Chapter 4
Previously:
Sonorus Maximus al mundo," Voldemort incanted, holding his wand at his throat, "My dear leaders of the world," he began, "or rather, my not so dear, I am Lord Voldemort, the most feared wizard of all time. At this moment, I am being heard by all muggles and wizards around the globe, so do not deny that you can hear my voice.
"Ah, but what's that you Muggles say? Wizards? But they don't exist! And what are Muggles? Muggles are people without magic, and I can assure you that wizards do exist, for I am one of those wizards. A Dark Wizard to be sure, but you puny little Muggles don't need to know all that. All you need to know is that I am going to push you out of this plane of existence, kill you all, and NOTHING YOU CAN DO CAN STOP ME!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!"
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U.S.A…
"Houston, we have a problem…"
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Spain…
"¡Señor, hay un problema mas mejor que tu esposa!"
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England…
"Members of Parliament, we are gathered here today to discuss a national disaster…"
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Germany…
"Geehrrter Herr, haben wire in grosses Problem…"
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France…
"Monsieur, nous avons un grand problème…"
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Italy…
"Signore, abbiamo un problema grande…"
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Brazil…
"Senhor, nós temos um problema grande…"
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Iran…
""سيدي ، لدينا مشكله كبي
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Japan…
"私達は大きい問題を有する…"
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Korea…
"각하, 우리는 큰 문제가 있다…"
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China…
"主席先生,我们有一个很大的问题…"
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Back in the Great Hall of Hogwarts…
Lord Voldemort was sitting on his newly conjured throne laughing hysterically at the images of the Muggles running around, which Severus Snape had transfixes into a crystal ball for his enjoyment. He was also laughing at his prisoners, who, not only were crying and feeling terrible and sad at the death of their savior, but also being tortured at he hands of Bellatrix Lestrange, Peter Pettigrew, and Lucius Malfoy.
Boom, Boom, Boom –
Voldemort stopped laughing when three loud knocks sounded on the closed doors of the Great Hall, which was rather a good thing, as he had almost choked on the last chunk of apple he ate while he was laughing.
"Answer the door, Wormtail!" he barked sharply, "Lucius, Bellatrix, get ready to attack!"
"Yes, my lord," came from three whining nasally voices at the same time. The trio glared at each other in a staring contest until Peter lost his nerve in less than five seconds (Voldemort had been timing) later and broke their locked eyes. He scurried to the door in a way reminiscent to his animagus form and opened it.
Everyone stared in disbelief. A few gasped, and then stared again. Ron attempted to pinch himself, but was prevented by the chains connecting his hands to the wall. He stared again at the purple and orange little furry creature standing in the doorway.
Voldemort was gaping. He recollected himself and yelled to Lucius and Bellatrix, "Kill it!"
Lucius and Bellatrix both shot off a couple of killing curses, but the purple and orange furry alien (because it was an alien) just absorbed the curses while still looking at everyone curiously.
"bwee bwah brak?" he asked.
Everyone stared at him more.
"Shenl jbfo knosdi?" he asked again in a different language.
Everyone stared at him again.
"¿Hablan español?" he tried again, hitting considerably closer to the mark.
Everyone but Hermione stared. She blinked, having taken Spanish in her Muggle pre-kindergarten school.
"Do you speak English?" he asked, sounding extremely annoyed.
"Um…" was the only sound in the room, spoken from Draco Malfoy's lips.
Another minute passed in silence, Voldemort and his Death Eaters to preoccupied with staring at the little furry purple and orange alien to say or do anything, and their prisoners were, of course, tied up and gagged, when the alien took out a neon green walkie-talkie looking thingamajig.
"Sdofn oie kf shi," it said into the microphone of the walkie-talkie looking thingamajig, which translates to English as "Just a bunch of stupid animate life-forms. Teleport me out of here and blow this place up."
Everyone in the great hall stared even more if it was possible, as the alien appeared to apparate right through the Hogwarts anti-apparation wards. Of course, it didn't matter what they thought because the next moment…
Kaboom
(Or, if that literary expression wasn't graphic enough to you, imagine Planet Earth incinerating itself in one huge explosion. Obviously this would be bigger than normal explosions, so just imagine a nuclear bomb exploding times infinity. Good enough?)
"Bloody hell!"
Floating in midair in the middle of the Milky Way, the ghost of Hermione Granger watched the remains of the International Space Station passed her by, orbiting around half of the moon. Her death had hit her hard, loosening her inhibitions enough that she was unwound enough to swear. Blinking hard as another piece of debris passed her by, she gaped at the remains of Harry's wand. Suddenly, she idly wondered whether she could do magic as a ghost. Suddenly finding herself out by Pluto, she smiled, "Now I know I can apparate!" Apparently her death had not only loosened her inhibition for swearing, but now she could do wandless magic also! Now she could explore the universe, learn more, and since she was a ghost, she could do this forever!
Hermione apparated back to the spot where she had seen the wand. Thinking furiously, she thought of all the Muggle theories about space. Hmmm. Warp speed, Light speed, Hyperspace, gravity, Big Bang – her mind froze.
Prodding a few pieces of debris together through wandless magic, the ghost pulled harder and harder to join the pieces together. Finally Hermione finished and stepped back, and admired her creation. Smirking, an expression oddly reminiscent of Draco Malfoy, she turned and headed back towards Pluto.
Looking back at the newly created now to be called Earth, Hermione Granger couldn't resist a final parting shot to the now deceased Dark Lord as she apparated away.
"Us muggles were right all along, aliens do exist!" and with that she left to explore the universe.
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