2006

Blood; there was so much blood. It would never come out. It was on his hands. It was everywhere. Lisa's blood; Annie's blood, he would never be clean again.

The lights of Cardiff were spread out before him. There was a time when he would've seen nothing but the beauty of the night time; when he was a boy and the streetlights reminded him of a giant fairground but now as he stood on top of that multi storey car park, all he saw was the ugliness of a dark and empty world. It was empty without her.

The wind was cool against his cheeks drying the tears as they fell.

Just six months ago he'd been on the top of the world. Was it really only six months? It felt like he'd been playing this game forever; sneaking around behind their backs, fading into the background, never giving anybody cause for suspicion, having sex with Jack because – no, Ianto wouldn't think about him. Not tonight. His last thoughts would be of Lisa, not Jack Harkness.

So much blood and a whispered 'go home, Ianto.'

He'd never wanted anybody to get hurt. He just wanted to fix her. He'd just wanted his Lisa back.

His Lisa; now she was dead. Her broken body was lying in a pool of blood on the floor of the Hub.

Ianto reached into his pocket and took out the ring; Lisa's engagement ring. Six months ago he was going to ask her the question. He never got the chance. He brought the ring to his lips and kissed it.

'I love you, Lisa,' he whispered. 'I'm so sorry I failed you. I'll be with you soon, Cariad.'

He had nothing left now. There was nothing to live for.

Ianto stepped up to the ledge and sat down on the top of the multi storey car park. It seemed a long way to fall. He hoped he'd be dead before he hit the ground.

'Ianto?'

The voice behind him was softly spoken almost a whisper but Ianto recognised the accent immediately. He should have known.

'Leave me alone, Jack.'

Ianto didn't turn around to look at him. He continued staring at the ground.

'I'm sorry, Ianto I can't do that.' Jack's tone was calm and steady. Ianto was aware that he wasn't moving closer. He stood back afraid to startle him.

'Why? Please Jack.'

'Are you going to jump?' Jack asked softly.

Ianto let out a loud sob in response.

Jack began to move slowly towards Ianto. When he reached the barrier Ianto finally turned his head to look at him.

'Don't come any closer, Jack.'

'Ok,' Jack halted a couple of metres away from Ianto. 'Do you really think this is the answer?'

'I've got nothing left.'

'That's not true, Ianto. You've got us. All of us.'

'Ha – yeah, I've got you. I've got Torchwood; fucking Torchwood.'

'And your family; your Mam and Tad.'

'I haven't spoken to them for two years, Jack; like I said: I've got nothing left.'

Jack didn't speak for a moment. He tried not to panic but he was so scared. Ianto was so close to the edge in more ways than one. He couldn't lose him. He couldn't.

'How did you find me?' Ianto asked.

'Toshiko. She followed you on the CCTV. She was worried about you. We all were.'

'I betrayed you.'

'Yes, you did.' Jack replied.

'Why would you be worried about me?'

'Because you're part of my team; you were right about what you said before. We all took you for granted. It doesn't mean that we don't care about you. I care about you.'

The words Jack had spoken earlier that night as he pointed a gun at Ianto's head told a different story.

'Execute her or I'll execute you both.'

'I deserve to die.'

'No. No, Ianto. Don't talk like that.'

'I failed her, Jack.'

'You didn't. You did your best for her Ianto. You loved her. It was the Cyber men who killed Lisa. They are the only ones to blame.'

'I just want the pain to stop. I've been hurting for such a long time.'

'I know. I know Yan and I'm sorry. I didn't see it.'

Ianto began sobbing again.

'Please give me your hand, Yan. Let me help you.'

'Nobody can help me, Jack. I just want it to be over so I can be with Lisa again.'

'Lisa wouldn't want you to die, Ianto. You know that. She would want you to carry on.'

'Don't you fucking dare mention her name. You have no idea what she would want.'

'I'm sorry, Ianto.'

Ianto's shoulders slumped and he looked back down at the ground again.

'What did you do with her body?'

'We cleaned it up.' Jack's voice was thick with emotion. 'Owen needs to remove the cybernetic implants; they need to be destroyed. We'll keep her body in the morgue.'

For a long time there was silence. Ianto was lost in thought and Jack was watching him carefully, scared to move in case it pushed Ianto too far.

'I can't do it on my own.' Ianto said it so quietly Jack barely heard him.

'You don't have to. We all want to help you. Let me take you home and call Owen ok? He can give you some sleeping tablets for starters.'

Ianto shook his head.

'Please just let me end it, Jack.'

'I can't lose you, Yan.'

'Why's that, because you enjoyed fucking me? I'll be easy to replace – Gwen seems like an awfully obliging sort of girl.'

Jack shook his head.

'It was never just about sex for me, Yan.'

'Yeah well it wasn't about sex for me either. It was just a convenient way to keep you distracted.'

Ianto saw the flash of hurt across Jack's face and he felt even guiltier, but then that was just the latest in a long stream of lies he'd told Jack Harkness since he started working for Torchwood 3.

Jack regained his composure quickly.

'Yeah well – the point is Ianto. I want to help you. I want to be your friend if you'll let me.'

Ianto looked at Jack with a strange expression that Jack couldn't read, but then he'd never been good at reading Ianto Jones. Maybe that was one of the things that were so appealing about him.

'You want to be my friend, Jack?'

'Yes I do. Please Ianto give me your hand and come away from the edge. We can talk properly.'

'Are you going to Retcon me?'

'No. Believe me, Ianto I know it doesn't seem like it to you right now but you have so many people who care about you. There's a place for you at Torchwood if you want it, but even if you don't I still want to help you. I'm not going to abandon you.'

'Oh Jack, what the fuck am I supposed to do?'

'You don't have to decide anything right now. Let me call Owen and take you home. You need rest. You can take some time off – go and visit your parents. Then you can decide what you want to do.'

Ianto looked at Jack with a searching expression. Then slowly he reached out for him and Jack moved closer taking his hand and pulling Ianto back away from the edge. He wrapped his arms around Ianto and held him while Ianto sobbed into his chest.

Owen was waiting at Ianto's flat when Jack pulled the SUV up outside. Jack took Ianto's keys from his shaking hands and unlocked the door. Once they were inside Owen sat Ianto down on the settee and turned to Jack who was hovering in the doorway.

'Could you wait in the kitchen, Jack?' he asked, 'doctor, patient confidentiality and all that.'

Jack nodded and made his way into the kitchen. He filled Ianto's kettle and began to make Ianto a mug of sweet tea to help calm him down.

Jack thought back to his early memories of Ianto; the little boy drawing in his father's tailor shop, the teenager lonely and frightened who just wanted to go home to his parents.

They hadn't spoken for two years.

Why? Jack thought to himself. The Jones's hadn't seemed like the kind of people to lose contact with their son. Jack felt another twinge of guilt. He'd never asked Ianto about his family. Even when he realised, fairly soon after he'd hired him that he was the same Ianto Jones, he'd never asked.

'When did you last ask me anything about my life?'

He'd taken Ianto to his bed but he'd never asked about his family. He would never do that again. He would be there for Ianto no matter what.

It was half an hour before Owen's head appeared in the kitchen doorway.

'Good,' he said when he saw the tea, 'just what he needs.'

He picked up the mug and carried it through to Ianto. Jack heard Owen give orders to 'sip it slowly' before he made his way back to Jack in the kitchen.

'Right,' Owen began. 'Ianto's asked me to tell you what's going on. He's not really up to doing much more talking tonight. I've given him a tablet to help him sleep.'

Jack nodded.

'He's in a bad way, Jack. I'm not going to lie. He's suffering from PTSD which we already knew about, add to that severe depression and anxiety; thoughts of self harm and suicide.

'I've given him some strong anti-depressants and sleeping tablets. He's exhausted. I'm signing him off from work for four weeks minimum.

'If he was any normal patient I'd be referring him for counselling but it's not like he can go and talk about this to someone outside of Torchwood. I do have some training so I'm going to see him a couple of times a week and see how we go.'

'Will he be ok, Owen?'

'He's got people who care about him, Jack. He's grieving and in shock at the moment but it'll get better with time.'

'I should've seen this coming.' Jack sighed.

Owen shook his head. 'You can't blame yourself, Jack. He didn't want you to see it.'

Owen left shortly afterwards with a promise to call in the next day. When he left Jack sat down next to Ianto who was just staring blankly at nothing. He didn't seem to register Jack's presence until Jack gently placed a hand on his shoulder.

'Yan?'

'She's gone hasn't she Jack.'

Jack nodded. 'Yes, Ianto, I'm sorry but she has gone.'

Ianto swallowed back a sob.

'Can I see her?'

'Soon,' Jack replied. 'I promise I'll take you to see her soon.'

Ianto said nothing in response, but Jack didn't remove his hand from Ianto's shoulder.

A few minutes later Jack helped Ianto undress for bed. He needed rest and Owen's sleeping tablet was quick to take effect. As Jack covered Ianto over with the duvet he leaned down and placed a chaste kiss on the top of Ianto's head.

'I'll see you tomorrow.' He said as he moved towards the bedroom door.

'Jack,'

'Yes, Yan?'

'Stay, please.'

Jack smiled slightly and moved around to the other side of the bed. He climbed in beside Ianto, still fully dressed and wrapped his arms around him.

He was still holding him when Ianto woke up in the morning.

2008

Jack and Ianto were lying in bed. The same bed they had slept in on that fateful night almost two years previously.

Jack was lying on his back with his arms wrapped around his younger lover. Ianto's head was resting on his chest listening to Jack's heartbeat.

'I never thanked you,' Ianto whispered softly as he played with Jack's chest hair.

'For what?' Jack asked.

'Saving my life,' Ianto replied, 'after Lisa.'

Jack didn't say anything. He just brought his hand up and began to stroke Ianto's forehead soothingly.

'I would've jumped.'

'But you didn't.'

'Only because you stopped me; at the time I was hurting so badly but you fixed me, Jack. You never turned your back on me.'

Jack kissed his forehead. 'I never will, Ianto. I'll always be here to look after you.' I always have been.

'I know,' Ianto replied. 'I love you, Jack Harkness.'

'I love you too, Ianto Jones. My Ianto Jones.'