A/N: Heh heh…so, how long has it been? Month and a halfish, right?
Please don't kill me…
But wait! I have an excuse. See, my bffl who gets me to update was at summer camp, so there was no one to remind me! And this chapter annoyed me. It was annoying and difficult and I expect lots of reviews to make up for my trouble! Please?
HearmeCalling: Would have replied earlier, but you aren't logged in. First; Believe me, the underline wasn't intentional. I really wish I knew how it happened and how to prevent it, but I don't. Glad you read anyway though!
As to the oocness, I'm not Ryan Murphy. This is just my perception of the characters, sorry if you think differently. Puck isn't defensive of Kurt, he just likes beating people up, and we know that every male in New Directions would have beat up Jesse after she was egged in Funk, and she isn't particularly popular. I think Puck would jump at the opportunity to beat up Jesse. As to Jesse, I thought that greasey Kurt freaked him out slightly and he's more used to being in control. But as stated, I'm not Ryan Murphy. I might be wrong, read at your peril. : )
But um, glad you like it despite? And thanks for the constructive criticism, it's always appreciated. But please, login next time so I can reply to the review in a lengthier way.
Disclaimer: I admit it. I am Fox corporations. I own glee. Believe at your own risk.
Kurt slammed the door to his room shut. "What in hell was my Dad talking about?" He hissed. Jesse smiled.
"Oh, I just moved in with you. Are you sure you don't want any chicken salad? It's freshly made-"
"Forget about the chicken salad! Why are you in my house? How the hell did you convince dad to let you move in? And furthermore, how did you move in this fast?" Kurt had been gone 36 hours and Jesse managed to move in?
Though…Kurt's room was pretty much as he had left it, and the fancy couches and beautiful lamps which mixed the masculine and the feminine were all in place. But the privacy partition was open, and it looked like the bed behind it was made.
"Well, I saw you leave school and drive away, with Mercedes. I've been planning to move for awhile and this was just" Jesse leaned back. "The perfect opportunity."
"I can report you for stalking." Jesse smiled in a feline way. His entire demeanor screamed "But you won't, because I'm sexy."
Kurt shoved that thought out of his head. "And my Dad let you into the house why?"
"Well, as a good friend of yours from glee who is in such desperate need of a room for awhile, and what with my cooking skills and politeness well, your Dad just couldn't say no."
"You sweet talked my dad." Christ, how good an actor was Jesse?
"Basically."
"But…why do you need a room anyway?" Kurt was observant enough to notice the change in Jesse's body. He had gone to 'relaxed greek god of sex' to 'nervous 16 year old boy', faster than Mercedes could text.
"Well, I um, live with Coach Shelby." Kurt started. He liked Mr. Schue well enough, but he'd never live with the man.
"Why?" Jesse flushed. It was subtle, but he was definitely embarrassed.
"My parents winter in Bali. And summer in Madrid, and spend Fall in Paris or Barcelona depending on the weather, and spend Spring in Hawaii. So I normally stayed with my grandmother but then when I was a freshman she had a heart attack and died, and I needed a place to stay."
"So you automatically sought out your heartless vocal coach." Kurt deadpanned.
"Look, I didn't have a bunch of options. The only other option was that my parents would hire a nanny, which is frankly insulting." Kurt nodded. Much as he appreciated and often took advice from Fran Fine, most nannies scared him.
"Then why me?" Finally! The point of why on earth Kurt suddenly had a roommate.
"Shelby's adopting a daughter. I got the boot." Jesse was staring down at his hands, and Kurt felt a surge of pity. Oh poor Jesse being kicked out of his house… "You owed me a favor, so I invaded your house."
Wait. "You said you had been planning this. You saved me from those jocks so that I would owe you a favor?" Rachel was right!
Wow, never thought he'd ever honestly think that.
Jesse was just a lying heartless bastard who Kurt was going to kick out of his house as soon as that bastard moved out of the way of the door.
"Get out of the way, I'm getting dad to throw you out." Jesse didn't move. "I said move."
"No." Jesse shifted and put his hands on Kurt's shoulders. He stared deep into Kurt's eyes, and leaned closer. "Please. If you don't, I may have to move to Madrid. And then to Paris, and then to Bali, and then to Hawaii."
Wow. Jesse had gorgeous eyes. Kurt's mouth formed the words without his brain's consent.
"Only for a few days."
Glee
"I'll cook." Kurt froze. His brain had come down from the high of Jesse's overwhelming eyes, and he was now ready for war. Which Jesse had just declared.
"I do the cooking." Ever since Kurt's mother died. Kurt had become master of the kitchen, the only one permitted to touch the stove. Jesse eyed him.
"Well, I've cooked a lot for Shelby." Kurt glared at Jesse.
"Yes, but I know how to cook."
"Well, so do I." Oh, Kurt could tell. This was going to be an attempt to weasel his way further into the Hummel household. Burt was a sucker for home cooking.
"I was going to prepare something special." Well, no he wasn't. But Kurt was sure he could think up something good-his dad considered lasagna a fancy dish. Anything to get Jesse out of his kitchen.
"Then maybe I can help you." Kurt took a deep breath, preparing to bullshit something about how he needed absolute solitude to be a culinary master.
"Kurt!" Burt looked amused. "For crying out loud, you were telling me that you needed more hands just yesterday. Jesse, aprons are in the closet." Jesse smiled at Burt in an innocent lying way, and disappeared into the kitchen.
"Dad…" Kurt's dad clapped him on the back.
"Kurt, having another cook in the house won't undermine you, I swear. Now go on, have fun." Kurt spluttered as his dad took a seat on the couch. Of course Jesse was going to somehow undermine him! That was what evil people from vocal adrenaline did!
Of course, Burt had no idea that Jesse was evil. Damn. And it would really hurt Kurt's pride to go running to his dad rather than solve this on his own.
"Kurt? Are you coming to help or what?" Kurt whirled around, his mouth opening to yell something rude. He never managed to say it.
Jesse was wearing an apron.
It was pink and frilly, adorned with a bright red heart over the chest and the words "Kiss the cook" written on it in curly letters. Oh dear god.
He looked absurd. Kurt carefully kept the evil grin off his face as he whisked past Jesse into the kitchen, taking his phone from his back pocket and pressing the button with a camera on it.
Glee
"Great meal boys!" Burt said, belching. Jesse and Kurt smiled at him, both plates still piled with food. Burt's plate was nearly licked clean, and the various platters scattered over the table were almost empty. "Jesse, fantastic Filet Mignon."
Jesse smirked.
"Kurt, the cheese soufflé was wonderful."
Kurt smirked.
"You two have a very competitive friendship don't you?" Burt eyed them both, and Kurt spluttered. He wasn't sure how to explain that Jesse wasn't actually his friend and fellow glee clubber but actually an evil rival who was there because Kurt owed him a huge favor and because Jesse had annoyingly persuasive eyes.
"Well, a little bit. We try to suppress it." Jesse smiled at Burt in a ridiculously charming way. Kurt seethed and the two began to talk, and it was revealed that Jesse magically loved football and Top Gun and Deadliest Catch, just like Burt.
What. An. Astonishing. Coincidence.
"I'm going to my room. Night dad," Kurt managed a ghoulish smile. "Night Jesse."
Jesse smiled up at him. Kurt could see the evil in his eyes.
"Night Kurt. I'll try not to wake you up."
"Goodnight son. Now Jesse, if Tom Brady and Derrick Brooks were on the same team against Peyton Manning and…" Kurt headed down to the basement. He had no idea who any of those people were, and frankly he didn't care.
"Hello, payback." Kurt sat down at his computer and brought up his facebook page. "Jesse st. James, prepare to feel the burn."
Glee
Kurt walked into New Directions a hero. The other cheerios were gathered around the Cheerio laptop, giggling. The football players were gathered around another laptop, roaring with laughter. Rachel was trying to see what everyone was laughing at.
"Kurt! You rock!" Finn called. He was grinning, and Kurt's heart skipped a beat.
"Why, thank you Finn Hudson."
"What happened?" Rachel broke into the conversation. "Puck won't let me see the computer, and neither will Santana."
"Look." Finn spun the laptop around. Rachel gasped, and Kurt laughed wickedly.
There, for the world to see, was a picture of Jesse st. James, in a ridiculous pink apron.
"How did you even get that photo Kurt?" Mercedes asked. She wasn't smiling. In fact, the former cheerio was frowning, and scrolling down on her phone.
"He moved in with me." She blinked. "Well, more of made himself my roommate. Long story."
"Dude, that guy is so gay." Puck muttered. Kurt groaned.
"Gee, Puck what tipped you off?"
"Kurt, are you sure posting that picture was smart?" Mercedes asked hesitantly. Kurt snorted.
"Please. He'd do the same to any of us in a heartbeat, and he and his buddies have done worse than that!" Rachel nodded vigorously. Mercedes glanced down at her phone again.
"Well, I hope you're right. Because the rest of Vocal Adrenaline is pissed." Mercedes held up her phone. "Their website has that photo on it, and some of the comments are brutal." Kurt took her phone and glanced over the comments. He winced.
"Oh." So much for team loyalty. "But he's their lead singer. They'll take him back, just like we haven't kicked out Rachel over the number of embarrassing things she's done to us."
Mercedes shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. But you sound an awful lot like Miss Sylvester."
Glee
"Kurt!" Jesse thundered. Kurt looked up from the latest Vogue. "Kurt!"
"Oh, Jesse. Can you not be so loud, I'm trying to read." Jesse snatched the magazine out of Kurt's hands. "Hey!" Jesse leaned over him, glaring.
"I just found out that there is an interesting picture of me circulating the internet." Kurt shrugged indifferently. "Shelby is going to kill me!"
"So?" Jesse rubbed the bridge of his nose. "You don't live with her anymore, does it matter?"
"She's my coach. She doesn't care if I live in another school district, but she may care that my entire team hates me!" Kurt swallowed. He had been thinking that maybe if Jesse was mad enough, he wouldn't want to live with Kurt anymore.
"Your team doesn't hate you." Jesse laughed in a cynical way.
"Oh, believe me they do. We work because there is no emotion-do you realize that you just screwed up the entirety of Vocal Adrenaline!" Kurt blinked.
"Really?" That was great! "For how long?" Jesse swore.
"Why do you have to be a part of New Directions?" Jesse suddenly brightened. Kurt gulped. He really didn't like that look.
"Jesse…" Jesse ignored him. He was already texting someone. "What are you doing?"
"Mmm. Gotta go Kurt." Jesse hurried out the door, leaving Kurt feeling very, very, confused. Finally, he picked up his copy of Vogue and buried himself in a critique of a male model.
Glee
"Where have you been?" Jesse sat down on the couch. He stretched out, smiling with the lazy confidence of a sleepy tiger.
"Around. Is your dad in?" Kurt shook his head.
"He works late Wednesdays." Jesse smiled. He was looking far better than earlier, dressed in tightly fitting jeans and his typical leather jacket. He looked very, very, hot.
"That's great. I'll cook dinner tonight."
"We've got tons of leftovers from last night-" Jesse held up a hand and rose from the couch. He slid over to Kurt and gently took the other boy's shoulders, pushing him down into a chair.
"Kurt. I'm cooking dinner for you. Now go be grateful." Jesse picked up the remote and turned on Grey's Anatomy. "Watch television. Relax." Kurt stared in bewilderment as Jesse vanished into the kitchen.
True, a long fantasy of Kurt's was watching television in the den while a stunning man cooked him dinner, but he had always pictured the man to be more like Finn Hudson, and a lot more trustworthy.
"Kurt! Dinner!" Jesse ushered Kurt into the dining room. The lights were dimmed and the table set for two. With candles. "I made a delicious sauce of duck and glazed peaches, with a chocolate mousse for dessert." Kurt blinked.
"Okay." If Jesse thought he was going to fall for some good cooking, then he was sadly mistake-oh god that duck sauce was fantastic. "This isn't fooling me."
Jesse smiled innocently. "Fooling you?" Kurt glared at Jesse and stabbed a peach.
"I bet you did the same thing to Rachel." Jesse sighed. His eyelids drooped, his posture slumped, his eyes turned sad.
"Kurt, Shelby asked me to. I couldn't refuse her. And I never cooked Rachel anything. She wasn't…I'm doing this by choice." As Kurt stared into Jesse's mournful eyes, he came to a realization.
Jesse was calculating every move. Being in Vocal Adrenaline made him into a soulless automaton, and each move was meant to pull on Kurt's delicate heartstrings.
"Oh…I mean, thanks?" Kurt smiled back at Jesse, putting a little sheepishness and little lust in his eyes. If you can play this game, so can I, he thought vindictively. "So um…where did you buy the duck?"
Almost an hour of Jesse being charming and Kurt stammering and blushing, Jesse stood up and yawned, lifting his arms over his head. Kurt had a feeling that it was no coincidence that his shirt raised enough to see several inches of muscled abdomen.
"I think I'll shower and turn in. Kurt?" Kurt coughed and blushed.
"Ah, I showered earlier. I'm just going to do my facial and climb into bed." Jesse shrugged and headed for the bathroom. As soon as he was out of sight, Kurt bolted for his phone.
Brit&Santana-how do you screw with a guy's mind? Thank god for his cheerio contacts. This was going to be an interesting game…
A/N: Please god let this not come out underlined. I have no idea how that happened to the last chap, but it wasn't intentional.
Oh, and reviews are always great!