3. Lost
Judal likes to pretend that he has it all together.
Judal likes to pretend that he's completely fine with how his life is, with the shitty cards that he has been dealt.
Judal likes to pretend that seeing Sinbad laughing and smiling with Ja'far doesn't kill him inside.
Judal likes to pretend that he's some sort of psychopath who only cares about violence and murder and war.
Not to say he doesn't enjoy all of that. In fact, maybe to an extent, he does care about that. It's fun.
But it isn't Sinbad.
It isn't the way Sinbad manages to be so rough in bed and yet whisper the most gentle things in his ear. It isn't the way Sinbad doesn't kick him out when Judal tells him about his circumstances, but feels sadness for him. It isn't the way Sinbad has such a friendly and approachable exterior, yet is so deadly and lethal in combat.
There's a difference. A huge one that he isn't willing to admit he notices.
So he'll continue to pretend. To pretend that he is absolutely perfect and wonderful and satisfied with the way things are.
But inside of himself?
He's lost.