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Chapter 4
Cuddy stared into House's questioning eyes. The gentle way he held her hands and the soft beseeching tone of his voice was compelling. She thought she knew what House wanted to hear. What he probably needed to hear. She just didn't know if she could say it to him yet, or if she trusted him with it if she did. It had been such a long and emotional day. Hell, it had been a long and emotional 4 months. The pressures of the last 16 weeks came crashing down on Cuddy. The excitement of finally getting a baby, after years of trying, of two lost babies, closely followed by the difficulties of bonding with Rachel, feeling like she was a failure at first, then the guilt about going back to work - of admitting to herself that she actually wanted to go back to work. On top of that was the confusion she felt over her growing feelings for House and her insecurities concerning how he really felt toward her. Cuddy knew that she had been acting very badly toward him lately and the guilt she felt over it, on top of everything else, was too much for her to bear. As the jumble of all these emotions descended upon Cuddy she became overwhelmed. She quickly pulled her hands from House's grasp, covered her face and began to cry in earnest.
House looked at her stunned. He didn't know what to do so he thought he'd better just let her cry it out. Forgetting his cane which leaned, neglected, against the piano, House guided the weeping Cuddy over to his couch. He sat her down and covered her with the blanket he kept on the back on the couch. He then limped into the bathroom, holding onto the wall as he went. House came limping back with a box of tissues in his hand which he placed next to her. He grabbed his almost full glass of scotch off the piano and insisted Cuddy take a few sips. Having done everything he could think to do House stood, hovering over her for a moment, his large blue eyes betraying his concern and discomfort. When he realized she was unable to gain control of herself House sat down next to Cuddy and pulled her into his arms, holding her tightly against his chest. He lowered his head into her hair and made gentle shhing noises in her ear as he slowly rubbed her back with his hand. When Cuddy's crying eventually began to slow down to the occasional hiccup, House blew out a sigh of relief and let her go.
Cuddy shyly looked over at House and gave him a shaky smile. She knew emotional displays, especially deeply felt messy ones, scared the hell out of him. He didn't understand them, and he didn't think he knew how to handle them, but lately Cuddy had come to realize that House actually had nice instincts when it came right down to it. House started to rise but Cuddy's hand stilled him. House had decided that he was through pressuring her for the night. She was obviously too emotionally distraught to talk about her feelings and what had prompted her to come to him, and he certainly didn't want her to start crying again.
"I'm going to get you a pillow, Cuddy. I think you should try to sleep for a few hours." Cuddy took a shaky breath and said, "No I'd rather not go to sleep if you don't mind. Will you stay and keep me company? House gave Cuddy a weary look but resettled himself next to her. He hoped she wasn't about to start playing any games with him. It had been a long and emotional day for House too and there were certain games he was tired of playing with her.
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They sat next to each other, Cuddy leaning slightly into House , quietly listening to the crackle of the logs in the fireplace. The apartment was warm so after a few minutes Lisa kicked off the blanket that had been covering her. The only thing keeping the robe she was wearing closed, was the cloth tie in the middle. House couldn't help but notice how the bottom part of the robe had again opened up to expose Lisa's long, silky looking, legs. Although he was itching to touch her House carefully kept his hands still and on his own lap. Cuddy looked over at House's hands remembering the beautiful way he had played the piano for her and that special, mesmerizing composition she had heard for the first time tonight. Cuddy reached over and gently ran her fingers over one of House's large hands. His hands, which could make such heart stirring music, could she knew, stir up so much more in her. Cuddy's touch made House shiver. He watched the way her small, delicate fingers played over his large ones. He watched as she turned his hand over in his lap and made small, concentric circles on his palm. He closed his eyes and stopped watching when she let her hand, with those beautiful, delicate and talented fingers wonder off his hand and onto his lap to begin a slow steady rhythm of soft stokes across his thigh.
God, she was driving him crazy. It took all his strength of will to not reach over and pull her close to him. To not run his own hand up that satiny thigh of hers. He knew he had to stop her soon or just give in and enjoy it,- enjoy her. He wanted her, that he couldn't deny. But she was fragile right now. She had been through too much too quickly and her feelings were too confused. House knew he had to be careful. There was too much at stake this night. Too much he could loose. without ever having attained it. Arrrgh, why was she doing this? And why in God's name did he feel that he had to stop her!?
Cuddy's hand continued stroking House's thigh, each stroke just a bit firmer and getting just a little closer to its final destination than the one preceding it. Her other hand meanwhile had wandered up his arm and around to his back where her fingers were lightly running up and down his spine sending small shivers through his whole body. House took a deep breath trying to slow down his pulse rate and fight his shallow breathing. This was the only thing he was SURE that she wanted from him. Their mutual attraction was undeniable even though they spent the last 20 years doing just that. Everything else was just a big question mark. It was also the one thing he knew he could give her without a struggle. The only problem was he wanted more and the only way he could get it was to stop her. Now.
Using the table for leverage House awkwardly lurched to his feet. Closing his eyes he silently counted down from 10 in four different languages before he was finally able to feel in control enough to speak. When House opened his eyes, the knowing smirk on Cuddy's face almost caused him to change his mind. Damn that woman could be evil, and God wouldn't he like to make her squirm he thought. And it would be so easy too. Between her need and her guilt House knew he could own her tonight. It would be easy, and fun and end up sooooo badly. He made a silent vow to himself that one day soon he would teach her exactly what it felt like to be driven to the brink of insanity. But not yet. Not now. Now there were even more important things that House wanted from her, like the truth, and he was not going to allow himself to be dissuaded. House took a breath and mentally crossed his fingers
"You need to tell me exactly why you're here," he said, "or you need to get out. Your choice Cuddy."
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