I am being torn from you. You are being carried away. Whoever it is the wind, the seam it's worse than anything. You're going to drown. And I'm watching, without doing anything, without saying anything, on principle, because I must observe the rule. And what if I didn't want to anymore. I can still throw myself with you, grab hold of you. If it were possible.
Danielle Collobert

Jiya actually gave a short chuckle as she slipped back to Lucy, "Flynn called Wyatt a hipster poet."

Lucy started laughing because she couldn't help it. "Oh my god, I can't believe it."
Jiya laughed too and then Lucy said, "I'm sorry for laughing."
"Don't be. You know he'd be laughing so hard that everyone in the bunker would wake up." Jiya said.
"What are we going to do about those two?" Lucy asked.
"I don't know. But don't worry about it tonight. I'm not afraid of telling both of them off if they start bugging you though." Jiya's face hardened reminding Lucy of her time spent in the past. Jiya was not the sweet, sunny girl they all remembered.
The plans for moving into a new safehouse began the very next morning. Apparently, the new location was in the mountains about two hours away. This time it was above ground and much more remote than the bunker. Agent Christopher was taking her wife and kids with her. Lucy knew she regretted pulling them out of school but was too afraid for their safety and refused to be parted with them. She saw Wyatt's look of shame and remorse as Denise announced the news.
The pain in his features worried her. As angry as she was she knew that it hadn't been his entire fault. And the spirals of grief and guilt might be enough to tip him over the edge. She went over and stood next to him seeing the expression in his eyes momentarily brighten. He had been avoiding her ever since his confession of love. She honestly didn't know if she believed he loved her. She believed he thought he did but she wasn't sure if he really knew the difference.
Sometimes she would find little tokens lying around. It might be a package of her favorite tea, cookies or a blanket just within reach. She couldn't be sure who her silent giver was. Was it Wyatt, motivated by guilt or Flynn who had knowledge of these things through the journal? Either way, it was both thoughtful and smothering. She longed for a friend that didn't mix complex emotions in. In this, her friendship with Jiya kept her together.
"Well, I guess we all pack up?" Lucy commented.
He nodded before saying, "I have to say something."
Lucy hesitated. She didn't want to hear any more excuses, apologies or sob stories. Including her own. "I need to pack."
"It'll just take a moment. I just wanted to apologize, on top of everything else, for hitting you. It was unforgivable." He sounded desperate to make her understand.
Lucy remembered the shock of that moment. The sight of him physically attacking Flynn and in the process hurting her had given her a glimpse into the man that Jessica had described. The angry, drunken man who had made her life a misery. Then again Jessica had been Rittenhouse and a lying bitch. Still, she hadn't been all wrong, had she? Lucy shrugged and said a little coolly, "I accept your apology but really I wasn't the person you intended to hit."
She saw him suck in a breath. Apologizing to Flynn was probably the last thing on earth he would want to do. He'd probably rather die. "If you want me to I'll apologize," he spoke with almost pathetic eagerness.
"No. I have absolutely nothing to do with this. You'll have to do what you believe to be right." She moved away from him. She saw his face fall and felt almost glad. Let him feel one ounce of the pain and sadness she experienced all the time Jessica was in the bunker.
"Of course," Wyatt's voice had fallen again and in spite of herself, she felt herself relenting. He was her weakness. She didn't need weaknesses. She had no time for them.
She knew he was jealous of Flynn but her own feelings were far too complicated and confused than he probably suspected. Lucy wasn't prone to romance and had spent most of her life steadfastly avoiding it. She had kept her romantic life to short romances with attractive men, and a few women, that she enjoyed but didn't feel emotionally attached to. He had been her one exception. Lucy wasn't about to fall for another man with a dead wife and a boatload of misery. It was a sure fire way to break her heart. Lucy wasn't unaware that there was definitely some attraction between her and Flynn but that didn't mean she was going to act on it. Neither of them needed a complicated messy fling. Perhaps if he hadn't had such a complicated history with her and no dead wife she would feel differently. But as it was if she was finding romance it wouldn't be in the bunker.
That didn't mean she was going to tell Wyatt that. Let him be jealous. Let him wonder if she was having loud angry sex in the bunker just like she had with him and Jessica. Let him think she had moved on from their 24hr relationship. Moved on? She wasn't sure what the word meant because moving on implied some sort of hope for the future. Something she didn't personally understand. So she supposed it looked like standing still.
Lucy and Jiya packed up their meager belongings. Lucy even took along her clothing they had stolen. Each and every piece brought memories, most of them unpleasant. She fingered her dress she had worn in 41. Both dresses. The first one was the white one that had made her feel like a real live princess. The one dress that a certain person had peeled off of her and then proceeded to worship her body as if she was a priceless possession. She hadn't understood the concept of "love making" until then. She had sex and understood what it was like to have a fun time with someone she liked. But it wasn't spiritual and didn't have deep feeling attached to it. Just call it sex. That night though she had understood that there was a difference between sex and sex with someone you loved.
The memories saturated her mind with an angry buzz. Well, clearly that night had been nothing but sex for him. He had been back with Jessica within 24hrs. It didn't matter that she had set him free and made constant movements to push him and Jessica together. At that moment all Lucy wanted was for him to have talked to her. Stood there and told her the truth. Not leaving her hanging and calling for hours. She wanted him to think for one moment about how impossibly difficult this had been for her.
Jiya seemed to have a similar problem. She kept finding Rufus's stuff among her own and Lucy and she couldn't stop crying as they carefully placed them in another box. If they somehow figured out a way to bring Rufus back perhaps he would want them. Lucy felt her heart grow heavier moment by moment as the room quickly emptied. She wouldn't be back to this place. It had been a crucible of suffering and shame but it had been a place where the last lingering traces of the Lucy she had once been had disappeared.
The team's assorted possessions were scattered about as they began packing up the cars. Jiya and Flynn were taking the Lifeboat since Flynn had no car and Jiya was the only person who could manage the Lifeboat. Lucy had a car but she hadn't been to her mother's home since she had been kidnapped and didn't dare go back. She would have preferred to drive with Agent Christopher but she had her family. Even Mason's car was filled with all the equipment for the Lifeboat. So she was forced to go along with Wyatt. That would be a particular form of torture.
She remembered the last time she had been in a car with him. It had been with Jessica. Lucy felt her stomach tighten as she remembered the other woman's false smiles and pretend ways of getting information on finding JFK. She had probably texted Emma the location and planned the ambush. Then before that Lucy had driven home with him and Rufus after Hollywoodland. It had been a perfect moment, made bitter with remembering. Before that, there had been a trunk of the car and the feel of his lips hovering millimeters away from her mouth. The sound of his voice saying, "Nothing up ahead but the open road." Well, that was true. There was nothing ahead but the open road if it meant pure emptiness.
They didn't talk for the first few minutes. He fiddled with the radio and turned on a top 40 station. Clearly, he knew she wasn't fond of country music. All the songs were about love. Lucy hadn't really ever thought about it. She had thought that she was somehow immune to the feelings of heartbreak because she had lived nearly 35 years without falling in love. Lucy closed her eyes and tried to pretend that these last few years hadn't happened. That he was just a stranger. The local Uber driver.
After a while, she opened her eyes. The silence was worse. The pain and anger swelled up again making her desperate for something, anything, to sooth it. She really wished she had her bottle of vodka for moments like this. Lucy kept her eyes fixed on the road until she finally said, "Well, I wonder where Emma will jump to next?"
"I don't know. Never can tell with her." Strange that their form of small talk was about time travel and trying to steadfastly avoid talking about Jessica. She had immediately noticed that the ring Wyatt had worn ever since Jessica came back was gone. Her heart relented slightly as she thought about what it would be like to have Amy come back changed. A member of Rittenhouse. And to know that her sister was the only family she had left. Wyatt had a possible child to worry about. Lucy couldn't help feeling pity. How could she not? She wasn't heartless.
"You'll fight and win. You'll get the child." Lucy promised, lying through her teeth. She knew there was absolutely no easy way for Jessica to be caught and the child saved.
"No," Wyatt shook his head, "I won't. Not unless we take down Rittenhouse. And I don't know if we can do that. At least not easily."
Lucy leaned back again feeling tired of it all. "I'm so done with this. I just want to go home. But I don't have a home. Emma has taken everything. So that's why I keep fighting."
"Flynn suggested we start training. Jiya already has some skills. But…" Wyatt began.
"I don't. I know I don't. I never wanted to. I guess…" Lucy finished.
"You let me do the dirty work."
The words hung in the air making them both wince. Lucy flushed angrily. What right did he have to say that? But he was factually correct. Lucy had been the civilian, the academic in her ivory tower fighting to preserve the past and trying to turn a blind eye to the violence and murder. She had let Wyatt do the hard stuff not just because he was better at it but also because it seemed as if it didn't bother him. He was a soldier. Didn't he get used to killing?
"I'm sorry. That was way out of line. Oh god… I seem to do nothing but say sorry."
"No, you were right. That's what we…that's what I did. I'm sorry. I should have taken on more responsibility." Lucy took a deep breath. "For a lot of things. Including my mother."
"I never wanted you to know what it's like. To reach that point where you would do anything, anything, to defeat those people. I didn't want you to wake up in a cold sweat remembering every person you ever killed." Wyatt paused, "That's not who you are. Not underneath it all."
"But it is. That's what scared me. Underneath it all, I wanted to kill Emma. She had taken everything from me. And I just wanted to see the light go from her face. I wanted to kill her." Lucy wanted no more bull shit. She wasn't the sweet pretty historian who cringed at the sight of blood anymore. She was hardened by war. And perhaps yet again, Wyatt had fallen for a mirage. An image that didn't exist. The other Lucy. A Lucy that was sweet, slightly awkward and desperately in love with him. This one wasn't capable of it. Any of it.
"I know." His voice was choked with emotion.
"If that bothers you, well, so what? Maybe I'm more like Flynn than I thought. For the first time, I understood why he tore apart space and time to get his family back. Because I would have done that at that moment." Lucy knew bringing up Flynn was a low blow. Why had their relationship soured to the point that it was composed to snippy words and miscommunication and deep-seated rage? Guilt slipped in-between the cracks in her heart. It was true in some way that her odd friendship with the former NSA agent spoke to that angry and vengeful part of her that wanted revenge. If Wyatt was water, sometimes cool and refreshing and other times prone to drowning, then Flynn was flame. She wasn't sure if she wanted to be extinguished just yet. She wanted to burn with rage and hate. It wasn't the basis of a healthy friendship, much less a relationship, but she didn't care. They had been brought together by mutual hatred, first of each other, and then of Rittenhouse. It wasn't a serious attachment, at least not on her part, but that didn't mean she wasn't going to let it fuel her towards fighting Rittenhouse.
She glanced up and saw his face twist with the familiar look of pain. She was tired of his angst. Tired of him pretending that he was the martyr. But even deeper than that she was tired of the situation. It was true when he said that no one else understood what they were going through. Strange that she could feel such a paradox. Memories from her Psychology class filtered through her head. Something about a paradox and it being the place where the truth lay. Lucy couldn't remember because her brain felt too muddled by grief. It had been a long time since she had worried about abstract philosophy. She had always believed in the paradox in history. But now all her esoteric discussions seemed meaningless.
"No, it doesn't bother me. I've always known you have the fire in you. I guess you just need it to be controlled. So Emma can't beat you up again." He kept his voice calm with a deliberate effort.
"That sounds like the Force," Lucy said. Then she drew in a pained breath. It reminded her of Rufus. "Oh god, …he would have loved that joke."
She could see Wyatt's face twist with grief again. In this, they were united. The new additions to Team Time would never make up for the original one. It had been for so long just Wyatt, Rufus and her. And now, it would always be other people. Jiya at the pilot's helm, and Flynn as the other soldier and no matter how much she might want to pull back time and fix things she couldn't. She knew at that moment that Wyatt was thinking the same thing. Longing to undo his mistakes.
" Well, I guess we're here," Wyatt said at last. Lucy looked around her. The new bunker was in the woods nestled near a small lake. It was incredibly remote but Denise claimed there was a grocery store and post office that they could get post office boxes to get packages. So if they wanted anything from Amazon that was the way to go. It was a beautiful place and due to its remoteness, they would have slightly more freedom. They could actually get some sunlight once in a while.
Lucy stepped out and took a deep breath of the fresh air. She found herself smiling just a tiny bit. It was a relief to be able to breathe. And even though the distance between herself and Wyatt was just as great she was no longer afraid to be in the same room with him. If there was anything good about this whole experience it was the fact that they both knew each other well, their good and bad points, and if they could salvage anything from the wrecks it would at least be real.
She saw that Jiya and Flynn were already there and Jiya had set up the Lifeboat's computer system. Lucy saw her silence as she and Connor carefully check to make sure the Mothership hadn't jumped. It hadn't. Emma was being silent. It was almost more frightening. What kind of plans was she cooking up? Lucy didn't want to face a mission where she would meet Jessica Logan. The only thought in her head would be "Kill her" and that was probably all kinds of shades of messed up. Jessica had smilingly lied through her teeth. Lucy had defended her to the bitter end. Lucy had believed in the "miracle" of the Logan marriage even when this Jessica was a brainwashed imitation of the old Jessica within the same body. Of course, if Jessica were really pregnant that would be different. Even then Lucy shuddered to think of the kind of torture that child would put them through.
"So how was the car ride?" she glanced away from the equipment to find Flynn watching her. She shrugged noncommittally. Somehow she found herself gravitating more to Jiya now that Rufus was gone. Jiya didn't bring uncomfortable feelings and nerves. Somehow Flynn and Wyatt did not coexist easily in her mind. Perhaps because she was tired of the constant struggle to keep her emotional equilibrium.
"Fine." She said. She tried to say it kindly but her patience was frazzled and she was tired of people looking at her as if she was a kicked puppy.
"Are you sure? Because…" he began.
"On page 174 of my diary, I said I was depressed. I'm sorry. But I just don't want to talk about it. It's been one of those days." Lucy tried to modulate her tone but she was bursting at the seams. He simply nodded and walked away. Good. He was smart enough to know when his presence only brought the pain.
There were enough bedrooms for them all to have one. They were tiny, barely large enough to hold a bed and dresser, but they were blessedly private. Lucy unpacked her meager belongings and then helped the others with their unpacking. Mark and Olivia arrived in Michelle's car and quickly lightened the mood. Olivia was a sweetheart. Lucy hoped the poor girl wouldn't be too lonely. It wasn't like there was an abundance of kids her age. Mark would only be with them a few months. He was moving on to college out of state and despite the fears of Rittenhouse neither Michelle nor Denise was going to see him give up on his dreams.
By nighttime, they had settled into their new home. Lucy walked to the end of the long pier and sat down to watch the sunset. She felt tears start to come to her eyes as she imagined Rufus standing there complaining about the remoteness of the location and mesquites. She even thought of her mother. Her mother might have been a failure but she had been her mother and Lucy would never stop loving her. It was just part of her DNA. She supposed she ought to feel more sympathy for Wyatt because, of course, that was what happened to Jessica.
"I thought…" she started expecting to see Flynn or Jiya or even Denise but instead seeing a familiar figure standing behind her. Wyatt. Of course. "I thought you might be cold. It gets chilly in the mountains once the sun sets." He held out her jacket. Lucy wasn't sure if she should resent the fact that he had thought for her but decided that it had been a kind gesture. She smiled at him and saw with a trace of amusement the look of relief and happiness stretch across his face for just a second before fading into the background.
"Thank you," Lucy said. He came closer and hesitated as if wondering if he should help her with it. Finally, he just laid it gently on her lap.
"Pretty night." He commented. Lucy nodded. He didn't linger but instead said softly, "Good night."
Lucy didn't ask him to stay like the old her would have. The old her would have done anything to remove the look of sadness from his face. But she was tired of that. So she just repeated his greeting and sat there silently contemplating the sunset until she, at last, went inside to try to fight the nightmares that would be sure to come.

Author's Note: More rough stuff. This chapter may seem like Wyatt and Lucy are farther apart but in reality, they have to get through this rough stuff. I don't believe Lucy really believes that Wyatt loves her. He gave too many mixed signals. He is trying to help, hence the gifts, but not always in the best sort of way. Wyatt also apologizes for accidentally hitting Lucy (something that I hated). I think that's terribly important to address.
I also tried to address the Lucy/Flynn thing. I definitely saw some sparks and there was that line in the script about sparks. But the deleted scene with the "abject horror" line seemed to pretty much preclude romance. I think the writers are trying to tease a love triangle but for the purpose of my story I'm going with some mutual attraction but Lucy has no intention of getting into a relationship with Flynn. Also, my Lucy is bi. It's a headcanon but I quite like it.
I think Lucy absolutely let go in Hollywoodland. She completely threw caution to the winds which was clearly totally new considering her conversation with Wyatt in the Bonnie and Clyde episode. And then she got totally screwed over. It's not going to be easy to come back from that. Her defenses are way up.
The conversation between Lucy and Wyatt in the car is one of my favorite. I know it's rough but they both get out their frustration and that is healing in an odd sort of way. Wyatt's line about dirty work kinda surprised me when I wrote it. Because that was his job. But I think what he meant was that he wanted to keep Lucy innocent to the effects of murder as long as possible. I don't think Lucy entirely understood what he meant because he doesn't know how to communicate. It's a weird line but I kinda like it. I think Lucy is afraid Wyatt doesn't love this more hardened version of herself. That he fell in love with an idealized picture of her much like Jessica was idealized in his head. In reality, Lucy doesn't know it but Wyatt loves her in every single version of herself including the hardened one. Still, I do think he has a tendency to idealize those he loves including Lucy. I personally really enjoy the fire and water references. Especially since I believe I wrote this before the pool scene was released.