Okay so here we go again, I still don't own OUAT. This chapter was the hardest to write and I'm still not sure I got it right but its what came out. Of course lots of thoughts and feelings involved, and I'm sure super outta character for Emma anyways but it's fanfic sooo... Thanks to all who's read, reviewed, followed or added to your favorites.

Chapter 4

Snow's POV

"Hey, can I come in?" I look up to find my daughter peeking her head in the room, she seems as unsure as I feel. I nod sitting up against the headboard making room for her to join me. She hesitates a bit but finally comes over easing herself down beside me. We sit in silence for a bit, both lost in thoughts wondering where to start.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" She ask turning to face me.

"Yes...no...I don't know." How do I begin, there's so much I need to say, so many questions to ask, so many apologies to make. A mother talking to her daughter should be the most natural thing in any world yet here we are acting as two scared animals waiting for the other to bite.

"How bout I talk, you listen?" She suggest, I know this is hard for her, she's got so many walls protecting her heart that even allowing her mother in is difficult.

"Okay." I mumble trying to hold eye contact but I quickly look away.

"I talked to James, he told me what happened after I left the diner. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything but I thought you guys knew about August coming through with me. I didn't mean to hurt you any more than I already have." This is the moment that wakes me from my daze, makes me realize I've got to say something to let her know she's not the reason I'm hurting. Well she is but not in the way she thinks.

"Oh Emma." I take a deep breath and position myself so I can see her face. "Let me make myself perfectly clear, you have nothing to be sorry for. Yes I'm hurt and yes it has everything to do with you but Emma none of it is your fault." I say with as much conviction as I can, I need her to understand my words but I also need her to feel the truth in them.

"But..."

"No Emma let me finish." I cut her off allowing no room for doubt. "Listen to me...please?" I ask before continuing.

"Go ahead." She concedes.

"I need you to stop blaming yourself for what happened tonight, because sweetheart you nor August should have been put in this position." I've got her attention because her head has snapped up eyes full of questions.

"So you're not mad at August?" She ask quietly.

"I can't say I'm happy that he took my spot, that he was sent to do my job but he was a child, the decision was no more his than ours."

"And you're sure you're not mad at me because..." She trails off but we've got to keep going, no matter how much it hurts.

"Because what Emma?"

"We'll when you came home...you walked right passed me."

"No Emma, it's just...oh shit I'm sorry, I don't know how to do this." I've never been so unsure as I am now, the most important conversation of my life and I'm screwing it up. "Can I ask you something?" I decide to try a different approach.

"Ask."

"Why are you not mad at me? You come in here and you're worried about hurting me, I don't understand, so why?"

"Are you serious?"

"Yes I am, please can you just answer?" I have to know.

"Because you're my mother." She says.

"But I sent you away with only a boy to protect you." I feel the little control I'm holding onto start to slip, my voice is barely above a whisper.

"You didn't know that."

"But you did Emma, you've known this whole time. Surely you must have thought about it, wondered why your mother would give up her spot to someone else."

"I figured you and James couldn't bare to be apart from one another." The pain in her eyes is enough to break my heart but the tears rolling down her face shatters it, still I continue.

"So I ask you again, how are you not mad at me, at us for doing this to you?"

"My entire life I wondered why my parents didn't want me, why I wasn't good enough? When I was younger I made up excuses, I couldn't accept that they left me on the side of the road. Then as I got older and life got harder I blamed them for every bad thing that happened, but even then I wanted them to come back and tell me it was all a mistake. By the time I was an adult I had convinced myself that all I wanted was to find them and tell them what kind of life they had condemned me to. Still a part of me was the lost little girl wanting a family to be apart of. As a matter of fact, the day Henry showed up I had just made a wish on my birthday candle to not have to spend another year alone." She closes her eyes and I think she's finished but before I can form a proper sentence she starts talking again.

"You know the funny thing is, I really thought he was crazy, not so much because of the curse but him thinking I was the daughter of Prince Charming and Snow White. My parents threw me away like the trash I was raised to believe I am, there was no way I could...I could believe fairy tale characters doing something so heartless. Regardless of what I thought I stayed and in staying I met Mary Margaret, which according to my son was the woman I had searched for for as long as I can remember. As Mary Margaret you were the first person that had ever been there for me, you opened your home up to me, made it mine. I've had places to stay but never a home, as scary as it was I felt a connection to you even then. You became family when you didn't have to so when the curse first broke and you remembered who you were you still wanted me. I'm not going to lie and say its been easy because when we first found out, all those thoughts, all those feelings they came rushing back and honestly I didn't know what to think. I gotta tell you I considered running, it's who I am, and if it hadn't been for our trip to the Enchanted Forest I probably would have."

"My confusion only grew while we were there, you kept putting yourself in between me and danger. And yes part of that confusion was because you and James had chosen each other over me. But you just kept on being there even when I didn't think I needed you. When we made it to the castle I saw what was to be my room and it hit me hard, harder than I could have imagined. I saw what I lost...what we lost and I realized once again I was still that little girl and I wanted my mother, my family. I finally found you and you were everything I imagined, so I pushed it to the back of my mind. I didn't let myself think about you two choosing each other over me and instead focused on being a daughter you could be proud of, one you'd want to keep. I was scared of losing you so I didn't want to do anything that would remind either of you that I wasn't worth keeping the first time. I've said it before while you we're Mary Margaret and I'll say it again, I cannot lose my family."

She finishes once again closing her eyes, sucking in a breath no doubt trying to regain her composure. I want to hold her, to apologize, to wipe out the years of pain and hurt. I don't even know where to begin, she's done something that she's never done before, she's opened her heart and laid all her feelings out for me to see and she's waiting for me to respond. I take a deep breath and prepare to try and make things right.

"Emma there is nothing you could do that would make me send you way again, the first time was hard enough, I would not survive a second. I've no doubt your father has already told you how much we wanted you, how excited we were finding out that our love had created you, so I'm going to share with you something that even he doesn't know. As much love as I felt for you I was scared out of my mind, I had no idea how to be a mother. My own died while I was a child, Regina was my only role model and I didn't want my baby to grow up as I did. One day while James was out hunting I felt you kick for the first time. It was the most amazing feeling in the world but it was also the moment that I realized there was nothing I wouldn't do to keep you safe. It was also when I vowed to never let you grow up as I did, I would be a mother you deserved. I failed you and Emma I'm sorry that I broke all the promises I made." I take another breath giving her a chance to digest this, I don't want to overload her and cause her to shutdown.

"You need to know if I had been given the chance I would have left everyone, including your father to be with you. There was absolutely nothing I wanted more than being your mother, there's still nothing I want more. When I look at you I still see the baby that captivated my heart but I also see the baby that I only got to hold long enough to say goodbye. Having to give you up shattered me, even as Mary Margaret I felt your loss. The day I met you was the day I started to heal, you filled a void in my heart that I didn't fully realize why it was there. When I remembered who I was, seeing your face was just as amazing as it was the first time. Watching you disappear inside Jefferson's hat, well there was no question I had to jump, I didn't care where we were going only that we would be together, I could not lose you again. I will always choose you Emma, you're the part of me that keeps my heart beating. Being back in your nursery was difficult to say the least, that's the thing about this curse, I basically slept for twenty-eight years so waking up felt like the day you were taken from me. As happy as I am to have you the wounds of losing baby you are still so fresh. I missed out on every aspect of your childhood, the good but also the bad. From what you've said I know your life hasn't been easy, that you've been hurt far more than your willing to admit and I can't help but shoulder that blame. There are no words to make it right, no way for me to travel back and make it not happen. I can however promise you that never again will you have to face anything alone."

"I love you Emma, you are my heart and only if its okay with you I want us to try and work through all of our issues. I want to know you, your story fully from beginning to now whenever you feel comfortable telling me. How bout it baby, what do you think?" Please let her say yes, please let me finally know my daughter I pray.

"I've already told you I have no intentions of losing my family, so yeah I'll do whatever we've got to do. I'm going to warn you it won't all be sunshine and roses, I've got lots of skeletons some of which I'm not sure I'm ever going to be comfortable talking about but I'll try. I want this...you, James and Henry...our family more than anything. You do know for this to work you're going to have to let go of your guilt, accept that we can't go back to what should have been. I'll never be the baby you wanted, those days are gone, I'm not saying this to be mean but can you accept me for who I am now?"

I know she's right, I'm not sure the guilt will ever fully leave but I'm going to do everything I can so we can move forward.

"I promise you accepting you as you are will never be a problem, however I can't guarantee you the guilt will ever go away but we'll work on it together."

I guess that's what she wanted to hear because my baby wraps her arms around me and for the first time since I left the diner I allow myself to be hopeful. We cry for what we lost, for the pain and hurt that's so evident but mostly we cry to try and wash away the past. We hold on for what could have been all night, neither wanting to be the first to break the connection we need.

"What about Marco?" She wonders aloud sounding tired.

"I don't know Emma, I'm mad, as a parent I can understand the need to protect your child but as your mother I want to kill him for taking you away from me. We will discuss this in depth with your father as a family but for now I just want to be with you, can we just do that?" I can't allow my anger at Gepetto to overpower this progress we've made, he can wait one more day.

"Okay." She says yawning as she lays her head on my chest. I can't help but smile, this is my baby and she doesn't hate me.

"Close your eyes sweet girl, I'll still be here when you open them, I promise."

"Maybe just for a minute."

"I love you Emma." I whisper as she's drifting off.

"Love you too Snow." I believe my heart has just skipped a beat, she loves me, she may not have called me mom but she also didn't call me Mary Margaret so it's a step in the right direction. I feel the weight of the day and realize how exhausted I am as well so with one last look at my girl I close my eyes knowing when I open them she'll still be in my arms.

James POV

Not knowing whether my wife and daughter are okay has kept me from sleep so when I hear the voices die down I can't control my legs as I make my way to the bedroom. The sight that I'm met with takes my breath away, Emma is snuggled in her mothers arms and Snow has the most calm expression on her face. We have a long way to go but for now this is as close to perfect as I can imagine. I take a seat in the corner and settle in to watch over my family as they sleep.

Whew, that was draining! Hope it's ok! Next chapter Snow, James and then Emma added in, although may be next weekend before I get it up.