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Chapter 4: the truth
Garcia walked into the conference room seeing Hotch standing with JJ and Morgan talking about the victimology. Hotch noticed Garcia coming in and excused himself.
''Sir, I know I never told the real story about my parents and my past but- '' She couldn't say more because Hotch took her arm and led her out of the conference room into the hall. He looked if no one was in earshot and started to talk.
''Penelope I get it, you didn't want to tell the truth because it hurts too much but now I need to know the truth. It could help the case because you said that your parents were murdered the same way. I need to know everything about it. And I want to know the past you have with the victims and their daughter, how tight you guys were and everything. Maybe there is something that could help us'' Hotch explained her.
''Okay, but I think we need somewhere more private'' Garcia said, Hotch led her to an empty room further down the hall and they sat down at the table there.
''Okay start'' Hotch said.
''I shall start from the beginning I guess, I never told anyone not even Morgan this because for me it felt like it was another life time.'' She said taking a few deep breaths.
''When I was seven I met Abigail, she was new in my class and we hit it off right away, we literally were like sisters because we both didn't had any other siblings.'' Garcia started.
''Two years after I met her my dad died because of a bus crash, me and my mom were devastated but we got through. Four years after that came Jay and the three of us instantly clicked and since then we were inseparable we did everything together, just like I do now with Morgan. In the meantime my mom met my stepdad and married him not long after.''
''A year after we met Jay, Abigail came to me and told me that she really liked him and luckily he liked her the same way. They started a relationship and a year after that she got pregnant. I was the first one to know, she didn't want to tell Jay alone so we did it together. And he was so happy that, that same week they told their parents. His parents were happy but warned them for the difficulties, but they accepted it. Her parents weren't like that, the first thing they said was that she needed to do an abortion and otherwise she wasn't their daughter anymore and they would kick her out'' Garcia took a deep breath. It was hard talking about her past again when she tried so hard to keep it hidden.
''I heard the story of what went down with her parents when Abigail came to my house with her bags of clothes and important stuff, crying. My parents instantly told her she could stay, she was already a part of the family since the first time she came home with me. And we had enough room, my parents were pretty rich so the house was big enough'' Pen told him, she folded her trembling hands together and hoped to get a bit off strength from it.
''About seven and half months later their daughter and my goddaugther Mercedes Isabelle Jammerson was born and everything was good. We all graduated and we all got into the same college, they had an appartment while I lived on campus, I didn't want to be a burden in their little family. But most of the time I still was with them. With springbreak we all were going home, I went to my parents and they went with the little one to his parents. A month before going home I got an invite for a party with our whole senior class. Jay and Abigail too got one but they would much rather spent some time with his family then going out. But I did go and it was the worst mistake in my life, that night was the worst night ever.''
''The party was amazing, though something felt off, so I left earlier then planned, around 12.30 I think. When I came home some things were out of place, though it was odd I didn't think much of it. My parents were already asleep so I walked up the stairs but half way I stopped. We had pictures hanging on the wall there but all the ones with my mom and me were crossed with a marker. Starting to think something was wrong I ran to my parents room. When I opened the door I got the shock of my life, there in bed were my parents murdered just like the case we got now.'' She let a few tears out and tried to keep some composure, so she wouldn't break down infront of her boss. She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths calming herself. After a while she opened her eyes and looked at Hotch.
''Can you tell me what happened after you found your parents'' Hotch asked gently, taking one of her hands in his as he tried to comfort her.
''After I called the police and from there they took over everything, but after a few months they came up empty and closed the case. They told me that there were no leads as to who has done this, and that they couldn't do more then they've done. I was furious and frustrated at first and tried with my computer abilities to figure it out myself but I came with nothing. That's when I started to blame myself because what if I was earlier home or what if I didn't go to the party could I have saved them. I even have gone as far as to harm myself.'' She only ever told one person this and that was Abby, so it was a bit hard to open up about it.
''Abigail caught me one time and made me promise to never do it again. I promised but I've broken that promise five times after that. I was broken and couldn't handle anything anymore so I went under and beyond my knowledge I survived. At that time it had hurt so much to leave them behind but I felt like I didn't had a choice.'' Garcia said just above a whisper as she rubbed the scars on her right wrist, people have seen the scars but she always knew a lie so they would back off. The only one knowing the truth was Abigail.
''Penelope, everyone noticed the scars but I told them to back off and let it go. If you wanted to tell us the truth you would come to us'' Hotch gave her a sad smile that he understood her and didn't judge her for what has happened in her past.
''I actually never intended to say anything, but I think everyone deserves the truth right now, I guess. Morgan and JJ have come to me a few times asking about the scars, probably before you told them to back off. And Morgan always traces them with his fingers as he holds my hand or wrist.'' Garcia couldn't help but feel relieved, though it was hard it was good that she finally told someone the whole story. With a new found calmness about her past she looks up at Hotch.
''I think I'm ready to tell the team''.
''Okay lets tell the team then'' Hotch said as he stands up from his chair.
''If it's alright can Mercedes be there when I tell them. There were a few things I left out when I told her the story.'' Garcia said determination very clear in her eyes.
''Okay, I will gather the team in the conference room then you can go get Mercedes'' Hotch said walking out of the room, Garcia doing the same. Hotch was walking to the conference room as Garcia walked to the room next to them. She first knocks before she opens it and walks in.
''Isa can you come with me into the conference room, you can take Sam with you'' Garcia said. She saw them nod and stand up she held the door as they walked through it, and they followed her into the conference room. As she came into the room everyone already was seated.
''I have some important things I need to tell you guys, that I should've told you sooner.'' Garcia said standing infront of the table so she could see everyone good. She knows that she is ready to tell them but it's so much at once and that made her a little nervous. She closed her eyes and like before took a few deep breaths before she opened them again. Looking around she saw all kinds of emotions on everyone's faces. But the ones that stood out were curiosity and confusion as to what's going to happen.
''You all probably by now know that I do not like to talk about my past and that I keep it as hidden as possible.'' She said and saw a few nods from her team. ''I lied to you all about my past and now I want to tell you the truth.'' No one said something and they all gave Garcia the time to gather her thoughts first.
''When I was seven I met Abigail she's the mother victim in the second crime scene, she's Mercedes' mom'' Garcia said looking directly at Mercedes so they all knew who she was. ''She came new in my class and we hit it off right away, we both had no other siblings so after a while we called each other sister. Six years later we met Jay Jammerson a new guy at school and we all clicked instantly, since then we were inseparable we really did everything together. Like Morgan and I do.'' Garcia said looking at Derek who smiled at her.
''Abigail started a relationship with Jay a year after we met, and a year after that Abby came to me and told me that she was pregnant. She told Jay and their parents but Abby's parents didn't take it as well as Jay's did. She came to my parents house with her clothes and stuff because her parents kicked her out. My parents took her in right away because she already was a part of the family. Seven and a half months later their daughter and my goddaughter Mercedes Isabelle Jammerson was born'' Garcia looked at Mercedes who took a hold of Sam's hand. Mercedes missed her little family back then more then ever, right now.
''Abby and Mercedes lived with us till we moved out for college, we all graduated and were accepted at the same college. While they had an appartment I lived on campus, I didn't want to be a burden to their little family. A month before springbreak I got an invitation for a party with all the senior class students from our year. The party would be the second weekend of springbreak, I asked if Abby and Jay were going but they told me no. So I went alone, while at the party I had the feeling something was wrong, so I went home earlier then usual. When I got home some things felt out of place and the pictures that were hanging on the wall by the stairs were marked with a marker. The weird thing was that it only was my mom and me that were crossed with the marker. By then I tried everything to not start panicking. I ran to my parents room and without thinking opened it, and the shock of my life happened then'' She needed to stop to keep her feelings at bay. A few tears slipped away from her eyes and Morgan was really fast after that beside her, hugging her. She pulled out of the hug and pulled him beside her so that she still could hold on to him.
''After that I called the police and they took it over from there. Once in a while I got some updates from them but there were no big breaks. So after seven months they closed the case and told me that there is nothing more they could do. I got furious and frustrated and started to look for the killer myself, I came up empty. After that things went downwards quickly, I started to blame myself more and more each day. I thought about the what ifs again, what if I was home earlier or what if I didn't go to that party could I have saved them then'' She stopped for a moment to take a deep breath again so she could hold her emotions low.
''Not soon after everything I started to harm myself. Abby caught me once and made me promise to never do it again, I promised but I had broken that promise five times after.''Garcia said with a sad smile, looking at the scars on her wrists.
''College didn't go well anymore too and after a while I got no money anymore, Abby and Jay tried to care for me too besides Mercedes and themselves. But after a while it became too much. And that is when I chose to go underground and wipe every track that would lead to me away. I tried so hard to forget about my past, but I still had nightmares about all of it, not even a week ago I had a nightmare about it. And this case just let it all come back full force'' Garcia told them, she looked down, because she couldn't look at the judging faces of the team and the comments they probably would give. But after a minute she got nothing, so she looks up again and she saw no judging faces. She saw faces that made her want to cry, they all showed concern and worry. And most of all there was admiration. A few tears slipped out of her eyes, she couldn't believe that her little family admired her for this.
''Pen we're not going to judge you, I think it's strong of you that you told us your past.'' JJ said coming up at Garcia's side giving her a sidehug. Garcia let go of Morgan and hugged JJ fully. After that everyone came up to her and gave her a hug, and last came Mercedes.
''Auntie Pen I'm so proud of you and I love you so much'' Mercedes said, and that made Penelope more happier then she has ever been in the last couple of years. Her goddaughter still loved her after everything.
''I love you too, Isa'' Pen said before pulling her in a thight hug and gave her a kiss on her head. ''And so you know that I never ever forgot you and your parents I got something that reminded me of you everyday'' Garcia pulled out of the hug and searched in her purse for the thing she was looking for. She pulled it out when she found it and gave it to Mercedes. ''Open it''.
Mercedes opened it and tears start to build in her eyes. In her hands she had her Nana's heartshaped locket, at one side of the locket was a picture of her, her mom and her real dad and at the otherside was a picture of her godmother and her Nana and what she figured out her aunts real dad.
''After my parents death, your grandparents from your fathers side bought the house we lived in, so that when I was old enough I could live in it. But after everything I couldn't live there anymore and I only took the important stuff with me like these lockets. I got the other locket too in my purse, you can have it, I always wanted to give it to you but I never got the chance. Nana would love to know that you got it''. Penelope said to her goddaughter. It felt so good to know that not everything in her past was failure, like she first thought.
''Wow, I would love to have it'' Mercedes said with tears in her eyes.
Garcia again searched in her purse but now for the other locket, it was almost the same. There is only one difference on her locket sat a white diamond and on the one she's going to give to Mercedes sat a blue diamond. When she got the locket she opened it and gave it to Mercedes.
''Here, it is almost the same, yours only got a blue diamond and mine got a white diamond. And yours got a picture of Papa in it instead of my dad'' Pen explained to her as she handed over the locket. Mercedes opened it and like her aunt said the same pictures were in it except that hers had her Papa in it instead of her aunts dad, and she loved it. She closed it and asked Sam if he wanted to put it on her, and he did. Garcia asked Derek if he wanted to put hers on her, and he too did that for her.
Mercedes looked at Garcia and could not believe that all those years she missed her godmother, her godmother missed her as much too. She took a hold on the locket around her neck and couldn't help but smile, her whole family was in that one locket.
Everyone looked back and forth between each other as to where those lockets came from. No one knew that Pen had those lockets because they never saw it and now they knew why. Those lockets held Penelope's whole past and mercedes' whole family.
A/n: It was pretty hard to write this chapter because everything needed to come out right. And I hope it did, Read & Review and till next time.
Love, Ciao Xx.