"How bad could she be?"
XxXxXxXxX
"Now!" Madam Serge was strutting to and fro in front of them again. "At exactly nine-oh-hundred a designated vehicle will arrive here to transport us to the camping grounds. There my word is the law. You will obey my law without questions, without complaints, without any of your sarcastic little comments. If any of you pansy think you can't handle that then now is the time to leave."
Jonesy and Nikki exchanged glances weighing their options. Caitlin caught sight of their indecision and gestured pleading for them to stay.
"There will be no refunds!" Madam Serge added with a shout.
Jonesy pouted and folded his arms across his chest, resolving to stand his ground. Seeing that Jonesy had no intention of leaving, Nikki sighed. It looked like she was staying as well. All other couples in the group seemed to have the same idea. No one budged.
A cheerful horn beeping drew everyone's attention. Driving around the corner, coming straight towards them, was an archaic school bus decked out in colorful hearts, flowers, and peace signs. The license plate read 'LUV-ROCS' in thick red lettering.
The bus came to a screeching halt in front of them.
"Peace and love ya'll!" called a voice from inside the vehicle as the doors swung open.
"Sweet ride!" Kam declared enthusiastically. Caitlin clapped her hands together elatedly. The others just looked on.
"Alright people," Madam Serge called out in her classic vociferous manner. "Our transportation mobile has arrived. Proceed in an orderly fashion and board the vehicle."
"Love Machine!" corrected the voice from inside the bus. Madam Serge pursed her lips and made a face suggesting that she had just bitten into something very sour.
"Love Machine, then…" she growled out. Jonesy snickered. "Board! NOW!" They all hurried to do as ordered.
"Hello, hello, hello, hello…" a craggy old man in the driver's seat greeted each of them as they got on. He had on a bright Hawaiian shirt and round shades perched on a crooked nose. A leather headband and love beads braided into a section of his long graying hair assented his sonata. When he smiled at her, Nikki noticed that he was missing a front tooth.
"Egh… uh… hi…" Nikki tried to cover up her initial reaction.
"Hey, you moving sometime today?" Jonesy complained behind her. Nikki scuttled by the hippie bus driver to find a seat.
Jason and Joanie had already dominated the back seats, currently in full-fledged making out mode. Nikki made a point of selecting a seat as far away from them as possible, without being at the front of the bus. She didn't want to be too near the driver. Shoved her suitcase into the seats in front of her, she sat down. Jonesy joined her moments later, placing his own duffle on top of her things.
"Hey, can you scoot over?" he asked her.
"What?" Nikki looked up at him in annoyance. "No! I want an aisle seat. Get your own."
"Dear," Jonesy sung out sweetly, leaning down close to her face. "I know that. After all, we are a couple." He gave her a sycophant leer. "But you need to move your feet so I can to the window seat."
Nikki glowered at him but pulled her feet up onto the seat.
"Thank you!" As Jonesy moved by her she gave a sharp kick to his knee causing him to stumble and bang in the bus window.
"Ouch!" Nikki smiled innocently into his glare and leaned back in her seat, settling down for what would presumable be a long ride.
An earsplitting whistle jerked her out of her comfortable position. Madam Serge had boarded the bus.
"Alright, now, people listen up!" her familiar manta rang out. "This is no vacation you're going on. This is the correlation experience of a lifetime! For those of you who thought you could nap on the way, you've got another thing coming!" She looked about fiercely at each of them. Her eyes seemed to linger on Nikki and Jonesy a little longer than the rest.
"Um… Madam Serge?" the bus driver called out tentatively.
"What?" she spun around at to scowl at the one who dared to spoil her intense mood.
"Can I get going now? We're kinda on a schedule," he explained apologetically.
"Fine. Carry on, then." She turned away from him. "Now, where was I…"
"No napping," supplied the driver.
"Thank you, Erin." Madam Serge forced out as civilly as she could muster. "Let's get a move-on, now."
"Right-o." Erin gave the shifter a jerk and shot off. Everyone's teeth were set rattling as the rickety school bus sped down the road. Madam Serge, however, wasn't the least bit flustered. She stood at the front of the bus and resumed her early speech with gusto.
"Relationships take work. They are a bond, a union, a complete devotion of affection to a partner!" She pounded a fist into her hand for emphasis. "Every relationship has its issues. Not to worry! We will be ratifying these rapports. Among these issues we will discuss: commitment, intimacy, communication…" As Madam Serge continued to drone on, one by one the couples developed a glassy eyed look and tuned her out.
"This is just as bad as sitting though history class," Jonesy groaned, slumping forwards. "Can she get any worst?"
"Don't temp fate," Nikki warned him, gripping on to the seat in front of her for support as they hit a bump in the road that nearly sent her flying.
"Sorry about that, folks!" Erin called out interrupting Madam Serge yet again. "The Love Machine here is just givin' ya'll a little love!" He cackled away hysterically at his joke.
No on else shared his mirth. Least of all Madam Serge. She rounded her on Erin, delivering the aggregate might of her wrath to him. Thus, giving everyone a break from her relationship sermon.
"So…" Kam turned towards Caitlin. "You excited about this trip?"
"Hmm?" She jerked out of her stupor. "Oh, yeah! I am so totally excited!" She smiled gooey-eyed at him.
"Good. I'm glad to hear that." He returned her smile. "So, how long have your friends been dating?" Kam nodded to where Nikki and Jonesy were sitting.
"Oh, awhile now… kinda…" Caitlin trailed off not quite sure how to explain her friends' unique arrangement. "Well, they were dating but then they broke up – which was kinda our fault – but then they got back together at the winter dance, so now they're dating… sort of…"
"Uh?" Kam shot her an incomprehensive look. Caitlin tried to clarify.
"They're like total into each other but won't admit it out loud…. If that make any sense at all?" she laughed embarrassedly.
"Nope." Kam shook his head. "It doesn't make sense at all. If you like a girl and she likes you should do something about it. For example…" He gave her a peck on the cheek. "You're cute."
"Awww!" Caitlin giggled. "That is so sweet." She squeezed his hand.
"Hey, Kam," Axe leaned over the seat from behind them.
"Yeah, man?" Kam dropped Caitlin's hand and turned around.
"Did you see that tracker guy with the beaver last week…" Soon Kam and Axe were launched back into their discussion about the nature convention.
A few seats down, Nikki frowned at them.
"I don't get it," Nikki complained to Jonesy. "What is up with that guy?"
"What's up with who?" asked Jonesy.
"Kam." Nikki replied. "One minute he's interrogating Caitlin about us, the next he's all lovey-dovey with her and then he ignores her completely!"
"Uh, right…" Jonesy looked at her like she was insane. "Well, you worry about that, I'm gonna catch a few Zs." He stretched out and shut his eyes.
Nikki made a noise of exasperation in the back of her throat and glanced around the bus for someone to talk to.
Kam and Axe were still gabbing away. Caitlin was now busy trading hair-care tips with the Cowboys in the seats in front of her. Starr, seated next to her, had shut her legs folded back into a lotus position and was staring straight ahead.
"Uh, hey, Starr…" Nikki tried out conversationally.
"Nebula!" Nikki was crossly corrected.
"Nebula… sorry. So, what's up with you?" she tried again.
"I am mediating on the dark forces which surround us. The blackness and the unholy light!" Starr declared dramatically.
"With your eyes open?" asked Nikki. "Aren't they supposed to be closed?"
"It allows me to see the truth clearly now. Unveiled from falsehoods and deceit." Starr explained solemnly. "Please leave me to concentrate in peace."
"Riiight…" Nikki wasn't entirely sure how to respond to that one. "Okay, then. I'll leave you to it." Nikki sighed.
Madam Serge on poor Erin's case and showed no signs of stopping anytime soon. There really was nothing better to do.
"Might as catch a few Zs," she echoed Jonesy's early sentiments and making herself as comfortable as she could, drifted off.
XxXxXxXxX
Nikki awoke with a start to an earsplitting whistle. She found herself stretched over Jonesy's lap and hastily moved away before he or any one else noticed.
"We'll be at the camp grounds in no time at all," announced Madam Serge briskly. "So pull yourselves together!"
Beside her, Jonesy yawned and stretched completely unaware of Nikki's earlier location.
"Whoa!" Jonesy pressed his face up against the window. "Nikki, check this out!"
Apprehensively, Nikki peered over his shoulder out the window. Peeping from between thick evergreens was an elegantly trimmed rooftop. As the bus rolled into the camping grounds through arched entry-gates, Nikki spotted a hot tub on the elevated deck of one of the more opulent lodges.
"All the accommodations nature has to offer," Nikki quipped sarcastically. But she was impressed.
Everyone was thrown forwards into the seat in front of them as the bus suddenly screeched to a halt.
"Everybody off the bus!" Madam Serge belted out.
"Love Machine!" Erin persisted. Madam Serge's inborn scowl deepened. Whatever lecture she had given him before clearly hadn't stuck. Nikki thought it best to leave the bus as quick as possible. Heaving what luggage they brought out of the bus, everyone scooted out and stopped to form a semi-circle in front of the entrance.
The colorful school bus roared away kicking up a trail of dust as it zoomed away. Nikki sighed as her last chance for freedom disappeared out of sight.
"It's been a pretty fun ride, to tell you the truth…" Madam Serge turned towards them, clicking her heels together. "But now we're getting down to business! There's a lot of whiners in every crowd. There will be none here. Each couple will be designated living quarters…"
"Live together?" Nikki choked. This was turning out worse then she thought it could.
"What? It'll be fine as long as we don't feed you any beans," Jonesy cracked. That comment earned a sharp elbow to the gut.
"However, you will be earning you right to sleep in one of these," Madam Serge continued at top volume, gesturing to the luxurious buildings behind her. "You will start out over there."
The group looked in the direction she was pointing. Peeking out of the tall grass by the lake were five piles of camping equipment.
"This gets worst by the minute," Nikki muttered under her breath.
"You will all set up camp around tonight," instructed Madam Serge. "At the end of the day tomorrow, depending on your performance during the day and rest of this evening, you may be moving on to bigger and better things. More about that later. Right now… GRAB YOUR GEAR AND SET UP CAMP! MOVE! MOVE! MOVE!" Pointed towards the lake.
Everyone jumped when she said that last part and took off towards the supplies to snatch up what they could. Each grabbing a handle of one of the bag cramped with camping necessities, Nikki and Jonesy dragged it over to rest under a shady tree. Kam carried his and Caitlin's gear over to rest not too far away from them. Everyone else spaced out around the lake at a respectable distance.
"Yuck! Orange…" Nikki groaned catching sight of their tent color as Jonesy attempt to unravel their things.
"Well, at least it's not pink," Jonesy pointed out.
"True," agreed Nikki, watching Jason and Joanie across the lake endeavoring to pitch their fuchsia tent without parting lips. Her line of sight traveled over to rest on Caitlin giving Kam a peck as he parted in the direction of the woods. It was the perfect time to express some of her doubts on her friend's new Mr. Right.
"Um, hey, Caitlin…" Nikki began, walking over to her. "About Kam?"
"Isn't he the greatest?" Caitlin gushed, watching him help Jason and Joanie set up their tent. The couple appeared to be too into each other to be bothered with anything else.
"Yeah. Right." Nikki agreed, not quite convinced. "How long did you guys date before he proposed this camping trip?"
"Hmmm… about six hour. I think?" Caitlin mulled over it thoughtfully.
"Six hours!" Nikki gaped at her. "You weren't even dating a day!"
"Oh, but it didn't feel like six hours," Caitlin defended. "We've got such great chemistry together… It felt more like we'd known each other for ever."
"Hey, honey." Kam came up to them and snaked his arm around Caitlin's waist. "What's up?"
"Oh, I was just telling Nikki how we met," Caitlin told him, leaning closer. She turned back to Nikki. "We had this amazing conversation and just totally connected."
"So how did you two meet?" Kam asked Nikki indicating to where Jonesy was struggling with their tent.
"When we were kids," Nikki answered shortly. "Jonesy ate all my crackers at snack time."
"Wow! So you're practically brother and sister," Kam said. Nikki stared at him in disbelief for a few seconds.
"No. Not at all." She managed to get out. Nikki hadn't exactly like this guy before but she he was really getting on her nerves now.
There was a long awkward silence. Caitlin glanced back and forth between her fuming friend and naive beau.
"Heh, heh. Well, I guess we should go set up our own tent…" Caitlin dragged Kam away. Nikki slowly exhaled through clenched teeth and turned round to see Jonesy still making a mess of their tent.
"Need help?" offered Nikki, coming over.
"No, Nikki, I got this," Jonesy insisted. After several more minutes of struggling he gave up. "Okay. Yes. Help!"
"All you had to do was ask," chided Nikki. Shortly, she had a decently pitched tent up and operational.
"How'd you know what to do?" asked Jonesy, impressed.
"My nephew is a Club's Scout," Nikki explained. "Went camping with them once."
Caitlin's girlish squeals cut through the air. Nikki and Jonesy looked over to see Kam spinning around with her in his arms bridal-style.
"We've gotta make Caitlin see what a creep that guy is…" Nikki said more to herself than to Jonesy.
"I don't know…" Jonesy scratched the back of his head. "He seemed okay to me."
"And that is why I have the higher IQ than you," Nikki told him derisively, patting his back.
Fact check:
Nikki has an older sister who presumable gave her the nephew (he's 6 years-old and was mentioned in 'Deadbeat Poets Society').
Jonesy, Nikki, Jen, and Wyatt have all been friends for at least 10 years. Maybe more - like since 4 years. (anyone know)