A/N: Another chapter! Enjoy! I hope I improved Harry's character a bit. And guess what? MARAUDERS!
Chapter 4: The Cheese
…Peter. Damn. Couldn't he have made eye contact with some normal person? No, he just had to focus on the traitor. Couldn't he have a moment's peace?
Peter was stuck, staring at Harry as if he were some alien. He jaw had dropped, Harry reckoned that it was probably going to fall off.
Lily swallowed nervously, eyeing Harry and the messy haired boy whilst keeping her right hand on her skirt.
Peter finally regained usage of his limbs, after suffering from the shock of staring at Harry. He gently tugged at Sirius' robes. Sirius yelped and turned around.
"What, Wormtail?" Sirius asked, before looking up. "Holy…PRONGS!"
James jerked up, and his eyes drew up towards Harry. He screamed. And it wasn't just a regular scream, it was a bloody murder scream. But manly. It wasn't like a girl. Yet Harry did not quite find it attractive to see his father screaming upon seeing him.
"SHUT UP, POTTER!" Lily screamed, surprisingly overpowering James in volume.
Harry winced as he finally came to the conclusion that today was a very bad day. He had to deal with a tugging sensation, coming to the past, visiting a creepy Dumbledore, and now his bloody parents were screaming. His parents who just happened to be teens and were still on the stage where they hated each other.
"What are you bloody screaming about?" Remus asked, annoyed as he plugged his ears.
"Moony, ya know, if you'd look up, you'd see a Prongs clone," Sirius said.
Harry knew he probably should have been happy as he inspected his Godfather as a teenager, but it was hard work. He wouldn't give Harry any information back in the future, and Harry was mad. Harry liked to hold grudges. But he had to see sense. So instead of focusing on the lovely situation at hand and helping Lily try and introduce him, he focused on reasoning with himself why he shouldn't be mad at Sirius because he hadn't committed any crime yet.
This was a hard task. It was like arguing with himself. It was clear that Harry's head was not a nice debate, as he just couldn't agree with the voice.
Harry, you should forgive Sirius.
But I don't want to, Harry!
You have to.
Why?
Why not?
Ha, your name is Harry!
Well, yours is too!
We sound similar.
As you could see, things were not going so well. Fortunately, being the excellent mum she is, Lily stopped yelling at James.
"Oh, Remus!" she cooed, completely ignoring James' angry glances at Remus' hopeless expression. "Can you do me a favour?"
"What is it, Lily?" Remus asked tiredly, suddenly noticing the new boy in the room.
"I wanted you to meet—"
"AAH!" Remus screamed, running up to the boy with his wand in his hand. "I saw him! I saw him!"
Harry was taken aback. He'd always thought Remus was extremely mature, but it appears that he freaked out over the smallest of things.
"Er…Remus?" Lily asked unsurely. "Are you alright?"
"That feckin eejit made me think I was going mental!" Remus screamed hysterically. "But, he exists!"
Harry gawked at the supposed sane Marauder.
"Er, yes…I do exist…I'm the Boy Who Lived!" he announced, before biting his lip, realizing what he'd just said.
Lily giggled. It was unnerving to see his mother giggle. But she giggled. It was a high pitched girly giggle, not at all what he wanted to hear his mother do. But she did it. She giggled.
"Yeah?" Sirius asked, raising an eyebrow. "Well, I'm the Boy Who's Still Living!"
James stared on dreamily at Lily.
"Hey, Evans, wanna, ya know, go out with me?"
"Bloody hell, Potter, for the last time, NO!"
Lily glared at James for a couple of seconds, but then turned around and smiled at Harry as if she had not just screamed at the top of her lungs.
"Anyway, Nigel, this is where I leave you," Lily said, confusing Harry as to why she was sounding like a bloody centaur. "But don't hesitate to come by my friends if these guys give you trouble!"
Lily gave a small giggle when Harry blushed, and turned around to start to skip off. Unfortunately, she made one major mistake. She forgot about her super short and loose skirt. She had stopped holding it, and the skirt fell down.
James looked at Lily dreamily; Remus' jaw dropped; Sirius burst into uncontrollable laughter; Harry turned away, blushing profusely; and Peter ran up to Lily and started to feel her up.
"Is this what a girl feels like?" Peter muttered, tapping Lily's legs and butt with his pudgy hands.
"AUGH!" Lily shrieked, jumping away from Peter. Unfortunately, she tripped over her bloody skirt and fell down.
Sirius continued to howl with laughter while Remus rubbed his eyes to make sure that what was happening was real. He then took this opportunity to pull out his camera and take a wonderful picture.
Lily, as she was laying on the ground, at least figured that James would take the time to help her back up, because he did have that silly little crush on her. Alas, it did not seem like luck was on Lily's side. James was busy scolding Peter for feeling his girl up, but he seemed to be rather curious on Peter's opinion. Lily promptly decided James was good for nothing, along with the rest of the Marauders. But then she felt a pair of hands reach out to help her up, and she smiled.
Harry didn't know why he did it. He had been facing his back towards Lily, but he couldn't just leave his mother laying there with her skirt on the ground. Lily blushed and smiled gratefully at Harry, pulled up her skirt, and the continued to make her dignified exit up to her dormitory.
"Hey, Prongs," Sirius said as his laughter died down. "You missed you opportunity with Evans."
James stopped scolding Peter immediately, "Damn."
Remus decided that it wasn't kind to continue making the new kid, who was looking rather uncomfortable, feel left out. So he walked up to Harry and started talking to him.
"I'm Remus Lupin," he said, giving a warm smile.
"I'm, er, Nigel. Nigel Williams. I used to go to Beauxbatons."
"Nice to meet you. Sorry, you had to meet these three idiots."
Harry grinned, "It's fine. Are they always like this?"
"Yes," Remus said shortly, not in the mood to elaborate on the idiocy of his friends. The list would end up being endless. "You speak French, then?"
"Yeah," Harry said, in a 'duh' kind of voice.
"Cool. I can speak some French too," Remus said, a smug smile creeping onto his face.
Harry gave a small nod, but then turned to the three boys, who were staring at Harry in awe.
"Erm," Harry said, feeling a little uncomfortable. It was weird to have three boys whom he had either known or was his father to be gaping at him. "Is there something on my face?"
"Does your hair ever lie flat?" James asked suddenly.
Harry could see Remus hitting his head against the floor out of the corner of his eye.
"Erm…no…" Harry said slowly, not liking where this conversation was heading. He then remembered that James liked Quidditch. "Hey, so d'you play much Quidditch?"
Any suspicious look James had in his eyes was replaced with a childish excitement.
"YEAH! QUIDDITCH IS GREAT!" James yelled, jumping up and down on the Gryffindor couch.
"Prongs, shut up, get down," Remus muttered, yanking at James' arm.
"BUT QUIDDITCH, MOONY!" James exclaimed, leaping onto Peter's back.
This appeared to be a well-practiced tradition. James started to act as if he had a lasso, and was a cowboy while Peter skipped around the room. Sirius then started to make a bunch of wolf-calls and sing "Quidditch the glorious sport." Remus, on the other hand, did not seem too fond of this tradition. He started wailing at the top of his lungs for everyone to shut up, not that it made a difference.
Harry now understood why Lily's offer was one of the most amazing things anyone could have done for him. He was already having a bad day, and now he had to deal with screaming banshees. It was terrible with all the Marauders screaming at the top of their lungs at the single mention of Quidditch.
Remus sent a dirty look at Harry, as if blaming him for James' insanity. Harry couldn't see why it was his fault. He had only mentioned Quidditch, it was the rest of the Marauders who took it upon themselves to react in the way they did.
After exactly eight minutes, this ritual finished. Harry, however, had trouble deciding whether the ritual was supposed to be eight minutes, or if it just ended when Lily Evans threatened to hex the boys into the next millennium until they shut up. Harry sent a grateful look to Lily, who grinned back. Harry's eyes were then drawn to the tight pant she was wearing. Lily rolled her eyes and motioned for Harry to come forth.
"Sorry I didn't come earlier, Nigel," Lily said, attempting to make her shirt longer. "I was trying to find some pants. But, obviously, my roommates said this was all I was allowed to wear – they're going to be the death of me," she paused and noticed Harry was wearing a stupid grin on his face. "So, you sick of the boys yet?"
"Not yet," Harry said, turning around and seeing James glaring daggers at him. "But I do think I should be going now; gotta start bonding now."
Lily shrugged, seeming a little put out, but reentered her dorm. Harry could hear her yelling at her roommates. He turned around and made his way back to the Marauders.
"What did you talk to Evans about?" James demanded, his good mood from the mention of Quidditch gone.
"Nothing," Harry snapped – it probably didn't help his case very much. "She's just welcoming me."
"Oh, okay then," James said, sticking his nose in the air.
"Blimey, Prongs," Remus said, disapproving of James' behavior. "Get back here."
James turned around, "What?"
"Calm yourself. You haven't introduced each other properly. You go first."
James rolled his eyes at Remus' peacemaker attitude.
"Potter. James Potter," James said, sticking his hand out.
"Williams. Nigel," Harry said, but not looking quite at James, but in fact, what was going on behind him.
James looked confused, "You, er, Nigel, erm, you shake the hand."
After a warning glare from Remus, Harry shook James' hand. His dad's hand. James had a rather firm handshake, which Harry thoroughly enjoyed.
"Excellent," Remus said, nodding importantly while James went back to staring dreamily at the girls' dormitory. "I'm Remus Lupin."
"Nigel Williams," Harry said automatically.
"Sorry about James, by the way. He's got a small, little, kiddy, crush on Evans. Despite what James believes, we all know they're never going to get together. Sirius and I have betted fifty galleons against it – much of the school disagrees –; we're going to be rich soon."
Upon hearing this, Harry broke into a hysterical laughter.
"Er, Nigel, get up, stop laughing, it isn't funny, you'll make Prongs suspicious. He'll get mad at me," Remus hissed, covering Harry's mouth.
Harry sobered up and tried really hard not to think about the fifty galleons Remus and Sirius would be losing.
"Anyway, time to introduce you to Padfoot…Padfoot?"
Harry stifled a laugh as Remus turned around. He did not like what he was seeing. Sirius had conjured a lasso and was riding on the back of Peter yelling out, "Yippee Yah Yo Kahyay!" It was an unnerving sight, but nothing compared to what Peter was doing. Peter was swinging his shoulders up and down and making donkey noises whilst sticking his tongue out in weird directions.
"Padfoot!" Remus called half-heartedly, knowing that he'd be ignored. "Oh whatever, Nigel, I'll introduce you…the crazy one is—"
Harry decided to make Remus' life harder.
"—Which crazy one?"
"The…oh…the fat one is Peter Pettigrew, we call him Wormtail, and the one who looks like he's drunk – he's never been before though, Merlin knows what he'd be like – is Sirius Black, who we, er, lovingly," Remus cringed at his own word choice. There was no love, not even platonically, demonstrated in the name 'Padfoot'. "call Padfoot."
"Right," Harry said, dragging out the 'right', making Remus feel very awkward.
"They're friendly, though," Remus added hastily, deciding that Harry's use of the word 'right' was out of wariness.
At this moment, however, Sirius decided it would be a good idea to throw out his lasso screaming, "Gotta catch the evil, lanky, Prongs-thingy majig…with the ugly face…and weird glasses!"
Sirius' aim was also, quite surprisingly, good. He caught Harry by the neck and was proceeding to drag him across the floor.
Remus chuckled nervously at Harry's skeptical expression.
"Padfoot, let Nigel go," Remus said. Sirius did not seem to hear him so he raised his voice. "Padfoot, let the lanky one go!"
As this sentence was stated in Sirius-speak, Sirius was able to understand Remus' desperate cries. He unlooped the rope from Harry's neck while Peter still made the donkey sounds. Harry, on the other hand, glared at Remus.
"They are friendly," Remus protested weakly, knowing that the battle was lost.
Suddenly, James let out a yelp, signifying that he had snapped out of his daydream, startling Peter so much that he fell over and Sirius that he jumped right off Peter's back. Remus, however, did not flinch and calmly walked over to James and rested his arm on his shoulder in what he seemed to think was a comforting manner.
"What is it, Prongs?"
"SWISS CHEESE!"
Remus blinked. "Excuse me?"
"The cheese! The one with holes! Swiss cheese!" James repeated.
Remus' face remained blank.
"SWISS CHEESE! THE CHEESE! I LIKE CHEESE! YOU DON'T LIKE CHEESE!" James yelled once more, now waving his arms wildly – knocking Harry to the ground – as if it were helping.
"What does cheese have to do with anything?" Remus asked, worrying about his friend's sanity.
Sirius seemed to understand the meaning for the cheese, as a look of horror swept through his face.
"THE CHEESE, MOONY!" James said again, this time accompanied by Sirius.
Remus exchanged a helpless glance with Harry, who was snickering. He seemed to have understood what the cheese meant.
Sirius had proceeded to use adjectives.
"A nice big hunk of white, round, Swiss cheese!"
Peter, for the first time in his life, got something before Remus did. He started to touch his tailbone wildly. Sirius caught on to what Peter was doing and started pinning his thumbs into James' scalp, in what Harry assumed were meant to represent antlers.
"OW!" James yelped, and Sirius backed away. "The cheese!"
After what seemed like hours, Remus understood exactly what James had been trying to reference.
"Oh Merlin! The cheese!" Remus said, his eyes looking undeniably frightened.
Harry, although knowing exactly what the cheese was, decided to make the Marauders' life harder.
"What does the cheese represent?"
"Oh, it means R—" Peter started, before James' hand clasped over his mouth.
"I like cheese," James said, nodding importantly, while keeping his hand firmly placed over Peter's mouth, as if this answered Harry's question.
In fact, had Harry not known what the cheese was, he would've taken that as an appropriate answer.
"Er, Nigel," Remus asked, thinking about how to word his question so that it didn't sound awkward. "Where will you be sleeping?"
Harry raised his eyebrow, leaving a very concerned Remus. It appeared that the Marauders were not very tactful. It was like a million Rons coming to take over the world!
"You already know," Harry said, smiling pleasantly.
Remus did not like the sound of that. Sirius went forth to comfort Remus. Harry could tell that Remus was not enjoying the noogies as a form of comfort. Peter, on the other hand, did not seem to comprehend what Harry's answer was.
"I don't already know."
Harry rolled his eyes, and tried – the keyword being tried – to hide the distaste upon having to look directly into Peter's eyes.
"Your dormitory."
Peter let out a shriek.
"OH NO! THE CHEESE!"
Lily was in a bad mood. A very bad mood. She hated her friends. They were mean.
"Mary…" Lily growled in what she thought was a threatening manner. "I told you a million times, I would like to wear a normal pair of pants."
Mary giggled in a way that Lily found unnerving.
"So are you telling me that black pants aren't normal? But I hear James loves black pants!"
"Shut up, Mary!" Lily hissed. "He, and his perverted mind, are major reasons why I must get normal pants!"
Mary let out a delighted squeal.
"I always knew you got dressed for James Potter!"
"AUGH! I DO NOT GET DRESSED FOR JAMES BLOODY POTTER!"
Mary put her hands up in surrender.
"Okay, okay, no need to get your wand in a knot."
"Change it!" Lily demanded.
"Why don't you?"
Lily suddenly realized that that was a very good idea. She pointed her wand at her pants and flicked it. They suddenly turned highlighter pink and became very, very short.
"MARY MCDONALD!" Lily screeched, when she realized Mary had charmed it so that only she could change the clothes back to normal.
"Okay, I'll change it."
Mary swished her wand, and, much to Lily's delight, changed the pants back to normal.
"Thanks."
"You're welcome," Mary said, stifling a giggle. "Anyway, I'm off to breakfast, bye!"
With that, Mary bolted out of the dormitory as fast as she could.
Lily flopped down onto her bed.
"Finally," she murmured to her teddy bear. "Peace, and quiet."
She then felt a strange urge for Swiss cheese. Lily hid it from the public, but she had a strong addiction to cheese. Especially Swiss cheese. They always had the perfect amount of holes that she could stick her tongue through before she devoured it. So, she walked over to her trunk, where she hid her secret cheese stash. But when she looked inside the container, it was empty.
It was a terrible dilemma. What would she do without cheese? She kept going through her trunk, through her Cheddar cheese box, Parmesan, even the Blue cheese box, but there was nothing.
"My cheese…" she moaned.
Suddenly she heard a yell. It sounded like it was coming from the Common Room. In fact, it sounded a lot like Pettigrew's voice.
"OH NO! THE CHEESE!"
This made Lily furious. She knew Pettigrew loved to eat, but he had never gone as far as to steal her cheese. He had sounded panicky. What injustice had he done to the cheese? To her cheese?
She stormed out of her dormitory and stood at the top of the stairs.
"I WANT MY CHEESE!"
Whatever commotion was going on at the bottom of the stairs ceased immediately. The five boys wore dumbfounded expressions on their face, well, aside from Remus, who appeared to be having a coughing fit, probably in an attempt to stifle his laughter. Sirius and Peter stood there, gaping at Lily.
"Your ch—" James stopped abruptly as he took in Lily's appearance.
Harry seemed to be nodding knowingly, and rather maturely in Lily's opinion.
"Your friends dressed you again?"
"What?" Lily asked, before looking down at her top. It was see-through, and a crop top.
To make a long story short, Lily screamed and ran back into her dormitory, cursing both Mary and James.
A/N: What do you think? Good? Bad? Indifferent?
I'm very pleased with the popularity of this story. I've had 9 reviews for 3 chapters (which, for a 2wk old account is pretty good) and...drum roll please... TWENTY, 20, 2-0, followers! It's amazing! I hadn't expected this much popularity, in fact, it was only started because one day I was hyper. It was on the side from my main story (Marauders Together Forever), but this has proven itself to be liked by more people, which has inspired me to continue the writing of this story.
I'd like to thank the reviewers: Jharry1960, The Cloaked Invisible, the new reader AccioStone, and Harry1675. In response to Harry1675, I've decided to keep Lily bubbly, but that'll come into play later. She's really random, I know, but a lot of this is a buildup towards her overall character later.
Anyway, you can just type a review in the box, it'll make me want to keep going. I'm going to remind you that they do help, as this story would've never continued had it not been for the numerous reviewers and followers.