do with Brittany and how you two were talking about cakes and coffee that morning before the date."
"Ok so the topic was fresh in my mind because Brittany and I had been talking about it that same day, big deal" I state. "If she didn't like me telling her any information that I happened to gather then she should have said, I don't read minds you know" I say.
"She shouldn't have had to because you don't expect to go on a date and be bored by the other person talking about random things. I told her all about you and all your good qualities but you didn't show her any so I looked like a fool for promising her a great night when it turned out shit" she says. "You let me down Santana and now Rebecca probably thinks I'm an idiot for setting her up with you."
"Why are you so bothered what she thinks of you?" I ask.
"Because I hate looking stupid and I promised she'd hit it off with you and it never happened" she states.
"Look this isn't relevant so can we move on" I state getting bored of the conversation.
"No it is relevant because I'm trying to prove to you that you only seem interested in Brittany" she says. "You barely enjoyed yourself once on those dates but if you did then you would always talk about Brittany."
"I don't get your point Quinn" I tell her.
"Can't you see that the only time you seem to be happy or enjoy yourself is when you are around Brittany? Doesn't that show you that maybe there is something there but due to you not being with anyone recently then maybe it's not as obvious?" she asks.
"Quinn you are creating something out of nothing, Brittany is a great girl but I don't see her in any way other than a friend. Trust me on this" I say sternly. "Can't you see you're making me uncomfortable saying things that aren't true?" I ask.
"Ok I'm sorry, we can drop the conversation now" she says and I nod. "But don't come crawling to me when you realise I was right" she says seriously.
"That's not going to happen because you're not right" I reply.
"No Santana, just wait and see. I bet within the next year you two will be together" she states.
"Quinn I love you but I'm going to throttle you right now" I say. "I want this conversation to be over because we clearly have two very different views on the topic" I say, desperate to change the subject.
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Saturday 31st October 2015
The last two weeks have been torture not talking to Brittany. To be fair I was away last weekend so I wasn't going to see her no matter what happened but just knowing there is something up with us makes me miserable. The whole weekend away with Quinn and my others friends was pretty crappy because I kept thinking about what happened between Brittany and I. It's Saturday again and as usual I am heading into the coffee shop to get coffee after my morning run.
"Hi" I say while sitting down at the counter across from Brittany.
"Hi" she replies quietly.
"So how have you been?" I ask.
"Fine, coffee and a doughnut I presume" she says coldly.
"Yeah that's right" I say with a smile, trying to keep things from getting awkward. She sorts out my order in complete silence and then hands it over and I pay for it. I'm just about to ask a question when she walks away.
"Wait a second" I say laughing. "Don't you want to talk to me today?" I ask.
"No, not really" she replies coldly again.
"Wait, are you avoiding me?" I ask.
"And why might I do that?" she asks, raising an eyebrow.
"I don't know, maybe because you kissed me and then got embarrassed" I state.
"That was two weeks ago Santana, can't you just forget it ever happened" she sighs.
"No because I don't understand what happened" I say. "I think we should talk it through."
"There is nothing to talk about, I obviously misjudged the situation or whatever" she says.
"What do you mean?" I ask.
"We obviously have two different opinions on how we interact" she says. "I guess I misread what you meant" she shrugs before trying to walk off again.
"Now wait a second, you can't just say that and walk away" I tell her. "That doesn't explain things for me" I say.
"Well maybe this will explain things" she says leaning over the counter. For a split second I thought she was going to kiss me again but then she started talking. "Drop the subject because I have" she says gritting her teeth before pulling away again. "Now you can either sit there with the coffee and try to go over things or you can move on, it's up to you but as far as I'm concerned I didn't kiss you."
"No Brittany, that's not how we're leaving things" I say. "I need to know what kind of message I gave out that you've misread."
"Look, my other friends don't talk to me like you do so that plus the crush I have on you made me kiss you" she says. "Now please, I am begging you to forget anything happened."
"What do you mean I talk to you different from your friends?" I ask.
"Exactly what I say, my definition of friends is what I have with my actual friends and I'm saying the way you talk to me sounded more than a friend" she says.
"Ok, I promise you right now I have only ever regarded you as a friend" I state seriously.
"Yeah, you made that clear" she says before walking off. Shit she's took that the wrong way now. I wait until she has finished serving the other customers before going over to where she is at the other side of the counter.
"Brittany we need to sort this, I hate this feeling that I've upset you" I say.
"I have a crush on you and you don't feel the same way, what else is there to sort out?" she asks.
"It's not that I wouldn't feel the same way because you are a great girl, I've just never thought of you like that. I always just thought we were pleasant to one another if we saw the other so I guess you could say sort of friends" I tell her. "I didn't know you had a crush on me until you kissed me."
"Look I had a crush and thought maybe you like me back but you don't" she says. "I understand nothing will happen so instead of racking our brains about this let's just move on and I'll continue to serve you coffee and you can continue with your life."
"I feel really bad for what happened though" I say.
"Don't, it was a moment of madness that I certainly won't be repeating" she tells me. "You're not the first person to reject me so it's cool, it's a tad embarrassing but I'll get over it" she says.
"Brittany I didn't reject you; that sounds horrible. I just wasn't in the same place as you" I say.
"People are starting to stare at us so can we not talk about this?" she asks.
"Ok sure but maybe we could meet after you finish work and then talk about this" I suggest.
"I'm very confused right now, I am talking English so I don't understand why you don't understand what I'm saying" she says. "I told you we don't need to talk about this anymore."
"I want to make sure everything is ok between us, I don't want you to get a bad impression of me or hate me" I say.
"Oh as long as you're ok, as long as we know you're not a bad person" she says angrily. "To hell with how I look right now, let's just concentrate on how you are perceived after what happened" she says.
"I didn't mean it like that, look let's just meet once you finish" I say. "What time does your shift finish?" I ask.
"I finish at 2pm so meet me outside" she sighs. "I really don't think we need to talk about it anymore but I'm guessing you won't let it go."
"Ok I'll see you at 2pm, I better go just now" I say while standing up.
"Ok, sure" she says unenthusiastically. I quickly wave and then leave.
Brittany's POV
After Santana left the café this morning, the rest of my shift went pretty smoothly so I can't complain. I'm just not looking forward to seeing Santana this afternoon because I feel it's pointless talking about what happened. I don't understand why Santana needs to keep going on and on about the kiss. I made a stupid mistake but it was two weeks ago so can't she just leave the past in the past. I don't want to keep going over things because it's embarrassing and annoying. I might only be seventeen but I'm not a kid, I think I can handle someone saying no. I'm not going to fall apart just because Santana doesn't like me back, of course it might take time to get rid of this crush I have but I'm not heartbroken. It was just some silly crush, nothing major.
I'm currently waiting outside of the coffee shop for Santana to arrive. For someone who was adamant about meeting at 2pm, she's late. It's already ten minutes past two and I'm getting frustrated because like I say, I don't even want to talk so she could have had the decency to turn up on time at least since she is the one who wanted to talk so badly.
"Hey" Santana says jogging over to me. I have got to say she looks so hot right now.
"Uh…hi" I say, a little taken aback at how beautiful she looks. I'm obviously too used to seeing her in running attire that I've never noticed how she looked when she isn't running. In fact the only time I saw her when she wasn't running was when she was at the grocery store the other week and even then she had on running gear.
"You ok, you look flushed?" she asks.
"I'm fine" I snap.
"Ok chill out" she says holding her hands up.
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to snap" I say. I only snapped because I'm angry now, I just had to like her even more when I finally realise I'll never be anything but a friend.
"It's ok" she says. "So do you want to get a coffee or something while we talk?" she asks.
"Sure but let's go somewhere else" I say. "I don't really want to have a personal conversation where I work because a) it'd be awkward because it's like bringing your personal life to work and b) my colleagues could hear and I don't need them to" I say.
"But hasn't that already happened, I mean you…" she starts to talk but abruptly stops. I'm guessing it's because I'm glaring at her right now. I know I have sort of brought my personal life to work when I let myself have a crush on Santana but I still don't want to talk there today.
"Ok so I know this other place that sells good coffee and the tables are pretty spaced out so it should be private enough for us to talk and no one else to hear what we're saying" I say.
"Cool, let's go there then" she responds. "Although I don't think they could make better coffee than you" she says with a smile and I just look at her. "Oh it's things like that huh?" she says realising what I mean about the more than friends thing.
"Exactly" I reply.
"I'm sorry, that's just who I am. I give everyone compliments" she says.
"That's nice to know but let's save the talking until we arrive at the café" I say and she nods.
We walk in silence to the other café. I notice Santana is just itching to talk to me because every few seconds I see her mouth open and then it quickly closes before any words can come out. It's not that I literally meant don't talk at all, I just meant about the situation but I chose not to tell her that because it's cute watching her suffer…Oh crap here I go again, why do I need to find something else cute about her.
"Here we go, this is the café" I say opening the door before we step inside. "You can talk now" I say laughing.
"Oh thank god" she says in relief.
"Let's order something to drink and then we can sit down and talk" I state and Santana nods. We then walk over to the counter. "What do you want?" I ask.
"I'll just have coffee but I'll get it" she says digging out money from her purse. "What do you want?" she asks.
"Hot chocolate with mini marshmallows please" I say to Santana and the waitress behind the counter who has just greeted us. As soon as we have our drinks, Santana hands the money over. "Wait a second, I'll pay for mine" I say trying to get money out of my pocket.
"Don't be silly, I've got it" she says handing her cash over before I get a chance. I suppose it was nice of her to pay for mine but I'm quite independent when it comes to things like that so I actually found it rude how she dismissed me so quickly.
"I could have paid for my own" I say as we walk over to a table to get a seat.
"I know but I wanted to buy it for you" she says with a smile.
"It was a nice thought, I'm just not used to people buying me stuff like that" I say. "I mean of course my parents buy anything if we're out but with my friends, we all pay."
"I see" she says as we take a seat on the sofas by the window. I'm sitting on one and Santana is across from me on the other, with the table separating us. "So where to start huh?" she says, referring to the conversation we need to have.
"Like I say, personally I don't think there's anything left to say. I just want to forget about it" I tell her honestly.
"I know but I can't help feeling that you're acting weird around me and I don't want that. I want us to be how we used to be" she says.
"That's the thing though, how we used to be is what caused this" I say. "The way we were caused me to have a crush on you so I don't know if we can ever be like that. It's not that I don't want to, it's just you've made it perfectly clear you're not interested in me so it's best I get past the stupid crush."
"It's not that I'm not interested, it's just I've never seen you in that way" she says.
"That still means you're not interested in me" I say.
"No, if I wasn't interested in you that would mean I had thought about it but didn't want to go there. What I am saying is, it never crossed my mind so there was never anything to not be interested in, do you see what I mean?" she asks.
"No not really" I say confused. "To me the bottom line here is that nothing is going to happen. Look at it whatever way you want but the main issue is that I like you and you don't see me like that."
"You're making me out to be a monster, I don't want to hurt your feelings" she says.
"There is no way to sugar coat the situation, can't you just grow a pair and realise we're both to blame. I know you don't want to seem like you hurt me but at the end of the day you pulled away from me when I kissed you so yeah I'm a little hurt even though you didn't mean it. On the other hand though, I probably shouldn't have kissed you anyway" I say.
"What made you kiss me?" she asks.
"We've been over this, something just happened and I kissed you. Make no mistake though, I am severely regretting it now" I tell her.
"So do you think we can move on now or what?" she asks. "I know you want to forget it happened but that doesn't tell me if it changes things between us or not" she says.
"You're right I do want to forget but yeah it does change things. For one I won't be able to stop liking you overnight and two, if we continued how we were then I'm not going to be able to stop having a crush on you. I think we need to back off a little and maybe not share as much information. We can be pleasant when we see one another but I think that's it" I say. "I don't think we should be sharing as much personal information" I tell her.
"Oh…ok" she says. I'm sure there was a hint of sadness in her voice. "I like talking to you though. We talk about lots of different things that none of my friends would talk about which I like. I like having a conversation with someone who is like me because me and my friends are all different and are interested in different things" she tells me.
"I'm not trying to do this to annoy you or hurt you because I'm not malicious so if you think I'm only doing it because I'm embarrassed and want to get you back then you're wrong" I say.
"I know you're not like that, I would never think something like that about you. You're a good person Brittany" she tells me sincerely.
"Thank you and I know you're a good person too, I just need some time to get over this crush" I say. "I'm not saying I'll avoid you, I'm just saying in order for me to get rid of this stupid crush, I need to refrain from some of the things we talk about" I tell her.
"Well I suppose this way is better than not speaking at all" she sighs.
"So we're agreed then; we can cut back on how much we talk or whatever. Keep it strictly professional?" I ask.
"I'll do whatever you want" she says.
"I'm not being mean but you have to stop that" I say.
"Stop what?" she asks.
"Giving me compliments and giving into me, like saying I make the best coffee and you'll do whatever I want. Those things make me like you even more and obviously that is wrong" I say.
"Ok I'm sorry" she nods. "You're absolutely right" she says.
Hope you liked the chapter. Do you think Brittany is overreacting or do you think she's right? Let me know what you think.