End of the year graduation bullshit is making my life crazy so I apologize for this being so short, and for it taking as long as it did. I promise a super long update mid next week!

It is kind of funny how we can fall so easily back into old routines and habits. When you have something you always assume \ you wouldn't be able to continue life without... But you can continue without it. You compensate. Mostly because you have to. Usually because you need to cope but don't know how since you don't want to deal with the real problems and feelings. So you make something up for a while, put on a facade. But eventually you go back to doing what is safe and easy. You go back to feeling comfortable with being miserable.

Every day I'm late to work, I take the same trains, and I most importantly do not make any thoughts what so ever to being spontaneous. I stick to my every day boring set of motions. I guess I find it funny because of how much I let Brittany change me... How much I wanted to change. She made me into a better more happy person and without her I retreated back into things that I used to know.

We want things that are safe because we know they won't hurt us. It's so much easier to make changes when we have someone else with us because we know that we are not alone if something goes wrong. We need people because without them we don't care as much another happiness as we do about being safe and about feeling our feelings unhurt. When we are alone we want simplicity, when we are with others we want complexity because taking chances is thrilling in pairs.

I can remember those days where Brittany would have me call in sick so her and I could go lay in a field and watch clouds. I never once saw the shapes that she did, nor did I see any shapes of my own. They were just freaking puffy clouds and watching them was stupid... At first.

After a while I began to pretend I could see the shapes she saw. I stared to make things up and trick my eyes into believing things as well. Effectively I was lying, yes, because I was claiming to see things when in reality all I saw was fluff... But it was forcing me to look at things differently. It forced me to take on new perspectives about things that were bigger than clouds...

Things like feelings. Feelings like love. I think Brittany was far smarter than she could ever understand because while we were just making shapes out of clouds I fully believe her intent behind it was to force me to learn how to change my perspectives so that in time I could become less narrow minded. I think the tall blond girl was a master manipulator who had only wanted to stick around long enough to change people into better individuals who would benefit the world...

Boy, did that back fire.

I think she did it all of the time to many people. She always told stories of other cities and states and people that she'd been with. She would tell me how they would be so unhappy about where their lives were headed but she had helped change that. None of it clicked at first because maybe I was too blinded by the feelings I had for her or maybe the lust of the situations but if I could have seen what her intent was i would have known things would end this way. But she made a mistake with me. She fell in love with me just as much as I did with her and she couldn't back out of it this time. She had to erase me to move on. She had to take me out of the equation because she had messed up her signs in the problem. She loved me, and that was never apart of her plan. I was the negative number in her life equation and she was only supposed to be working with positives.

"It kind looks like a duck if you squint your eyes," Brittany says.

I shake my head, even though I know she can't see it since we are laying side by side and her focus is clearly on the sky. My focus However isn't aimed up, it's aimed at her.

"It looks like all of the other clouds," I say knowing it will yet a response out of the blonde.

She sighs mostly because we have had this conversation a thousand times.

"San you have got to use your imagination or you're going to get old super fast, and old people are boring. Plus if you can't find something in he clouds you'll never be able to find fun stuff in any situation," she tells me clearly annoyed that she has to say this to me every time that we come here.

Truth be told, I just like to hear her speak. Especially on things that she is passionate about. When she gets serious her brow furrows and her nose scrunches in the most adorable way.

"That's why you at least have to try, okay? For me?"

We lay in silence for a while until Brittany begins to stir next to me.

"Can I ask you something San?"

I don't answer, I just nod as I can sense her eyes on me.

"What does love feel like?" she asks and then looks away from me to focus up at the sky again.

I stay silent, not being able to find the right words...

What does love feel like?

Is this love...

Is what Brittany and I have together love?

I think it is.

It sure does seem like it...

What does love feel like?

She sighs, "because I think I know but I'm not sure."

"Well, what do you think it feels like then," I ask?

With that question she gets up from her spot in the grass and straddles my hips. She just looks at me for a second before lowering herself to my lips. It is a slow kiss, kind of like the ones you see in those sappy lovey movies. She pulls away slowly and then rests her forehead against mine. I can feel my heart threaten to rip out of my chest.

"I think that's what it feels like," she whispers.

I kind of nod, at least I think I do before bringing myself forward a bit to press our lips together once more.

She wasn't supposed to fall in love. We were never supposed to be anything more than a fling. But she loved me and she told me so. How do you forget someone you love? I've never been one for feelings, usually I just wants my mackin' and a good lay, but she made change that. I may have been some kind of community service project to her at first but as soon as love came into play I got the impression that maybe, just maybe, that forever did exist. I thought maybe all of those stupid chick flicks and cheesy novels were right; in the end happy endings always prevail...

Holy hell was I wrong.

AN: Next chapter we get to meet Brittany and her freshly erased mind, be ready. Review and such please, comments would be lovely as would some constructive criticism.