A/N: Ummm... So, I'm really sorry about this...The past few days I've been reading some Alex centric fanfictions and wanted to write one that focused on her addiction (like, I was aiming for pre-season 1 stuff), and instead, this happened. I was intending for it to be angst-y, but not like this :/ I don't know what happened here... I'm sorry for disappointing you guys...

Secret / Haunted / Mistakes / Innocence / Jealous / Missing / Shadow / Evidence /Weapon / Blood / Trouble / Alive / Funeral / Numb / Heartbeat / Gone / Fighting / Echo / Alone / Strength / Return / Protection / Broken / Honor / Soft / Sweet / Heartache / Reach / Fingertips / Shirt / Rain / Tomorrow / New / Wine / Butterflies / Stranger / Beautiful

Shirt

She was running through the crowded streets on a cold, autumn night. The rain was falling heavily, soaking through her clothes, making it harder and harder to keep moving. She could hardly see what was in front of her, not only from the dark path surrounding her, but from the dizziness and the pounding in her head. She looked around for a brief moment and figured it must have been almost 12 hours without a hit. The drugs were starting to wear off and she was crashing, fast. But she couldn't stop now. She knew she needed more so she could keep going. She wanted to keep going.

She couldn't remember how long she'd been running for. Hours now. She didn't know where she was running to, but it made her feel a hell of a lot better. It had been seven years since he had died in her arms. Seven years since she had run off from the only family she knew, and back to a life she swore she would never go back to; a life she never wanted to go back to. Seven years since she had started using again. And now she was right back to where she had started. Back to barely being able to go a full day without taking anything.

The pain was getting unbearable. She needed to find somewhere they would sell it to her cheap. She barely had any money left. Her head was throbbing and her body was protesting against all the stress she had been putting on it lately. She knew that her body couldn't handle it anymore. She was overusing; pushing too far, and she knew it would only be a matter of time before her body just shut down completely. But she would not let herself rest until she got what she desperately needed. She wandered around for another hour, with no luck. She stumbled over to a brick wall, and leaned against it, trying to catch her breath. She could hardly move anymore, let alone walk. As impossible as it seemed, she would just have to make it through the night without another hit. She put her hand up to her face and wiped away the tears that had now started streaming down her face. Why the hell was she crying?! Stop crying, you filthy whore. She didn't even have time to finish her thoughts before she fell to the ground in exhaustion, and let the darkness consume her.

Alex groaned in her sleep, subconsciously clutching her stomach with one hand, and throwing the other over her eyes, blocking the sunlight that was now shining in her face. She was laying in the fetal position on the cold, hard streets of Detroit, using an old ripped and ragged shirt trying to shield herself from the freezing wind, but failing miserably. Her whole body hurt. She felt like she was thrown into a meat processor, ground up, and fed to the wolves, which, in a way, she figured wasn't too far from the truth.

She slowly opened her eyes and sat up, taking in her surroundings. The last thing she remembered was a sign that told her she had arrived in Michigan. She had come full circle. How the hell did she even end up here? When did she stop running? She must have sat up too fast, because she immediately felt a warm, putrid feeling rising up in her throat. She had just enough time to throw the shirt to the side before she threw up all over the sidewalk.

"Gross..." She said in disgust, looking at the contents of her stomach lying on the pavement. She wanted to stand up and move away from the mess, but she was too weak. Instead, she just leaned back against the wall, taking deep breaths, and tightly clutching the sweater to her chest. Withdrawal sucks,she thought, making a mental note to herself to stock up as soon as she had enough energy to stand up again. In the meantime, she closed her eyes and drowned herself in her memories.

Flashback:

The two of them were sitting on his couch in a peaceful silence, just enjoying each others company. "Hey, Alex..." Sean trailed off, waiting to get her attention.

"Hmm?" She asked, not looking up from the magazine she was flipping through. She was clearly only looking at the pictures, and so he knew he had her full attention.

"You wanna play a game?" He asked with just a hint of a devious look in his eyes.

Alex looked up and raised an amused brow. "What? Are you serious?"

He nodded eagerly, looking like a child in a candy shop. "Come on, it'll be fun! I promise." He was giving her a look that she couldn't resist, and so she gave in. His game of choice: Would You Rather. She just laughed at him and told him to start the game. "Alright, let's start with something simple. Would you rather be stuck in an elevator for three days with someone you love but then never see them again, or be stranded on a deserted island for the rest of your life with someone you hate?"

"Umm... I'll go with the elevator. I'd take three days over nothing any day."

He smiled down at her in awe. He knew what she was referring to, and even though it was a bad comparison, he couldn't help but wonder if he would ever mean that much to her. "Good answer. Okay, your turn."

"Okay, would you rather swim in a pool of piranha's, or run in the middle of a busy street?"

"Oooh, ouch. That's a tough one. Uh, I think I'll take the busy street. Since you didn't specify when I had to run, I feel like I could just run across when I knew I wouldn't get flattened like a pancake." He smirked at her, knowing he'd won this won.

"Cheater!" she laughed, and pushed his arm playfully.

"Hey now! Be nice! It's your own fault for not being specific enough," he teased. "Would you rather always have to say everything on your mind, or never be able to speak again?"

"Hmm, I don't know. There's certain things I don't want anyone to know, so I think never being able to speak again might be an easier option. Would you rather always lose, or never play?"

"That's easy. Never play. Who wants to lose all the time?" He asked jokingly, and she just laughed again, shaking her head at him. They played a few more rounds before Sean decided to change up the game a bit. "Okay, let's make things a bit more interesting. Would you rather be sexually attracted to fruit, or change gender every time you sneeze?"

As soon as he finished the sentence, her jaw dropped and she blinked at him in shock. "Ar-are you kidding me? What kind of question is that?!" She asked incredulously once she found her voice.

"Hey, don't judge me, the game was starting to get boring!"

"So your brilliant idea is a fruit fetish or an involuntary sex change?!"

"Yup! Now pick one," he said, winking at her.

"Oh gosh... Umm... Let's go with change gender. I'll just make sure to sneeze twice every time," she smiled in triumph.

"Damn it!" He muttered, defeated.

"Alright, two can play at that game. Would you rather have sex with a goat without anyone ever finding out, or not have sex with a goat but have everyone think you did?"

"Okay, that's um... I don't like this game..." He frowned.

"Too bad, you have to answer. It's not so fun when it's you, huh?" She smirked at him, watching him consider his options. Oh, this was good.

"Fine, I'd rather not have sex with the goat, because I'm gonna pull an Alexandra here and say, screw what everyone thinks. I know what I did or didn't do, and nobody else's opinions matter." God, how she missed hearing her name leave his lips. She loved the way he said it. She cringed when anybody else called her by her full name, but when he said it, she swore she could melt. "Does that answer not suffice, Miss Udinov?" He asked after a few moments of silence. Now he was just doing it on purpose.

She pulled herself out of her thoughts, and gritting her teeth, she retorted with, "That answer is fine, Mr. Pierce."

A smug smile played on his lips. "I thought so. Alright my turn. Would you rather die before the love of your life, or after?" He asked, his voice turning serious.

She looked up into his deep brown eyes and swallowed hard, not knowing how to answer. The thought of losing Sean had haunted her since the early days of their friendship, and it only got stronger once they actually became a couple. She had lost too many people in her life already, and they both knew that in this job, either one of them could die any day. She hated knowing that. She couldn't bear the thought of losing him too. So, still looking into his eyes, and as if it were the easiest question in the world, she responded with, "Before."

He nodded his head in understanding, not even bothering to ask for an explanation. He knew why she thought that way. Hell, that would have been his answer too. Neither one of them dared to break eye contact as he leaned down to capture her lips in a sweet kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer, not wanting to let the moment end. The game was over anyway.

He pulled away just enough so he could look into her eyes again, and leaning his forehead against hers, he said, "I love you, Alexandra Udinov," before pressing his lips to hers again.

End Flashback

Alex let out an angry growl and threw her head back against the brick wall, just hard enough to shake the memory. That didn't help at all, she thought to herself. If anything, it just made her feel even worse. To this day, she still had the same answer to his question. She would have given her own life without a second thought if it meant that he could live his.

Tears were now flowing freely down her face as she held his shirt closer to her. It was the only thing she had left of him, and even that was slowly disintegrating right in front of her. She took it with her everywhere she went, and over the years the fabric had completely worn out. She was surprised it was still in one piece. You couldn't even tell it was a shirt anymore; it just looked like a dirty rag that should have been thrown out a long time ago. But she couldn't throw it out. She couldn't throw away the last memory she had of him.

She continued sobbing, and doubled over in pain, landing right in the vomit. She screamed and cried as the pain got worse and worse. What was happening? It's never hurt this much before. Not even when Nikita was trying to get her clean for the first time, all those years ago.

Minutes, maybe hours pass, and the pain just seems to get worse. She can't get up. She can't move. She just hugs the worn out shirt closer to her body, as she lies there scared, and in more pain than she could ever remember being in. She vaguely feels herself throwing up again, although she cannot see it, as her vision has blurred completely. She closes her eyes tightly, a part of her hoping that the pain will subside, but she knows it won't. She thought the drugs had been wearing off last night, but now she finally realized what was happening. She had gotten just a little too much into her system, and it took until now for her to realize it.

She had yet again gone too far with the drugs, except this time, there was no one around to save her. No Nikita. She had abandoned them long ago, and they eventually gave up trying to find her. And Sean was no longer around to pull her away from her stupidity. This time, she was going to die here, all alone. And she couldn't blame anyone but herself.

So she lies there for what feels like days, and maybe it was, she doesn't know. She clings on to the remains of the shirt with whatever strength she has left in her, and barely audible, she says "Sean," one last time as she thinks, he would not be proud of you right now, you stupid bitch. Her eyes finally close as she lets out her final breath, and the pain subsides.

A/N: I have nothing else to say, just that I'm sorry about this... I also didn't intend for Alex to die. This is just what happens when I decide that it's a good idea to stay up all night and write... Ooops :/ (With that said, this is yet another un-edited chapter, so if you see any mistakes, bear with me. I pulled an all nighter writing this)