Chapter 4 - Catching up

It was around 8:40 pm when Akari heard a series of loud knocks on her apartment door.

"What now?!" She thought. "This day was terrible enough as it is, can't I have a nice relaxing shower and go to sleep?!" She muttered to herself, turning off the water and searching for a towel in the steamy room.

Another knock.

"Just a minute!" She yelled, and hurried to put some clothes on. As she exited the washroom, her decency reminded her to put on her sweatpants, on top of the pajama shorts.

Throwing a towel around her shoulders, to prevent her top from becoming soaking wet, she marched towards the door. Taking a deep breath, to relax herself, she opened it, and froze. Leaning against the opposite door was the last person she expected to see, flashing her his charming childish smile. A smile she thought was lost for her for good.

"Hey! Took you long enough, I was about to fall asleep here." The young man remarked, as usually ignoring what tact and politeness dictated at such situations.

"I was in the shower… Anyway, what are you doing here at such an hour?"

"We had a practice session nearby, so I thought I'd drop by." He was now leaning against the door, obviously expecting to be invited in.

"I didn't know it was prime time for social calls." Akari decided to keep her resolve as long as possible, for she didn't quite herself to not blurt something unnecessary again. However, as he didn't seem to get the hint, she gave up.

"Fine, come in."

Closing the door she tried to guess his intention, however his face and posture didn't give her any hints.

"Do you want tea?"

"Sure!"

They drank the tea in silence. How she was beginning to hate those silent moments, it usually ended in a rather embarrassing way for her.

"Is that the Go set I gave you?" Hikaru chimed and cut through her thoughts.

"Ah, yeah. I just didn't get to use it much lately… Been busy at school… Oh did I tell you I started working part-time?" Akari cursed herself for forgetting to dust the set once a week. Just by looking at it, one could tell it hadn't been used much at all.

Hikaru smiled into his cup, something the young woman failed to notice due to her rising frustration with the course their conversation was taking.

"You know, you don't have to pretend to like it, if you don't have the time… Or if you didn't like it to begin with…" The young man said, making direct eye contact.

She could feel herself blushing. Did he? No! He couldn't have understood what she had meant… At least she hoped he didn't.

"Look, Akari, I want to make some things clear." His gaze now fell to study the tea cup.

"I know that ever since I started playing Go, things… Ugh…Changed. I'm not great at being in touch, I'm a lousy friend and I suck at a lot other things too… All I'm saying is…" She noticed his neck adopted a slight blush. "..I'm saying that you were my first friend, my first playmate, the first person I ever got in a fight with…Remember how we got lost after school in the first grade, and your mom found us both crying in front of the candy shop?" He rubbed his neck and sighed. "You were a lot of firsts for me, so just keep in mind that it's not gonna change…."

Akari could see he was still talking, but she didn't listen. She wondered whether it was her mind that was beyond repair, or he actually didn't notice what he just said.

"Akari? Are you here?"

She blinked, and focused on the hand that was being waved in front of her face.

"Geez." She noticed the small put on his face, and couldn't resist a small chuckle.

"What's so funny? I was trying to be serious here. If that's how you feel I'll just go.." His upper body moved with intention to get up.

"No! Wait! Sorry!" She hurried to apologize. "I just remembered that day, we really thought we'd never make it home again. Remember we started looking for a big box to live in?"

Relieved by the halt of his movements and his quiet laugh, she motioned herself to sit closer.

"You were saying?"

"That if you feel lonely or anything, or just bored, you can always give me a call or something.."

"But you're so busy, I'd just be disturbing you. Back in high school, you only came home to sleep."

"So, I'll call you back when I'm less busy." Putting his cup on the coffee table, he looked up and met her gaze once again. "I think I'm starting to get an idea where all the stuff you said came from."

"You are?" Her heart gave a nervous thump.

"Yeah, like you said. I just threw myself into Go, forgetting anything I had before."

"Oh." She wasn't sure if it was a sigh of relief or one of slight disappointment.

"So… As much as I love Go, as much time I spend practicing… Toya, Yashiro, Nase, Waya aren't mom and dad, grandpa or you. Ok?"

Akari shuddered. The name "Nase" brought back a lot of unbecoming memories. She hated herself for all the nights she kept wondering whether Nase and Hikaru were dating. She recalled the day she felt desperate enough to ask him directly about the girl he played Go with. Hilaru, however, much to her chargin assumed she was interested in Nase due to her being a female insei and arranged them to meet. Thinking back, it was very thoughtful of him, but when Nase winked at her and told her "not to worry about it too much", she wished for the ground to swallow her for good.

Taking a deep breath, she decided to take her chances one last time.

"If you happen to have the time, you're saying we could go somewhere… just the two of us?"

"Yeah, sure. But…Err…" Hikaru was confused. He had already said they could spend time together, what was the point of emphasizing it again. Suddenly, his mind conjured the weirdest idea he could think of.

"You don't mean like…a.." He searched for the word, that he used so rarely." ..A date, do you?"

As the small short word left his lips, suddenly everything made perfect sense to him.

Before Akari could wave him off by saying something like "Of coarse not!" and laugh it off, she blushed. He thought it was the first time he ever saw her blushing her that hard.

"Oh." Was the only thing he could utter.

She brought her hands to cover her mouth, eyes large full of disbelief. She had done it, the worst had happened, she thought.

She watched him turn away, scratching the top of his head, she knew it meant he was nervous. She realized there wasn't backing away from it now, so she took a deep breath and mustered all the courage she convinced herself she had.

"Hikaru, I'm sorry…I didn't mean for it to slip like that… But yeah… I guess, I always wished I had meant a little more to you, than other girls…"

Gathering her cup from the table, and circling her palms around it, she focused on the still warm piece of ceramic . She had to admit it felt much better, now, that it wasn't a secret anymore. She felt as if she finally said goodbye to the blushing gigly girl who just wanted one special boy to notice her.

…

Hikaru's mind was racing with thoughts. He suddenly remembered all those comments, questions, gestures and touches which he merely brushed off as "girly stuff". He felt himself thrown into an alien territory. He prided himself for being able to forsee many of his opponent's moves, but this he didn't, he couldn't - it wasn't Go, it was real life. It was a very real Akari confessing to him that she wanted more than just friendship, more than a few get-togethers to practice Go or joined family dinners.

When she touched his shoulder, he flinched. His eyes followed her hand to her face, to her eyes. The eyes that were smiling sadly at him.

He was panicking, all he did was laugh her off, ignore or even yell at her when they were younger. It didn't make sense to him.

"Hikaru, it's ok. I know you never thought about it like that… Don't let it trouble you." She said, and her voice sounded very distant. He noticed her hair was cut slightly shorter in the back, revealing much more of her neck than usual. He caught himself wondering what would it feel like to caress her face, to touch her hands, to…

He got up from his seat on the sofa.

"I…I have a match tomorrow morning. I should go."

She nodded. He muttered something that he thought sounded like "good night", and disappeared behind the door, barely remembering to put on his shoes.