Hi! I see many of you liked the last chapter! If you liked that one, I think you're gonna love this one ;3 I love this chapter, a lot! :D
I wanna thank; BreakFree, Glee Club Rock 1251, 8412, annabellex2, winterschild11, and Xavier Julius for reviewing. I'm glad you guys are liking this! But I have some sad news for you guys . . . the next chapter is going to be the last }: I warned you guys that this was going to be short and I was trying to see what I wanted to do with this and I decided to end it next chapter. It's gonna be an epilogue of sorts.
Disclaimer!; Nothing is mine. :p
Warnings; I can't tell you! It will give away the entire chapter. I can tell you their is more of Kendall putting himself down, but that's it! And some fluff :)
Okay . . . read on!
Chapter 3: I Must Be Dreaming . . .
I knew that this peace and quiet was too good to last; that something was going to interrupt it.
James just couldn't stop talking for a few minutes, could he?
He pulled away from our hug so he could look me right in the eyes. He had a serious but concerned look on his face. I didn't know how to feel.
"You never answered my other question; about why you did it the other times." Fuuuuuck. I should have saw that coming. I didn't think he was going to notice that I didn't tell him that. I can't lie, he's gonna know if I'm lying. He's James, my best friend, of course he will.
"D-Do I really need to tell you all that now?" Wow, I didn't realize I was so nervous. Where did that come from? Well . . . I guess anyone would be nervous, having to tell your best friend how crazy and psycho you are and then watch them walk away and never want to do anything with you again. It has to be nerve wracking right?
"If you want me to help you, yeah, you do." Do I want his help? Why does he want to help me anyway? Why can't he see how worthless I am like everyone else can; myself included. Why does he care so much? Why does he love me like he says he does? I just can't understand.
I can't either; it's a mystery. Ask him.
I can't just ask him . . . can I?
Yeah you can. You want to know? Just ask.
I don't know . . . what if it's something bad; something I don't want to hear.
Like what?
Like, I don't know, he really doesn't care and he just's fucking with me for his amusement.
You're just thinking of the worst case scenario, besides, that's my job! God, stop being a pussy and just ask him!
Fine, I will!
"Why do you care so much? I know you said I'm your best friend and you love me and all but . . . why? I don't get why you would care about someone like me." I saw his whole body freeze and his eyes get wide, just like when he found me burning. But why this time?
"Kendall, can I-I tell you something?" Whoa, where the hell did that stutter come from? Is he nervous? He can't be nervous. Why would he be nervous?
I'm supposed to be the nervous wreck here, not him.
I'm the one with the problem, not the perfect, gorgeous James Diamond.
Hold on there, did you just describe James as gorgeous?
No- well, he is, isn't he?
Yeah, but, best friends don't describe each other as gorgeous unless they secretly like them.
. . .Don't even go there. Cause if I start to like James, then I'm gonna get my heart broken and then I'm going to die. I can't have James hate me. He just can't. Not like Jo and Lucy do. I'll fucking kill myself if James starts to hate me and abandons me. I seriously won't be able to survive if James can't stand to even think of me anymore.
. . .Why do Icare so much?
Because you're in love with him and you're just realizing it now.
I can't love him. I just can't. I'm too fucked up and James deserves so much more than my pathetic self. He deserves the entire world and I can't give him that. Besides, James would never, ever love me. It's not possible. Their are millions of amazing people out there. Why would he want-
"Kendall!" Oh yeah . . . forgot he was there. Oops.
"Yeah?" I'm surprised I didn't stutter. Honestly, I thought I would have passed out by now.
"You just zoned out for 10 minutes. Can I tell you what I wanted to tell you now?"
"Sure."
"Well," he scouches himself just a little closer to me, thinking I wouldn't notice . . . I did, "You've been my best friend for as long as I can remember. You've been here for me when no one else was and I've always looked up to you; I have always admired you. You're strong, brave, caring, smart, and you just are so selfless. You're always thinking of others before your self. You're everything I'm not. And . . .I love you because of that. I love you because you've always cared about me no matter what. When I got rejected by Gustavo, you came to my defense and told him he was wrong; that I did have talent. When you got offered the chance to come to L.A by yourself, you thought of me and the guys and brought us too, even though you didn't even want to go. Even though this isn't what you wanted, all the singing and fame; you put my dream ahead of yours. That was and still is, the kindest thing anyone has ever done for me. Even when I thought I couldn't love you more, you do something like that. So yeah, the reason why I care so much about you is because . . . I love you, I love you so much, and I know this isn't what you need to be hearing but is true and I can't hide it anymore." Wait . . . what? What? What the hell. Noooo.
This can not be happening. This just can't. James can't love me. JAMES CAN NOT LOVE ME.
Well, he does.
Shut up. No, this isn't happening. I'm just dreaming and I'm gonna wake up any second in a pile of my own blood.
Just to make sure I'm sleeping, I slap my arm and fuck- that really hurt! Oh no . . . this is real.
But, I can't decide what's worse. James loving me or the absolute look of terror on said person's face. He looks like someone is about to rip his heart out and eat it right in front of him.
Is it because of me?
Shit, I didn't say anything yet! Shit!
"J-James, I, you . . . you can't." Better than nothing right?
"I can't what?" I groan and grab onto his hands and make sure he's looking right at me. He needs to know I'm doing this for him.
"You can't love me, okay? You just can't. You're amazing James and . . . I-I think I love you too but I'm too crazy and fucked up to be with you. You deserve someone who can love you right; someone whose confident and beautiful and not mentally insane. And obviously, I'm none of those things." I think I made my point.
James squeezes my hands and smiles at me and shakes his head like I'm crazy. Well, I am, but not 'cause of the . . . y'know.
"See Kendall, you're doing it right now."
I cock an eyebrow at him like he's the crazy one and say, "I am? What am I doing?"
"You're thinking about me first before yourself. Don't worry about me Kendall, I know you think I deserve more but I don't want anything else but you, okay? I just want you. I love you with all my heart and that's how it's gonna stay." B-But . . . why can't he understand?
Before I could argue, James leans in and our faces are only a few inches apart and I suddenly feel like I can't breathe. I can see every little part of his face in detail and . . . he's just so perfect.
He can't love me.
He deserves so much more! He deserves someone whose as perfect as he is. I'll never be that to him. Never.
"B-But . . ." The words die on my tongue as soon as he closes the tiny space between us, kissing me with the most love and care anyone ever has. The way he's holding me in his arms, the way his lips are moving so slow and gently against mine . . . I never thought I would feel something like this; someone actually loving me with such a passion. I can feel it. I never thought I would get this because I always thought I didn't deserve it.
What I never realized was . . . it just wasn't the right person.
I didn't get the sparks I'm feeling now 'cause I was kissing Lucy or Jo.
I didn't feel like I was in heaven 'cause . . . I wasn't in James' arms.
It's always been James.
He's what I've always been dreaming of; someone who loves me and will never hurt me.
It's been in front of me all this time and I've never noticed until now.
I smile into the kiss and I can feel his lips turn into a smile too and this is just the greatest feeling in the world; being completely comfortable around someone and just losing yourself in them.
Is this what love feels like? Maybe, I hope it is though. If I could fall in love with anyone, I would want it to be with James.
We're to busy giggling to realize that we aren't even kissing anymore, we're just laughing at nothing, our faces right next to each other.
After a couple more minutes, I move my face away from his, a huge smile on my face. I forgot how nice it felt to smile a genuine smile. I didn't have a reason to, until now obviously.
Somehow, my smile get's even wider and I get a blush on my face when I catch James just staring at me, like I'm the most breathtaking thing in the world. But, that can't be right, since the last time I checked, that title belonged to the beautiful person in front of me.
"You're so cute when you blush; did you know that?" James coos at me and puts a hand on my cheek and my face becomes even redder and he just chuckles. He slides his arm down to my waist and pulls me close to him, so we're side by side. He kisses the top of my head and I just bury my face in his shoulder, so he doesn't see that my face is as red as an apple.
"I love you so much Kendall. I promise, I'll do whatever I can to make you stop self-harming. I'm not going to let you do this to yourself anymore." I can here the sincerity in his words and it just brings tears to my eyes to know he means everything he's saying. He tilts me head up so I'm looking right at him and I feel my heart just stop and the wind get knocked out of me.
His eyes, those perfect, magnificent, hazel eyes have so much love and care in them, they're sparkling and I can't believe it's all because of me.
"Can you promise me you'll try to stop?" I'm so lost in his eyes that I just nod, but that's not a good enough response for him.
"I need to hear you say it Ken, please . . . for me?"
"Yes, I promise I'll try, for you." And even though I know that I may break that promise, seeing that smile of his just makes me forget everything.
Spontaneously, I peck James on the lips and put my face back in his shoulder. I can tell he's a bit confused so I just say, "Thank you." It's muffled, since my face is smothered in the crook of his neck, but he still hears me.
"For what?" I look up at him and smile. He really doesn't know, does he?
"For loving me. For being what I've always needed. For being my hero. For being . . . you." It's his turn to blush and I do the same thing he did to me; I put my hand on his cheek and tell him he looks adorable when he blushes.
"Hey James?"
"Yeah?" This time, I pull him in for a real kiss, trying to put all the love and passion I can muster. I want to show him that I love him as much as he loves me; I just never saw it until now.
Before we can pass out from the lack of air we're both not getting, I pull away and look him right in those hazel eyes and say, proudly, without a doubt in my mind, "I love you too."
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WWW. I loved this so fucking much. I've never loved writing something like I did this. I'm soo fluffy :p Oh well!
P.S: I got the title of this chapter from a song, if you know the name of the band, you get a virtual cookie :3
Review, loves c: