He's coming home today.
The psychologists said that it's probably best that we expose him to things a little at a time. Since it's clear that I'm pregnant and he knows that it's his child, that's what we're starting will. Gale has always been a responsible guy, so even if we didn't want to start with that he wouldn't give up on it. We'll start to ease him into the fact that we're married a little later. I mean, he knows but we're not going to flaunt the fact. As much as it hurts me.
Someday he'll accept it. I'm determined to make sure that it's going to happen. But until then, I've turned down the wedding photos of us. Most of them, anyway. The one next to our bed on my side isn't moving. I refuse.
I've sat with him every day since the accident. It's been almost a week now. He's warmed up to me, which is good. I don't think he's looked over the history that he was given. He hasn't said anything about it if he has. And the fact that his best friend won the Hunger Games and fueled a rebellion all while trying to decide if she was in love with a baker or a hunter seems to be something the old Gale would at least comment on if he had known it was going to happen. He hated this country, so the fact that it wasn't like it was before? No, I don't think he knows anything.
I walked to the hospital in a crisp wind. I took the day off of work despite all the factors saying I shouldn't. I don't care if he didn't love me, he needed me to be there for him. I don't think he wants to live with me right now, I don't think he trusts me enough yet. But that's understandable, it took a while for him to warm up to me before. But we don't really have a choice, he knows how tight money can get, and we just can't afford to put him somewhere else. I'm already trying to calculate how we're going to pay for his medication, what we're going to give up each month for it.
I meet Jenkins and his girlfriend, Ava, in the lobby and the three of us head up to where Gale has been for the past four days. Jenkins hasn't been up here yet. At least when Gale was awake. After we came to Two, he and Gale bonded really quickly, he was almost like his new best friend, so when he heard that Gale had absolutely no memory of what's happened here he didn't want to make things worse as he would have been an entirely new face. But I needed his and Ava's help getting Gale settled in the house.
"Hey, Woody!" Jenkins says cheerfully. He knew all about Gale and going into the woods, and the nickname just sort of happened one day. It never faded. "You get to get out of here now."
Gale's confused. His face shows that clear as day. He also looks slightly irritated, which I understand. He can't remember anything.
Nothing else is said as we head back to our house. I wish it were a comfortable silence, but the weight of it is heavy. I feel that if I say anything it could ruin everything that I'm working towards.
So, I don't say anything. Not for a while.
When Gale asked where the bed and bathroom were, I simply guided him into our room. And then pointed out the entrance to the bathroom from our closet.
It isn't until I finish cooking diner (a simple pasta with garlic. I'm far from being an amazing chef, so I stick to easy things) when I finally say something to him.
I knock on the closed door to our room as I open it, and there he's sitting. And he's holding the picture of us from our wedding. The only one I didn't move. He's so... mesmerized by it.
"Dinner's on the table if you're wanting to eat. Which I'd advise you should. It's not much better than hospital food, but it's something." I speak my words casually, not moving from next to the door.
He doesn't look up from the picture.
"This was in the meadow back in Twelve." It's not a question, but you can hear the slight confusion in his tone, which is something that I don't understand. "We live here. If we got married in Twelve, when did we move here?"
A smile comes on my face as I listen to his words. I don't understand it, but he's accepted that we're married. He was asking about it. I walk over to the bed, sitting next to him, I tilt the picture a little bit to remove the glare from the window.
"We came here right after the war. Didn't even stop in Twelve. You said goodbye to your family and then we left." I look up from the photograph to see a slightly confused look still on his face. "When we got married I thought you'd want your friends, your family, there with you. So I suggested we'd go back to Twelve to do it. Most of them were there, anyway."
"Oh."
Oh. That's all he says. I don't know what I was expecting him to say, but it surely wasn't that. Maybe I wanted him to thank me or something now, even though he'd done that when I made the suggestion. And that thanking was followed by several kisses. Man, how I miss that. It seems like a lifetime since I got to taste his lips, I'd gotten so used to them that I forgot that they could be ripped away so easily.
"So..." His word pulled me out of my thoughts, and I find myself anticipating what he was going to say. "Your Mom... was she there? I know she was sick and bedridden, but did they find a way to get here there?"
My heart drops, and I stand up, looking away from him. My hands brush through my hair and there's a pregnant pause. Silence filled the room quickly, and my gaze meets with the floor.
"No." I say, simply. I haven't thought about my Mom in a while. I wish she was there. I wish she were here now with me, telling me stories about how our pregnancies were similar and how very different they were. I wish she'd be here to tell me how much I'll love being a mother.
It isn't until that moment until I realize how utterly alone I am now. Before I felt fine. I had Gale, I didn't need my family, not really. Daddy didn't approve of my relationship with Gale, anyway. He probably wouldn't be around even if he did survive the bombs. It would have been nice if Mamma was here, but growing up I knew, somewhere inside of me, that she'd never be able to see my children.
Now I don't even have Gale. My rock. The one person who'd kept me sane since I lost everything. And then, I let the tears fall. They're silent tears, streaming down my cheeks, and I hope more than anything that I'll be able to hide the tears from Gale, because I have to be strong for him. I take a deep breath, turning towards the door. And, without looking back at him, I find myself speaking as strongly as I can. "I'm gonna go eat."
I've been so busy with school I didn't get a chance to edit this, oops.
But I'll be gone for a week at the end of the month, so I won't be able to update then, (two more weeks until I get out of this 20 degree weather into the nice warmth of Anaheim, I'm stoked.) and I felt the need to post as much as I can now.
I'm really loving this story so far. We're almost to the halfway point, and then it's all uphill from there. Bear with me.
Thank you all for all of your support and praise, as well as advice. It's really helped me with the direction and such that I'm taking this story. I'd love more feedback, no matter what you think of it.