Part Four - Heero
The tension was coiling inside me, singing through my blood like an adrenaline rush. As soon as Duo got the door open and flipped on the light, I reached for him. We collided, spilling to the floor in a clumsy heap.
"Hey, we've got all night. I promise I'm worth waiting for," he laughed, but the intensity in his eyes matched mine. It sounded reflexive, a line he had waiting on hand. I dismissed it for the meaninglessness it was. Standing, I exercised an amazing amount of control by not reaching down to pull Duo up against my body. I doubted my control was appreciated, doubted it was even recognized. But then I wasn't quite sure what Duo knew about me, and that trembling uncertainty quickened my pulse.
I held myself still as I watched him lock the door, until the beat of the words in my head matched the beat of my pulse. Duo wants me, Duo wants me, Duo wants me. I pulled him to me in a fierce kiss. I had never felt this intense level of need before, and felt trapped between the soul-deep instinct to stay in control and the breathless unknown of surrender.
Duo pulled back with a ragged breath, his skin flushed. The look glazing his blue eyes made my muscles tense with an undefined desire.
"Bedroom's there," Duo breathed, waiving his hand vaguely down the unlit hallway. I blinked at him, caught in the overwhelming grip of lust. Higher brain function was unattainable; my nerves were aflame with need. Duo smiled again, drawing me into the dark.
We didn't bother with a light in the bedroom. Enough ambient light spilled in from the living room that I could see the bed and Duo, nothing else mattered. Impatiently I pulled his clothes off. My enthusiasm deepened from the way he seemed to be laughing in amusement and shivering in desire at the same time, neither helping nor impeding my work. Once he was undressed, he leapt into bed as I quickly stripped.
I looked over just in time to see Duo finish unbraiding his hair. Gloriously naked, his fingers combing through the molten darkness of hair spilling over his body, Duo was the personification of every wanton desire I had ever held.
The sight shredded the last remnants of my self-control, and with a moan of surrender, I pounced.
I felt fierce satisfaction as my mouth stole the moans of pleasure from his. My body writhed downwards, the movement from beneath me driving me into an overwhelming frenzy. I gripped skin and muscle, I knew I would leave bruises and didn't care. I ground against the delicious form beneath me, and somewhere heard that glorious voice telling me to stop but the voice was the core of my desperate need. I was consumed, overwhelmed, I bit down and tasted blood and knew I was causing pain and it was glorious, the blood tasted like power and freedom and control and I was drowning in want, need, desire, lust, want, need, need, need....
A harsh voice, like Duo's and yet not, caught the attention of that part of me that would always hold itself separate. "Zero One. Stop. Return. Listen." The unexpected words brought me back to an awareness of my surroundings. I blinked away the haze of desire, and as my vision returned I saw Duo trapped under me, his hands pinned by mine. As I released my grip and sat up, Duo slid out from beneath me with natural grace and scooted towards the head of the bed. I blinked again, trying to process what had just happened with a mind that seemed determined to stay disconnected from any coherent thought.
Duo seemed dazed as well. "I knew if that didn't work nothing would." Duo's voice whispered around my thoughts, reflective rather than intruding. I could not have spoken if the fate of the colonies rested on it.
"Shit." A breath of silence. "Man." Duo touched the blood on his shoulder. "Heero, dude, where have you been recently?" I stared unseeing at Duo, who looked back with hooded eyes.
Then, my reason returned, dragging along shame and remorse. I had lost control, drawn blood and I wasn't sure where I would have stopped. This unfamiliar aching desire had overwhelmed me and I refused to indulge myself anymore. I was not a creature of the middle ground it seemed, either I was completely restrained or I was mindlessly impulsive. Bitterly I cursed myself for ever coming here as I pulled on my pants.
Duo's beautiful, glorious voice rang through the room, and though the tone was longing and a little alarmed, it felt like acid in my pool of self- pity. "Heero? Don't leave." I refused to look at him. I had to go. I could feel my resolve melting with every golden word. I took a step toward the door.
"Please, Yuy-sama."
As they had before, the words were so unnatural for this time and place they stopped me. I turned, stunned, pulled from my mental flagellation. He'd put me off-balance yet again.
"What did you call me?"
"Uh, yeah, sorry about that. But listen, come back here. Don't stop now." His voice held a hint of desperation.
A long pause thickened between us. "Don't....stop," I repeated, feeling as if I were trying to comprehend the secret of life itself. Once more the world stopped computing.
Duo licked his lips and gestured toward the bed. I didn't move, not leaving but not really choosing to stay. Shrugging, Duo continued. "Yeah. Most of that was...really exciting."
His eyes flicked away for a brief moment in a rare show of self- consciousness. "But I lost you somewhere in there. You sort of went away, and it stopped being about you and me. I don't want it to be like that. But that doesn't mean we should stop. Do you know how long I've been wanting you?"
I took an almost involuntary step towards the bed, drawn perhaps by the accuracy of the description.
"No, Duo. I can't be like that. I can't let go and ... know when to stop." I moved close enough to touch the blood on Duo's shoulder. He waved in dismissal.
"Yes, you can!" Duo was emphatic. "You've just never learned. Look," he said, pulling me down to face him on the bed. "You did target practice as a kid, right?" I nodded. "Well, as soon as you could hit 10 for 10 in a simulation, they didn't stick a gun in your hand and tell you to kill a human being right away did they?"
"Actually, they did."
It was Duo's turn to blink. "Well, shit. There goes that idea."
I waited in curious hope while intense thoughts played across his face. Duo had a way of drawing people in, making you believe that with enough passion anything was possible. I was sure that if there was a way to make this work, Duo would find it.
"All right, try this. Remember the first time you found out that life wasn't fair?" Enough of the blood-soaked images of Odin that passed through my mind must have made it to my face, because he continued as if I'd agreed. "Now think about the last time you were reminded that, no matter what you do, sometimes you just can't make things right." My gaze never left his as I nodded slowly. "It wasn't the same, was it? The feeling was different when it wasn't so new." I still wasn't convinced, but it was enough for me to think about.
Duo put a hand on my arm, pleading with his whole body. "Heero. Trust me. Please."
After a moment of silence, I stood up and looked down into Duo's wide eyes. He looked almost frightened and very, very vulnerable. I knew I was lost. I felt the ghost of a memory; wind rushing past me in glorious free-fall with the illusion of freedom it brought, unconcerned by what lay below. Ironic that Duo had been there for that, too.
"We will try again. I'll trust you to bring me back if I...get lost. But not tonight." I needed some time to recover my mental balance. I moved toward the door, only to be stopped once again by Duo's voice.
"Heero. Would you crash here tonight?" There was a whisper of longing hidden in the question that had nothing to do with lust. "You can have the bed if you want, I'll take the couch."
I turned, tempering my words with a half-smile. "Idiot. As if I'd let you sleep on your own couch. I'll see you in the morning." I left the room silently, not needing to hear his voice to feel the satisfaction radiating from the rumpled bed.
The tension was coiling inside me, singing through my blood like an adrenaline rush. As soon as Duo got the door open and flipped on the light, I reached for him. We collided, spilling to the floor in a clumsy heap.
"Hey, we've got all night. I promise I'm worth waiting for," he laughed, but the intensity in his eyes matched mine. It sounded reflexive, a line he had waiting on hand. I dismissed it for the meaninglessness it was. Standing, I exercised an amazing amount of control by not reaching down to pull Duo up against my body. I doubted my control was appreciated, doubted it was even recognized. But then I wasn't quite sure what Duo knew about me, and that trembling uncertainty quickened my pulse.
I held myself still as I watched him lock the door, until the beat of the words in my head matched the beat of my pulse. Duo wants me, Duo wants me, Duo wants me. I pulled him to me in a fierce kiss. I had never felt this intense level of need before, and felt trapped between the soul-deep instinct to stay in control and the breathless unknown of surrender.
Duo pulled back with a ragged breath, his skin flushed. The look glazing his blue eyes made my muscles tense with an undefined desire.
"Bedroom's there," Duo breathed, waiving his hand vaguely down the unlit hallway. I blinked at him, caught in the overwhelming grip of lust. Higher brain function was unattainable; my nerves were aflame with need. Duo smiled again, drawing me into the dark.
We didn't bother with a light in the bedroom. Enough ambient light spilled in from the living room that I could see the bed and Duo, nothing else mattered. Impatiently I pulled his clothes off. My enthusiasm deepened from the way he seemed to be laughing in amusement and shivering in desire at the same time, neither helping nor impeding my work. Once he was undressed, he leapt into bed as I quickly stripped.
I looked over just in time to see Duo finish unbraiding his hair. Gloriously naked, his fingers combing through the molten darkness of hair spilling over his body, Duo was the personification of every wanton desire I had ever held.
The sight shredded the last remnants of my self-control, and with a moan of surrender, I pounced.
I felt fierce satisfaction as my mouth stole the moans of pleasure from his. My body writhed downwards, the movement from beneath me driving me into an overwhelming frenzy. I gripped skin and muscle, I knew I would leave bruises and didn't care. I ground against the delicious form beneath me, and somewhere heard that glorious voice telling me to stop but the voice was the core of my desperate need. I was consumed, overwhelmed, I bit down and tasted blood and knew I was causing pain and it was glorious, the blood tasted like power and freedom and control and I was drowning in want, need, desire, lust, want, need, need, need....
A harsh voice, like Duo's and yet not, caught the attention of that part of me that would always hold itself separate. "Zero One. Stop. Return. Listen." The unexpected words brought me back to an awareness of my surroundings. I blinked away the haze of desire, and as my vision returned I saw Duo trapped under me, his hands pinned by mine. As I released my grip and sat up, Duo slid out from beneath me with natural grace and scooted towards the head of the bed. I blinked again, trying to process what had just happened with a mind that seemed determined to stay disconnected from any coherent thought.
Duo seemed dazed as well. "I knew if that didn't work nothing would." Duo's voice whispered around my thoughts, reflective rather than intruding. I could not have spoken if the fate of the colonies rested on it.
"Shit." A breath of silence. "Man." Duo touched the blood on his shoulder. "Heero, dude, where have you been recently?" I stared unseeing at Duo, who looked back with hooded eyes.
Then, my reason returned, dragging along shame and remorse. I had lost control, drawn blood and I wasn't sure where I would have stopped. This unfamiliar aching desire had overwhelmed me and I refused to indulge myself anymore. I was not a creature of the middle ground it seemed, either I was completely restrained or I was mindlessly impulsive. Bitterly I cursed myself for ever coming here as I pulled on my pants.
Duo's beautiful, glorious voice rang through the room, and though the tone was longing and a little alarmed, it felt like acid in my pool of self- pity. "Heero? Don't leave." I refused to look at him. I had to go. I could feel my resolve melting with every golden word. I took a step toward the door.
"Please, Yuy-sama."
As they had before, the words were so unnatural for this time and place they stopped me. I turned, stunned, pulled from my mental flagellation. He'd put me off-balance yet again.
"What did you call me?"
"Uh, yeah, sorry about that. But listen, come back here. Don't stop now." His voice held a hint of desperation.
A long pause thickened between us. "Don't....stop," I repeated, feeling as if I were trying to comprehend the secret of life itself. Once more the world stopped computing.
Duo licked his lips and gestured toward the bed. I didn't move, not leaving but not really choosing to stay. Shrugging, Duo continued. "Yeah. Most of that was...really exciting."
His eyes flicked away for a brief moment in a rare show of self- consciousness. "But I lost you somewhere in there. You sort of went away, and it stopped being about you and me. I don't want it to be like that. But that doesn't mean we should stop. Do you know how long I've been wanting you?"
I took an almost involuntary step towards the bed, drawn perhaps by the accuracy of the description.
"No, Duo. I can't be like that. I can't let go and ... know when to stop." I moved close enough to touch the blood on Duo's shoulder. He waved in dismissal.
"Yes, you can!" Duo was emphatic. "You've just never learned. Look," he said, pulling me down to face him on the bed. "You did target practice as a kid, right?" I nodded. "Well, as soon as you could hit 10 for 10 in a simulation, they didn't stick a gun in your hand and tell you to kill a human being right away did they?"
"Actually, they did."
It was Duo's turn to blink. "Well, shit. There goes that idea."
I waited in curious hope while intense thoughts played across his face. Duo had a way of drawing people in, making you believe that with enough passion anything was possible. I was sure that if there was a way to make this work, Duo would find it.
"All right, try this. Remember the first time you found out that life wasn't fair?" Enough of the blood-soaked images of Odin that passed through my mind must have made it to my face, because he continued as if I'd agreed. "Now think about the last time you were reminded that, no matter what you do, sometimes you just can't make things right." My gaze never left his as I nodded slowly. "It wasn't the same, was it? The feeling was different when it wasn't so new." I still wasn't convinced, but it was enough for me to think about.
Duo put a hand on my arm, pleading with his whole body. "Heero. Trust me. Please."
After a moment of silence, I stood up and looked down into Duo's wide eyes. He looked almost frightened and very, very vulnerable. I knew I was lost. I felt the ghost of a memory; wind rushing past me in glorious free-fall with the illusion of freedom it brought, unconcerned by what lay below. Ironic that Duo had been there for that, too.
"We will try again. I'll trust you to bring me back if I...get lost. But not tonight." I needed some time to recover my mental balance. I moved toward the door, only to be stopped once again by Duo's voice.
"Heero. Would you crash here tonight?" There was a whisper of longing hidden in the question that had nothing to do with lust. "You can have the bed if you want, I'll take the couch."
I turned, tempering my words with a half-smile. "Idiot. As if I'd let you sleep on your own couch. I'll see you in the morning." I left the room silently, not needing to hear his voice to feel the satisfaction radiating from the rumpled bed.