A/N. Wow, bet you thought this would never be updated again didn't you? Please read the previous chapters if you find yourself wondering what on earth this fanfic is about, I wouldn't blame you! In all seriousness, I apologise for the delay in the update. A lot of things have happened since my last one – new job, various illnesses etc. Add to that a horrific bout of writer's block and the result is an empty word document. Thankfully I think I'm back on track, so from this upload, I will return to regular updates. Anyway, here's another chapter :)

Chapter 4

Stepping out of the tavern's warm bustle and into the cool night air, Merlin surveyed the area, wondering where his friend had disappeared to. Gwaine had somewhat sourly told him Arthur was at the tavern and the barman had confirmed it, informing Merlin the King had left only a short while ago. Sighing to himself, Merlin proceeded to search around the inner city, willing Arthur to appear before the morning came and people really began to worry.

Prepared to head back to the castle and search its rooms again, Merlin was turning towards home when he heard a low moan some distance behind him. Tentatively following the sound, Merlin finally spotted his friend – who would have been almost unrecognisable in the light of day. Arthur lay shivering under an empty cart stuck in a ditch; his face caked with mud. Under normal circumstances Merlin would have been able to laugh at him, but being witness to his friend reach yet another low point in his life was anything but humorous. Merlin had never seen anyone look so pitiful.

"Arthur." Merlin said quietly. Arthur, who had been staring vacantly at the ground around him, looked up.

"Merlin?" he breathed; his eyes bloodshot and unfocused. Even from a distance Merlin could detect the ale on his breath.

"Come on, let's get you back to the castle," Merlin muttered as he held out his hand for Arthur to pull himself up. Arthur gripped it tightly and stumbled as he tried to find his feet, causing him to put his arm around Merlin for support. They started the slow and silent journey back to the castle before Arthur mumbled something Merlin did not catch.

"What?" Merlin pressed, adjusting the arm under Arthur's armpits.

"Don't tell Gwen you found me like this." Arthur repeated quietly. Merlin glanced at him, taking in the shame evident on the young monarch's face.

"Arthur, she wouldn't care. All she would want to know is that you're all right." They had entered the castle now and Merlin was steering them back to the King's chambers.

"Please."

"Ok," Merlin shrugged. They reached Arthur's bedroom and as Merlin pushed open the door, he could feel the King begin to shake against him and edge away from the entrance.

"Hey, Arthur it's ok," Merlin soothed, trying to calm him. Arthur looked back at him with a face so full of childlike fear, Merlin felt tears prick his eyes. "I've cleaned the room. It's alright. It's safe." He slowly entered, signalling that it was indeed safe to return. Arthur surveyed the room cautiously before following him in, satisfied that the unnerving and suffocating presence he had awoken to in the early hours of the morning was no longer there.

Merlin watched as Arthur sat down on the bed and resumed staring vacantly into the middle distance. What had done this to him? Merlin was burning with questions he needed to ask Arthur, but he doubted his friend was lucid enough to hold a proper conversation. Whatever it was, Merlin could not help but feel a white hot rage well up inside him. He was almost certain the magic he had encountered the other night was the same as the one he had detected in Arthur's room. Someone obviously wanted to hurt Arthur and seemed unafraid of flaunting their powers in Camelot.

Moving forward, Merlin carefully helped Arthur into his bedclothes, staying silent as the young monarch obediently lifted his arms when appropriate. Carefully removing Arthur's shoes and tucking him in, Merlin blew out the bedside lamp and made his way out of the room. No doubt Arthur was exhausted, considering he had barely slept last night.

"Why do you believe in me?" Although it was barely a whisper, Arthur's voice rang out in the darkness, bringing Merlin to a halt in the doorway. Confused, Merlin turned back to look at his King, but it was impossible to read Arthur's face in the gloom.

"Because you are noble and good…and honest – when you choose to tell us what you're thinking." Merlin replied frankly. "And because you are my friend." There was silence for a moment as Arthur digested his response.

"But what if I fail to rule Camelot as strongly as my father once did?" Merlin bit back the answer he wanted to give to Arthur's question. He wanted to say that Uther was not a strong King; far from it. That he was weak, cowardly and that it was Arthur who would bring greatness to Camelot and all of Albion. Merlin only realised he had not voiced any opinion when he heard quiet snores coming from Arthur's bed.

"You can't live your life measuring yourself up against Uther." Merlin said softly. On that note, the young sorcerer decided to leave the King to his much needed rest.

That night Mordred had run until his feet ached, cursing himself for the events that had taken place earlier that evening. He was mortified. How could he have been so stupid? Of course it was too soon to have told Morgana of his feelings. He should have waited until he had made her see that she could not live without him – until she could finally admit that she loved him too. How could Morgana think he was a boy? After everything he had done for her? Mordred then winced as he remembered how he had cried in front of her, giving her ample evidence of his immaturity.

It was now morning and Mordred had finally found his way back among the villagers of Camelot. He took no notice of the strange looks he received from those around him, due to his unkempt appearance. He was focused on the plan he had fabricated whilst trying to get as far away from Morgana as possible. Even though they had spent so much time apart, it seemed Morgana still thought of him as the boy he had once been. Mordred knew that if he was going to change her perception of him, he was going to have to prove that he was strong and a man capable of giving Morgana the love she desired. Mordred could feel her calling out to him even now but he ignored it. He was not ready to face Morgana just yet; mainly because he was too embarrassed. No, only when Mordred had fully established himself as a spy in Camelot – a capable and mature spy – would he go back to the woman he longed for.

First he needed to find a knight. Fortunately, at that moment in time, it was not a difficult task. The King appeared to have greatly increased defence measures on the streets of Camelot. Mordred smothered a smirk at the effect his web of dreams must have had on the young monarch. Still, now was not the time to revel in past glories. He uttered a quick spell and felt his appearance change slightly, his eyes transforming from the unsettling blue to a deep brown.

Around the corner, a tall knight with sandy blonde hair appeared, his face etched with worry and his hand poised above where his sword was sheathed. Mordred did not think he looked particularly bright, but perhaps that was just what he needed. What confirmed Mordred's target was that he was alone. Spying a villager nearby clutching an axe, Mordred moved fast to occupy his mind. The man's eyes widened as he felt himself involuntarily run at a knight of Camelot with the axe raised above his head. He would never have guessed the boy standing innocently by a nearby well was controlling his every movement.

Sir Leon walked around the village, unsure what exactly he was looking for. All Arthur had told him and the other knights was that they had to be on their strictest guard. It was actually quite troubling the lengths their King had gone to; hiring guards with barely enough training to patrol seemed unwise to Leon. It was the act of a desperate man. Chiding himself for daring to doubt Arthur, Leon failed to notice the approaching danger.

"Look out!" He heard a yell from behind. With barely enough time to spin around, a dark figure collided with Leon, pushing him to the ground with extreme force. Winded, he looked up to find himself staring into the eyes of a young boy.

"I'm so sorry, sir, that man was trying to attack you." He explained breathlessly, clambering back onto his feet. Finally able to stand, Leon was shocked to see two guards holding back one of the villagers, while an axe lay conspicuously on the ground by their feet.

"This man just came at you with the axe, sir," one of the guards confirmed. "The boy pushed you out of the way just in time. He could have been on the receiving end of that blade!"

Leon cast his eye over the young boy who had saved him. He was so distinctly unremarkable; it was hard to imagine he had managed to push a knight aside so courageously. Especially since the boy was still struggling to catch his breath.

"Thank you stranger. What is your name and how can I repay you?"

"Myrddyn, sir. But I only wanted to help," the boy replied quietly, cowering as if in awe of nobility.

"Nonsense," Leon shook his head dismissively. "There's no need for modesty. You saved my life and that warrants reward." The boy looked up hopefully.

"Well…"

"Go on," Leon urged encouragingly. The boy cast his eyes down, inspecting the dirt beneath his feet with immense concentration.

"My master has not long been dead. He was good to me and now I have no job and no home." The boy looked up at Leon wistfully. "It would be an honour to give my services to one as noble as a knight of Camelot."

"You want to become my servant?" Leon frowned. "Perhaps I might tempt you with gold instead?"

"Forgive my candidness; gold has but a short life span. I desire the security and consistency that employment can offer me. Do you understand?"

"Of course, it's an admirable request. But I don't have much need for servants." As the words left Leon's mouth, he immediately felt differently. Of course he needed a servant! How had he managed without one? In fact, no one but the boy standing before him would do.

"Fine, I will grant you your wish. You may serve me." Leon obliged, shaking his head to clear the cloudiness that had just occupied it. "You can accompany me on my patrol and I will tell you what is required of you."

"Please! Sir Leon. I didn't…I don't-" The villager was struggling against the guards who held him tightly, his face plastered with confusion.

"Take him away." Leon said quietly, still perplexed by what had just occurred. Maybe Arthur was right. People did not just try to attack a knight of Camelot in broad daylight for no reason. Leon was going to have to keep a more vigilant eye over the kingdom from now on.

Gwen surveyed the citizens of Camelot as they bustled around the marketplace, darting anxious glances at the guards watching their every move. In the short period since Arthur had gone missing for the best part of a day, the security in Camelot had reached new heights. There were now guards on every street corner, at a ratio that almost met the amount of people in the kingdom. Gwen feared that rather reassure the people of Camelot that they were safe, it only served to worry them further.

Journeying towards Gauis' cabin, Gwen tried to hide her hurt at the fact that, once again, Arthur was keeping things from her. It felt like the promise they had made not too long ago to share things with each other was already crumbling into nothing. Gwen knew Arthur did not want to burden her with his troubles – he had been so used to dealing with problems by himself in the past, but they were meant to be getting married in a week. It was her duty to protect him just as much as he did her. Last time, Merlin had managed to step in and make Arthur see sense, but even her friend had become sullen and withdrawn in the past few days.

Perhaps that was why Gaius had been requesting her help recently. Gwen was surprised a few days ago when the physician had asked for her assistance in creating healing potions for the villagers. Considering she knew very little about the components needed in his concoctions, Gwen was a very odd choice indeed. Nevertheless, she had gone and helped and was actually enjoying the time she spent with Gaius. Often they would end up talking about court protocols and traditions while they produced the mixtures. It was something Gwen was always familiar with, seeing as she had worked in the castle most of her life, but felt she needed complete understanding of as an imminent Queen. With each new fact she acquired, Gwen could feel her confidence as the future sovereign grow. To her, knowing the history of the kingdom she was set to govern was important: not just to help understand her people, but to learn from past mistakes.

The King had spent most of the day half-listening to complaints from some of Camelot's traders. As if Arthur did not have more important issues to deal with, now he had to handle petty disputes about trading space as well. Arthur had previously been worried about how Gwen was coping with her doubts about her suitability as Queen. He had discreetly asked Gaius to watch over her and help her become more accustomed to the situations she would soon be faced with. Thankfully the physician had reported that Gwen seemed much more comfortable about what was expected of her. It sometimes puzzled Arthur that Guinevere could not see how special she was, but he was glad that her belief in herself was only getting stronger. Still, no matter what else happened in Camelot, what was always there, playing in the back of Arthur's mind was the dream he had had. It haunted him.

Groaning to himself, Arthur remembered how he had treated Gwaine in the tavern following his vision. He had embarrassed himself. Arthur thought back to one of the first times Guinevere had confronted him about his attitude. 'A good king should respect his people, no matter who they are'. Well he had failed that spectacularly. He had been rude and discourteous towards Gwaine and Arthur was not proud of himself for it. How had Uther managed to stay on top of things in Camelot? Deciding perhaps some inspiration was needed, Arthur excused himself from the court and made his way over to his father's study.

Since Uther's death, Arthur had not stepped into this room – it was too hard. Taking a haggard breath, Arthur approached his father's desk and absentmindedly stroked the ornate wood, his fingertips covered in the thin layer of dust that had accumulated in the past few months. Arthur sat down in Uther's old chair – it loomed over him, reminding him of the huge boots he had to fill. Sighing to himself, curiousness overtook Arthur as he opened one of the desk drawers, rifling through the papers. Everything in there was outdated, as Arthur had expected. It had been a long time since Uther had been involved in any matters of state – Morgana had seen to that. As he began to close the drawer, his name, written on a small parchment in his father's handwriting, caught his eye.

Arthur faltered. Why would Uther have written something and not given it to him? Drawing it out from the pile of papers it had been hastily stuffed into, Arthur began to read. It took a while for him to make sense of the letter – in fact, Arthur had read it four times before the words finally sunk in. Letting out the breath he had been unaware he was holding, Arthur dropped the letter back on the desk as if he had been scalded. He needed to get out of there.

Merlin walked hurriedly down the corridor of the castle, carrying the lunch he had prepared for Arthur back to the kitchens – it turned out the King was not in his chambers and therefore would not be requiring a midday meal. As he tried not to bash into the people heading in the opposite direction, he suddenly felt a cold sensation wash over him. Merlin knew immediately it was the same he had felt in Arthur's room a few days ago. Searching frantically for the source, he saw a young man approaching him from the other end of the corridor, carrying a pile of knight's armour. As harmless as the boy looked, the dark power was emanating from him. Merlin shivered before walking over to him.

"Sorry, I don't think I know you…?" Merlin questioned casually, resisting the temptation to protect himself with magic. The boy looked defiantly back at him, his large brown eyes unlike the cowered ones staff usually had as they paraded through the castle.

"I don't think so," the boy replied slowly. "Sir Leon has just employed me. Excuse me; my master is waiting for me now." He skirted around Merlin and continued to walk down the corridor. Merlin watched as he left, willing the boy to turn back around – he did not. Shoving the plate of food into a passing servant's empty hands, he apologised profusely before running back to Gauis' cabin.

"Gaius!" He yelled as he entered, breathless from his sprint. "It's Leon's servant – that's who I felt that night!"

"Slow down!" Gaius frowned. "Now tell me slowly; what are you talking about?"

"That night I felt someone in my head. I found him, Gaius. He's posing as Sir Leon's servant!"

"Are you sure?" Gaius questioned, raising a sceptical eyebrow. "I've seen him; he's just a boy."

"I'm positive," Merlin replied firmly. "I felt his power from across the room. We need to tell Arthur – and Leon."

"Merlin, what proof do you have apart from detecting his magic?" Gaius reasoned carefully. "You can't let anyone else know without revealing yours! Besides, I've heard he saved Sir Leon's life and this is his reward. I doubt they will listen to you." Merlin looked back at him in disbelief.

"He can't stay here! He's already got to Arthur somehow." Merlin argued. "And I don't even know what he's done, since Arthur has barely spoken to me lately! Look, he's dangerous and he needs to be stopped."

"Merlin, I know how frustrating it must be for you to keep everything secret, but this doesn't mean you can senselessly charge-"

"No you don't know! Merlin cut in angrily, the toll of the last few days evident in the dark circles under his eyes. "You don't know how frustrating, and infuriating and senseless it is to hide magic that is ultimately keeping Camelot safe! I can't just sit back and do nothing again." Gaius watched as Merlin crumpled down into a chair and rested his head in his hands, breathing deeply. Gaius took the chair opposite him and waited patiently for Merlin to look back at him. Sensing Gaius' gaze, Merlin finally obliged and looked up.

"Keep watch over this servant, Merlin. That's all you and I can do. Once we get proof, he won't be able to hurt anyone."

"And as usual we'll be fixing the consequences instead of preventing the problem," Merlin replied curtly. Gaius looked on helplessly as Merlin stood up sharply and retreated into his bedroom, slamming the door shut behind him. Gaius said nothing. The boy was right after all.

"Arthur!" Gwen called out as she watched Arthur exit Uther's old chambers, but he was too fast and obviously preoccupied in his thoughts. Watching his retreating frame disappear around the corner, Gwen sighed despondently before slipping into the former King's room. The room was silent as always; the ajar door to the adjoining study the only evidence that someone had just been in there. Gwen walked through to Uther's study, her eye immediately drawn to the crumpled paper lying on the desk. Gwen hesitated for a moment before she sat down and began to read.

Arthur.

For every man, there will come a time when they have to make one of the hardest decisions of their life. I have always thought I would be prepared for that moment; that my position as a strong King would ready me for any challenge I would ever have to face. It never occurred to me that my role as a father would be the one put to the test.

You once asked me whether your birth was the result of sorcery. All I can say is in that moment, the only thing that ran through my mind was the thought of losing you. It was a selfish act, and maybe that has always been the case. Maybe I am writing this because I can finally admit to myself that my desire for an heir – for you – resulted in the loss of my beloved wife. You are well within your rights to loathe me for keeping your mother from you and for lying to you. But no matter what you choose to take from this, one thing you cannot question is my love for you. I could never accept you abandoning me; that is why I lied. I lied because I love you.

Seeing the damage Morgana has done to Camelot has opened my eyes to the immeasurable hurt I know I have caused you both. Whether you will ever come to forgive me, I do not know – but I fear it is too late for Morgana. Her hatred for me is evident in her actions, her words and in her eyes. Even if you choose never to acknowledge me, I hope you can at least see how magic continues to corrupt those who wield it. Morgana would never have been able to cause as much damage if she did not possess her powers. This is why I had to destroy

The letter ended there and Gwen frowned as a memory of the past came back to her. She remembered walking into Uther's chambers a few months before his death in order to give him his supper. Gwen had been surprised to find Uther active and at his desk scribbling furiously on a piece of parchment. She had silently watched him as he paused and buried his head in his hands. After a moment, Uther had sat up again and shoved the piece of paper into his desk drawer. At the time, Gwen had been pleased he had found something to occupy him and connect him to the world again – now she knew what it was, she wished he had never started it. Carefully placing it back in the desk, Gwen could not think of a worse time for Arthur to have found out about his past. Knowing she had to find him immediately, she left the room and followed hastily in Arthur's footsteps.

Gwen discovered him kneeling with his back to her in front of Uther's shrine in a quiet area behind the castle. It was a place where Camelot's past monarchs were remembered. She stood a few paces behind him, suddenly wary that her presence might have disturbed his contemplation.

"He lied to my face," Arthur said quietly without turning around. "I asked him outright and he lied." Gwen did not answer, knowing that the pent-up emotion emanating from Arthur needed release.

"I put aside all my hurt and anger about him keeping Morgana from me because he needed me. You know, he didn't even give the letter to me." It was stuffed in the back of his drawer and forgotten. Something so important-" Arthur broke off and shook his head in disbelief.

"It feels like every time I build myself up, I get knocked down again. All this time I've felt guilty that my mother died giving birth to me. I've always questioned whether her sacrifice was worth it." Arthur laughed bitterly, his tone caked in unshed tears. "Turns out I'm not even meant to be here at all."

"Yes you are, Arthur," Gwen finally spoke, desperate to stop him hurting. She stood behind him and wrapped her arms around his neck, leaning her head on his shoulder. Arthur bowed his head, his voice barely audible.

"I've spent so long thinking I could never match up to him. And after all that happened, he still couldn't take responsibility for his actions during the purges. All those lives he ended and he still manages to excuse himself." Arthur's voice was tinged with such vivid resentment; Gwen could almost feel it drowning them both. "All the lies. He has done this. He is the reason Morgana is a constant threat to this kingdom. But it's all okay because he loves me."

"Don't act like that doesn't matter to you Arthur." Gwen responded gently. She could feel him stiffen under her embrace, but continued nonetheless. "I know you don't want to hear it now, and you don't even have to believe it, but you loved Uther. You still do. And knowing that he doesn't regret your birth means more to you than you would ever care to admit."

Arthur turned to stare at her; his gaze so intent Gwen began to feel maybe she had spoken out of turn. Finally he relaxed and turned back to the former King's headstone.

"I won't live my life measuring myself up against Uther. Arthur said softly, momentarily unsure where he had heard similar words before. His jaw clenched savagely through his next words. "I will never be like him."

"I know you won't. We all do. You have no idea the hope Camelot has with you as King. The faith your people have in you…" Gwen trailed off as Arthur's expression became clouded. It was the same haunted expression Gwen had seen plague him in the past few days. She decided she would finally speak up.

"Something else has been bothering you, Arthur. Before you discovered the letter." Surprisingly, Arthur answered almost immediately. Gwen could not help but feel something had changed inside her fiancé. He seemed more determined than ever. The resolve in Arthur's eyes was something only seen in the best of Kings.

"I had a dream a few nights ago. In it Camelot was falling and I could do nothing to stop it." Arthur paused, the memory making itself clear to him once again and leaving him short of breath. "It was all fire and destruction. It felt so real…" Gwen squeezed him tenderly in a bid to comfort him.

"You should have told me," she whispered.

"I know."

"Do you think it was a vision? Of things to come?"

"I don't know," Arthur shook his head anxiously. "That's what frightens me the most. I had no control in the dream, all I could do was watch the kingdom being torn apart."

"Well whatever happens, know that you don't have to face it alone." Gwen told him earnestly. "Merlin, your knights…we're all here for you. I'm here for you. And we're devoted to Camelot."

Clasping tightly the hands that were draped across his shoulders, Arthur stood up abruptly, lifting Guinevere up on his back in the process.

"Arthur!" Gwen hissed in shock as she tried to suppress her giggles. Try as she might, her feet did not touch the ground. Ignoring Gwen's protests, Arthur wrapped his arms around her legs and hoisted her up into a more stable position. He stood still for a moment, savouring the feel of Gwen's heartbeat pounding against his back. She had stopped struggling and seemed to accept that Arthur was not going to put her down any time soon. Resting her head on his shoulder once again, Gwen's breath gradually steadied as she became more relaxed. She closed her eyes, relishing the closeness between Arthur's heart and her own.

"I love you. You know that don't you?" Arthur murmured, breaking the silence.

"Yes." Gwen replied softly and Arthur proceeded to carry her back into the castle.

Whether the dream he had experienced was a sign of things to come, Arthur did not know. He hoped against it with all his heart, but Arthur knew that even if it did come to pass, he would never give up. Not when he had Guinevere by his side.

A/N. I decided to include the Uther stuff last minute since I didn't feel they addressed the truth of Arthur's birth enough in the show. I've always felt in order for this Arthur to become the King of legend, he had to stop comparing himself to his father. Throughout the series Arthur has been tied down by what Uther expects of him. I'm still waiting for that moment when Arthur truly sees how flawed his father was – hopefully in Series 5. Anyway, I've freed him here! Again, sorry for the delay, I know I'd go mental if a story I was reading just stopped :/ Please comment/review etc. good or bad, I don't mind!

And Happy Easter to you all!