A/N: It has come to the Lazytown Chronicle's attention that the story of Sportacus relationship with Tara Trueheart has won the praise of a wonderful reviewer by the name of Rubber Ducky1. If more readers are to review was unknown at presstime. The Author was quoted saying, 'PLEASE! PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF MIKE REVIEW!"
The author went on to say that she does not own Lazytown or it's characters and this story is for entertainment purposes only.
In the dark and dank lair of Robbie Rotten, the villain was bent over his chemistry table hard at work on his latest scheme.
"Now! That's the truffle, move it over there...the nougat goes here and viola! A perfection of sugary confection!" he exclaimed over a tray of assorted chocolates. As if he had someone to talk to, the mad genius ranted on, "Now I know what you're thinking! 'What's a tray of yummy candy got to do with getting rid of Sporta-kook?' Well I'll tell ya!" He pushed a button on a remote control and a chalkboard with crude, childish drawings detailing his master plan descended from the ceiling. He took out a pointer and well...pointed to the plan, "FIRST! In another one of my brilliant disguises...I convince Sportacus to give Tara a box of chocolates to show his...affection...Yuck! THEN! I have Sportacus try one of the chocolates to make sure it's right for Tara! He goes into Sugar Meltdown and with any luck...he'll be finished! HA HA HA HA HA! Ah...I know...Sportacus wouldn't give anyone anything unhealthy let alone try something with sugar in it! BUT! By concealing the tray of chocolates in a box labeled "SUGAR FREE", Sporta-dope will think it's safe to at least try one! I"M A GENIUS! HAHAHAHAHAHA! Disguise time!"He dashed over to the glass cases displaying his disguises and he walked by each one saying,
"Too Greek...too Italian...Too Chinese...AhHA! Perfect!" He went over to a lever and pulled it and in a flash of white light he was dressed in the clothes of a typical Frenchman, with black and white striped shirt, handlebar mustache, red beret, black sports jacket and a pair of bluejeans rolled up into cuffs at the bottom. He laughed to himself, "With this getup and this plan, Sporta-sucker won't know what hit 'em! Ah HAHAHAHAHA!"
The kids were playing catch, but only haphazardly since they were still trying to sort out what they had learned from Miss Busybody.
"Wow...I can't believe Sportacus is in love." said Trixie throwing the Frisbee ring to Pixel who said,
"I don't think he's in love yet...our data shows that the variables are just in the beginning processes." He threw the ring to Ziggy who asked,
"What?" Ziggy threw the Frisbee to Stephanie who said,
"It means he only likes-like Tara...it's not totally in love yet." She threw the ring to Stingy as he told Pixel,
"You know Pixel, sometimes you're really weird."
"Hey! I am not weird for knowing the difference between like-like and love!" Pixel protested as Trixie caught the ring and asked him snottingly,
"Oh really? Then what's the difference?" Pixel looked over at Stephanie and mumbled as he caught the ring,
"I just know it okay?" Ziggy said catching the ring,
"Well...I want Sportacus to stop like-liking Tara or loving her or whatever! It's keeping him from being a cool superhero!"
"I don't know...in all eight hundred and twenty eight comic books I own...all the great superheros had a girlfriend...Spiderman had Mary Jane...Superman had Lois Lane...maybe it would be good for Sportacus to have a girlfriend." Stingy said with a shrug. Stephanie nodded,
"Stingy's right! And it would make Sportacus really happy. And as his friends shouldn't we want Sportacus to be happy?" Ziggy considered it, worrying the ring in his hands,
"Well...I do want Sportacus to be happy..."
"Wait a minute! How could Sportacus even make Tara his girlfriend? He's too shy to make a move! Literally!" Trixie said hands on hips.
"Maybe...we could get them together..." suggested Pixel.
"Could we! I mean...should we?" asked Ziggy excitingly.
"Well...maybe we can encourage Sportacus to show Tara he really likes her! Come on everybody! Let's go find him!" said Stephanie leading the way.
"Yeah! Yeah!"
"Cool!"
"Wait for me! Wait for me!" said Ziggy in last. Unknowingly, Robbie Rotten was watching them from his periscope down below grinning,
"Perfect! Those rotten kids are going to encourage Sporta-flunky to show Tara how he feels! I couldn't have planned things better myself! Now I just have to wait! HAHA!" he went to snap the periscope shut, only to have it catch on his fingers again.
"OWWEEIII!"
Tara was trying to remember how to breath. Right now she was sitting in one of her club chairs watching Sportacus lift the heavy couch to the spot near the fireplace. His biceps rippling, his pecs are bulging...Lord can this man get anymore studly or what? Tara thought to her self cocking an eyebrow. Sportacus put down the couch and said taking a breath,
"Whoo! There you go. How's that?" Tara nodded,
"It looks great...but now I'm not so sure I want this chair here...maybe over by the tab-AHH!" Before she knew it, Sportacus had lifted her and the chair and carried it over to the spot she had indicated. Sportacus grinned, looking up at her,
"Over here?" Tara laughed shaking her head,
"Yes now put me down!" Sportacus did laughing too saying,
"Sorry...just fooling around." Getting up and walking over to the kitchen, Tara asked,
"Hungry?"
"Famished! Have to keep up my energy." Sportacus said going to lean on her counter. Tara pulled out two water bottles and two peaches saying,
"Sorry all I have are..."
"Sports-candy! My favorite!" Sportacus exclaimed biting into the peach, juice dribbling down his arm. Tara watched transfixed as he licked it off and kept eating happily. He looked up at her apologetically,
"...Messy..." Opening her water bottle, Tara said,
"So...are you a vegetarian or what?"
"No...I have meat and dairy sometimes...but I love fruits and vegetables. And calling them Sports-candy helps the kids to like them too." he explained after he had finished chewing. Tara shook her head,
"Where on Earth do you come from?"
"An island in the North." Sportacus answered.
"Really? Is that where you were born?" she asked.
"No." Sportacus said shaking his head before taking another bite.
"Is that where you grew up?" she asked.
"Mostly. I went to live there with my mentor when I was twelve." Sportacus answered.
"Your mentor?"
"Sportacus Nine...He taught me everything I know!" Sportacus said.
"Wait...does that mean Sportacus isn't your real name?" asked Tara. Sportacus shifted nervously,
"Not the one I was born with...but I can't tell you what that is."
"Why not?"
"It's a superhero thing." he answered. Knowing that subject matter was closed, Tara asked,
"So how long did you live with your mentor?"
"Ten years. Then for four years, I went around the world helping people...and then last year...I settled down here!" Sportacus explained.
"So that makes you twenty-seven?" Tara asked folding her arms,
"This October yes." Sportacus answered.
"Guess that means you've met all kinds of women..."Tara commented intently. Sportacus nodded,
"Oh yes. All kinds. Some tall, some short... some with black skin, some Asian women...Sure was different from the island!"
"How so?" nodded Tara.
"There was no women on the island. Just me and Sportacus Nine." said Sportacus. Tara furrowed her brow as Sportacus threw away his peach pit and then started to open his water bottle. She inquired,
"Can I ask you a personal question?"
"Sure." he said taking a drink.
"Have you ever seen any women...romantically?" she asked to which Sportacus promptly did a spit take. She got him a towel as he replied meekly,
"Um...in what way?" Tara grinned leaning towards him and lowering her voice,
"Oh you know...taking her out on dates...dinner...dancing in the moonlight...holding hands...whispering sweet nothings in one's ear...hugging...kissing...and then some?" Sportacus gulped and said looking down,
"I've never done any of those things..." Tara shook her head, leaning in closer,
"Never?" Unable to look away from her eyes, Sportacus said,
"Not once!" She smiled stepping back to hand him the towel to which he mumbled a small, 'Thank you.' Never been involved with a woman? Oh, this guy is too good to be true! Tara thought. Then a thought occurred to her to make her cautious.
"Um...have you...ever considered...seeing a woman...romantically?" she asked. Sportacus thought about it and said,
"I've never given it much thought before. But Sportacus Nine told me about what it was like to be in love with a woman. He said it felt wonderful. So yes...I guess I would like to see a woman romantically...someday..." A small grin came to Tara's face, And we're in! Extremely nervous now, Sportacus cleared his throat and asked her,
"So...where do you come from?" Maybe I'm not as 'in' as I thought I was...Tara thought before replying,
"Further down South."
"And what do you do for a job?" he asked.
"I'm a painter." she said.
"Oh? And what do you paint?" he asked. She took his hand, sending those unfamiliar tingles down his spine as she led him down the hall and up the stairs.
"Follow me." Sportacus gulped a little as they passed her bedroom. She showed him into her painting room, all fixed up with canvases and paints, finished works hanging on the walls.
"I paint my dreams." she responded as Sportacus looked around. Every painting was abstract splashes of bright beautiful color. Sportacus told her while looking at one in bright reds, oranges, and yellows,
"Wow! These are really well done. You are an amazing artist!"
"Thank you...Not sure if I can say that myself, but thank you." she said looking at the painting besides him, arms folded in front of her chest. Sportacus furrowed his brow at her,
"Why do you say that?" She shook her head,
"None of my paintings were considered good enough to be put on display in a museum or on sale in an art gallery in the big city. I don't know maybe I wasn't good enough." He looked her squarely in the face, as seriously as he could be,
"Don't ever say that again. You are more than good enough. You're wonderful. As a person and as an artist! Understand?" She smiled, captured by his commanding presence that made her feel so safe,
"Yes sir." Sportacus smiled and pointed to the painting,
"So...does this have a title?" She waited for a beat and then replied,
"Kiss of Passion." Sportacus cleared his throat,
"Pardon?" She grinned like a cat with a canary,
"The title of the piece...is 'Kiss of Passion'." Suddenly, Sportacus pictured himself grabbing Tara by the shoulders and kissing her, then sweeping her off her feet into her bedroom. He shook his scandalous thoughts and said,
"I should...get going." She nodded a little disappointed but not wanting to rush things she said,
"I'll walk you to the door." They traveled down the stairs in silence until they reached the front door. Upon opening it, Tara said,
"Thank you for helping me Sportacus."
"You're welcome. Thanks for the sports-candy...and the company." Sportacus replied with a slight blush.
"So I'll see you around?" she asked.
"Count on it! And remember, if you ever need help, I'll always be there!" he told her.
"See you later Sportacus!" she smiled at him.
"See you later Tara." he said before turning and running up to jump her white picket fence. She giggled and shook her head as she shut the door. Sportacus stopped in his place and turned back to look at her house with a sweet sigh.
"Sportacus! Sportacus!" called Stephanie from behind him. He turned to find all the kids running towards him.
"What's wrong? Is someone in trouble?" he asked fists on hips. Out of breath, Pixel said,
"No...no we just wanted to talk to you, Sportacus." Relived nothing was wrong, Sportacus asked,
"Oh? What about?"
"It's about Tara." Stingy said matter of factly.
"Tara? What about her?" Sportacus asked innocently.
"Well Miss Busybody said that you were smitten with her and then I said, "What's smitten mean?" And then the Mayor said, "It was a feeling grownups get when they like-like another person and..." Ziggy rambled on. Stephanie stopped him saying,
"What Ziggy is trying to say is...we know you have feelings for Tara."
"What! You...you could tell that?" asked Sportacus in shock.
"My dog knew." Trixie said dryly.
"You don't have a dog." Stingy said.
"It's a figure of speech." Trixie told him.
"Anyway! Yes, Sportacus. We know you like-like Tara...you do don't you?" asked Stephanie. Sportacus looked to the ground in thought,
"I guess I just haven't admitted it to myself until now."
"So what are you going to do about it?" asked Pixel.
"I don't know. I've never felt this way before." said Sportacus with a shrug.
"Well, maybe you can do something to show her how you feel." Stephanie suggested to him.
"Like what?" he asked.
"Well, whenever my mom wants to show me how she loves me...she always brings home some red licorice!" Ziggy said.
"And my mom loves it when I give her flowers!" said Trixie.
"And my dad once bought my mom a new satellite dish and ordered the Soap Opera channel for her!...And the Sports Network for himself..." said Pixel.
"So maybe if you give her something or do something nice for her, she'll know how you feel!" Stingy said. Rubbing his chin, Sportacus gave it some thought,
"You know...I think you're on to something!"
"We can help you!" exclaimed Stephanie.
"Yeah! Yeah!" said Ziggy.
"Thanks a lot kids, but...I think I better do this one by myself. But if I need help, I'll call for you, okay?" Sportacus asked.
"Okay...we know Tara will love anything you give her!" Stephanie told him.
"Thanks Stephanie!" Sportacus told her as she gave him an encouraging hug.
"Bye Sportacus!"
"Bye!"
"Bye bye!" called the kids as they went off to play. Sportacus waved,
"Bye kids!" Then he thought aloud to himself, "Get Tara something?...But what?" Down the street, Robbie Rotten, in full French disguise watched Sportacus from a bush as he muttered to himself,
"Now's my chance!" He hopped on a bicycle and began to pedal singing,
"Fraire-e-jack-ah! Fraire-jack-ah! Dorm-A-view! Dorm-A-view! Uh...something something French! Something something French! Ding dang dong! Ding dang...do-ahh! Aahhh! AAAHHHH!" The bike had began to speed down the hill out of control and since Robbie Rotten had been too lazy to learn how to ride a bike properly, he was unable to stop it and the bike was on a direct path to a wall. The crystal emblem on Sportacus' uniform began to blink and he was shaken from his revelry saying,
"Somebody's in trouble!" Robbie whizzed passed him on the bike screaming like a little girl. "Somebody's in real trouble! Hang on! I'm coming!" Sportacus took off into a run, jumped two walls, did three flips, two somersaults, jumped two more walls before jumping up to grab onto a branch of a tree. He swung over it once, twice, three times before he flipped in the air and caught the branch again with his knees. He hung upside down, waiting for Robbie as he told him,
"Grab my arms!" Too scared to think twice, Robbie reached up and grabbed the superhero's arms letting the bike go just in time to crash into a wall. Sportacus let Robbie drop to the ground, while he flipped out of the tree, landing on the ground to help him up.
"Are you alright sir?" Sportacus asked fooled by Robbie's disguise. Robbie huffed out of breath,
"Yeah..yeah I'm fine..." then he remembered his plan and broke out into a huge grin and an incredibly bad French accent, "I mean...MAY OUI! I am, 'ow you zay? Zaved! Merci Monzewer! Merci!" He kissed both of Sportacus' cheeks in French custom before turning his back and gagging silently. Sportacus smiled friendly,
"It was no problem sir."
"'Ow can I, 'ow you zay? Repay you?" asked the 'Frenchman'.
"Oh I'm only happy to help!" Sportacus said.
"You zure zere iz...nothin' I can help vou with? Maybe with ze...ladiez...prehapz?" Frenchman Robbie offered. Looking back to Tara's house, Sportacus said,
"Well...I am looking to show one lady how much I like her..." The Frenchman opened his arms out wide and exclaimed,
"Magnifi-ekk! Vou have come to ze right fellow, Mon Ami! For I am Ro'bear ZeFancypantz, a world renouned expert on...la'mour!"
"La'mour?" asked Sportacus.
"You know, ze love Mon Ami! Juzt lizten...to moi!" said 'Ro'bear before singing out,
"When zere iz a zpecial...lady...you adore!
When you are too zhy to move...or look up from...ze floor!
Zhen you need zome 'elp...
before...someone...elze...
decidez to open ze window...
when you won't open ze...door!
When you want to, show 'er 'ow you feel,
when you want to, 'ow you zay? Keep it real!
Juzt lizten to me! With my muztache that I curl...
I'll zhow you! How to get...ze...girl!
Ze French, zey, know 'ow it'z done.
With ze candlelight, moonlight, and zen zome!
We are loverz, not fighters,
kizzerz, not biterz!
When you need a little confidance,
I'll zhow you ow' to romance!
When you want to, show 'er 'ow you feel,
when you want to, how you zay? Keep it real!
Juzt lizten to me! With my muztache that I curl...
I'll zhow you! How to get...ze...girl!
Now ze female, ahh...zhe iz, 'ow you zay? Fickle...
She wantz diamondz and pearlz,
flowerz and ztuffed ani-malz
If zhe don't get all of zheze zings,
if you don't, treat 'er like a queen
Zhen you're in ze...pickel!
When you want to, show 'er 'ow you feel,
when you want to, how you zay? Keep it real!
Juzt lizten to me! With my muztache that I curl...
I'll zhow you! How to get...ze...girl!
I really mean it! I'll zhow you how to get...ze...girl!
One more time!
I'll zhow you how to get...ze...girl!"
"I don't know..." Sportacus said when the song was finished, "Tara doesn't seem like the kind of person who would only give affection in exchange for expensive gifts."
"Who'z ze a'mour expert 'ere? Moi or vou?" Ro'bear said.
"I just met her! I don't want things to move...too fast!" Sportacus explained. 'Ro'bear' nodded,
"Ah! Zhen I zink I 'ave juzt ze zing! It'z not...how you zay? Too personal...but! It will let her know, you care for her!" He pulled out of his coat the small heart shaped box of chocolates to which Sportacus protested,
"Oh no...while a little chocolate is alright every once in a while, I just don't give unhealthy gifts."
"Oh! But ze femalez...zey...LOVE ze chocolate!" 'Ro'bear' told him.
"Zey do? I mean...they do?" Sportacus asked.
"But of courze! Bezides...zez...are zugar...free..." 'Ro'bear' said taking the top off the box and placing it under Sportacus' nose.
"Sugar free huh? Well...that's healthier..." Sportacus said.
"Why don't you try one?" suggested 'Ro'bear' with a wicked glint to his eye.
"Try one?"
"Oui...to make zure ze young lady likez zem! Go on...try juzt...one..." the 'Frenchman' said handing him the box. Sportacus took one out and looked to the man and asked,
"You're sure...these are sugar free?"
"It zayz zo on ze box!" 'Ro'bear said showing him the top of the box which read, 'SUGAR FREE'. Sportacus nodded,
"Okay..." he took a small bite and chewed saying, "Hmm! Not bad..." Suddenly, Sportacus collapsed to the ground in a heap, groaning.
"HAHA! Oh wait...maybe I just put the sugary chocolates in the 'SUGAR FREE' chocolates box! Opps! HAHAHAHAHA!" Robbie shouted taking off his false mustache. Getting on his knees, Sportacus groaned out weakling as he clutched his stomach,
"...Robbie..."
"That's right! And don't you forget it! Sporta-wimp! HAHAHAHAHA!" Robbie exclaimed walking away. A second later he came back and took the box up from the ground and said,
"I can't stand to waste good chocolate!" He walked away leaving Sportacus to try to crawl and call weakly,
"...Tara..."