Noiz stepped out of the airport, breathing in the annoyingly familiar foreign air that he had not been in touch with for years. The contrasting atmosphere did not contribute to any sentimental value to him; instead, the thought of having to set foot on this land again irked him greatly. He still remembered his overwhelming determination and promise he made to himself when he left. He was young, and he had every reason to leave a place which will only bring despairs to him. But now, he found himself landing in a similar yet different situation.
The ride to his house felt forever. Noiz was not particularly concerned with the fact that he had to face his parents again. He was more concerned with the outcome of this reunion. It was not part of his concern even if the parents decided not to take him in again or even if they did not want to look him in the eyes anymore. Thus, when the door was opened and when he was greeted by a pair of shocked-looking couple, he had less to no intention to cover up his reluctance to be standing in front of them again.
At first, the atmosphere was extremely awkward. The parents stood frozen in the doorway, struggling to find the right words to say to their long-forgotten son. Noiz decided to break the silence with a cold "I'm back. But I won't stay for long" while trying to ignore the relieved faces of his parents when they heard his last sentence. There was no sign of his brother anywhere, so Noiz assumed that he was still at work. He was brought to an empty guest room on the second floor, in which he dropped off his luggage and started to loosen his tie. He was dressed in a simple suit, presuming that it was important for him to dress up in a more appropriate way if he is to have a provocative discourse with people who perceived him to be non-existing. Besides, he also considered this as part of his strategy to increase the chances of success for his plan. This plan is important for him. He cannot withstand the thought of failing this, and hence, he needed to plan this with extra caution.
Deciding that his brother was the only person he needed to deal with and that he had no business with his parents, Noiz made his way to his former "castle". He wasn't sure why he wanted to have a look at this unpleasant place again but as he walked along the hallway, he was convinced that it was about time for him to face his past fear if he intended to move forward in life. He figured this was one thing he needed to face before he can afford to make another person happy, and for that person, he will.
Noiz was slightly surprised to see the room being left in the exact state it was before he left the place. He thought the parents will take care of the room once he escaped but it seemed that they were too disgusted to set another foot into the place. He scanned around the place. Thick layers of dust covered every surface of the furniture; the stuffed animals were left untouched, scattered around the room; and the empty cage that was once belonged to his only "friend" was left abandoned in one of the corners of the room. The room still gave out a gloomy mood and the huge gush of memories rushing into him was starting to make him feel extremely uncomfortable. His footsteps heading towards the hallway came to a halt when he spotted something from his corner of his eye, catching his attention immediately. His diary.
The diary lied opened, faced-down, under the piles of scribbled papers. That diary was his friend. When he lost his pet rabbit, he had no one to converse with. His diary writing habit was developed when he started picking up various languages from the Internet. Initially, the diary was used for note-jotting; then, he started to pour in his own thoughts and feelings along the way. The more Noiz flipped through the yellowing pages of the diary, the more infuriated he felt. He was reminded of how lonely and how desperate he was craving for his family's attention and as time went by, the deleterious emotions in him turned numb. He reached the last page of the diary and was reminded again that the final straw dropped on him when he overheard his parent's conversation right outside his room, stating that they never wanted him as their child.
Can I give up now?
Can I sleep now?
Can I not wake up any more?
Is it okay to stop trying so hard?
Noiz slammed the book shut and threw it to the floor. He had this burning urge to put the pile of papers on fire but before he can put his thoughts into actions, a bright voice reached his ears.
"Noiz! Oh my God, Noiz!"
Noiz didn't have the time to turn around because the next thing he knew, he was being hugged firmly from behind, loud laughter ringing beside his ears.
It took him a while to struggle out of that strong hug and he finally came face-to-face with a face which bears similar features as his. Not much conviction was needed for Noiz to confirm that the person smiling broadly in front of him is indeed someone related to him. Noiz's brother is very identical to him in terms of appearance. He is slightly taller than his brother, and the vibes they give out are the only thing that set them apart.
Dinner was extremely awkward, slightly tensed. Honestly, Noiz could not remember the last time he had dinner on the same table with his family. They were served with luxurious food: Hendl, Kartoffelsalat, Pelllkartoffeln, Rouladen, and some other dishes that Noiz did not bother to remember. These dishes are foreign to him, and he did not have the intention or the curiosity to find out about their names. He merely tasted a little of each dish and retreated back composedly, sipping on the glass of wine the house maid reloaded for him.
No one said a word.
Except him.
"Noiz, you could've contacted us. We were so worried about you!"
We? Jokes.
Noiz sneered at his statements. He could not decide if the brother was oblivious or if he was just insensitive towards the complication of their family matters. Perhaps the only thing that still kept Noiz in his seat was the apparent cheerfulness reflected by the brother, who relentlessly glimpsed at Noiz when he spoke.
"What do you want?"
The words sounded almost like an interrogation. Noiz swallowed his last sip of wine and looked up to his father, who – finally – was looking directly at him.
"Don't worry. I'm not here to take over your business or to demand for anything," said Noiz in a cold yet stern manner. "I'm just dropping by to see if he's doing well."
Noiz beamed at his brother. The brother returned him with a bright smile.
Though the parents didn't appear to be convinced, they let it passed without a single word. The fact that both of Noiz's parents were unable to carry out a simple conversation with their son was so hilarious it's almost comical.
"Do you plan to stay here permanently, Noiz?"
"Yeah. That's my intention."
"Why don't you stay with us?"
Noiz almost laughed out loud when he saw the expressions on the parent's faces when the brother proposed the idea. He suppressed that laughing urge and said to the brother in a composed way, trying hard not to conclude that perhaps the brother is really air headed.
"I will have to turn down that," said Noiz casually. "I intend to reside by myself. Besides, the main reason why I'm here today is because I wanted to prepare for a better life instead of having to rely on you."
"Ahh, I see," It wasn't hard to miss the brother's disappointed tone but the next second, the disappointment was quickly replaced by a hopeful one. "Maybe you can help me out with my company!"
The atmosphere in the room froze instantly. The parents looked at the brother in disbelief; whereas Noiz shot him a stunned look.
"I mean, it's the peak period now and it would be great for someone to help me out. On top of that, it's you, Noiz, I couldn't ask for a better helper!"
"Are you sure about this? You barely know him and you are offering him a position in the company?"
This time, the mother voiced out before Noiz could say anything, her voice urgent and nervous.
"What are you talking about, mother? Noiz is my brother. Of course it's okay!"
At that instant, Noiz felt a warm feeling pooling into him. Noiz is my brother. The brother's voice was confident and certain. Though Noiz hated to admit it, the mother was right. He never had the chance to interact much with the brother, and yet, the brother trusted him enough to offer him a job in a prestigious company.
"If Noiz is okay, I'm fine with it too." The brother continued.
Noiz was speechless. Everyone's eyes were on him. His mind was racing. But then…
"Thank you. I will accept this offer then."
He will never forget how happy the brother looked when he gave him the yes.
"Are you sure you don't want to stay the night?"
Both Noiz and the brother were standing at the doorway. Noiz had headed straight to the guest room, grabbed his luggage, and walked straight out of the house right after he was done with his dinner. The brother had chased after him right before he stepped out of house.
"It's fine. I'm renting an apartment in town. Need to look around as well."
"Do you need help navigating around the place?"
Noiz finds the brother to be truly amusing. He wished he can spend more time with the brother, as he had to admit the brother is another person he met who is genuinely concern about him besides Aoba. The thought of Aoba sent pricks to his heart and he fell silent for few seconds before he replied the brother.
"I'll be fine. Don't worry." He tried to give the brother a convincing smile but he presumed he may have failed because the brother gave him a worried expression that wasn't there few minutes ago.
"I see." The brother gave him a complicated look before he rummaged his pants pocket, drawing out a piece of paper and a pen. "I will give you my number. Call me when you need help."
Noiz stared at the neat handwriting on the piece of paper before he took it. The brother is starting to remind him of Aoba. The persistent Aoba who is often over-anxious of him, never allowing him to leave his sight. He smiled slightly to that thought, earning another curious stare from the brother.
"Thanks. I will remember this," said Noiz, waving the piece of paper in his hand. "Thank you."
"You said that twice," the brother chuckled.
"Ah, yeah. Sorry."
"There's no need to apologize! You are so funny, Noiz."
They laughed a bit, instantly alleviated the dim atmosphere. Before he left, Noiz gave his brother a firm handshake, but the brother pulled him into a strong hug.
"I really hope I will see you again."
"You will. And thanks again."
"I've heard that."
"No," cleared Noiz, pulling away from the hug. "I need to thank you. This is for the trust you had in me for the longest time I can remember. You were there when no one was, and I need to thank you because without you, I won't be able to survive those miserable years. Thanks."
The brother's eyes widen in surprise, but he quickly broke into a smile.
"Of course I trust you. You are my brother. I admire you a lot. You are strong, and I wanted to be like you. I'm so glad you are back."
The pathway leading to the main entrance is long and empty. Noiz left the house after assuring his brother that he will meet him the next day to discuss about his placement in the company. He was pretty sure he will never return to this house again. Well, maybe.
The apartment Noiz rented was located in the center of the town. He almost regretted choosing the place because the city lights and buzzes were just outside of his window, and at this moment of time, what he needed most was some moment of peace and quiet. Aggressively shutting all the windows in the room, he settled down his luggage and started to undress to get into the shower. He rustled around his luggage for his clothes and suddenly, his Coil rang, with its ringtone Noiz is too familiar with. He waited – again- for the call to be cut off and opened up the hologram screen.
Aoba.
It was an everyday routine. Aoba will call every single day. But Noiz never picked them up. He was tempted to change a new Coil but the thought of breaking lines with Aoba completely hurt him too much so he decided to just live with it. At least with these everyday calls, he knew that Aoba is still well and hopeful. Perhaps the calls will stop one day, but Noiz trusted Aoba. He just needed time.
Half-naked with only a piece of towel wrapping his lower half, Noiz sat at the corner of his bed looking blankly at the dimmed hologram screen. He opened up his inbox and – once again – typed messages that he will never sent to the intended recipient.
Wait for me, Aoba.