Never or Forever Chapter 4, a harry potter fanfic

Hey all! Hope everyone's summers are great, and hope you enjoy this chapter! I apologize for the bit of the delay. I had this written a little while ago but I didn't get a good chance to go over it until last night. Pupppies are really tough! but Zeke, my goldendoodle, is completely worth it. I think I may actually try to write him into the story... hmm... Possibilities!

A lie may take care of the present, but it has no future. ~Author Unknown

Chapter 4

I woke early, not feeling very refreshed. Greer, Ash, and Turq were already up and moving, getting ready as quietly as possible. Alice, Dalia, and Scout were still fast asleep, and as they were not morning people on the best of days, I knew this would be the worst morning of the year. I took a quick shower and got dressed in my school robes. They were a black pleated skirt, with a white shirt, a scarlet and gold tie, black knee socks, and the black robes. I dreaded the knee socks and ties, but wore them anyways. There were always the few girls who tried to make the whole school uniform dress code more bearable, either by adding to the clothes or taking some off, but having your shirt tucked magically once was more than enough for me to put up with the uniform. It wasn't that bad, and we only had to wear it to classes, so I struggled to understand why so many girls felt the need to mess with the uniform.

I walked down to the common room with Turq and saw the house elves had already rearranged the furniture back to where they thought it should go. It was a never-ending battle. Everyday the furniture was rearranged into messy groups and clumps and every night the house elves put them back into a perfect ring around the fire.

We checked out the message board, and saw that James, the Quiditch Captain as well as Head Boy, had already posted requests for two new Chasers, a Beater, and a Keeper. The team last year won the Cup and obviously dominated, but lost four players, leaving James to re-start the team. The only ones left were James, the Seeker, Greer, one of the Beaters, and Wesley Carroway, a sixth year, one of the Chasers. Already multiple people had signed up to try out.

"Are you interested in playing Keeper?" I asked. Turq was a fabulous keeper, but Christian Wood had been on the team as Keeper since our first year, so she never had a shot at trying out, never mind playing.

"I think so!" she said laughing. "I'm nervous, but I think I can do it." She was basically bursting in excitement, her chocolate brown eyes excited and her dark skin flushed.

"Better sign up!" I said, excited for her, "Look, you'll be the first name on the Keeper list. Everyone knows they're up against you this year and are probably terrified to tryout!"

We walked to the Great Hall laughing, and her trying to convince me to go out for Chaser. I liked to fly, but I wasn't good enough to make the team. Even if I was, competition wasn't my thing, and as a Gryffindor Quiditch player, I'd be a jinx target. Some people didn't mind the more treacherous part of the game, but I certainly would.

The Great Hall was less than half full, with little pockets of people all along the four tables. We walked through the idle aisle, saying a brief hello to our Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff friends, and finally settling by ourselves near the center of the table, across from each other. We were soon joined by Ash and Greer, as more and more people came into he Hall. Professor McGonagall and other heads of houses started giving the younger students their schedules. As a seventh year, I already had mine and knew I had an hour before double potions.

I wanted to be an Auror. It was the only job I could picture myself doing, ever since I fully understood what my dad had done as a job. He had been an Auror, and ever since he took me to work when I was 9, I'd had my heart set on becoming one.

"I think so!" she said laughing. "I'm nervous, but I think I can do it." She was basically bursting in excitement, her chocolate brown eyes excited and her dark skin flushed.

"Better sign up!" I said, excited for her, "Look, you'll be the first name on the Keeper list. Everyone knows they're up against you this year and are probably terrified to tryout!"

The Great Hall was less than half full, with little pockets of people all along the four tables. We walked through the idle aisle, saying a brief hello to our Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff friends, and finally settling by ourselves near the center of the table, across from each other. We were soon joined by Ash and Greer, as more and more people came into The Hall. Professor McGonagall and other heads started giving the younger students their schedules. As a seventh year, I already had mine and knew I had an hour before double potions.

This year I was taking Potions, Defense Against the Dark Arts, Transfiguration, Charms, Herbology, and Ancient Runes. The first five were mandatory, Defense Against the Dark Arts being my favorite class, and I took Ancient Runes as well, just for fun. I compared schedules with the girls until Ash and Turq had to head down to Care of Magical Creatures. I left the table as well, heading to the most logical place to find Lily, The Library.

Searching through the stacks, I found dust and books and old homework, but no Lily. Already The Library had a few patrons, trying to finish summer work before their classes started or doing their own research. Not finding Lily, I went to the next logical place, The Kitchen.

The Kitchen was the house elves' domain, but Lily was friendly with them all, and since she missed breakfast it made sense that she would be in there. "Hello Mistress!" A happy high squeak said from some where around my knee. "Can I get you anything? Anything at all? Please?"

"Actually, I was wondering if Lily had by any chance come down here earlier?"

"Yes! Yes!" He squeaked, happy to be able to help me. "She was here a little while ago, getting some toast and kippers! In a rather rush, but that's beside the point. Can I get you any toast?"

"No thank-you." I tried to decline politely. He face turned so sad, I couldn't stop my self. "Could I have a muffin?" He brightened up immediately, and dragged me over to a small side table, listing off all the muffins he could get me.

I settled in with a plate of blueberry muffins and a large steaming cup of coco, and was perfectly happy, until voices I recognized pierced the mindless din of the kitchens. "Nick! How many Nicks are there in this school?" Sirius was basically shouting, causing the house elves to eye him warily and only the bravest offer him anything.

"Yes, I'll have a slice of toast if you please." Remus said before responding to Sirius, "Stop carrying on, you're scaring them. Tell them what you want."

"Oh. Toast please. But Moony really, how many Nicks are there in the school?"

"Well, there's that seventh year Slytherin-"

"If she was out walking with a Slytherin I will personally murder the bastard." Sirius interrupted fiercely.

"AND," Remus continued, "At least 2 Ravenclaws, maybe a few Hufflepuffs, no Griffindors, unless you count the first year. So that's like, six in the entire school? I think the more important question is, how didn't you know she had a boyfriend. It's all well and good, but no matter what you do, if she's taken you're screwed."

"I don't know how I didn't know! I may not be a girl, but I do count myself as a rather large gossip and very well informed in the goings on at school."

Are they talking about you? I sunk lower in my chair, hoping to avoid detection. Why would Sirius care if you have a boyfriend unless… He likes you? Impossible.

I rushed to Potions, hoping to find Lily there early. I was amazed o find she wasn't. Only Professor Slughorn, the poor Slytherin James and Sirius had, for some reason, taken a fondness to of hexing, a few other Slytherin favorites, and some Ravenclaws. Professor Slughorn stopped at my table only to ask 'when the lovely Ms. Evans was going to join us'. He had loved her since day one, the perfect student that she was. He only accepted me because I was friends with her.

I couldn't believe Lily wasn't early. She was early for everything, especially classes. This class was going to be small, being advanced potions, but I knew we were missing a few more than just her. I assumed that at least Remus would be joining us, and possibly James and Sirius. They had been in the class last year, but I think they only passed by the skin of their teeth and because Remus was too nice of a friend.

Lily came rushing in a few moments before class began. She looked slightly disheveled and very confused.

"Hi Lils. Nice of you to join us." I teased. She didn't answer me, just set up her books, and cauldron and didn't meet my eyes. "You okay?"

"Yeah." She said, brushing me off. Still not meeting my eyes.

"Did you get breakfast? I didn't see you there." I said trying to draw her out.

"No." She said. Not looking at the door as Remus hurried through the door, and James and Sirius followed at a casual pace.

"You three are late!" Slughorn bellowed. We knew he didn't mean it. Though they were Griffindors, and he was the Slytherin Head, Slughorn still favored those he counted as members of his 'club', which the three, of course, were.

"Sorry Professor. Couldn't get this lump out of bed this morning." Sirius joked as the three took the table behind Lily and I. Lily was still looking down, refusing to look at James. He wasn't much better. He did look exhausted, and like he just rolled out of bed.

"Sorry." He mumbled, without even an attempt at humor.

"Now that we're all here," With a slightly pointed glance at the three head behind us, "Let's get started! As you can see, we lost a few your classmates. Unfortunate, unfortunate, I really did like that Greggor chap-" he mumbled on for a moment, then seemed to regain focus, "Ah, yes, there's eleven of us now. Dreadful, an odd number-" he mumbled a bit more, "But I see you've all found seats and have set up. Now lets have fun. I'm thinking we'll start easy; see what you remember from last year. I'm thinking, Veritaserum, yes? Tricky, tricky, but I'm sure you can handle it. I expect a vial on my desk in two hours. Go!"

Lily was all but dancing I her seat, the thought of making Veritaserum instantly making her happier. Remus seemed please too, as did the Slytherin boy, Severus Something, while the rest of the class shifted uncomfortably in their seats. Severus was the first to get up and head to the storeroom, and every one quickly followed his lead.

My potion turned out okay. Not crystal clear like Lily's, Remus's, and Severus's, but a nice clear with only a bit of clouding. Enough to get an E, maybe an O if he was in a good mood, or an A if he wasn't.

"I'm expecting a nice two scrolls, discussing ways that you could improve your potion, either in the formula or the in preparations. And another two to on Christian Collier Cooper Colinstein, creator of Veritaserum. Next class please!" Slughorn called out as Lily and I left the classroom. The two hours weren't up, so most of the class was still completing their potion. Severus finished in an hour and left quickly. Remus finished shortly after, but still dawdled, giving hints to Sirius and James.

Lily and I left, and she still hadn't spoken to me, other than the two one word answers I got at the beginning of class. Walking up from the dungeons, I pulled her into the first empty classroom I could find.

"Okay girl, talk. What's up with you this morning? Lover boy keep you up all night?" I said. Maybe I was being nosey, it was another character flaw of mine. I was innately curious, I couldn't help it. I liked to know things, understand things. I really didn't like being kept I the dark or being lied to. I knew I should have just let it go when she didn't answer, but I couldn't when I saw how red she became. Being pale and red haired, Lily's emotions showed quite plainly on her face, and she didn't know how to hide them. Nothing was coming out of her mouth, but her face said quite enough.

"Did he?" I asked.

"Yes." She said after a pause, and a very deep breath. "We talked."

"We talked? What in Merlin's beard does that mean?" We'd been best friends for forever, and shared everything. And now she was avoiding me. And not talking to me. And refusing to look at me. And twisting her rings around like she did whenever she was nervous or had something she didn't want to tell me, or was considering lying.

I was pretty good at telling when people were lying. Everyone had tells, things that gave them away. Lily's tell was playing with her rings or getting mad in order to distract from her answer. My mom's tell was re applying lip gloss. James' was running his hands through his hair, but he did that a lot so you couldn't always count on his.

"We talked most of the night." She snapped, my tone getting her spine up. "And then I woke up late. And grabbed breakfast in the kitchens. Then I rushed here." Her sentences were short and snappy, and angry sounding, but she was still twisting her rings.

"I think you forgot a step in there." My temper was building. Before I was merely annoyed, and even hurt, that she didn't feel like she could share with me. Now I was truly mad. We never lied to each other. Ever. "I went to the kitchens after breakfast looking for you and the house elves said you had already been there and gone. So then I left and got to Potions in plenty of time. Obviously you're leaving out something. Am I not good enough for you to share it with me?"

"No!" She flushed. She knew how I felt about liars. "I just- Well… I just- mmmm…" She stuttered. "I can't tell you."

"Great. Thanks Lils." I said sarcastically. "You know you don't have to tell me everything, but I at least expect a bit. You've been avoiding me since last night. You haven't told me anything. And really, I don't mind that so much. You and James. It's okay if you want to leave it at that. But Lily, lying to me? Is that really the best you can do?" My temper; frustration towards Sirius, anger and hurt for Lily, anger at James for taking Lily away, shaken about the thestrals;usually so carefully reined in, was out of my control.

"Addy, what the hell? I thought you were bigger than these stupid, petty fights. And in better control of your temper." Lily was back in her element- she didn't like focus on herself. So she was trying to distract attention off herself by pointing a finger at me. I had no patience for her attempts to calm me down. None. I did the only thing I could. Storm out… in a dramatic fashion of course.

I had plenty of time before my next lesson, Ancient Runes, and I desperately needed to calm down. I walked out to the empty courtyard. Seventh years rotated on different schedules than the rest of the school, so most of the Hogwart's population was already in their second classes. I settled my self down on a bench, and tried to take in the silence and relax.

I couldn't explain, even to my self, why I got so mad. Yes, she lied to me, but I was frustrated before then, and my outburst was completely irrational.

My musings were interrupted by a loud voice calling across the courtyard. I looked up to see one of my best friends Nikolas Actley walking across to me. "Hello Addy. How was the rest of your holiday?" Niko asked in a heavy accent. He hard dark coloring, was medium height, but rather jacked. He had moved from Latvia four years ago, and everyone could tell the instant he opened his mouth. He was one of the sweetest, and gentlest people I knew, though people passing him often crossed to the other side of the street, so intimidated by his size. We had met up at Diagon Alley a few times in July, before he spent August with family in Latvia.

"It was slow." I said, glad to have such a nice distraction from my thoughts. "But fun, though I can't tell you how gad I am to be back here. How was Latvia? And Krista?" We continued chatting, until we headed up together for Ancient Ruins.

Niko and I had become friends through Ancient Ruins. We both loved the class, and though he was from Ravenclaw we started hanging out in and after class. It was nice. I enjoyed having a nonromantic relationship with a guy. His girlfriend, Krista, lived in Latvia, and they had been together before he came to Hogwarts, and I had no interest in him like that.

We walked, laughing as he told me another silly story about one of his and Krista's escapades and run-ins with her mother, into the Ancient Ruins classroom at the base of the Astronomy tower. The classroom was small, but the class was always small too, so it felt comfortable. This years class was surprisingly small, only eight students; three Ravenclaws including Niko, two Slytherins, a Hufflepuff, Remus, and myself.

"Hello Lupin." Niko said politely, as we slid into seats beside him. The classroom was arranged similar to our common rooms. Professor Bancroft's comfy chair was in the center, and the rest of the seats were arranged in a half circle around hers. Each seat was different, but they were all old. My seat was a peeling white wicker chair, with a faded flower cushion, while Remus's was an odd wooden throne like chair, with a rickety front leg. In between the seats were small tables, which miraculously matched the chair on its right side. "How was your summer?" I was slightly surprised by the look of utter shock that crossed Remus's face.

He took an awkward pause, long enough for Niko and I to exchange questioning glances. "Ah- It was fine." He managed to stutter out. He kept the same shocked expression all through the first part of the class, blatantly ignoring what Professor Bancroft was saying, focusing on his parchment which his was writing furiously on. He was the only one writing so I knew it had nothing to do with class work, and he wasn't even being sly about it.

"Now." She started in her slightly nasally sounding voice. She was one of the oldest teachers in the schools, rumors swirling that she had taught Professor Dumbledore when he was a student here. I didn't think she was that old, but she had certainly been here when my parents were in school. She was this tiny, grandmother like figure, with shocking white hair, which she some times changed to a vivid red or raven black, depending on her mood. She looked completely harmless, and was most of the time, but when she got angry, everyone ducked for cover. Her anger wasn't like fire and the yelling kind, like most teachers. It was icy and stung all the more for that.

"I may not be as pretty as Ms. Darcey or as handsome as Mr. Actely, but I do expect to have some attention paid to me!" Professor Bancroft inserted loudly, and rather directly at Remus. He didn't seem to notice that she was talking, never mind directly at him. I tried to nudge him to attention, but Professor Bancroft beat me to it. "Lupin!" At this he seemed to come quickly out of his daze, blinking up from his parchment like he'd just woken up from a long sleep.

"I'm sorry, what?" he asked, when he finally noticed that we were all waiting for him.

She sighed, exasperated. "I'm not doing this because I like you all," we all laughed at her obvious lie. That was her favorite saying, 'I'm not doing-whatever- because I like you all.' She could use it in any situation, and we all knew that she did like us. "But, you aren't paying any attention to anything I'm saying. So I ask my self why I'm still up here talking. Obviously Lupin is distracted, and with a class as small as this, that's a bad thing. So off to lunch with you all. I expect you to give me your undivided attention the minute you step foot back into this room. If its not I expect you not to return today." With that, she left the classroom before anyone had the chance to realize what she was saying. Lupin fled quickly after, which was the first of his normal behavior yet. He always left class quickly, either to be the first to the library or meet Sirius and James somewhere to wreck havoc.

Niko and I left at a more leisurely pace, walking down together to The Great Hall. "You want to sit with me today?" Niko asked as we entered The Great Hall, about to say good-bye for lunch. I began to answer 'no' until I noticed Lily sitting Alice and Greer. I was still annoyed with Lily, and knew we were going to have to settle everything out, but I didn't think in the middle of lunch was the best idea. I had gotten over being too angry, but I was still annoyed and hurt about being lied to.

"Sure." I said and we walked down the center isle, between the Ravenclaw and Gryffindor tables. I settled in beside Nik and some of our mutual Ravenclaw friends and ate. And tried not to think of the set of eyes I could feel boring into the back of my head.

I'd like to specifically thank Jordanjinxxer, ktmt1120, ShadyGeorgiia, Rusty Red Raptor, and Tarya 13 all for reviewing! I'd also like to thank everyone else who added this to their favorite stories or story alerts, and added me as a favorite author and onto author alert. It means a lot to me, because I know people like what I'm doing. Its encouraging and very exciting to get an email from . It makes my day!