Kurt found himself looking forward to rehearsals for the Winter Musical more than anything else over the next few days. Sure, he was finally falling into the routine of the show, learning his lines and songs and having a good time for the first time in a long time, but it was more Blaine's presence that made it wonderful.
The two boys had grown pretty close over the past 8 days, 11 hours and 15 minutes since they met. Just as Blaine promised, if Kurt had needed anything he was there. If Kurt was feeling down about Burt, he'd text or call Blaine and the other boy would just listen and at times, if Kurt wanted, give advice or make a joke or try to make him feel better. Most of the time it was successful. Sure, there were times that, even if Blaine listened and made corny jokes to try and heal Kurt's wounds, Kurt just couldn't bring himself to be okay. It's not like he was mourning the loss of a great pair of shoes, after all. He was grieving over losing the sole constant in his life. He was grieving over losing his best friend, his mentor, his dad. As much as Kurt liked Blaine- and he really liked Blaine- he couldn't completely fill the empty void in his heart. He could take away the pain for a time, but not completely; though something told Kurt that Blaine wouldn't give up until he could disprove that. If how Blaine had been acting over the past few days was any indication, Kurt thought that there might just be a time when Blaine would make him be okay again. Maybe.
The two boys were inseparable during practices. Well, during times when they were both free and not running lines or songs or on stage. Time was kind of limited by the fact that Blaine was the star of the show and they didn't have any really long scenes together. Whenever they weren't on stage, however, they were together, and Kurt was finding himself able to laugh more freely with every passing day with Blaine by his side. The other boy gave him a sense of comfort and ease. He made Kurt feel like he could temporarily put his pain in a box and store it in the back of the closet. Like he wouldn't have to deal with his sadness or the anger or the hurt that he felt. And it was such a glorious feeling in comparison to the hell he'd been experiencing before he met Blaine. Blaine didn't even have to do much, really, his mere presence made Kurt feel lighter, better, stronger. Blaine exuded such confidence and strength that Kurt just knew he'd be safe and okay as long as he was around. While he still had amazing friends like Mercedes and Tina, and maybe even Rachel Berry, to go to if he needed them, with Blaine something was so different. He couldn't quite put his finger on what exactly it was or where it stemmed from, but it was absolutely not the same as his other friendships. It was almost like he dreamed up the perfect person, someone he really needed, and poof! Blaine just appeared. Kurt wasn't complaining, not in the least bit, he was borderline euphoric to have Blaine in his life, he just couldn't place what was making him feel so strongly so quickly. Kurt wasn't exactly the type to open up to people so easily, but with Blaine it hadn't even been an hour and he knew his most deepest secrets. He knew what made him most vulnerable and he made it known he would always be there. How could someone so perfect exist in reality? Especially in Kurt's reality.
There were many times in those few days that Kurt would find himself just staring at Blaine. Sure, he was gorgeous and particularly fun to look at, but it was even deeper than that. For Kurt, the staring was more than a physical desire. As he stared he always found himself wondering the same things: How could he be so perfect? What did I do to deserve a person like this in my life? After everything that just happened, after I basically killed my dad? He never voiced these questions to Blaine, he didn't want to scare him off, so he just continued to stare in awe and wonder. Occasionally Blaine would catch him staring, and though Kurt didn't know it, it made Blaine's heart beat increasingly faster every time he did.
The other members of the musical saw how close the two boys had grown in an extremely short amount of time and everyone automatically jumped to conclusions. "Ohmygod! You guys are totally in love!" "Are you guys, like, dating?" "When are the two of you going to just tell us you're together, already? It's really no secret. Everyone can tell." "I think you guys are lobsters for each other. Or dolphins. Are you?" "Wanky."
The boys laughed the remarks and questions off and gave no official answers. Deep down, though, both wanted to confirm they did have feelings for the other. Kurt held back because he didn't want to scare Blaine off. Blaine held back because he knew that Kurt had been through so much recently and wasn't sure if he'd be able to handle anything else, even if it was a really great thing. The chemistry between the two was undeniable, though. Even Finn noticed, and that's saying something.
Sure, it was easier for Finn to know what was going on because he lived with Kurt and heard Kurt on the phone through the late hours of the night. He heard the clicking of the keys on the keyboard at 1am while Kurt giggled softly to himself, trying to stay as quiet as possible even though Blaine had said something to make him laugh out loud. He laughed as Kurt sang on the top of his lungs in the shower to the most absurd love songs (Kurt hadn't sung in the shower for months, let alone with enthusiasm and so loudly that the neighbors could probably hear). But more than anything, he saw the noticeable difference in Kurt's attitude, the constant smile on his face that wasn't forced or put there for anyone else's benefit but his own. It was a natural, Kurt smile, and it had been missing for a long time. That was until Kurt met Blaine. Since then, that smile is always there even when Blaine isn't around. Finn didn't know Blaine, given that he wasn't in the musical, but he already really liked the kid for making Kurt feel better. Kurt and Finn may have had some rough patches in the past, but when it boiled down to it, Finn really looked out for Kurt and thought of him as his little brother. Seeing Kurt sad was horrible and knowing that Blaine was able to change that really made Finn feel better.
Before Kurt knew it, 23 days, 17 hours and 30 minutes later, it was opening night. As he paced back and forth backstage, he grasped one of Burt's baseball caps in his hand. The cap was dirty, covered in oil in spots, probably from Burt touching the cars full of grease and then moving the cap on his head. It was also really worn and torn in places, but Kurt didn't care. He was hanging on to the cap like a lifeline to Burt as he paced back and forth in the dark. He wasn't exactly nervous, Kurt rarely got nervous and understood that he almost always pulled focus, he was just feeling slightly guilty. He knew Burt would have wanted this, wanted Kurt to continue on with his life as normally as he possibly could. He would have wanted him to stay in the show and he would have been in the front row on opening night screaming and cheering and telling everyone he possibly could "That's my boy!" Despite this, though, Kurt felt sad as he waited for the show to begin. As he paced he talked to Burt under his breath.
"I'm doing this for you, dad. All for you. I know you would have been furious with me if I'd have quit this thing, so I stuck with it. I just want you to be proud of me." Tears began pooling behind his eyes as he realized he'd never see Burt's 'I'm really proud of you, Kurt' face again. As they spilled down his face and he hastily wiped them away he looked up to the ceiling, picturing the open sky that lie above it, and said "I hope you're watching, dad. I love you so much. Always." He took a deep breath as he heard footsteps coming up behind him and tried to make it seem like he hadn't just been crying and talking to himself like an asylum patient.
"Kurt…" Blaine said quietly from behind him. He voice was consoling, comforting him with the single syllable of his name. Kurt knew Blaine had heard everything he said and turned around to face him.
"I'm fine, really I'm fine. It's just… hard. You know." Kurt said shrugging and fighting back the large lump in his throat.
Blaine stepped closer and placed his hand on Kurt's shoulder. Looking down and seeing the ratty baseball cap in his hands he audibly sighed. "I know this is probably extremely difficult for you. But you are going to be amazing tonight and he's going to be watching. He's going to be looking down on you and smiling the widest smile anyone could possibly smile. And when you get to that big note at the end of "Sit Down You're Rocking the Boat" he's going to be screaming and telling all of the other guys up there with him about you and how proud of you he is." Blaine smiled and squeezed Kurt's shoulder as Kurt let out a tear-filled giggle. "I never met him, but from what you've told me about him, I just know that's exactly what's happening. So let's just go out there, have fun and do this thing the best that we can and make him proud. Okay?" The smaller boy tried to catch Kurt's gaze and when their eyes met Kurt could see the mixture of hope and uncertainty in his eyes. He could tell Blaine was trying his hardest to make sure Kurt would be okay, would get through this, and he nearly melted into Blaine's touch. He brought his hand up to the hand that had been resting on his shoulder and squeezed, smiling at Blaine through his tears.
"Thank you, Blaine. I honestly don't know what I'd do without you." He sighed.
"Well, luckily for you, you'll never have to find out!" Blaine said enthusiastically as Kurt giggled again softly. He removed his hand and Kurt wiped at his eyes one last time before tucking Burt's cap away into his shoulder bag and preparing for the curtain to rise and the show to begin.
"THAT WAS AMAZING, KURT!" Blaine practically screamed in his face after the curtain call had ended and the opening show drew to a close.
Without thinking Kurt threw himself into Blaine's arms and squeezed him as tightly as he could without breaking the other boy's bones. "Thank you, Blaine. Thank you so much." He whispered into the shorter boy's ear.
When he pulled back, Blaine's face was a mixture of shock, lust, and downright happiness. Though the boys had hugged before, they had always been casual hello and goodbye hugs. This hug was so, intimate. The way Kurt squeezed him so tightly and the whispering in his ear. God. How was Blaine supposed to handle this?
Kurt instantly saw the look on Blaine's face and felt blush creeping up his neck and into his cheeks. "I-I-I'm sorry. I was just really caught up in the moment. I can't believe how well it went and I'm just so happy I stuck with this. I usually never listen to Rachel Berry but I'm so glad I did this time, especially because I met you. You're so important to me, Blaine. I never would have survived the past few weeks, and especially tonight, without you. You're like, an angel or something that just appeared when I needed you most. And you're so special to me. And now I'm just ranting and I'm sorry. I sound so silly." Kurt practically spit everything he was say out, talking so fast that Blaine was lucky he even caught what he was saying. When he finished his face was a bright shade of red and he quickly averted his gaze to his feet, finding them particularly interesting at that very moment.
Blaine took a moment to process everything he had just heard. I'm so important to him? Special to him? He thinks I'm an angel. OHGOD. He shook his head as if physically trying to shake out the amount of thoughts that were accumulating in his brain at that moment, trying to stay calm and not freak out. "Kurt. I- I don't even know what to say. You're so special to me, too, and I care about you so much. Nothing you just said sounded silly. I'm glad I could be this person for you and I'll always try my hardest to keep that smile on your face and make you happy and be there when you need me. I promise. I'll never let you down if I can help it." Blaine smiled and leaned forward to kiss Kurt's cheek gently.
The kiss was soft, gentle and lingering. Kurt couldn't help but be hyperaware of how beautiful Blaine looked and how amazing the softness of his lips felt against the smooth skin of his cheek. He could only imagine what those lips felt like on his own soft lips. Ugh. Stop, Kurt. Don't ruin this. When Blaine finally pulled away the two boys just stood there, staring into each other's eyes until they finally heard Rachel calling loudly, and quite obnoxiously, for Kurt from a distance.
"I guess we should get going. The cars for the cast party are going to be leaving soon and if we don't get in one we'll never get there." Blaine said, eyes still shining brightly as he looked at Kurt.
"Yeah, I guess we should." Kurt replied, breathless, eyes also twinkling.
The two boys walked off together toward Rachel and the other cast members, their bodies so close that their hands gently brushed against each other every few steps. Neither boy made a conscious effort to hold the other's hand, neither wanted to make anything awkward, but that didn't stop the huge, goofy smiles on both of their faces from forming every time they felt their hands brush together at their sides. As they walked, both boys couldn't help but think the same thing: One day, I'm gonna hold his hand for real.