Disclaimer: See last chapter

~ Chapter Four ~

~ Just The Beginning ~

Sonny picked at the food in front of her and sighed as stuff she had thought meaningless at the time ran through her head, she bit down on her lower lip and moved the food from one side of the plate to the other, occasionally taking a bite.

She thought back to when she was in Wisconsin, her mind was going wild with all the thoughts she was having as she tried to think of times when someone had said something to do with her weight.

Why didn't the boys pick me to be their date? Because I'm fat

Why was I picked last in gym? Because I'm fat

Why didn't any of my boyfriends ever pick me up and spin me around like I see in movies? Because I'm fat

Why didn't that boy kiss me when I was six, even though he had kissed everyone else? Because I'm fat

She sighed and looked down at the food, wrinkling her nose in disgust, she looked over at Chad Dylan Cooper and his cast members, all eating their high calorie crap, but good crap. She groaned, she had always loved food, she had been brought up to eat everything on her plate or she would have to go to bed hungry, she had been brought up to not worry about weight – so much for that now.

She frowned before putting her fork down, deciding she would buy some real food on her way home that evening. She looked up at everyone else on the table as they watched her with obvious confusion, she shrugged it off though, she knew why they were staring at her.

Because I'm fat.

She told herself the same again and again, it never seemed to get old because she knew it was the truth. She took a look in the mirror when she got to the dressing room, sighing when she realized – again – how huge she really was.

She shook her head at her own reflection before grabbing a magazine, running through all the things she didn't have that other celebrities did.

She has a flat stomach.

I can see her ribs.

Look how tiny her legs are!

I want those collarbones.

I wish my cheekbones would stick out like that.

She put the magazine down and sucked in her cheeks, smiling to herself when she realized how gorgeous she would look when she was thin – then she could show everyone just how wrong they were about her, she would show them all.

She picked the magazine back up and admired the bodies of those she shared a world with, she wondered how they had all done it – just through a diet or had they taken it further than that? She shrugged, she would see how the diet worked out for her and then consider other methods.

She looked up as Tawni walked in, both of them ignored the other as Sonny looked down at the magazine again and Tawni looked at herself in the mirror. Sonny watched the girl out of the corner of her eye, she wondered how Tawni always managed to look amazing, it wasn't fair.

She sighed loudly and then got up, going into the bathroom so she could look at herself in the long mirror. She hated herself so much, how could she have let herself get this fat? A/N: Demi is nowhere near fat, she has a beautiful figure, but I am trying to describe what a person with an Eating Disorder would see in the mirror.

She lifted up her top, grabbing any fat she could grab and shaking her head, tears fell down her face as she thought about how everyone saw her. She was supposed to look good, she wanted guys to come up to her and tell her how beautiful she was, she wanted girls to be jealous of her. She wasn't supposed to look like this.

She closed her eyes and then turned around, looking at the porcelain bowl, thinking about whatever she had put in her stomach before during lunch. And then it was that simple. She walked over to the toilet slowly, almost in a daze. She pulled the toilet seat up and pulled her long hair back into a ponytail.

She hadn't planned this, she knew that much – she didn't even know what to do. She felt her hand rise up, almost as if it was doing it on it's own and she stuck two fingers down her throat, throwing up almost automatically until she saw the red that she only knew to be blood.

She finally stood back up, flushed the toilet, washed her hands and face and looked into the mirror. She stood there for a long time, looking at her now pale face, red eyes and the little sick that had managed to get into her hair. She sighed and slightly washed it out, smoothing her hair down and walking back out of there when she thought she looked decent enough.

Tawni looked at her weirdly,

"You were a long time."

Yeah well, I have to be thin because according to you and everyone else I am just the fat one on this show, well not for long Tawni.

"I had a shower." Sonny shrugged and smiled,

"Your hair isn't wet."

"I didn't wash my hair."

"Oh..." She seemed to accept the answer as she turned around to look at her reflection again. Sonny grinned at her reflection, the impact of what she had done had yet to settle in but she knew it was good, it meant all the food was gone. The calories were out of her body.

Maybe this is going to be easier than I thought.

"Mary Kate, Kate Moss, diet pills." - Anorexia, FakeBestFriend